http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/ Fast, funny news for short attention spans. en Copyright 2008 Mon, 07 Apr 2008 10:10:15 -0400 http://www.movabletype.org/?v=3.2 http://blogs.law.harvard.edu/tech/rss Rev. Will Bowen's Purple Bracelets Reach the Classroom "Always look on the bright side of your life!" (Courtesy Rainbow Releasing) The Ten Commandments may not be taught in public schools. But the 11th is making headway. I'm not talking about the tablet Moses dropped in History of the World Part 1, but "Thou shalt not whine." It's the catch-phrase of Kansas City preacher Will Bowen. His guiding principle is, "When you eliminate complaining from your life, you will enjoy happier relationships, better health and greater prosperity." Over the past 18 months, Bowen's organization, "A Complaint Free World" has enjoyed all three. Devotees promise to stop complaining for 21 days and in return they are given a purple bracelet with the word "spirit" written on it (think "Livestrong" except purple). Whenever they catch themselves complaining, they move the bracelet to the other wrist and start counting again. Once they've completed the http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/schools_embrace_a_complaint_fr.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/schools_embrace_a_complaint_fr.html OFF/beat Politics Mon, 07 Apr 2008 10:10:15 -0400 Welcome to April 7! On this date 39 years ago, according to Wikipedia, the Internet was born "symbolically" with the publication of the first "request for comments," or RFC, documents. Future News Prediction: The American dream is declared achieved as bottles of Lil' Jon's Crunk Chardonnay begin appearing on the world's finest wine lists. Ooo-kay! Here is your Monday Top 5: "Chalk up another victory to the human spirit." 5) Damn Dirty Ape!In what may be the first ever simian suicide-by-cop, a 17-year-old University of Texas at Austin research chimp was killed after snatching a tranquilizer gun and menacing officers. The 140-pound primate, known as Tony, escaped from the Keeling Center for Comparative Medicine and Research, then snatched a dart gun from an attendant and chased after a university police officer, "flailing his arms." Citing documents released Friday, the Austin American Statesman reports that the officer slipped backward while firing http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/monday_breakfast_bender_54.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/monday_breakfast_bender_54.html OFF/beat Mon, 07 Apr 2008 06:00:09 -0400 Tony Montana they ain't. (Universal City Studios) Well, it's Friday again. Time to look back on another fabulous week in Offbeat crime! Before we get to the nominees, I'm pleased to announce that the winner of the Mar. 28 Stupidest Criminal Award is Ruben Carate of Chicago. He won 54.5 percent of the Offbeat reader votes for leaving his phone number at a store he attempted to rob and then returning to the store later that day. Carate earns a chance to appear in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet Dec. 19. Thanks to everyone who voted. Now, here are your nominees for this week's Stupidest Criminal Award: * First up we have Cash Burch, of Waterloo, Iowa, for proving that just because you can break into a car, doesn't mean you can break out. According to reports, the 24-year-old was arrested for attempting to steal a Ford Explorer. Unfortunately http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/this_week_in_offbeat_crime_27.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/this_week_in_offbeat_crime_27.html OFF/beat Fri, 04 Apr 2008 09:00:11 -0400 Welcome to April 3! On this date 35 years ago, according to Wikipedia, Motorola researcher Martin Cooper placed the first ever call on a handheld mobile phone. Here is your Thursday Top 5: A black day for the cane toad. (AP) 5) Whacking Day Down Under?Australian MP Shane Knuth calls them "the most disgusting creature known to man," and he thinks the citizens of Queensland should do something about it. So, taking a page from The Simpsons, Knuth is proposing a special day for residents to hunt and kill the poisonous cane toad, according to reports. He is calling it Toad Day Out and says people should use "humane" means of killing the creatures, like putting them in the freezer. 4) Smithsonian Not Smarter Than 5th GraderWashington's beloved museum of natural history has been shown up by an 11-year-old. According to the Kalamazoo Gazette, Kenton Stufflebeam of Allegan, Mich., was http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/thursday_breakfast_bender_61.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/thursday_breakfast_bender_61.html OFF/beat Thu, 03 Apr 2008 06:00:01 -0400 Can You Tell When News Ain't Fake? Oh, those clever, clever journalists, with their gotcha! April Fools stories. Yesterday, The Sun wrote about French President Sarkozy undergoing "pioneering stretch surgery" developed by "Israeli academic professor Ura Schmuck" so that he could be as tall as his wife. And the Daily Express previewed a new digital clock face for Big Ben. But for those of us who regularly follow offbeat news, we know that truth can be stranger than fiction. And while April Fools Day has come and gone, in Scotland the jokes go on -- for a full 48 hours. So in celebration of Scottish "Taily Day," I offer a quiz. Can you tell the real news from the fake news, based solely on the headlines? Once you've submitted your responses, click on the answer sheet to see how you did. Can You Tell Which Headlines Are Real? "Mutant Monkeys http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/the_taily_day_pop_quiz_1.