This Week in OFF/beat Crime
Well, it's Friday again. Time to look back on another fabulous week in Offbeat crime! Before we get to the nominees, I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the Mar. 28 Stupidest Criminal Award is Ruben Carate of Chicago. He won 54.5 percent of the Offbeat reader votes for leaving his phone number at a store he attempted to rob and then returning to the store later that day. Carate earns a chance to appear in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet Dec. 19. Thanks to everyone who voted.
Now, here are your nominees for this week's Stupidest Criminal Award:
* First up we have Cash Burch, of Waterloo, Iowa, for proving that just because you can break into a car, doesn't mean you can break out. According to reports, the 24-year-old was arrested for attempting to steal a Ford Explorer. Unfortunately for him, he wore down the battery trying to start it and the anti-theft device locked him inside. The owner called the police, who came and "rescued" him.
** Next up we have a couple from Sulphur, La., who police say were arrested because of "sheer luck and stupidity." According to reports, officer George Miller left a phone message about a traffic violation. An hour later, a woman called back from that number and said she wanted to buy $150 of crack cocaine. A confused Miller agreed to a meeting, at which Jill Foreman, 33, and her fiancé, Larry Rieck, 49, were arrested.
*** As our next nominee demonstrates, filling out a checking account application and providing a copy your real photo ID before whipping out a gun to rob a bank makes it easier for police to catch you. Warren, Mich., police said the 30-something woman they arrested Thursday is "probably not the smartest person in the world," according to reports.
**** Our next nomination goes to a Spanish funeral home burglar who was caught trying to play dead. According to reports, police arrived to find a man lying in a viewing chamber. But they weren't fooled. Said one officer: "The custom here is for dead people to be dressed in suits, in nice clothes that look presentable. This guy was in everyday clothes that were wrinkled and dirty." Also, the guy was breathing.
***** And our final nomination goes to crank caller David Mason, of Bolton, UK. According to reports, the 57-year-old cost British taxpayers $2 million for scores of bogus emergency calls. He told police that he derived "excitement' from seeing fire trucks, police cars and ambulances arrive on the scene. Police are calling him the "worst hoaxer in Britain." We're calling him just plain stupid.
So, that's where we stand coming into the homestretch. From these five worthy contenders, only one will be this week's Stupidest Criminal and earn the right to compete for a spot in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet in December. So make like Indiana Jones in "The Last Crusade" and choose wisely!
Stupidest Criminal Award 04.04.08
Note: This is an unscientific survey of washingtonpost.com readers.
Individual Awards
** This week's Carmen Sandiego Award for "Largest/Strangest Heist" is a tie between wanna-be grease baron in Northern California and a group of ironic vandals in eastern Austria. David Richardson was arrested Wednesday for stealing 2,500 gallons of used cooking oil from a California Burger King. According to reports, the 49-year-old probably intended to make a fortune selling the recycled grease, but was apprehended before he finished siphoning it all off.
And in Austria, a prefab youth center was reportedly carried off in the boxes it arrived in. Local Mayor Johann Gorth said the new building was "planned to give kids something else to do and get them involved in something positive." Clearly, it wasn't built soon enough.
** This week's Clancy Wiggum Award for "Underzealous Police Work" goes to the Homestead, Pa., police department for reportedly hiring paranormal investigators to look into a "phantom typewriter," slamming doors and an attic door that won't lock in their station. The town's mayor has also made claims about a haunted snow plow.
Individual award winners also get a chance to compete for a spot in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet. Remember to send all nominees to offbeat@washingtonpost.com
By Emil Steiner | April 4, 2008; 9:00 AM ET | Category: OFF/beat
Posted by: | April 6, 2008 11:33 AM
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The guy at the funeral home should have closed the casket, but word is you keep farting after you die which it called the permanent dutch oven