"Why are moms so threatened by the bald, innocuous reality that raising kids can be boring?"

That's not what Kirwan-Taylor said. She said her kids bore her. It's one thing to find Candy Land and Little House books boring; it's another thing to say that you find your kids themselves intrinsically dull and uninteresting.

I'm sorry, Leslie. I usually respect what you have to say, but when I read your statement that "We moms are making fools of ourselves with our microscopic self-scrutiny and name-calling...", I spit water at the screen. Isn't self-scrutiny and name-calling exactly what you peddle in your book and, to a lesser extent, in this blog?

As to the point of your post, in bemoaning the fact that Ms. Kirwan-Taylor has come under criticism, you have glossed over the fact that much of that crticism comes not from some general admission that her kids bore her, but from specific statements she makes that indicate that her own amusement and interest are always more important that her kids' needs.

Here's what you left out: "...I spent much of the early years of my children's lives in a workaholic frenzy because the thought of spending time with them was more stressful than any journalistic assignment I could imagine."

"While all my girlfriends were dropping important careers and occupying their afternoons with cake baking, I was begging the nanny to stay on, at least until she had read my two a bedtime story. What kind of mother hates reading bedtime stories? A bad mother, that's who, and a mother who is bored rigid by her children."

This is a woman who wouldn't even attend one birthday party with her 10-month old son, and whose kids now know better than even to ask her to play a board game with them.

Look, I don't think every person should love parenting. We're all different, and of course some people will love spending time with kids while others would rather eat glass. But once those kids are there, don't you think every parent (dads, too!) has an obligation to put those kids' needs before their own wants, at least once in a while? She doesn't need to spend all day with her kids, but I don't think an hour or two of kid-centered time a week has actually ever killed anyone.

Wow. Not sure what to say. Echo NewSAHM's post about HK-T's self-revelations. Parenting is hard and often boring. So is work. So is exercise. So is walking the dog. Mowing the lawn. Doing taxes.

Part of the problem here is that self-revelation is often better in private: spouse, trusted friend, family member, priest/rabbi/pastor/guru/iman (did I miss anyone?), therapist, life coach.

The Oprah-ing of society? Kiss and Tell. Not kiss the kiddies and tell?

I guess the masked interaction here on the ON BALANCE blog is also confessional.

We tell here. Some castigate. Some rant. Others are mean and rude.

How will digitized communication and digitized social networking shapes community? Verdict is out there. Evidence being written daily, including here on this blog.

After reading HKT, my honest reaction is: HKT needs a very patient friend and perhaps an attitude adjustment.

Wonder how her tone might change if she contemplated motherhood on any day in a slum in Bangladesh.

What about the formerly middle-class neighborhods in Beirut?

She could take a page from all the world's religions:

+be grateful for what you have
+work to ease suffering for others
+when life is boring, look inside youself to understand your reaction
+when life is hard, hunker down and move forward

Buddhism, ancient and sufficiently cool, might help HKT adjust her boredom dial.

what a bunch of nonsense. I refused to get sucked into this.

Are you kidding me? Isn't the true revelation here that maybe she wasn't cut-out to have kids in the first place?

I understand having a job that you do not because you have a passion for it but because you need to feed yourself and your family. Many of us never find our optimal occupations. But procreation and child-rearing is much more significant. If you don't find children fascinating and aren't willing to make them your first priority especially over your own needs and desires, why have them? Because you can? Because they are another check box on your own personal life list? Pathetic.

If she finds her kids boring and is willing to publicly admit it, I can only pity her children who will grow up knowing that they will never hold their mother's interest.

Why did she bother having children to begin with? There are some things you don't know about until you actually have children, but come on, going to the park, playing a board game, reading stories, school functions, etc.

Did she really think that children pop out 16 and want to go get their hair done? Sorry, I have none of these feelings. Wait, maybe there is something wrong with me and we are all supposed to pick highlights over school functions and trips to the park. I'm not saying you can't get your hair done, but her whole world focuses on her, her, her?

Also, she was bored during Pirates of the Caribbean? Is she also blind? Johnny Depp is hot!

I'm sorry, but I couldn't get past the sentence "Women [who] have spent years studying and then working so that we would not have to do a job as menial as full-time motherhood."

How could there be any other job more important than raising children? And what is so menial about the position? It seems to me similar financial, logistical, human relations and administrative challenges come with parenting as well as with jobs in "professional fields" that "millions of women...have previously trained for years to enter." So why does 'post feminist womanhood' find it menial?

Saying your kids bore you isn't courageous. Raising them and keeping your mouth shut about it is.

Personally, I liked the article. Whenever I visit friends with young kids who stay home, I always wonder what they do all day and who do they talk to. I always thought it must get extremely boring.

And yes, work can be boring, but I knew that going into it. There's plenty of societal chatter to tell you you're not alone when bored or frustrated at work.

In that sense it's nice to have writing from the likes of HKT informing me that my suspicion that child-rearing can be boring is accurate. At least I can know that I'm not the only person out there who worries about the monotony of it all.

There's nothing wrong with cyberspace chatter (as long as it doesn't replace real life chatter, IMHO). We're all obviously reading it and the purpose of all writing and talking is to share experiences and realize we're not alone.

It has been my experience that children often reflect the personalities of their parents. I think uninteresting people have uninteresting children. But I feel pretty bad for her sons, could you imagine your mother broadcasting her feelings that you're a bore in a national forum?

I definitely do not subscribe to the "child-centered" lifestyle that many of my friends do, but I don't think I would announce my displeasure on national tv or print.

I can understand, and almost agree. Maternity leave was so boring - the only person I had to be with all day was not the best conversationalist :-)

It's one reason that I enjoy working - the time I spend with my son is quality time, and we are much less likely to get bored of each other!

Johnny Depp is hot!

Now that is a topic worth discussing!

I think the writer's position is extreme, maybe for literary effect (maybe not!), but she does raise some fair points (it's not exciting to drive your kids around all day, or read Hop on Pop for the fourth time in a row) and she effectively demonstrates the opposite side of the spectrum of parents. She certainly doesn't represent all working moms, but then again she does acknowledge some things we've probably all felt at some point.

I disagree that "if you aren't willing to make them your first priority especially over your own needs and desires" you shouldn't have them. I think there is a middle ground and it is important to acknowledge that parents are people who are entitled to have lives and interests outside of their children. Yes, raising the kids and participating in their lives and being interested in them is important. But it's not the only thing.

You got that right experienced mom! No one is saying that sitting at home with a new born can't be boring, I watched a lot of daytime TV and wrote stories, but this lady is self centered and acts like her own children are someone else's kids who are being pawned off on her. I'd like to hear from her husband and see how he is treated and how he treats the children.

She doesn't put her kids first anytime! There is a difference.

You wrote: "How could there be any other job more important than raising children?"