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/the_taily_day_pop_quiz_1.html OFF/beat Wed, 02 Apr 2008 10:00:54 -0400 Welcome to April 2! On this date 36 years ago, according to Wikipedia, Charlie Chaplin returned to the United States for the first time since being labeled a Communist in 1952. Future News Prediction: The Kremlin passes a resolution suggesting that the CIA might have been somehow involved with the assassination of President John F. Kennedy. Here is your Wednesday Top 5: Five-footed Fido warms hearts! (AP) 5) QuintupetIf you've spent your life dreaming about a five-legged dog but always settled for the standard four-legged variety, today could be your lucky day. Just wing on over to St. Francis Animal Sanctuary in Vermilion, Mo., and shake paws with Angel, the delightful doggy quintaped! According to reports, a genetic defect caused Angel's left front leg to split in utero, leaving her with "three normal legs and two distinct parts of a fourth." She is described as "friendly and even-tempered." 4) Slow http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/wednesday_breakfast_bender_61.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/wednesday_breakfast_bender_61.html OFF/beat Wed, 02 Apr 2008 06:00:15 -0400 No, seriously, smoke 'em if you got 'em. (AFP) According to a newly released five-year study by the Department of Health & Human Services, the smoking ban in New York and other major U.S. cities has lowered the overall life expectancy for residents of those cities. Due to improved appetites and maladies associated with prolonged outdoor exposure, particularly in winter in the Northeast, the Centers for Disease Control report sharp increases in both obesity and pneumonia-related deaths. Data from tobacco-friendly states confirms these findings. In Virginia, for instance, where indoor smoking is still permitted, obesity, hypertension and diabetes have remained constant. But in Washington D.C., doctors are reporting a 15 percent to 20 percent increase in these potentially fatal diseases. Meanwhile Massachusetts, which passed a smoking ban in 2004, has experienced levels of pneumonia and influenza not seen since the Great Depression. And with the additional sanitation workers the http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/surgeon_general_warns_smoking_1.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/surgeon_general_warns_smoking_1.html OFF/beat Tue, 01 Apr 2008 13:00:01 -0400 Welcome to April 1! On this date 12,008 years ago, several nearly frozen cave dwellers huddled around a fire praying that someday humans would be able to make the earth warmer no matter the cost. Here is your Tuesday Top 5: The heaviest sport on earth? (Reuters) 5) Dumbo PoloForget March Madness. This week's hottest sporting event is in Thailand, where the seventh annual King's Cup Elephant Polo Tournament has just gotten under way. According to reports, 12 teams from around the world are competing in the two-week-long charity event held "to raise money for conservation projects to protect the beasts." Official rules stipulate that each elephant has two riders, a trainer, who guides the animal by kicking and prodding its head with metal hooks. (Protecting the beasts?) No word whether the elephants are tested for performance-enhancing drugs. 4) Where's the Hearts? Office workers in search of diversions from the http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/tuesday_breakfast_bender_61.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/04/tuesday_breakfast_bender_61.html OFF/beat Tue, 01 Apr 2008 06:00:01 -0400 Will Free Sodas For All Inspire Axl Rose? Will a Mr. Pibbs/Velvet Revolver deal be next?(AP) On a trip to Czechoslovakia in 1983, I tried to order a Coca-Cola. When the waiter brought me a Pepsi, I cried out, as only a 4-year-old American can: "I don't want Pepsi, I want Coke!" The staff gave me confused looks, and my parents tried to explain that they only had this kind of cola. But in my mind the Cold War had been decided: Capitalism 1, Communism 0. I was an easy sell. But now a soft drink company has taken on the rather more difficult task of trying to convince one man that it's time for "Chinese Democracy." No, not President Hu Jintao. Axl Rose, the lead singer and last remaining original member of Guns 'n Roses, who has spent the last 17 years toiling on his "new" album "Chinese Democracy." http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/dr_pepper_begs_guns_n_roses_fo_1.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/dr_pepper_begs_guns_n_roses_fo_1.html OFF/beat Mon, 31 Mar 2008 09:57:01 -0400 Welcome to March 31! On this date 102 years ago, according to Wikipedia, the Intercollegiate Athletic Association of the United States (later renamed NCAA) was formed to establish rules for amateur sports after President Roosevelt's son broke his collarbone playing football at Harvard. Neither "March Madness" is not mentioned in the original rules. Future News Prediction: Under the guidance of Al Gore, cats and dogs broker a cease-fire agreement. Here is your Monday Top 5: If only there were a law to make this guy put his shirt back on. (TWP) 5) Copenhagen Says Yes to BreastsA Danish court ruled Friday that women have the right to go topless at public pools and beaches. The ruling is reportedly the result of a yearlong campaign by a women's rights organization called the Topless Front, which believes an increase in breast exposure will lead to a decline in the objectification of women. http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/monday_breakfast_bender_49.