Thursday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to March 22! On this day 377 years ago, the Massachusetts Bay Colony outlawed the possession of cards, dice and gaming tables, even in private homes.
Here's Your Thursday Top Five:
5) Fatal Nagging
Freddie Willhite, 67, of Texas, phoned 911 and reported in an almost deadpan voice that he'd shot his wife. When the dispatcher asked him why, he told her "she enticed me and she ridiculed me throughout my lifetime." Neighbors have described him as "the village idiot" for his practice of pushing a mower up and down their road with the blade going. Now that "village idiot" is behind bars, and his wife is dead.
4) Fighting ED in the Afterlife
You may have known that diabetes, prostate cancer and even smoking can cause erectile dysfunction, but were you aware that death may also be a culprit? Cemeteries across China are hawking paper replica Viagra to mourners who burn the "pills" to ensure "dead relatives enjoy satisfying sex in the afterlife." Health and family planning advocates may be pleased to know that pictures of condoms are also burned before the annual Tombsweeping Festival, because apparently practicing safe sex doesn't end just because your life has.
3) When Rowers Invade!
Just weeks after Swiss troops accidentally invaded Lichtenstein, Belarus's national rowing team has been arrested for paddling across the southern Ukrainian border. Their 10-man flotilla was intercepted by a coast guard vessel in a region of ex-Soviet Moldova called Pridnestrovie.
2) Naturalist Turned Killer
In an interesting role reversal, German animal rights activist Frank Albrecht published an op-ed, Monday, stating that a polar bear cub at Berlin's zoo would be better off euthanized. The cuddly cub named Knut was abandoned by his mother, and he now survives on zookeeper hand-feeding and media adoration. After Albrecht's story broke, officials from all sides spoke out in strong opposition of his bear-killing proposal.
1) Necro/Zoophiliac Sentenced
Bryan James Hathaway, of Wisconsin, has been placed on probation after being "convicted of having sexual contact with a dead deer." As part of his sentence, the 20-year-old will also be "evaluated as a sex offender and treated at the Institute for Psychological and Sexual Health in Duluth." Who knew the sex offender registry included game lovers?
eBay Steal of the Week: What could be better than dinner with a porn star? How about dinner with two porn stars? From now until March 30, you can bid on a date with Ginger Lynn and her "best friend" Kylie Ireland. Proceeds will go to help fellow starlet Nikki Hunter who was recently diagnosed with "lymphoblastic leukemia/lymphoma."
And for dessert, here is your Moment of Schadenfreude:
By Emil Steiner | March 22, 2007; 8:47 AM ET | Category: OFF/beat
Posted by: RG | March 23, 2007 3:22 PM
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Naturalist Turned Killer
Animal activate are a bunch of hypocrites and don't deserve the press. Ignore them and they will go away.