2007 Idiot of the Year Nominees

Profiles in Stupid

Who Will Take Home This Year's Top Prize?

Before Thursday's Idiot of the Year Awards, OFF/beat is honoring the top nominees with a little segment we call "Profiles In Stupid." This is your opportunity to look back on some stellar performances of idiocy in 2007 and vote for your favorites. So, without further ado:

1) Tasting Fate
Our first nominee is snake collector Matt Wilkinson, who in September attempted to impress his girlfriend by putting a 20-inch rattlesnake in his mouth after downing a six-pack of beer. The 23-year-old was rushed to the emergency room after the venomous serpent bit his tongue. Doctors were eventually forced to "cut a hole in [his] neck to insert a breathing tube," according to reports. He did survive, so the Darwin Awards are out -- but he's eligible for Idiot of the Year!

2) Tom & Jerry Crooks
The next nomination goes to a pair of profoundly idiotic criminals from Wisconsin who clearly didn't watch enough cartoons growing up. The dynamic duo attempted to steal gasoline from a lawnmower late last summer, but were having trouble manipulating the siphon inside the dark shed. So they decided to illuminate their crime scene with a match. As anyone who's watched "Tom and Jerry" might have predicted, the open flame ignited the gasoline fumes, resulting in severe burns, an incinerated shed -- and two very worthy nominations for Idiot of the Year.

3) When They Said 'Don't Try This At Home,' They Meant It
Next is Jared W. Anderson of Au Claire, Wisc., who suffered second-degree burns to his hands and genitals after trying to imitate a stunt from "Jackass." During a drunken party, the 20-year-old had his friend spray lighter fluid on his nether regions and then light him on fire. That so-called "friend" was later charged with felony battery and first-degree reckless endangerment, while Anderson ended up in the hospital.

4) What's Up, Dolt?
You know that Looney Tunes episode where Bugs Bunny gets a job hammering bullets to test for duds? Well, someone actually tried it, and as you might imagine it ended badly. Damion M. Mosher of Lake Luzerne, N.Y., was wounded after putting "bullets in a vise and whack[ing] them with a hammer to empty the brass shell casings." After about 100 attempts the .223-caliber round discharged, hitting the 18-year-old in the abdomen. Reports indicate he was banging bullets for scrap metal.

5) Facebook Follies
Next is Kevin Colvin, an intern at the Anglo Irish Bank of North America. Colvin e-mailed his manager on the afternoon of Oct. 31, claiming "something came up at home" in New York and that he needed to miss work the next day. For whatever reason, perhaps managerial intuition, his boss decided to inspect Colvin's Facebook page on Nov. 1 and apparently found pictures of the intern dressed as a fairy, beer in hand, at a Halloween party in Massachusetts. Rather than reprimand him, the manager decided to have a little fun. He shot Colvin an e-mail back stating: "Thanks for letting us know -- hope everything is ok in New York. (cool wand)" with the fairy picture attached. And if that weren't embarrassing enough, the manager reportedly BCCed the rest of the company.

6) Returning Champ
Like a demented Phoenix rising from the ashes of idiocy, Laura Mallory has returned once again to battle her old foe Harry Potter (and common sense). The suburban Atlanta mother, OFF/beat's 2006 Idiot of the Year, picked up where she left off last year in her quest to "protect" America's children from the dark arts by banishing all J.K. Rowling books from school libraries. Thus far Mallory, who admits she has never read the Harry Potter series, has yet to succeed in court.

7) Teletubby Troubles
Unlike Mallory, the next nominee, Ewa Sowinska, is actually a government-appointed "watchdog" over Poland's kiddie purity. Earlier this year she decided to investigate whether Tinky Winky, the purse-carrying Teletubby, might be a harbinger of a gay male lifestyle and, if so, what impact that may have on pre-pre-school viewers. As she told the Polish magazine Wprost, "At first I thought the purse would be a burden for this Teletubby ... Later I learned that [it] may have a homosexual undertone." After international outrage erupted over her idiocy, Sowinska changed course, saying she wouldn't ask psychologists to investigate whether "Teletubbies" promotes homosexuality in young viewers. Which is just as well, because you can only have so many Polish jokes.

8) Kill a Fly with a Cannon
The next nominee was apparently so frustrated by a stubborn lug nut on his car that he "blasted the wheel with a 12-gauge shotgun." The unnamed 66-year-old man, from Southworth, Wash., was repairing a Lincoln Continental at the time and took aim from "about arm's length" away. But instead of loosing the nut, he just ended up peppering himself with debris and buckshot, sheriff's deputies said.