Spend 8 years getting a Ph.D. then you can make that statement. Raising a child is important but it isn't the only thing.

Wow, this article really did it. Personally, I disagree with most of the posters. I think it's okay to be bored by your kids. I think it's okay not to put your kids first all the time. Parents should have their own interests, and I think it is healthy and good for children to learn that. When they grow up, it will be no different. You can certainly take umbrage at the way that thought is presented, but I see nothing wrong with the thought as it is. I assumed many people, parents, thought that way. I guess I was wrong. But wasn't that the way it used to be? Weren't our parents that way? Maybe that's what we're trying to change.

Umm, Ph.D person, no one said your Ph.D wasn't important, but the topic was "my child bores me," not "My Ph.D is better than children."

>>She doesn't put her kids first anytime! There is a difference.>>

Agreed. She certainly presents it in the most self-centered way. But I've never met anyone in real life that was like this. Well, maybe some of the super-rich people who send their kids to boarding school when they are 6 and the sleepaway camp for 8 weeks in the summer. But there aren't too many of those people in this country. Don't forget the writer is in Britain, where it is traditional to have nannies keep the kids in the nursery and out of the parents' sight and then send them to boarding school quite young.

Before I read the article I thought my main point would be the one made by Alexandria Mom. It's normal to be bored with parenting, but pity the poor children whose mother openly admits it. Regardless of whether she admits it to the world, think about how they would feel if she just admitted it to them. One time, when I was particularly stressed, I made the mistake of saying I just wanted to go somewhere by myself for 24 hours. My daughter started crying because that meant I didn't want to be with her. Imagine the reaction if I said I was bored with her and everything she did.

Other than that, however, I was anticipating liking this woman and admiring her for her views. But I came away from the article feeling the exact opposite. If she were a SAHM spending her days doing artsy crafty things with the kids or discussing potty-training with the other moms, I could empathize. But she doesn't even want to read her kids bed-time stories at night, after being away from them all day. Doesn't she have any feelings for them? Any desire to want to sit and cuddle with them? And yes, maybe we're wrong to villify. But she put herself out there. It's like making comments on this blog. It would be nice some days if we were more civil with one another, but when you make a controversial statement, albeit diplomatically, you have to know that you're opening yourself up for someone to slam you.

All that being said, I agree with the need to be less child-centric. I've even, gasp, listened to music I like rather than the sound track to High School Musical the past few days in the car. But following your own interests and making sure your children are independent and not micro-managed is different than the complete lack of interest this woman claims to have.

Morgan Steiner does not understand Kirwan-Taylor's article. Kirwan-Taylor is not a mom "who admit(s) to being bored by them occasionally." The point of Kirwan Taylor's deplorable article is not that some aspects of raising kids are boring. It was that the entire process of raising kid, and kids themselves, are boring.

I read this and thought "I bet tons of women feel that way, at least at some point during childrearing." Why not? No one will argue that raising kids is scintillating all the time.

However, her speaking out is not really courageous. Because I think that most mothers feel this way at some time, it's not really groundbreaking to admit it. And she must have known the backlash was coming. I mean, it's been drilled into our heads that motherhood is the most important job you can have (in fact, someone repeated that very sentiment here), so of course people will think she's selfish.

What I thought the point of the story, and the most interesting part, was this idea:
"Kirwan-Taylor went on to present the shocking idea that it is good for children to accept their mothers' limitations and their own ordinariness."

This is a revelation as far as I'm concerned. In my experience teaching and counseling kids, I learned that they want to be treated like adults. It's not appropriate at very young ages (obviously), but the sooner they know your personality, the sooner they can learn to adjust to different types of people. For example, a kid who always gets his or her own way will be spoiled and expect things in life to go a certain way. People who disappoint him or her or disagree are "mean" or "unfair." But kids who grow up knowing that people have limitations and flaws will be ready to deal with other adults as they get older.

I think Mrs. Kirwan-Taylor's kids accept their mother for who she is and will therefore accept other people with their limitations. And when pushy grandparents annoy her kids, I bet they will understand and think "oh, that's just how grandpa is" instead of "why is he not acting like mommy?!?"

I mean, don't you want your kids to know the real you and not some archetypical mom with a plastered-on smile? Wouldn't you be happier if, every once in a while, you told your kids, "I hate that game, so you can play by yourself or find one that I like too" or "I really don't want to come to the game, but when you get back I want to hear all about what you did?" Another good thing about sharing your own likes and dislikes is that the kids learn to give back to you. You give them the opportunity to be unselfish and think about your needs.

Your PhD will not set the stage for the next generation of people who will be running our country. Raising the children properly (not as an additional duty or afterthought) will.

Education for one's self is a good thing, but it dies with you. Doing a good job educating your children is creating a legacy.

8 years to get a PhD? I guess when you take that long you get an overblown sense of your accomplishment.

laundry is boring. my children are fascinating.

Why has the discussion around this article not included the possibility that maybe motherhood (and fatherhood, for that matter) doesn't need to look the same for everyone. I cannot stand board games and playing "light sabers" with my sons. What I do enjoy is taking them places, to the park, the grocery store, a museum and talking to them about the people and things we see. So we spend a LOT of time out of the house, doing the things I enjoy about being a mother. I can't stand kids music so I let them listen to my favorite music on my i-pod. Maybe this woman is not bored by her kids, but by what she sees as the prescribed way in which she must interact with them. She's a journalist...what are the things she loves about that and how can she share those things with her kids? She might even learn a little something more about her feild, looking at it through her kids eyes. Motherhood does not have to mean baking, board games and a sparkling kitchen floor. Or carpooling for that matter. The most wonderful thing about it is that YOU get to decide what it will look like for you and your kids. That's a freedom not many other jobs can offer.

I can completely relate to this blog. I recently returned to work after staying home with my two children for 4 years, and let me tell you, the blinders have been taken off. I love my kids but we are all MUCH better off now that it's not Mama 24/7. They behave better for the nanny, behave better for my husband and I when we're home. We are all much happier. I feel sane for the first time in years.

"The point of Kirwan Taylor's deplorable article is not that some aspects of raising kids are boring. It was that the entire process of raising kid, and kids themselves, are boring."

Excuse me, Rockville Dad, but it's "deplorable" that children are starving in Africa, and it's "deplorable" that children are beaten and killed right here in the U.S. It is NOT deplorable to think that kids are boring. It's an opinion that you don't agree with, but it's not deplorable, or even wrong. She's caring for her kids the only way she knows how. She's not abusing her children or sending them out into the street. These children will be fed and educated and will not have to worry about where they are sleeping at the end of the day. In my opinion, more deplorable mothers are ones who have children in poverty knowing that they can't feed them.

There are much worse mothers out there who deserve your scorn, so have a little perspective.

