The Mike Wise Chronicles

Before I go any further with this, let me make a few things clear. Mike Wise is the greatest guy in the world. He's a tremendous, tremendous writer. He has a fantastic sense of humor.

But he's also a never ending source of material. And so, today, from the Mike Wise Chronicles:

The great man recently returned from an accidental trip to the women's toilette. He realized his mistake while washing his hands, when he looked at the next sink over. "I was like, this guy looks kind of feminine," he remembered.

Also, during a speed skating press conference filled with probably 60 American journalists, including the aforementioned Jimmy Roberts from NBC and Jeremy Schaap from ESPN, I'm happy to report that our guy Wise was by far the loudest character in the room. He also spied Bill Plaschke from the L.A. Times and loudly greeted him: "Belliiiiiiino." This goes along with his "add a vowel" theory. At dinner last night, for example, he asked for an extra "spoon-o."

Also, at dinner last night his stories included: a trip to Alaska in which he met a dog named "dog," and a trip to an Austrian fair in which he nearly came to blows with a Turkish carnie. Also, at dinner he screamed "stupid Americanos" at several of us. Also, he performed a dance called "The Cabbage Patch" while sitting at the table. Also, he concluded the meal by telling the waitress, in quite impressive Italian, that hers was the most delicious restaurant in all of Torino. Also, he realized that it's quite fun to pronounce "Bon Jovi" as if you were saying "Bon Giorno."

Also, he came to work today wearing a Washington Post hat, a Washington Post fleece and a Washington Post t-shirt. "I'm a Post man, I'm a Post man," he kept saying. "I deliver, I deliver."

Also, he has recently started attempting to perform triple axels. On carpet. Wearing sneakers.

By Dan Steinberg |  February 9, 2006; 1:14 PM ET
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Dear Dan -

While in Torino, do lookup the Salamones, a swarthy race of ancient Italianos. Their ancestors, captives from Caesar's campaigns in Sicilia, were led north to be bred through the centuries to hunt the dreaded Cave Trolls of Northern Italy. I have lost contact with my Italian brethren, but each Salamone in his heart seeks to unleash his bloodlust on trolls during certain lunar cycles, and if my Farmers' Almanac is correct, beware the red moon rising over Torino Friday night. I suggest you befriend them with good tidings and Ritter Sport chocolates.

M. Salamone
Beggars Canyon, CA

Posted by: M. Salamone | February 9, 2006 01:38 PM

This blog is the greatest thing ever. Do Post sports reporters actually have as much fun as they seem to be having when one reads this blog and their Post.com chats?

Posted by: Lindemann | February 10, 2006 08:48 AM

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