9) Jackass In Training
Jonathan Maybery, of Swansea, Wales, started 2007 with a bang -- or rather a staple. After a night of boozing and watching "Jackass," the 24-year-old caretaker for the elderly thought it would be a brilliant idea to staple his hand to a coffee table. According to reports, he and a friend lined up the hand and, yes, stapled-gunned it -- though apparently he was "too busy laughing to feel any pain." Paramedics arrived shortly thereafter, but they were unable to separate him from the table. Instead, they took him to the hospital by ambulance "with the piece of furniture still attached to his hand."

10) Judgment Lost, Pants Too
Our final nomination goes to former D.C. Administrative Court Judge Roy Pearson. This disgruntled customer sued his neighborhood dry cleaner, Custom Cleaners, for $54 million because it lost his pants. Pearson lost his lawsuit in June and then lost his judgeship in November. Not only did he nearly destroy the lives of two hard-working immigrants, who were forced to close one of their locations, Pearson demonstrated to an international audience that no lawsuit is too frivolous to be heard in an American court.

The 2007 Idiot of the Year Awards Vote

Who is your pick for this year's top idiot?
1) Tasting Fate
2) Tom & Jerry Crooks
3) Don't Try This At Home
4) What's Up, Dolt?
5) Facebook Follies
6) Returning Champ
7) Teletubby Troubles
8) Kill a Fly with a Cannon
9) Jackass In Training
10) Judgment Lost

Voting has closed. View results

Note: This is an unscientific survey of washingtonpost.com readers.

AND THE RESULTS OF THIS MOST UNSCIENTIFIC SURVEY WILL BE ANNOUNCED THURSDAY AT 2:14 PM EST!

By Emil Steiner |  December 19, 2007; 8:00 AM ET  | Category:  OFF/beat

Comments

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What happend to Bush? Or Huckabee?

Posted by: mnjam | December 19, 2007 1:04 AM

Any poll that does not include at least two of the these --- Bush, Chaney, Rumsfeld, Wolfowitz, --- in the top ten choices cannot be accepted as valid... even a tongue-in-cheek one.

Posted by: flatlander100 | December 19, 2007 2:19 AM

Didn't Bush say Nelson Mandella was dead? Can't get any dumber than that.

"Nelson Mandela yesterday assured the world that, contrary to the impression given by the President of the United States, reports of his demise were greatly exaggerated.


Even for a statesman as blunder-prone as George Bush, it was a gaffe of toe-curling proportions."

Posted by: mario | December 19, 2007 4:07 AM

I nominate WaPoPravda for idiot of the year.

They continue to be the official propaganda rag of the White House, causing their credibility to sink to a new low, followed closely behind by their circulation.

Posted by: kevinschmidt | December 19, 2007 4:08 AM

Any "idiot of the year" list that does not include Bush on it just isn't interested in the truth.

Posted by: MAMEiac | December 19, 2007 5:52 AM

Bush never said Mandela was dead. He spoke figuratively - that Mandelas in Iraq are dead - meaning there are no saviors left in the country. This is probably too subtle for those with uncontrolled Bush hatred.

Posted by: anne4 | December 19, 2007 11:48 AM

Yes, please add 11) for G.W. I can't really vote if he's not an option.

Posted by: AndyG | December 19, 2007 11:54 AM

You can't nominate Bush! That's like making fun of the retarded kid.

Posted by: | December 19, 2007 11:54 AM

I think the Bush apologists and enablers should also be on the idiot list.

Why they continue to vote against their own self interests as we watch our country go down the drain is beyond me. Is it their bigoted hatred for anyone who does not look and think exactly like themselves?

Posted by: Kevin Schmidt, Sterling VA | December 19, 2007 11:58 AM

Lets face it Bush is the mother of all idiots. Not one of the idiots on your idiot list are even in the same league.
So, I will take the initiative here and crown dubya the Idiot Prince For Life. "Mission Accomplished"

Posted by: Vince | December 19, 2007 12:03 PM

Bush isn't half as stupid as you think. A lot of people dumped on Truman over the years, but now he is regard as one of the best Presidents of the 20th. It's easy to hate now, lets see what happens with his legacy.

Jeremy, Texas

Posted by: Jeremy, Texas | December 19, 2007 12:12 PM

Maybe Jeremy is right- maybe he isn't half as stupid as we think. But he's at least 1/4 as stupid as we think, and he's also extremely ethno-centric, ill-informed, and self-delusional.

