Those Formerly Wifely Chores

My husband recently took a large bag to the dry cleaner on the main floor of his office building. Inside the bag was a bath towel that needed its hang strap resewed, an overcoat missing a button, dress pants with a seam pulling apart. He handed each item to the older, reserved Asian woman who owns the shop. She appeared amused, an emotion my husband had never seen her display before.

"You got no wife?' she asked, as she burst out laughing.

"My wife is busy," my husband explained.

This made her laugh even harder.

One of the perks of being a working wife is that I have a legitimate excuse to refuse life's details that were once considered the wife's -- grocery shopping, sewing, mending, running errands for my husband, cooking homemade meals (although I can make a mean set of chocolate chip cookies). I hate household chores -- and I love the work I'm paid to do. My job spares me from feeling like Edith Bunker, mistreated and taken for granted by Archie.

I'm surprised by how many moms, working and non-working, accept the mother load of household, husband, and kid responsibilities. My friend, Ann, who has an MBA from Harvard, two kids, and a string of impressive full-time jobs on her resume, argues that a working mom has to let go of household chores to have the time and energy to succeed at work. Her "bucket theory" goes like this: one bucket for what she has to or wants to do herself; another bucket for stuff her husband can do; and a third for tasks for their babysitter or other paid service providers like Peapod or Amazon.com. Simple, and it works. I'm just not sure I could ever explain it to my husband's dry cleaner. She would probably just keep laughing.

Do you grocery shop? Do you pick up most of the household and childcare chores? Do you enjoy or resent your at-home responsibilities? Do you have equality at home? What do you consider a "fair" distribution of chores, and does it matter?

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  April 4, 2006; 9:11 AM ET  | Category:  Division of Labor
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