2007 OFF/beat Crime Wrap Sheet
And The Winner Is...
On this final Friday before the holidays, it's time to look back on the year that was in OFF/beat crime. Here are my favorites from among all the stupid criminal antics that made news in 2007.
2007 Stupidest Criminal: Brian Poulin, 35, of Hebron, Conn., who reminded us of the dangers of drunk dialing. According to reports, Poulin phoned "911 numerous times and told the dispatcher he was out of beer and asked [the police] to pick up more for him." The police did swing by -- but charged him with disorderly conduct.
Silver Medal: Peter Addison, a burglar from northwest England, whose crime, according to local police, was "up there with the dumbest of all." The 18-year-old was so proud of ransacking a campground that he scribbled "Peter Addison was here!" on a wall in black marker. Camp volunteers thought the tag might be some sort of decoy. But when police tracked Addison down, he was wearing a t-shirt stolen from the camp.
Bronze Medal: Forest Kelly Bissonnette, 27, of Englewood, Colo. who allegedly demanded money from a bank clerk by handing over a note written on one his very own checks.
Honorable Mention: Randy Galluzi, 38, of Long Island who tried to steal gas by power drilling into a gas tank and ended up setting fire to four cars.
Did I leave out your favorite criminal? Please add your nominees in the comments section below. And then check out The List in our Discussions section next week for a complete top ten.
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The 2007 Joe Friday Award for "Overzealous Police Work" goes to: the police department of Central Saanich, Canada, where issuing tickets comes before saving lives. According to reports, construction foreman Gavin Docherty was hit in the head by a coworker's nail gun and was being rushed to the hospital by a first aid officer, when they were pulled over for speeding. The cop was unimpressed by the "first-aid emergency" and took the time to write them a ticket. He then followed them to the hospital and issued a second ticket for driving without a seatbelt.
Silver Medal: Bihar, India police who arrested and charged a toddler with "leading a group of rioters and firing at security personnel." Despite his parents' contention that three-year-old Raj Kumar was visiting his granny at the time of the riot, police were certain they "have their boy," and sent uniformed officers to his home to take him into custody.
Bronze Medal: The Royal Canadian Mounted Police who, in tandem with the ever-vigilant U.S. Department of Homeland Security, used an infrared camera aboard a U.S. aircraft to find two teenagers accused of stealing a "large quantity of beef jerky, sausage and pepperoni." It's nice to know that U.S. tax dollars are helping to protect Canada from juvenile meat theft.
Honorable Mention: the pair of council wardens in Crawley, England who issued Barbara Jubb a $160-fine after her one-year-old granddaughter dropped a bag of potato chips. According to reports, Jubb immediately picked the bag up, but two chips fell out and she kicked them into the gutter. BIG MISTAKE! The wardens descended upon her and issued the fine for "kicking two crisps."
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The 2007 Carmen Sandiego Award for "Largest/Strangest Heist" goes to: the Russian truck driver who stole a 16-foot metal bridge from over the Yaroslavka River, south of Moscow. The 45-year-old driver allegedly ripped out the bridge and took it home with him using the company truck.
Silver Medal: the thief or thieves who stole "the bark off 15 western red cedars growing on a private lot in Canada." According to reports, whoever committed the crime did a very precise job and "knew what they were doing." The question that remains: why?
Bronze Medal: the British lavatory thief caught on camera prying a urinal from the Royal Oak pub, in Southampton, England, and sneaking it out in his backpack. After the story of the missing toilet got worldwide attention, the 42-year-old came clean to police and returned the purloined potty to its rightful owner. According to investigators, his motive was commemorative, not financial, since he intended to keep the bathroom fixture as a "souvenir."
Honorable Mention: the pair of thieves in Washington State who stole a massive, wood-carved Bigfoot statue from outside a doctor's office. The 400-pound sculpture was later "recovered -- minus its big feet." No motive was given.
Well, that's the all we've got for 2007 in OFF/beat crime. We can only hope 2008 will have as many fun moments.
By Emil Steiner | December 21, 2007; 7:00 AM ET | Category: OFF/beat
Posted by: Romeo Mike | December 21, 2007 12:49 PM
What the hell does this have to do with offbeat crime Romeo Mike? Are you mentally defective or just a spammer?
Posted by: Phillip McAnus | December 23, 2007 2:44 PM
Wow that's quite the xmas rant. Thanks for sharing. Not quite sure how we're exploiting children as a labor source and sex pool?
Posted by: Ralph B. | December 23, 2007 5:34 PM
Again? We certainly have a lot of dumb criminals around. Darwin Awards here i come
Posted by: | December 24, 2007 3:30 AM
No one has nominated George Bush as this years stupidest criminal. Isn't that surprising to anyone? Secret prisons, WMD, war on terror, Spygate, hello?
Posted by: | December 25, 2007 7:07 PM
The comments to this entry are closed.
A CHRISTMAS PRESENT FOR CHILDREN
It's nice to see the toy drives for underprivileged children taking place each year at Christmastime. However, this seems to be the only approach we take as citizens to improve their lives. It appears to be nothing more than a band aid placed on a severely festering wound of our society. If we really do care about our children and families, I would like to make a few recommendations to those with money and power, and those in Washington DC that would improve our children's lives much more than simply placing a toy in their hands:
1. Give our children affordable health care.
2. Give our children a thorough and excellent education. Our schools need not only to teach "the four R's," but ethics, logic, and deductive reasoning as well. We teach them how to operate computers, but not how to operate their lives. The liberal arts are being sacrificed in the name of science and technology.
3. Clean up our environment and stop polluting. So many of the diseases that children get today are related to the pollution we are pumping into our air and water. Our wells are polluted with MBTE, and Perchlorate. Our air is polluted with diesel exhaust that causes heart disease and is a carcinogen, and is partly responsible for the increase in children's asthma.
4. Convert our school buses from diesel to LPG.
5. Create a less violent society and world. If the only way a poor child can get an education is by joining the military, only to be sacrificed on the field of battle, what does that say for our priorities as a nation?
6. Stop exploiting children as a labor source and sex pool. The priest child abuse problem is just a tip of the iceberg. Our society and media exploits young girls, and over sexualizes them into thinking they are nothing more than objects. Child slavery and prostitution has increased worldwide as we move into the 21st century. Child labor under deplorable conditions exists in sweat shops all over the world, just so we can purchase cheap imports, and increase corporate profit.
7. Give young boys and girls better role models. Hollywood and the media set girls up to emulate such figures as the Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears, Paris Hilton, Nicole Richey, and Lindsay Lohan. And we wonder why girls are having sex at 12 and getting pregnant at 16! Don't these girls come from "Christian" families, and if so what are their parents thinking? Thanks TV, Hollywood, and Playboy etc!
8. Give children a light at the end of the tunnel. Earning a minimum wage in a service oriented society is not giving much hope to ours students. The violence on our streets, schools, TV and film is depressing to say the least, and we wonder why teens are more prone to drugs and suicide than adults.
9. Instead of giving out awards to actors and ball players, many of whom set very poor role models for our children, we should be awarding teachers, nurses, and good parents who develop and nurture our children into become good citizens. Finally, it is the mainstream media that sets the agenda. As much as they say they simply are reflecting life, they actually set the materialistic trends that exist in our society today, creating competition among teenagers as to who is the best dressed.