Posted by: Jeff | December 19, 2007 12:27 PM

Nominated are all those leftwing nuts who suffer Bush derangement syndrome, as well as Harry Reid, Nancy Pelosi, and John Murtha, the king of ear marks.

Posted by: willig | December 19, 2007 12:41 PM

There is no bigger idiot in the public arena than George W."the Torturer" Bush.

Posted by: lionmark1 | December 19, 2007 12:52 PM

He ain't that stupid he got elected didn't he? Real idiots are the American voters.

Posted by: Can Shat | December 19, 2007 1:00 PM

Is there some kind of rule that says Senators, or the Preznit, are off limits? I would have liked to nominate the Senior Republican Senator from Alaska, Ted Stevens, for his description of the Internet as a "series of tubes". I bet his wife programs the VCR in THEIR house!

Most of your list of luminaries distinguished themselves by way of one stupid incident, and while one may not be able to characterize them as otherwise bright, there's no reason to believe they exhibit such behaviour all the time. George W. Bush is the stupid gift that keeps on giving - 360-degree stupid 365 days per year.

Posted by: Mark | December 19, 2007 1:05 PM

Hello? Ever heard of Larry Craig?

Posted by: | December 19, 2007 1:25 PM

I would like to nominate Michael Vick. What else, but an idiot, would deliberately sabotage his home, property, career, reputation and future for dog fighting? He lied about it to the league commissioner, the team's owner, who signs his paychecks, and the media...and acted like anyone on earth would believe him.
What a loser.
What an idiot.

Posted by: George | December 19, 2007 1:43 PM

How about Fred "bomb Iran" Hiatt editor of the WAPO?

Posted by: feckless | December 19, 2007 2:33 PM

George Bush is always number 1.

Posted by: Stevek7 | December 19, 2007 2:55 PM

Stevek7 - I always thought Bush was a #2.

Posted by: kparc | December 19, 2007 3:03 PM

I believe Bush and Cheney are professional idiots, and thus ineligible for awards such as this.

Posted by: Carlos | December 19, 2007 3:08 PM

You can't nominate an elected person without making the country look stupid too.

Posted by: Brid.e@hotmail.com | December 19, 2007 3:14 PM

It seems that nobody wants to say it, but I will. We are at war. The lives of free people are in jeopardy. The new face of fascism has surfaced for all to plainly see, and their nuclear desires are clear. Make no mistake about it, Iraq and Afghanistan were mere preludes to what the real objective of the war on terror is about. And this, ladies and gentlemen is something I will say with absolutely no hesitation at all. The core of the war on terror is Iran.

No Democratic candidate will say these words and few Republican candidates will either. The only thing holding the United States back from having a meaningful election in 2008 is by simply stating the obvious: Iran has declared war on us. They have supplied weapons in Iraq that were used to kill and wound our soldiers there. Iran has played a significant role in destabilizing Iraq and distracting the United States from our goal. The goal is clear as a bell, because Iran has been and still is the main source of weapons used to kill Americans in Iraq and Israelis in Lebanon and in Israel itself. Now the question is, do Americans sitting in their homes and offices right here at home want to become the next victims? I say hell no.

The only way to draw and end to the war on terror is by dealing with Iran by force. It is a fact that islamic militants who control Lebanon today are also operating a network of phony passports and visas in South America and Central America. These are used to allow terrorists from the Middle East to enter the U.S. from the Mexican border. America is under attack from a sophisticated network of international criminals whose goal it is to dismantle the United States by making a mockery of our government and our way of life.

For the life of me I cannot understand why it is that people will simply sit back and allow this to happen right under their very noses. What compels people to accept the jibberish of the Democrats as being anything remotely akin to the truth about the war on terror. Why don't those who support George Bush speak louder and more succinctly and clear when it comes to the amazing courage it took to invade two countries whose borders are shared with the enemy of freedom and liberty, Iran. When is it going to be time for two candidates from both the Left and the Right to step up and agree on one thing alone, which is that regardless of their differing opinions on the economy and healthcare one thing will remain constant: Iran has got to be dealt with once and for all.

It will be unfortunate for sure to wake up one day and turn on the news to find out that foreigners of middle eastern descent entered the country illegally from Mexico using fake passports, and managed to assemble a nuclear bomb that was detonated in an American city. Then what? Who will be turn to at that point in time when we will be reeling from a nuclear attack? Or how would we react after Israel had been hit with a nuke? Which candidate is pondering these things and talking about these publicly in real terms? Sadly very few are, and the ones who do are marginalized by the media.