I'm failing to see why there can't be some kind of a middle ground here. I work and have a 2-year-old, and I enjoy both. I love spending time with her, doing things as "menial" as giving her baths or reading a bedtime, and I also enjoy my profession. There are Saturdays when I spend the afternoon taking her to a birthday party or the park, and there are Saturdays when I bring her to the mall to go shopping for myself, or the grocery store. I think the thing that frustrates me the most about the "Mommy Wars" (and this article clearly is at one extreme) is that there is so little common sense deployed by the mothers frenetically arguing (or defending) their extreme position. So little common sense, and so little tolerance. Then again, I suppose that's why I read and comment on this column so infrequently as well.

Thank you, meesh, the parenting style you describe is almost exactly the one my parents employed and it worked! Yes, they were supportive and attentive when I was very young, but as I grew older they urged me and my brother to entertain ourselves. I can recall being about 5 years old and asking my dad to read the Sunday comics to me. Instead, he suggested (kindly) that I read them myself, while he read the news. Over time it became clear that my parents were rather bored by a lot of the kid stuff (films, books, games), but it wasn't a devastating realization. They made it clear that I was free to engage in those pursuits, but that they would be otherwise occupied. Not surprisingly, that impelled me to follow their interests and by the time I was a pre-teen, we were sharing books and having some fairly engaging discussions about current events and the like.

I agree with those above who feel the article, the writer, was extreme. It's ok to admit that there are boring moments. Especially when kids are babies (poop, eat, sleep, repeat). And who hasn't been bored reading Horton hears a Who for the 50th time, but it's a part of being a caring parent. But as babies become people, they do become more interesting. I can't believe that this women finds NOTHING interesting about her children. Sure I'm a working mother who enjoys her work a lot, but I do look forward to being with my children too. And while I would be bored to tears being at home all the time and with my kids 24/7, I would never put my hair above my kid's happiness. Actually, why does a 10 month old need to go to a birthday party anyway? This woman could have said no to the party if she didn't want to go.

I'm guessing that Leslie posted this so that the SAH and WOH parents would all be on the same side on this issue. Or just to incite lots of posts.

I'm fairly repulsed by this woman's article. Some of the other comments wondered why she had kids. I just wonder why she had a second child when she didn't seem to want to do anything with the first. I don't disagree that there are many aspects of parenting that can be boring or monotonous but there are many other things in life like that as well. Sometimes you just have to suck it up. I don't think a parent has to be completely selfless (giving her all for the children at the expense of herself) but this seems to fall to the other extreme of giving almost nothing of herself to her children. And she seemed to pride herself on not being that involved. For instance, she said she usually couldn't even remember the names of her children's teachers. That's pretty sad.

I think one of the author's more buried messages is, "if you're educated to work outside the home, you're more likely to be bored staying home with your kids." The PhD commenter above kind of reinforces it.

I think it's bollocks. If you're sitting at home with your kids thinking, "I should be in the boardroom, (or the lab or whatever)," then you're probably not doing your kids any favors by staying home with them.

Boring people are going to get bored. I feel sorry for her kids.

I think if you really read the article, her point isn't that her children are boring, it's that raising them can often be.

Honestly, I agree. Most of the tasks associated with motherhood are repatative and dull. Go ahead and think that being a mom, particularly a SAHM makes you an HR administrator or an expert in conflict resolution, but the fact of the matter is, few HR administrators spend their day whiping bottoms and cleaning up spills, and conflict resolution experts would have a short career if they solved issues with time-outs and a loss of TV privledges.

Parenting is important, no doubt about that, but in addition to love, kids need limits, and this includes limits on their access to their parents. Growing up, my mother often told us that we couldn't participate in certain teams or other activities because they conflicted with her interests. She did a great job teaching me that I was not the center of the universe. Further, to the poster who said she wanted to be alone for 24 hours, making her child cry--my mother said something similar to me, and what a great lesson it was. The message I got was that my behavior has consequences, and when I don't behave as I should, people won't want to be with me.

Parenting can be boring. Kids can be boring: they want to do everything over and over again, and while it's fun to watch them develop, it's tough to wait 5, 10 or 15 years to have a real, meaningful, stimulating conversation. Not that the wait isn't worth it, but the wait's boring just the same.

"There are much worse mothers out there who deserve your scorn, so have a little perspective."

So she doesn't abuse them physically, but it seems to me she is not giving her children what they need emotionally. And RockvilleDad is entitled to believe this is deplorable. How many people have been messed up by a "cold" mother? I would call her emotionally neglectful. Think about how you would feel if you realized your mother did not find you interesting, that you were not as important as her nail appointment, that she regreted that you were born? There's more to parenthood than clean clothes and being sent off to school.

FYI, people with Ph.D.s are educating your children in college. So some people's education is actually not going to die with them. And most Ph.D.s publish their research. Those will outlive your kids.

And you educate yourself so that you can educate other people too. I don't have kids, but my knowledge has been passed to other children in daycare and school.

Being a mom is very important; however, there are other very important jobs out there. I'd like to see you argue that your kids' teacher is not one of the most influencial people in their lives.

Your PhD will not set the stage for the next generation of people who will be running our country.

Really? Because I teach the next generation....

The author should have thought about how much of a sacrifice motherhood is before having children. Researched, interviewed other parents with lifestyles and careers like hers. As a single mother of 2, I didn't do that and as a result have made and will continue to make alot of sacrifices, including setting aside owning and running a business (started but couldnt continue because of unresolvable conflicts with raising my babies). After running it successfully for almost 2 years and now going back to the daily 9-5 grind in order to give my children the time and financial stability they need from me, I find myself regretting not doing a whole heck of alot more thinking before I had children but that's not their fault and they shouldn't be made to suffer because of lack of planning on my part. I've come to accept I very well may have to wait until my children graduate and leave home before again pursuing self-employment but I refuse to make my children pay for that.

I agree with M02 that there's no one "right" definition of motherhood. I'd never in a million years assert that parents have an obligation to attend every game or to cater to their children's every whim. Of course there is a middle ground, but what Kirwan-Taylor describes isn't it. All I'm saying is that being a parent sometimes means putting the needs of your kids over your own wants. Not always, but sometimes.

I'm with FatherofTwo here.

She shouldn't have had them (certainly shouldn't have had more than one since she had the benefit of hindsight) if they bore her. If she wanted the companionship and adulation of a young adult, adopt a teen.

Having said that, I applaud anyone who is honest about stating their feelings. Things never get dealt with if people are embarrassed and quiet about their feelings. However, in the marketplace of ideas (first amendment central) others feel free to critique, and you have to explain yourself and not be stunned at the feedback. Basically, she's entitled to feel that way, and we're entitled to critique that.

As a tangent, I am sometimes surprised that folks on the board feel personally attacked when they put their beliefs/actions/anecdotes out there and then others critique them. That's part of the notion of a marketplace of ideas, which is consistent with a community of bloggers....

