Supermom?

A New York Times editorial that ran 12 years ago still haunts me. A letter from a stay-at-home mom read, "We see the walking wounded children of the self-important working mothers. Those needy souls would love to be a mother's project, the center of a mother's life. We wonder why these women chose parenthood."

This sentiment bothers me no less today than it did a dozen years ago. I wish I could say that the world has changed since then, but I suspect that some stay-at-home mothers still misread working moms and their kids (and vice-versa, to be fair). No one disproves this accusation like a mom I met in Columbus, Ohio, a few weeks ago.

Paula Penn-Nabrit is a fourth generation native of Columbus, where she was the only black student (and first black student-government president) in the 1972 class at Columbus School for Girls. She received her undergraduate degree from Wellesley in 1976. She married, had twin sons in 1980, received her law degree in 1981, and had another son in 1982 -- all before she turned 30. She and her husband run a national consulting firm, Penn-Nabrit & Associates, together in Ohio.

Their sons were 11 and 9 when she and her husband decided to home-school them. The boys had been expelled from an exclusive, expensive independent day school, and the family had been unhappy with their sons' experience at the local public schools. They began to teach their children at home and hired black, mostly male, graduate students from Ohio State University to teach subjects (math, biology, French) they lacked the time or expertise to handle. As two self-employed parents working at home, they didn't have more time than other working parents -- but they had control over their time, which was critical to their home-schooling success.

Volunteer work was mandatory. The boys each accumulated more than 2,500 volunteer hours by the time they left for college. During the summers, they went to church camp, bicycle camp, space camp and oceanography camp. Their sons hated home-schooling from the first week and told their parents so daily, even as they got older. Paula and her husband promised the boys that college would be 100% their decision, and the boys chose Princeton and Amherst.

In Paula's own words, hers sons, now 26 and 24, turned out to be a far cry from the walking wounded kids of a self-important working mom.

"Obviously, I'm biased. But they turned out to be amazing people of character -- smart, self-contained, self-aware, committed to family and community, unassuming, and most remarkable -- they turned out to be kind."

Paula has written a book about her experience home schooling her sons, called Morning by Morning, published by Villard in 2003. You can find more information about her and her book on her Web site.

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  April 6, 2006; 10:00 AM ET  | Category:  You Go Girl!
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