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/monday_breakfast_bender_49.html OFF/beat Mon, 31 Mar 2008 07:30:06 -0400 Tony Montana they ain't. (Universal City Studios) It's Friday again, time to look back on another fabulous week in Offbeat crime! Before we get to the nominees, I'm pleased to announce that the winner of last week's Stupidest Criminal Award is James Wombles of Riverside, Ohio. He picked up 44 percent of the votes after going on a burglary spree while wearing his his court-ordered GPS ankle bracelet. For his efforts, Wombles earns a bid in OFF/beat's 2008 Crime Wrap Sheet in December. Thanks to everyone who voted. Without further ado, here are your nominees for this week's Stupidest Criminal Award: *** First is Ruben Carate of Chicago, who proves that persistence is not always a virtue. According to reports, the 18-year-old allegedly attempted to rob a muffler shop at gunpoint but was told by workers that the safe was locked. Undeterred, he left two telephone numbers and told http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/this_week_in_offbeat_crime_28.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/this_week_in_offbeat_crime_28.html OFF/beat Fri, 28 Mar 2008 06:00:01 -0400 British Drinkers Show Distaste for Beer Tax Pub owners bar Alistair Darling (Devil's Kitchen) In Jaroslav Hasek's The Good Soldier Svejk, the protagonist is said to proclaim that any government that raises the price of beer is destined to fall within one year. British Chancellor of the Exchequer Alistair Darling perhaps should have picked up a copy of the iconic Czech novel, as he now finds himself in midst of possibly the largest alcoholic insurrection since the Whiskey Rebellion. Some might say the 8-cent increase per pint and additional 28 cents on each bottle of wine that Darling slapped onto this year's budget is paltry. But pub owners contend the hikes are a business-killer, particularly coming on the coattails of a recent smoking ban. "It's a great big nail whacked ruthlessly into the coffin of the British pub," said Mike Benner, chief executive of the Campaign for Real Ale. So, http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/chancellor_of_the_exchequer_al_1.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/chancellor_of_the_exchequer_al_1.html OFF/beat Politics Thu, 27 Mar 2008 11:00:00 -0400 Welcome to March 27! On this date 10 years ago, according to Wikipedia, the Food and Drug Administration approved a little blue pill called Viagra -- paving the way for Bob Dole's most lucrative career move. Future News Prediction: With free enterprise booming in China and government regulation growing in American business, Webster's considers revising its definitions of communism and capitalism. Here is your Thursday Top 5: Who isn't related to Hillary Clinton? (AP) 5) Talk About a DynastySome critics have questioned whether it would be good for American democracy to install a second Clinton in the White House, but a new study has found that Barack Obama is related to at least six U.S. presidents. The New England Historic Genealogical Society identified the Bushes, Gerald Ford, Lyndon Johnson, Harry Truman and James Madison -- along with Brad Pitt -- as Obama's distant cousins. Hillary Clinton, meanwhile, can claim Angelina http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/thursday_breakfast_bender_60.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/thursday_breakfast_bender_60.html OFF/beat Thu, 27 Mar 2008 06:00:01 -0400 Welcome to March 26! On this date in 1881, according to Wikipedia, rioting erupted in Basingstoke, England, "in protest against the daily vociferous promotion of rigid Temperance by the Salvation Army." Future News Prediction: In an ill-fated attempt to poke fun at the U.S. Air Force, Chinese Olympic officials play "Return to Sender" instead of the "Star Spangled Banner" every time the United States wins gold. Here is your Wednesday Top 5: A bug in hand is worth more on the plate. (AFP) 5) Discount BugsDomino's Pizza became famous for offering customers free food if delivery took more than 30 minutes. Now a restaurant in Dubai is becoming infamous for giving customers 25 percent off if they find bugs in their meal. According to Gulf News, seven diners celebrating a birthday were shocked to discover the creepy-crawlies on their plates, and downright disgusted when the restaurant put "INSECT ON FOOD" http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/wednesday_breakfast_bender_60.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/wednesday_breakfast_bender_60.html OFF/beat Wed, 26 Mar 2008 06:15:07 -0400 Transgender Dad's Pregnancy Inspires Curiosity and Prejudice Advocate article claims Thomas Beatie a "real" pregnant father. Thomas Beatie is a man, according to his wife, his friends and the state of Oregon. He's also five months pregnant, he writes in the April 8 edition of Advocate. How is that possible? Beatie is transgendered -- that is to say, he was born a woman and underwent sexual reassignment. But while he had chest reconstruction and took a regimen of male hormones, he held on to his female reproductive organs. "Wanting to have a biological child is neither a male nor female desire, but a human desire," he writes in the first-person article "Labor of Love." His wife Nancy, however, had had a hysterectomy. So Beatie agreed to carry their baby -- no easy task for a person who had gone eight years without a menstrual cycle. Their first attempt using in-vitro http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/will_thomas_beatie_be_the_firs.html http://blog.washingtonpost.com/offbeat/2008/03/will_thomas_beatie_be_the_firs.html OFF/beat Tue, 25 Mar 2008 12:20:35 -0400