I didn't think Kirwan-Taylor was saying she found her kids themselves boring - I think the title of the article exaggerated her claims. In any case, a psychotherapist spoke up and said a lot of women feel the way Kirwan-Taylor does. I did think Kirwan-Taylor displayed some negative attitude: the reason moms at parties sit around and talk about potty training and other child-related stuff is to get advice to make it easier on them and therefore less boring. I think if she gave in and participated more she would have gotten advice that would make it easier. I think access to this network of advice is not a bad reason to keep working, actually. Now that I am home, I really miss it.

I agree with parts of the article: in general, moms are not allowed to admit that they are ever bored by child-raising. In part, I think this is reasonable, because, as people pointed out, do you really want your kids to know how you feel about this? Even if your position is normal, they don't have the context to see it that way, because they're just kids. Maybe when they grow up to be adults and have their own kids and are complainig about how boring it is you can say, "yup, now you know how I felt!" But for now, part of your job as a parent is to bottle it up.

In any case, I think that finding NOTHING about your kids interesting shows a lack of creativity or insight. Even when your kid has thrown seven tantrums in the last seven minutes, you have to stand back and marvel at how persistent they are. You can do things like read your infant that bodice-ripper that you wouldn't dare let your toddler see you reading. It's not like your infant understands it. She just likes to be held and read to. That said, yeah, parts of child-rearing can be mind-numbing. Not necessarily in the moment: you can always find a slightly new way to sing :Itsy-bitsy spider". But in its totality, if you are at home with your kids, you can certainly look back on your day (or week or month) and think, "Did I have anything just for myself even once?" It's true, kids shouldn't always be the center of the universe, but they think they should, and part of the struggle is figuring out how to take time for yourself without negating the benefit by having to wade through continuous tantrums or misbehavior during the entire course of your "mommy time".

I think one issue this article didn't address is that dads are sometimes the ones who stand in the way of moms being able to admit that childrearing can be boring. I've never met a dad who didn't react with shock when a woman admitted to finding any of it boring. If it's so scintillating, why don't these dads offer to stay home fulltime with their kids?

A conversation between HKT and her kids:

HKT: Kids, I'm sorry, I love you, but you are boring.

Kids (yawning): Hey, Mom, you know what? You're boring too. Now can we go play?Because merely conversing with you is putting us to sleep.

Imagine a family holiday dinner with this family.

I don't know what's worse. Moms who write articles who try to shock and sensationalize (isn't that what HKT is trying to do, really), or moms who tear each other down, such as those took the bait and responded to HKT's "revelation."

I admit I didn't click on the link to the HKT's article. The prospect of doing so bored me.

There was a time even in the US when children were to be seen and not heard. In the wealthy classes, a wet nurse fed the infants, a governess managed her charges, and boarding schools educated the young minds to succeed and propagate their elite blood lines.

The parents of these progeny were detached from all aspects of what most consider the joys of parenthood today.

Modern British society is still very stratified by class - far more than in the United States - and mother helpers/nannies are more prevalent, more accepted and more reasonably priced than here in the US, and in many ways children are segregated and lead much more structured upbringings than their relatively uninhibited American counterparts.

If the authors was raised as a member of the moneyed leisure class in the UK I am not surprised that parenthood is "boring." Its cool to bored by those things the "little people have to do." Constant supervision, discipline, structure, manners - what a drag compared to intellectually stimulating pursuits. The labor of home management: food service, housekeeping, laundry, gardening, maintenance - don't even come into the equation for the entitled.

As such in America where culture worships youth, summers off, little league baseball, DisneyWorld and the American Girl Phenomenon - even the rich elites are not shunned for regressing and enjoying parenthood. But if you find Disney pedestrian, kitsch, crass and oh so boring dahling - you'd love living in the UK.

I moved our family back from the UK to the US. I am glad I did.

I think there are many types of mothers. My mom was similar to this woman but she was a SAHM. She didn't go to my softball games often nor swim meets. She rarely hugged or kissed me. But I think it really would have hurt my feelings had she written an article like this.

Yes, parenthood can be boring most people freely admit this but to openly write about it (and then appear on tv) just seems rather insensitive to her children.

I love my kid but I really don't understand the contention that raising a child is the most important thing ever. Obviously it's highly important, but MOST important? Can't we all come up with scenarios where it shouldn't be most important? Suppose you're President and the country is at war but Timmy has a school play? Suppose you are about to find a cure for Cancer, but the baby is crying and wants to be picked up? etc., etc., bla bla bla.

Just putting it out there. It sounds very nice, but it's not realistic to say raising your child is absolutely the #1 most important thing you can do.

Admitting that you feel negative things about your children sometimes can be a positive thing. I have benefitted enormously from women who are willing to write about the emotional pitfalls of motherhood. I am grateful that our culture is more open to the idea that motherhood is not enough for many women.

However, calling your children boring in the title of an article is just mean. The author is blaming her children for feelings that are not their responsibility. No child deserves to be insulted publicly.

Going to work evreyday is soooo boring. I deserve a more rewarding fulfilling activity to fill my day. Gahd, if I just had a trust fund or swiss bank account, I could write articles about how everybody's pedestrian life is so much more boring than mine. I think big picture, outside the box fascinating thoughts. Children are loud, undisciplined, messy, dont listen, inarticulate, uncoordinated, unintelligent and frighteningly violent. I was never a child, thank Gahd. Mumsy sent me away to boarding school at the age of three. Poppy is always at the club, and only associates with his public school chums.

I have always worked mostly with men, and this kind of admission is pretty common for fathers, talking to each other. Not all of them feel that way, certainly, but a guy can get away with complaining about having to be home with the kids and get a knowing laugh. No big deal for a mother to feel that way too. I am not sure I would share such sentiments with everybody in the world if I were her but this is not so shocking really.

I love my kids tons but was bored stiff staying home with an infant the first couple of months. The way I felt about it was, it takes up all your time but not all your attention and faculties. About the only thing you can do while feeding a baby is watch TV or listen to the radio and that got old. But at the same time I was indeed fascinated by my babies. Just wasn't quite enough to keep me from wishing for a break from time to time or an interesting problem to solve.

And I have never had a problem with menial tasks per se, that is not the issue with me. When I work in a lab, if you look at most of the things I do in isolation they are pretty menial. It's the meaning of a task that makes it interesting. So I didn't mind doing things for my babies. It was just that I could get impatient with the pace of things. But generally I found ways to improve things that were good for all of us. Like, I got sick of reading the same kiddie books over and over at bedtime so I graduated to reading chapters of longer books like Little House on the Prairie or Chronicles of Narnia. My daughter loved it and progressed in her comprehension too. When I got sick of the insipid kid movies I started renting old movies with better plots but without violence or bad language. Stuff like that. There are usually ways to compromise that are good for the kids and me too.

