This Week In OFF/beat Crime
It's Friday again, time to look back on another fabulous week in Offbeat crime! Before we get to the nominees, I'm pleased to announce that the winner of last week's Stupidest Criminal Award is James Wombles of Riverside, Ohio. He picked up 44 percent of the votes after going on a burglary spree while wearing his his court-ordered GPS ankle bracelet. For his efforts, Wombles earns a bid in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet in December. Thanks to everyone who voted.
Without further ado, here are your nominees for this week's Stupidest Criminal Award:
*** First is Ruben Carate of Chicago, who proves that persistence is not always a virtue. According to reports, the 18-year-old allegedly attempted to rob a muffler shop at gunpoint but was told by workers that the safe was locked. Undeterred, he left two telephone numbers and told them to give him a call when the owner, who could open the safe, arrived. Not surprisingly, the shop called police, who then set up a sting. Surprisingly, Carate fell for it, returning to the store wearing the same mask.
*** Next is a Canadian crook who decided to call in a robbery order to go. Daniel Glen, aka Daniel Fram of Windsor, Ont., was arrested early Monday morning after he allegedly called a convenience store and told the clerk to take all the money out of the register and put it in a bag. According to reports, the 40-year-old arrived soon after, as did police, who arrested him without incident.
*** For his record sprint to recidivism and for failing in the clutch, our next nomination goes to Frank Singleton of West Palm Beach, Fla. According to reports, the 21-year-old was so excited about being released from county lockup that he immediately ran across the visitors parking lot and attempted to steal a car. As Singleton later explained, "I didn't want to walk." But alas, the car was manual, not automatic, and as he stalled and grinded the gears, an officer re-arrested him. In the words of a department spokesman: "This is one of the stupid criminals." In the words of OFF/beat: "You don't say?"
*** Our next nomination is to Arthur Ross Cradock of New Zealand, who has been sentenced to 75 hours of community service for misusing an emergency number and besmirching the name of an innocent animal. Cradock, 48, reportedly called police at least three times, first reporting that he was being raped by a wombat and giving his home address before calling back, retracting the allegation in a profane manner and giving authorities his name.
*** Demonstrating the importance of looking before you drop, the next nomination goes to a pair of Fijian traffickers who mistook a cop car for their drug pick-up. Arriving on horseback, they stopped the officers, only to realize too late that it wasn't their rendezvous. According to reports, they are now on the run after ditching their two horses and two kilograms of what is believed to be dried marijuana leaves at the feet of police before retreating into the woods.
*** The final nomination goes to Sean Gleason of Gilbert, Ariz., who had the bright idea of stealing a car in front of a police station. Better still, he reportedly did so in plain view of a television crew, which was taping an interview with an officer. He didn't make it very far, but the video has already been seen around the world ... that's 15 minutes well spent!
So, that's where we stand coming into the homestretch. From these five worthy contenders only one will be this week's Stupidest Criminal and earn the right to compete in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet. So make like Indiana Jones in "The Last Crusade" and choose wisely!
Stupidest Criminal Award 03.28.08
Note: This is an unscientific survey of washingtonpost.com readers.
*** This week's Wide Stance Award for Worst Excuse is a tie between Justin Vonkummer, 28, of Millerton, N.Y., and Ernest Harte, 37, of Cleveland. Vonkummer reportedly told state troopers that an Oreo was to blame for his speeding. He had been dunking the cookie into milk when it slipped out of his fingers and into the cup, he said, and when he tried to rescue it, he lost control of the vehicle. Harte was arrested on suspicion of stealing copper pipe from a construction site. When confronted by police, he reportedly told them that "he was searching for a salt lick for deer-hunting purposes." Officers then informed him that hunting season was over. He responded by telling them he was having a diabetic episode.
Individual award winners also take home a free nod in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet. Remember to send all nominees to offbeat@washingtonpost.com
By Emil Steiner | March 28, 2008; 6:00 AM ET | Category: OFF/beat
Posted by: | March 28, 2008 8:33 AM
Proud to say that Rueben Carate is a home town boy. I am stretching it a bit since I live outside the city limits of Chicago.
Posted by: ChocoChuckles | April 1, 2008 5:53 PM
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Each of the first three is deserving.