Archive: March 18, 2007 - March 24, 2007
This Week in Offbeat Crime 3/23/2007
Tommy Vercetti they ain't. (Rockstar Games) It's Friday again, and we're looking back on another stellar Week in OFF/beat Crime. Here are your nominees for the ever-popular Stupidest Criminal Award. The front-runner this week is Vincent Lloyd Massey, who gave police a false name after they pulled over his car. Unfortunately for him, the name he picked was that of a wanted criminal with several outstanding warrants for drugs and counterfeiting. Police immediately called for back up and took him into custody. In a close second, we have Derek Pierson, of Stockton, California, who attempted to rob a gas station with a police officer standing not 10 feet away. The agent, who also happened to be a member of the armed robbery task force, was wearing a shirt marked "Shreveport Police" on the front and back. Not far behind is an unnamed inmate at the San Francisco Gotera prison...
By Emil Steiner | March 23, 2007; 9:33 AM ET | Comments (1)
Middle Schooler Suspended Over Winnie the Pooh Socks
"Parents Sue Over Irrational Suspension" Dress-Codes That Make You Go Pooh! (ABC) In yet another Kafkaesque moment for America's public school system, a 14-year-old girl from Napa Valley, California, was suspended after she wore a denim skirt and Winnie the Pooh socks to school. Redwood Middle's dress code mandates only "solid colors in blue, white, green, yellow, khaki, gray, brown and black," and denim is a definite nish-nish! As a result, Toni Kay Scott, a seventh-grade honor roll student, "was escorted to the principal's office by a uniformed police officer" and then banished to an in-school suspension program dubbed "Students With Attitude Problems." I guess not being able to get your nose out of a honey pot is a problem, but isn't that more about honey addiction than attitude? In response, her parents -- with the help of the ACLU -- have filed suit against the Napa Valley Unified School...
By Emil Steiner | March 22, 2007; 9:58 AM ET | Comments (21)
Thursday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 22! On this day 377 years ago, the Massachusetts Bay Colony outlawed the possession of cards, dice and gaming tables, even in private homes. Here's Your Thursday Top Five: 5) Fatal NaggingFreddie Willhite, 67, of Texas, phoned 911 and reported in an almost deadpan voice that he'd shot his wife. When the dispatcher asked him why, he told her "she enticed me and she ridiculed me throughout my lifetime." Neighbors have described him as "the village idiot" for his practice of pushing a mower up and down their road with the blade going. Now that "village idiot" is behind bars, and his wife is dead. Little, Blue, Different (FTWP) 4) Fighting ED in the AfterlifeYou may have known that diabetes, prostate cancer and even smoking can cause erectile dysfunction, but were you aware that death may also be a culprit? Cemeteries across China are hawking paper replica...
By Emil Steiner | March 22, 2007; 8:47 AM ET | Comments (1)
McDonald's Has Beef with the Oxford English Dictionary
"Can the Fast Food Giant Deep Fry the Definitive Record of the English Language?" If McDonald's Can Reshape the World, Why Not the World's Tongue? (AP) If a dictionary gives a fast food company indigestion, is that poetic justice?Call it a definitive duel or a war of words, but the McDonald's Corporation has launched an all-out branding campaign to rewrite the Oxford English Dictionary (OED). This linguistic game of chicken between the world's largest fast food company and the world's foremost authority on English stems from the definition of just one little five-letter word: "McJob." The venerable OED defines this slang parlance as "an unstimulating, low-paid job with few prospects, especially one created by the expansion of the service sector." It further states that that usage was first coined a couple of decades ago, right here in The Washington Post, and gained popularity thanks to Douglas Copland's 1991 classic "Generation...
By Emil Steiner | March 21, 2007; 11:42 AM ET | Comments (12)
Wednesday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 21! On this day 207 years ago, Pope Pius VII was crowned in Venice wearing a papier-mâché tiara, the original papal crown having been seized by the French along with Pius VI. Here's Your Wednesday Top Five: 5) "Special" BrewAn Indiana 8th-grader could be expelled for having confessed to putting urine in his teacher's coffee pot. The boy, whose name has not been revealed, was arrested after a cache of urine was found in his locker. Katharine Tuck, Champion Shoe Stinker (AP) 4) Top Ranking StankCongratulations to Utah's own Katharine Tuck, whose rancid footwear won the 32nd annual National Odor-Eaters Rotten Sneaker Contest. Thanks to a pair of gray and moldy Nikes "so noxious they had the judges wincing," the 13-year-old will take home $2,500 along with, I'm sure, the respect of her junior high classmates. 3) Are They Nuts?Hundreds of hungry gourmets lined up for hours...