Careful Catherine. ?Question? will accuse you have hating white men or even worse will correct a typo. Most of us are tolerant but there are a few who will twist your words. Remember:

Men are perfect
White men are better
Fathers are heroes

Ms. Steiner:

Now I know what little spoiled brats grow up to become... you.

Your PhD will not set the stage for the next generation of people who will be running our country. Raising the children properly (not as an additional duty or afterthought) will.

Education for one's self is a good thing, but it dies with you. Doing a good job educating your children is creating a legacy.
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And Mother Theresa left no legacy because she was childless? It is possible to do more "good" at your job than you might as a parent. There is the constant debate of whether priests can give enough to the job if the also have families - and there are certainly other vocations where putting your family first could impact others. And on the flip side it is possible (though hopefully unusual) to have children for very selfish reasons.

One thing that I don't understand is the fact that a lot of women feel that society has pushed motherhood on them. I don't feel that I was pushed to have children, and if you feel that way, you can always exercise your rights as an American citizen to say no thanks to kids through a nice little thing called birth control or even adoption, abortion whatever. (I just threw the other two in because someone will say birth control doesn't work all the time.)

In the same vein, I don't understand this idea that it is wrong for mothers to believe that their children are the most important thing in the world to them and their families. I like work, its okay, it feeds my daughter and buys things, it will not be there when I am old and dying and I am not leaving a legacy by doing it. I'm not saying that everyone has to be a mother to be fulfilled, but if some mothers like going to every game and cheering their kid on or choose to go to a birthday party instead of getting highlights, why is that seen as something abnormal? Me time is just that, time, not the entire time of your kids lives.

Unbeliever. Stop being jealous of other peoples' accomplishments. Just go about your boring life and hover over your kids until you die. I'm sure that will make you happy while you fight for respect from your loved ones that have moved on with their lives.

I'm a stay at home dad so i guess its a bit diff. I enjoy being with my kids and watching them grow. You say "who cares about how Helen Kirwin feels about her kids ?" That is the main point in a relationship "how you feel about the other person" Helen's kids may get food and shelter but a resentful mom will hold back something far more precious. Yes , maybe we all are not cut out to be moms, but at the very least, dont embarass yr kids for many years to come with an article that will leave your kids secound guessing there relationship with there mom.

Suppose you're President and the country is at war but Timmy has a school play? Suppose you are about to find a cure for Cancer, but the baby is crying and wants to be picked up? etc., etc., bla bla bla.

bad example, we are at war and our president is always on vacation.

What I find surprising about Kirwan-Taylor's article is that she did not list a single activity that she enjoys doing with her kids: birthday parties, park, museum, board games, reading, school activities, movies etc., all bore her. This from a woman who seems to be saying that having her highlights done is much more interesting (now, that is boring). Doesn't that strike you all as odd? It pretty much sounds like she does not enjoy being with her kids doing anything. All we get is the negative. And while being at home with a newborn can be at times a thankless task, I can't believe that she finds her boys 10 and 12 so boring. My oldest daughter is 9 and she is a lot of fun to be with. We have great conversations about God, friendship, trust, poverty etc. I don't partake in all of her activities because some of them (such as collecting Pokemon cards) hold no interest to me, but there are many other things that we both enjoy doing together.
Not everybody is meant to be a parent, just like not everybody is meant to be a doctor. The author clearly should not have become a mother because she just does not enjoy anything about it. Raising children should be more then just keeping them fed and sheltered. They should not dictate our lives. But once we choose to have them, we have to honor our end of the bargain and take an active interest in them and in their lives.
As for the criticism, I agree with all of those who have said that if you choose to write this article, appear on TV etc. it is incredibly disingeneous to pretend to be surprised by people's reactions.

To To:Catherine

(1) Never corrected anyone's grammar on the board. Look it up.
(2) Not a white male. Never said (or would say) white men are perfect. Again, look it up.
(3) I don't twist. I quote your text right back to you and ?Question? your premises.

Catherine I take no issue with you expressing your opinion. Notice the poster had nothing insightful or even useful to say.

It is transparently obvious who To:Catherine is. Her debate skills remain pathetic. Open head. Remove rocks.

I commend this woman for being honest about child rearing. However most people have completely missed the point - despite child rearing being boring and tedious it needs to be done with love, patience and caring.
There are many times when my job is mindlessly boring but because I need to do it and its is my responsibility to do it, I push on! Not everything we do in life is supposed to be exciting and engaging. The lesson here as I see it is despite child rearing being a huge bore it needs to be done!

I find my kids interesting, although I do find some of the 4 year old's chosen games boring. What really bores me is the unshared housework that comes with being a SAHM. Clean dishes and laundry are important, but not fulfilling and keeping up with a senile 18+ year old cat that has more potty training issues than my kid and a dog that sheds enough for 3 could try anyone's patience.

I caught myself gazing wistfully out the window this morning as my neighbor's cleaning crew came. Oh well, time to start the washer!

One thing that I don't understand is the fact that a lot of women feel that society has pushed motherhood on them.

--------------------------------

Listen to the political campaigns next season! Read the comments on this board about the only route to maturity being through motherhood. Think hard about whether single friends of yours in their thirties had to field questions about why they weren't following along from (well-meaning) mothers. Just as SAHMs feel looked down upon by WOHMs, and WOHMs feel looked down upon by SAHMs, non-Moms get the same feelings from Moms.

sidenote... As someone in a technical field I find it interesting I only ever get these questions /pressure from female friends.

I mean, isn't it natural to get bored from time to time if you do the same thing all the time. I get bored every single day at my job, and I mean every single day. I have no kids and I still get bored with what I do. To me that just means that I'm challenged to find a way to make my job/career/life more interesting. And that's exactly what I do- look for opportunities to spice things up. Same for motherhood. It doesn't mean that she dislikes her kids or that she dislikes raising them or that society has programmed her to feel like she needs to be out of the house with an exciting career in order to be fulfilled. It just means that she has to challenge herself to find ways to make every day not so routine. It has nothing to do with the fact that she's raising kids instead of working. ( I am really not kidding- I need to get out of this boring job.)

I would caution that WOHP's or SAHP's who are detached from their children or choose to be otherwise uninvolved or disinterested, may find the relationship stays distant in the future when you may find the relationship more valuable.

The title of the piece, "Sorry, but my children bore me to death!" is tough to swallow but the content: "Because I have categorically said: 'I am not a waitress, a driver or a cleaner,' my children have learned to put away their plates and tidy up their rooms. They've become brilliant planners..." is somewhat redeeming. Yet I wonder if the nanny is more to credit for the resilience of the kids? I agree that kids can be over coddled wusses these days.

But you could look at the redeemeing comment another way: In the author's geriatric years I hope she doesnt mind if her offspring wont wait on her, drive for her or clean up after her. She had best hope she can still afford servants.

What comes around goes around.