I say, to hell with the mainstream media and their game of profits for peace. I think there ought to be laws that prohibit corporations who are owned by foreigners from owning U.S. media companies. The only way to take back America from its drunkenness from inhaling too much kumbaya b.s. is by educating them. Put Brigitte Gabriel on the air and let her tell how it felt growing up as a Christian girl in Lebanon when the muslims invaded that country and turned it into an islamic fundamentalist state instead of the free and open society that it used to be. Why has the media abrogated its responsibility to tell the truth about how the Clintonistas destroyed the intelligence community during their 'glorious' rule of the last decade of the 1900's. Capping off America's great accomplishments in the world during the 1900's and being known in the world as the great bastion of freedom in liberty came marauding hordes of islmofascists to our shores because they could get away with it so easily.

America has been made a fool of by the Left by insinuating that if you happen to be a woman or if you are gay then the only people who can be sensitive to your needs are Democrats. Their shoddy logic infers that somehow being a victim is a full-time occupation that needs government to take your hand and be nice and sweet to you. Meanwhile your very life is being threatened by people who still believe in stoning women and hanging gays for no other reason than because they practiced sexual freedom. I say, the ones who will be most protective of the rights of gays and women are the ones who will fight islamofascism relentlessly to the death until each and every one of the followers of this sick and pathetic hateful ideology are wiped off the face of the map.

Until the time that a candidate for the office of President of the United States of America has the unmitigated gall and nerve, decency and the courage and cojones to say these things then consider my vote out of the question for you.

Posted by: Bush Is Right! | December 19, 2007 3:16 PM

To Bush Is Right! The only time Bush has been right was when his position in a photograph was described. He's never been right, and nothing good has happened to the country since his coup in 2000. The dollar has crashed, fuel prices have almost tripled, housing prices have collapsed, credit is tight, foreclosures are at flood height, floods have ruined a major American city that continues to flounder, a hundred thousand Iraqis are now in the democratic republic of death, Osama bin Laden roams the tribal areas, 9-11 happened on his watch while he mumbled through a children's story, the world hates the U.S., the Constitution has Bush fecal matter all over it, Enron and other giant hoaxes crippled the market, and on and on and on. What planet were you from again?

Posted by: ed | December 19, 2007 3:32 PM

Bush, no contest. He didn't inflict injuries on himself; he inflicted them on the citizens he claims to govern and on others in the rest of the world. And through all of it, he kept on grinning. If that's not a clue that he's truly an idiot, I don't know what is. The list of idiocies perpetrated or coming to light during this past year makes him the uncontestable choice for "Idiot of the Year."

Posted by: MultiplePOV | December 19, 2007 3:45 PM

Bush is Right, You're probably a troll but on the off chance you're not, I'm confused. If Iran is the real threat to America, why did we invade Iraq and Afghanistan?

One of the many, many reasons your post is so absurd is that we can't do anything about Iran even if we wanted to because we are running out of troops and barely have enough to keep in Iraq and Afghanistan as it is. Unless you're in favor of re-instituting the draft. Hell, I almost hope that happens because guess how many Americans would support your foolish war when it's their sons' lives at stake?

Ugh. Try reading the NY Times, or any other intelligent media outlet, instead of watching Fox News and spewing whatever jingoistic nonsense you hear from Bill O'Reilly.

Posted by: | December 19, 2007 3:49 PM

I'm with Bush Is Right. I want his presidential candidate to stand up before God and the world and announce that he plans to protect the rights of gays and women by wiping Islamofascism off the map. That should do it.

Please, though - whichever one of you it is, wait until you've received the party's nomination before you say that.

Posted by: Mark | December 19, 2007 4:04 PM

I have no idea what you commenters are thinking but you remind me of Nazi sympathizers in the 1930s.
To answer the anonymous guy, Iraq supported al qaeda, and that was the most important reason to strike Iraq.
If you need more reasons, then do your research on what Saddam did to his own people. Kurds and others being experimented on a la Mengela. Torturing of people to test their biological weapons. Iraqi Olympic athletes being tortured and killed for not winning.
How quickly we forget these niceties. I'm glad we went over there nailed Saddam, and saved the people.
Americans are the most sympathetic and empathetic people in the world whose military will fight for anyone who wants to be free.
Whats wrong with you guys? Are you so blinded by NYTimes propaganda that you forget we need to fight for the freedom to read it? I'm ashamed of you! Move to Iran and see how that goes.

Posted by: Bush Is Right! | December 19, 2007 4:06 PM

I nominate Bush is Right

Posted by: warehouse | December 19, 2007 4:14 PM

Actually, there is no evidence whatsoever that Iraq supported Al Qaeda. This widely known and accepted. Like I said... try getting your news from somewhere other than Fox.

