Monday Breakfast Bender
Welcome to April 7! On this date 39 years ago, according to Wikipedia, the Internet was born "symbolically" with the publication of the first "request for comments," or RFC, documents.
Future News Prediction: The American dream is declared achieved as bottles of Lil' Jon's Crunk Chardonnay begin appearing on the world's finest wine lists. Ooo-kay!
Here is your Monday Top 5:
5) Damn Dirty Ape!
In what may be the first ever simian suicide-by-cop, a 17-year-old University of Texas at Austin research chimp was killed after snatching a tranquilizer gun and menacing officers. The 140-pound primate, known as Tony, escaped from the Keeling Center for Comparative Medicine and Research, then snatched a dart gun from an attendant and chased after a university police officer, "flailing his arms." Citing documents released Friday, the Austin American Statesman reports that the officer slipped backward while firing his gun, but the chimpanzee kept coming toward him. He continued firing but did not count how many times he shot at Tony. Tony collapsed in a nearby field and died soon after.
4) Damn Dirty Ape, Part II
Perhaps anticipating ape rebellion, a diaper-clad monkey named Prada escaped from its Florida home and ran amok in downtown Orlando. According to First Coast News, Rommel Gray saw the capuchin sitting on a fence during his morning commute and "thought it might be a nice pet." But Prada had different ideas and began chasing Gray down a street. Residents reportedly managed to lure it near a cage with bananas, at which point it jumped on the back of a woman and was tied down by animal control officers.
3) Heart of Darkness?
A man who received a heart transplant from a man who committed suicide has himself committed suicide after marrying the donor's wife. According to reports, Sonny Graham of Hilton Head, S.C., was given a second chance at life 12 years ago when he received Terry Cottle's heart. Last week, however, Graham ended his own life with a gun.
2) Woman Bites Dog (Really!)
Dog Bites Man stories are a dime a dozen. Man Bites Dog stories, not so much. According to reports, Amy Rice of Minneapolis may need rabies shots after attacking and biting a pit bull that had bit her Labrador. "I knew what happened, and I knew that it wasn't good," the 38-year-old was quoted saying. "I didn't plan it, that's what happened. I broke the skin and had pit bull blood in my mouth."
1) No Cake for You!
Taking a page from Mary Antoinette, an elementary school in New Zealand has reportedly outlawed birthday cake. The move appears to be an overzealous attempt to conform with strict new government guidelines for healthy eating by Oteha Valley School in Auckland. Though schools are being encouraged to work with their community to take a "common sense" and practical approach to promoting good health, a Ministry of Education spokesman is quoted saying "schools did not have to monitor food and drinks students brought from home."
And for dessert, here is your Moment of Schadenfreude:
By Emil Steiner | April 7, 2008; 6:00 AM ET | Category: OFF/beat