One phrase from the column about letting children know of their 'ordinaryness' (or something to that effect) struck me as very true. I love kids, and lord knows there are many kids in this world that need to be shown their 'specialness'. But, the average middle to upper class kid these days is coddled and fawned over from birth until they graduate from college. As a manager, I have noticed that this translates into young workers who simply can't cope very well with the rigours of the real world. Nobody here is going to tell them they are special if they are doing what is expected. Anyway, all parents, but particularly the mothers would serve themself and their children if they would go ahead and live their lives more fully while not slave-ishly indulging their childrn so much.

Tommy - in fact I find Leslie's comment "who cares how she feels about her kids?" to be the most disturbing line of all, even more disturbing than the attention seeker's article. Of course her kids care how she feels about them. Parents' love is what gives children a sense of self worth and faith in the world around them. Take that away and you take away a precious thing that no one can replicate. Even Kirwan-Taylor said she loves her children although they bore her. I really think she took an extreme position just to get media attention and I feel bad for her children that she did that. I'm sure most parents agree that there are boring aspects to childraising but to just say everything about children is boring and you don't find anything fascinating about your children is beyond belief.

I think alot of commenters have missed another point, as well. Has society become "slaves to our kids"? It's one thing to read stories to them at bedtime, go to the park with them, etc., but it's another thing completely to live your life around them. Look at some of the quotes from the article:

"Research increasingly shows that child-centred parenting is creating a generation of narcissistic children who cannot function independently."...

"Child experts are increasingly begging parents to let their kids be."...

"Sometimes, apparently, the best thing parents can do for their children is to let them be bored."...

It seems that certain parts of society equate boredom with child abuse. If kids have to: amuse themselves, play a softball/soccer game without a parent in attendance, eat the food that's put in front of them at dinnertime or not eat at all... WHY is that a bad thing?

Ana said: "There are many times when my job is mindlessly boring but because I need to do it and its is my responsibility to do it, I push on! Not everything we do in life is supposed to be exciting and engaging."

I have heard concern expressed in recent years that between increased TV viewing, video games, DVDs (in the car now too!), etc. we are instilling in our kids the need to be constantly entertained and teaching them to have a short attention span.

Whether or not this is true, I find it fascinating, ironic, and not a little sad that HK-T, as an adult, seems to have that same need (indeed, entitlement) and is complaining that it isn't being fulfilled by her kids.

Plus, there is a difference between saying kids ARE boring and saying kids CAN BE boring. Totally agree with the latter, can't disagree more with the former.

My point was that you can't blame society for how you feel about your children or yourself. If you don't want kids don't have them, don't say well so and so had one and I feel pressured so I better get to it.

We as a society need to get over the, I felt pressured or so and so told me to attitude. Do what's best for you and ignore the people who say stuff to you or tell then to mind their own business.

OK, I do not have the time to read all of your posts and I need to read her article in detail. But I don't think it is so shocking to say I find child rearing boring. Now to say, I actually find my individual children boring, is pretty harsh. But a lot of day to day child rearing activities are boring. I swear we spent 50 minutes of last night watching Barney's Christmas star (in August-no less). Did I find that boring? Your darn right I found that mind blowing boring for the 50,000 time I watched that video. What I did not find boring was watching my daughter's reaction to the tree lighting part. Her eyes gleamed, she smiled between sucking her thumb and she made that forever delightful glee of "ooh ahh, light twee." I don't think I would like parenting 24/7 and very few, even SAHPs, actually parent 24/7. Everyone needs a break every now and then. But what I find stimulating is watching my daughter grow. Watching her show signs of understanding different things, watching her show happiness, and just the joy of knowing what a wonderful little person that I was blessed to have in my family. I have actually had about 30% of my GF admit, to only adults, that if they had to do it all over again, they would not choose to parent. Not that they don't love them to death and take good care of them, it is just they realize that it is a huge burden and some what unfullfilling to them personally. I found less then 20% of my GF were absolutely enthralled with their child's existence. Kind of sad statistics if you think about it. But kids do not come on a test run basis, contrary to what CAL might think. So who knows how they are going to feel after having a kid. What is sad is this women went and had a second kid. My guess is she felt if I have kid #2, then kid #1 and kid #2 can entertain each other and I can do squat. Sad, really sad. If I felt totally bored with my child's existence, I sure as heck would never tell my child that. I think it is one thing to tell other adults that you regret certain life decisions but kids do not need to know everything you think and feel.

On the "why did she have a second child issue," maybe she was hoping that parenting would be less boring to her as her children got older, so she didn't want the tediousness of being a mother of a two-year-old deprive her older child of having a sibling when, hopefully down the road, she would find the whole parenthood thing more fulfilling. But it just didn't end up that way.

i find this whole debate interesting. there are those with heaving busoms who talk about motherhood as if it were the most important thing in the world. there are those talk about motherhood with a yawn. i think there is a middle ground. it is interesting to me that if h t-k's husband had posted that he found his kids boring the heaving busom set wouldn't be quite so irrate. is it ok for a mom to admit that she finds her children boring, ever? is it ok for a father to admit the same thing? is it ok for me to admit that i find taking my son to the park boring? he runs around & i get to sit on the bench and watch. i don't know about you but that gets old fast. birthday parties? i drop him off and then run. he doesn't need/want me hovering while he plays with his friends. like a previous poster stated, i am growing increasing more willing to tell my child no, i won't play with you. you need to learn how to play by yourself or find somebody else to play with. i don't put down what he wants to do and i'm willing to do other things that do interest me with him like biking. am i a bad mom because i won't play pokemon with him?

very good distinction: Aimily | August 23, 2006 10:39 AM

Existential debate still pertinent to 21st century America. That's not boring at all.

Depends of what the definition of "is" is.

To be, or not to be. That is the question.

Blues Clues is waaaaay less boring than Barney. Choices choices...

Wow you are such a wonderful person even if you are not a white male. What an a**hole you are, truly. You go crawl back under your rock jerkoff

really great discussion. thanks everyone. what i love about this blog is the great range of opinions, unvarnished and without a care for political correctness.

don't agree with everyone obviously, based on what i wrote. i personally would like to be a guest at helen k-t's family dinner. and i think no man or woman should be attacked for admitting that parts of raising kids is boring. a dose of reality can be very comforting to moms who are thinking "am i the only one? is there something wrong with me?"

My wife and I are considering having kids, and so I check out this blog from time to time (with trepidation, admittedly) as one of many means to gain some insight. This last post confuses me- not the article she references (though I have no idea whether the woman is bored by some aspects of parenting or the kids themselves either, it's a pretty odd piece), but Leslie's take. A few months back there was a post on how much mothers should be paid for all the different jobs they do. Now, we get an admission that it's boring a lot of the time, something I can hardly imagine someone who was actually holding down all those jobs at once would say. I personally am a child psychologist, just one of the jobs mothers supposedly do, and I feel pretty challenged day in and day out, definitely not bored.