Sucks about Saddam torturing his own people, but if that were the only criteria for an American invasion, well, I assume you can imagine what our foreign policy would look like.

Posted by: actually i'm an anonymous gal | December 19, 2007 4:21 PM

These were difficult choices, as each represented a different form of stupidity. Unclear-on-the-concept stupid vs. what-did-you-think-would-happen stupid, for instance.

Posted by: Bill | December 19, 2007 4:39 PM

No one is denying that Saddam Hussein was a despot who did despicable things to the Kurds and others who opposed his rule.

But the U.S. invasion has destroyed the economy and infrastructure of Iraq. There are hundreds of thousands dead post-Saddam, and millions have been displaced from their homes. How do we capture the hearts and minds of the Iraqis, from whom we have taken so much? How can the seeds of democracy take root there and spread moderation throughout the other Arab nation-states at this point? As Saddam Hussein stood with the noose around his neck, his last words were "Death to Persia [by which he meant Iran for those who don't seem very well read re: the Middle East]. Even though the U.S. was responsible for his capture and eventual execution, he still hated Iran more.

In other words, we eliminated Iran's most fierce opponent. If Iran was always the goal, then I really can't comprehend how removing Saddam and destroying normal life in Iraq makes it easier to us to achieve that goal.

Seems like every time the U.S. plays it's little nation building games and intrigues, we are always bitten in the arse later by those pesky "unanticipated consequences."

America is awash in propaganda and it looks like many of you have lost your faculties of critical reasoning. Maybe that makes you the idiots.

Posted by: NW DC | December 19, 2007 4:43 PM

"America is awash in propaganda and it looks like many of you have lost your faculties of critical reasoning. Maybe that makes you the idiots."

It was us last year

Posted by: warehouse | December 19, 2007 4:53 PM

In war you have to pick and choose your battles. We chose POORLY

Posted by: | December 19, 2007 5:23 PM

I nominate myself, for outing a CIA operative, for writing partisan op-eds, and for being a scumbag.

Posted by: Bob Novak | December 19, 2007 6:34 PM

There are poor fools who steal lawn mower gas and so forth. But real stupidity is demonstrated by individuals with high educations they ignore, responsibilities they fail to perform, and a maniacal inability to admit mistakes. Who does this sound like: a guy lighting a match near a lawn mower gas tank or the leaders of a great nation seemingly oblivious to basic considerations of what is right or wrong?

Posted by: Southwerk | December 19, 2007 6:36 PM

Uh, Bob, I believe you pulled that a couple years ago. This is for 2007!

Posted by: Edn | December 19, 2007 7:22 PM

What happened to the Decider, he's run off with this award for the last six years, even if he did have to share it last year with Alberto Gonzales... It is really really bad when you can read some of the idiotic things done by the finalists above, and envision the President doing most if not all of them!

Posted by: Mike in Dallas | December 19, 2007 8:38 PM

"I have no idea what you commenters are thinking but you remind me of Nazi sympathizers in the 1930s."

You mean they remind you of Prescott Bush? Dubya's grandaddy who had a bank confiscated by the feds for loaning money to the Nazis when we were at war with them?

Posted by: Damn Yankee | December 19, 2007 8:54 PM

Just wondering if you ever noticed that your dunce cap guy has the word Idiot spelled wrong. Or maybe that was intentional.

Posted by: Jason | December 19, 2007 11:22 PM

I will be cool like everyone else and say it too! Bush is the biggest idoit! HA

Posted by: Jason | December 19, 2007 11:35 PM

Emil,
thanks for keeping me off the list this year.

Posted by: Brian | December 19, 2007 11:47 PM

Posted by: laughing at you | December 20, 2007 9:21 AM

insert unintelligible bush bash here

Posted by: notsobrite | December 20, 2007 9:26 AM

Actually, there is no evidence whatsoever that Iraq supported Al Qaeda.

Posted by: actually i'm an anonymous gal | December 19, 2007 04:21 PM

Actually, the evidence that Saddam supported al Qaeda and the Taliban could fill a book...and here it is:

Both In One Trench: Saddam's Secret Terror Documents

http://www.bothinonetrench.com/index2.html

Posted by: Ray Robison | December 20, 2007 3:02 PM

Bush is right;
there is no hope you are Idiot #1

Posted by: passing through | December 22, 2007 11:29 AM

What about George Bush? Or is he an all time winner 2001-2008?

Posted by: Fatish | January 5, 2008 7:30 AM

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