This Week in OFFbeat Crime 4.6.2007
It's Friday again, and we're looking back on another stellar Week in OFF/beat Crime. Here are your nominees for the ever-popular Stupidest Criminal Award.
The front-runner this week is Steven S. Cole, a volunteer firefighter from Ohio, who stands accused of drunk driving and public intoxication after having been discovered "wearing a woman's blond wig and bikini in a public park" full of children. A father told police he had seen "what appeared to be a naked person on the bike path, fondling or exposing himself or herself." Cole later explained to authorities that he was "headed to a 'gay bar' in Dayton to perform as a woman for a $10,000 prize."
In a close second, we have Amilcar Gomez, of Redwood City, California, who attempted to steal, of all things, a McDonald's security camera. Unfortunately the 29-year-old forgot to get rid of the security tape, making it fairly simple for police to identify him.
When Miami police said Jean Belony was "among the dumbest bandits they've met in 25 years," OFFbeat took notice. According to reports, the 23-year-old stormed a Wendy's drive-through window last month and stole $400 at gun point. During the robbery, his bandanna fell off, giving several employees a good look at his face and tell-tale teardrop tattoo. Then, on Monday he returned to the scene, but rather than demanding money, he ordered "a trio of junior bacon cheeseburgers," haggled briefly about getting the wrong change from the very employees he had earlier robbed, and then sat down to enjoy his lunch.
Sometimes the stupidest people in a crime are not the criminals, but the individuals paid to stop them. For example, a couple of bank security guards in Leeds, England were so distracted by the video game Virtual Woman Millennium that thieves made off with $52,000 U.S. Dollars from right under their noses. "A detective on the scene said that a routine surveillance would have uncovered the crime, which looked to be the work of opportunistic amateurs." After coming clean about their dereliction of duty, one "guard" supposedly begged police not to tell his wife what he'd been doing. The other blamed his lapse on "the boring nature of his job." The bank's manager summed up their future employment aptly by saying: "I don't think they are getting promoted."
And finally, we have Howard Bradley Mayfield and Valerie Sue Lester from Washington County, Virginia, who allegedly almost incinerated their mobile home while attempting to burn a cache of counterfeit money. Police say that when they arrived on the scene, smoke was pouring out of the trailer while the pair sat calmly inside as if nothing was happening.
So that's where we stand coming into the homestretch. Barring any last minute acts of thoroughbred ineptitude, these nominees will battle it out for this week's Stupidest Criminal top spot and an automatic bid in OFF/beat's 2007 Idiot of the Year Awards, held December 20.
Individual Awards
The Pizza The Hutt Award for "Most Disgusting Crime" goes to Alan Hutchinson, a British dentist who has been found guilty of "urinating in his surgery sink and using dental tools meant for patients to clean his fingernails and ears." As if it wasn't hard enough for the English to see the dentist, now they gotta deal with this!
Individual award winners also take home a free nod in OFF/beat's 2007 Idiot of the Year Awards. Remember to send all nominees to offbeat@washingtonpost.com
By Emil Steiner | April 6, 2007; 10:01 AM ET | Category: OFF/beat
Posted by: Toby | April 8, 2007 8:47 PM
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I heard urine is good for teeth