So which is it? If it's both, then these mothers are doing an impossibly challenging job and simultaneously hopelessly bored by the whole thing. Obviously, given my career choice, I don't really expect to be bored by my children personally, even if some of the repetitive requirements can get a little dull, so this doesn't really worry me (or my wife, who also works with kids professionally). But these bored, super-mothers, if that's actually true, maybe shouldn't have kids- not because they're not good mothers, but because it would free up more of their time to be the superheroines they apparently are.

You are a good parent for refusing to play such a boring pedestrain game as Pokemon.

Time to introduce the tyke to No Limit Texas Hold'em. I bet you can fleece junior of all hi/her loose change too! All in!

At least crazy eights... Hearts, Diamonds, Trees, Black Hearts.

Turn off the TV... play catch, play a guitar, play cards, draw - or even better play "fold the laundry!" TV only for desperate measures.

OMG, I just read her article. Did anyone notice she states her kids are like 10 and 12 years old. But the picture clearly shows really young kids. Maybe 4 or 6. I guess she was too bored to get a photograph of her kid in 6 years. I actually found her self centered. Unwilling to sacrifice being bored a bit, to spend time in something her kids like to do. Sure, the US and maybe Europe, and Canada have become really child centered. To a point of insanity. I fall into that trap myself sometimes. But having a relationship is a give and a take. By her complete unwillingness to do something her kid would rather do for umm, 20 minutes, is selfish IMO. I mean, I hate action movies. I am bored stiff watching them. But I go with DH to all the latest action films because it is give an take. You know what, he thinks the theatre is over priced boredom but he GOES with me because he loves me. I would hate to raise my kid to think we can only do things that interest me and not her. But I do think it is cool she can admit to being that bored by her kids. I don't know why getting your hair cut is anymore interesting then going to a kid birthday party. If you ask me both events are boring. Now if she was reading a good book, analyzing a theme in a dance production, or keeping up with world politics that would be interesting.

"bad example, we are at war and our president is always on vacation"

But, is he on vacation because he is attending a school play or there are margaritas to drink? I understand that those in Iraq are there for nine months at a time; he should have to stay in the White House, and away from HIS loved ones for that duration, without the need for regular vacations. Sorry, but the cushy White House doesn't compare to a tent in the desert with no AC and food from cans and MREs.

...sorry, I got lost on a tangent.

>>In the same vein, I don't understand this idea that it is wrong for mothers to believe that their children are the most important thing in the world to them and their families.>>

It's not, and I don't know that anyone said it is. But it is wrong for someone who believes that to tell ME I'm a bad mom because I don't think that--or because, even if I agree, I implement that concept differently.

My kid is very important to me, I could say he's the most important thing in my life. At some level, I can say I would do anything to protect him, help him, etc. But he is basically healthy, happy, growing up...do I need to spend 24/7 with him? No. He can play trains by himself for a while. Some days he needs to sit on my lap for a long time, so I forget about getting the laundry done and hold him. But sometimes I have to go to work and he has to suck it up and go to school. Just because he's important doesn't mean he's the only thing or the most important thing every minute of the day.

Why so much anger at this mom? Who cares how she feels about her kids? Why do people feel that all parents have to love every second with their children, or love parenting equally? Isn't it more important that she is a good mom? There's nothing in her story to indicate she isn't. If missing a birthday party and not playing board games are the worst she's done, then heck, more kids should be so lucky. Those who condemn her should go get a life.

dcp wrote: "I get bored every single day at my job, and I mean every single day. I have no kids and I still get bored with what I do. To me that just means that I'm challenged to find a way to make my job/career/life more interesting. And that's exactly what I do- look for opportunities to spice things up."

clapclapclap

That's what our parents taught us to do, right? If you're bored, find some way to entertain yourself, find some way to not be bored. Read a child development book, for example -- not only will it help you understand what's going on with your kid (and know some of the reasons behind their "inane babbling"), it will also add a more cerebral, adult level to your interactions. There are some amazing things going on in terms of brain development, just in the first five years. I mean, first language acquisition alone...

Okay, so that's just an example and not for everybody. But our advice to ourselves has got to mirror our advice to our kids -- if you're bored, do something about it! Your intellectual stimulation and the amount of interesting things in your life are your responsibility, not your kids'.

(Disclaimer: Yes, there are some aspects of motherhood that are just flat-out boring. No amount of study or effort will make diaper changing fun. I am talking more about the idea of finding the entire notion of raising/having/interacting with children intrinsically boring.)

"i think no man or woman should be attacked for admitting that parts of raising kids is boring"

I think everyone can agree with what that. Lots of us admit that there are boring moments. However, it seems that this writer has taken the discussion to an extreme. She has said that her kids are boring and apprears to cede most of the childrearing to another person. Nannies and childcare are fine, but she doesn't seem to want to interact at all with her children. Surely a mother could find something about her children she likes.

Non-parent,

Parenthood is what you make of it -- no more, no less. If you treat it like just another job and focus on the menial -- you will be bored. If you treat it like a professional career it tends to be extremely rewarding.

There's no positive spin that I can put on some of the tasks [I agree with the earlier poster who indicated Blue's Clues over Barney -- my advice is to move them to Looney Tunes as quickly as possible]. That said, I was just as psyched as the kids when we did the Mentos and Diet Coke experiment...

"Why so much anger at this mom? Who cares how she feels about her kids? Why do people feel that all parents have to love every second with their children, or love parenting equally? Isn't it more important that she is a good mom? There's nothing in her story to indicate she isn't."

There also isn't anything in her story to indicate that she IS a good mom.

Growing up, my mom was bored with me and my brother and we both knew it. Doesn't mean she didn't love us and raise us properly. Just means that she isn't the kind of person to sit there and sing nursery rhymes all day or attend another kid's birthday party or watch a bunch of kids on a field trying to play soccer. We knew that she loved us, she just didn't find our choice of acitivties all that intersting. Now, as adults, she finds us immensely interesting. We talk at least once a day on the phone; we vacation with her and my dad at least once a year; and we're at each others' house at least twice a month.

She even asked me the other day, as I was dancing around with my two year old singing a nursery rhyme, "Are you enjoying that?" I smiled and told her, "I know. You don't like this kind of thing, but, it's not so bad." She just smiled.

By the way, my husband thinks that I'm wrong for not enjoying going to Chuck-E-Cheese's with our sons. Why am I wrong? I find that to be boring. Different strokes, people.

Folks need to stop glamorizing parenthood. It's like everything else in life, people have different approaches. The problem is that you most often don't know how you will react to being a parent until you are one.

Extremes are never a good thing. Neither smothering nor neglect is good for a child. I'd dare say smothering is better than neglect though.