By Emil Steiner | March 21, 2007; 8:58 AM ET | Comments (1)
High Court Takes "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" Case, Toke Three
"Free Speech or Half Baked Lawsuit?" Can Schools Censor "Non-Disruptive" Jokes? (Dudley M. Brooks) When a joke is taken seriously, that's irony, but when it's taken so seriously that the Supreme Court is called upon to determine how future jokes can be made, that's meta-irony. And yet, there it was, a Borat-like moment in the most hallowed of judicial halls: the Morse V. Frederick case. At question in the narrow interpretation: Was it wrong for an Alaska high school principal to tear down her student's banner during an off-campus field trip because it read "Bong Hits 4 Jesus?" And, despite the absurdity of hearing justices parse the minutia of that "sophomoric" prank, what was at stake in the wider scope could not have been more serious: the regulation of free speech within America's public schools. Further heightening the irony, though, is that no clear solution presented itself. In reviewing the...
By Emil Steiner | March 20, 2007; 11:42 AM ET | Comments (198)
Tuesday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 20! On this day 38 years ago, John Lennon married Yoko Ono in Gibraltar. Some have argued that this union caused the downfall of the Beatles. Here's Your Tuesday Top Five: 5) Holy Land to Get Its WingsSoon Israelis looking to take their minds off suicide bombers and Iranian missiles will be able to do so by ogling ample cleavage parceled behind low-cut shirts. Hooters, America's favorite stripper-themed family dining experience, has announced plans to open its first restaurant in Tel Aviv. Who said the Middle East couldn't get any hotter? Bathrooms Are Located in the Seat Pocket in Front of You (AP) 4) When You Gotta Go...James Whipple was flying from Boise to Salt Lake City when he was suddenly struck by a pressing urge on the inner wall of his bladder. Unfortunately for him, the SkyWest Airlines fight attendant refused to let him use the...
By Emil Steiner | March 20, 2007; 8:15 AM ET | Comments (1)
High Court Takes "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" Case, Toke Two
"Free Speech or Half Baked Lawsuit?" Can Schools Censor "Non-Disruptive" Jokes? (Dudley M. Brooks) Rehashing one of my more popular articles from last year, the Supreme Court, today, takes up the case of Morse v. Frederick. Considered by some to be the "most important student free-speech conflict to reach the Supreme Court since the height of the Vietnam War," it could decide how and to what extent schools can regulate their students' jokes. The case first sparked controversy in 2002, when high school senior Joseph Frederick unfurled a 14-foot banner reading "Bong Hits 4 Jesus" during a field trip to watch the Olympic torch pass through Juneau, Alaska. By his own admission, he did it for the juvenile, albeit innocent, reasons that it was funny and it would get him on TV. His principal at the time, Deborah Morse, did not see the humor, but probably noticed the TV cameras...
By Emil Steiner | March 19, 2007; 12:23 PM ET | Comments (273)
Monday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 19! On this day 76 years ago, gambling was legalized in the state of Nevada. Here's Your Monday Top Five: 5) Explosive Honey PotIt's like Winnie the Pooh's worst nightmare! Kazakh boarder patrol has arrested a Russian citizen for attempting to smuggle a homemade grenade inside a pot of honey. The man denied any knowledge of the improvised explosive device, telling police it had been a gift from his wife to bring to relatives in Kazakhstan. So either he's a terrorist, or his wife's got some serious beef with her family. The finish of a contest in which each player has the same score and the winner is undecided (AP) 4) "What Is A Tie, Alex?"For the first time in its 23 years on television, an episode of "Jeopardy!" ended with a three-way tie. The unprecedented event in game-show history took place on Friday when all three...
By Emil Steiner | March 19, 2007; 7:43 AM ET | Comments (4)