Again, it all goes back to balance. It looks like the article states she has no balance in her life as mother. She is unwilling to bend in anyway to accomodate her children's EMOTIONAL needs. I don't think anyone, here at least, is suggesting it is wrong for a parent to feel a bit bored with some of the more menial and redunant tasks of being a mother. I don't know anyone who thinks it is wrong for a mother to not place her child in the number one position 24/7. But the idea is to have some balance between your needs, your family's needs, your child's needs, and your employers needs.

Why so much anger at this mom?

because
the Title sets a horrible tone
she is rich
has servants - and still complains
seems arrogant
its mean to call your own kids boring and not accept resposibility for the condition

Hard to capture tone of voice in the written word, but the lack of humor in the article grates on even me.

Well said Lieu. That's what I think most of us are trying to articulate.

I really appreciate this post for its honesty, and I agree with the premise that it is not, in fact, the most important thing in the world to revolve your life around your children. Love them, take care of them, educate them, certainly. But the oft repeated cliche of raising the next generation so they can change the world is infuriating to those of us who have trained and studied and prepared to do just that.

Mother nature's (and society's) expectation that women need to reproduce just at the same time as they are hitting their career stride is a problem Leslie has addressed repeatedly on here.

I'm infuriated by the suggestion that raising children is the greatest thing anyone can do and therefore parents should make eager sacrifice of their own fulfillment and independent societal contributions in order to fawn over their children's every move.

Why should it be a surprise that plenty of women are frustrated that the time-limited activity of child bearing and rearing is not a greater source of satisfaction than the vast spectrum of world-changing possibilities open to a 30 year old with an education?

I think it's a good step towards removing the cooing romanticism people have about "having a baby" and screening people so that the people who actually choose to have babies are the ones who are truly called towards that way of life.

smothering better than neglet??? i don't know about that. talk to the son/daughter who was never allowed to grow up and who is 40, still lives at home, can't hold a job and who can't accept responsibility for their actions because mommy & daddy bail them out of everything. talk to the sibling of said, manchild or whatever term you can use for a daughter, you know, the one who watched their sib get everything denied them. while the pain is there who is the one who is bette off?

I'm infuriated by the suggestion that raising children is the greatest thing anyone can do and therefore parents should make eager sacrifice of their own fulfillment and independent societal contributions in order to fawn over their children's every move

no no one on this blog says things like this at all.

Chuck E Cheese's - that's one place where we draw the line. Not because I'm bored, but the lights and noise really get to me. Not to mention trying to keep track of the kids. We have gone three times - once because we didn't know better, and twice after that because of birthday parties. We have since been asked by our children to go a number of time. The answer is always an unequivocal "NO!" Not "maybe later this summer," or "we'll see." Why build up false expectations? NO!!!!!!!!!

>>No amount of study or effort will make diaper changing fun.>>

What did Mary Poppins say? Find the fun, and then it's not work? Husband is from tornado country so we entertain ourselves during diaper changes by assigning them values based on the tornado force scale:

F1--ordinary diaper, requires maybe one or two swipes with the wipe
F2--a little worse, maybe requires two wipes to get it all
F3--pretty bad, needs several wipes, special attention to tricky areas and you might get a little poop on your hand or wrist in the process
F4--bad. May require assistance from the other parent, a big stack of wipes, and new pants/onesie. Often accompanied by a horrendous odor. Most really bad poos fell into this category, although we often debated whether certain F4's were actually an:
F5--monster poo. Only a handful of diapers made it into this category over the years, including the one where DS sat down and poo came flying out of the waistband and cuffs of his pants. Requires not just a complete change of clothes but an immediate load of laundry. Definitely involves both parents. Hazmat suit would come in handy.

I agree with what you are saying somewhat.
I think people do not like the extreme view of the writer. I am someone who values my career almost as much as my children and I see nothing wrong with that (just like you). I too believe that children's needs/desires should not supercede the parent's needs/desires all the time. However, this women seems to be admitting that she cannot find anything interesting about her children. Sure, there are a number of boring things about parenting just as there are boring things about any job. Personally I would be concerned about the emotional harm to children of a mother who could only meet the physical needs of her children and none of the emotional needs. It really is sad for her entire family.

YWA writes: "Why should it be a surprise that plenty of women are frustrated that the time-limited activity of child bearing and rearing is not a greater source of satisfaction than the vast spectrum of world-changing possibilities open to a 30 year old with an education?"

Nor should we automatically consider it a lesser source of satisfaction. It all boils down to choices. I seem to remember Gloria Steinem (?) saying that the idea that everyone with a womb is cut out to be a mother is like saying everyone with a voicebox is cut out to be an opera singer. You have to know yourself and then make conscious choices based on that self-knowledge. Obviously this is no help in the case of unplanned pregnancy, but as far as I could tell from the article, both of those kids were born on purpose.

YMA what makes "high potential" mothers frustrated is not childraising. It is:
1) A social culture that makes a mother who still feels the need to contribute to society feel bad that she is a working mother
2) A work culture that makes a mother who feels that it is important that she spend time with her children feel bad that she only wants to wants to work reasonable hours
3) Family and friends who are judmental of her choice and don't hesitate to say so

God made it so that we bear children in our prime because that is when we can give our best to our children. Too young and we don't have the maturity we need to raise kids and too old and we don't have the energy we need to raise kids. God has it right, it's society that has it all wrong!

I haven't read the British writer's comments, but I will say that my neighbor was complaining to me yesterday about how bored she is staying home and how she's applied for a part-time job. I felt very sympathetic and assured her that motherhood is incredibly boring. Because it is. Anything that must be done over and over again day after day fits that bill, and that is what taking care of kids represents. Acknowledging that cooking, laundry, driving kids around, and often eating dinner alone with them while a spouse puts in long hours is boring isn't a sin. It's just honest. It doesn't mean we don't love our kids, either. It has nothing to do with that. That said, I don't find my children per se boring, but too much time ministering to them is boring, at least for me.

I too dislike Chuck E. Cheese.
I hate Disney World too. My husband was trying to make me out to be a bad mother for refusing to go this summer. It's overpriced, cheesy, unhealthy (the food) and well cheesy. Oh, I said that.

'Wow you are such a wonderful person even if you are not a white male. What an a**hole you are, truly. You go crawl back under your rock jerkoff'

shouldn't this one be removed? Hello? anyone there at the washington post?

ToAimily:

Bravo!! I stand corrected. Thanks for the chuckles. :)

And you made the point better than I ever could have -- all it takes is some effort and creativity!

To: To ?question?

Sensitive much?

Love, me.

I'm infuriated by the suggestion that raising children is the greatest thing anyone can do and therefore parents should make eager sacrifice of their own fulfillment and independent societal contributions in order to fawn over their children's every move

no no one on this blog says things like this at all.
----------------------------

earlier today... from unbeliever

How could there be any other job more important than raising children?

I just read the original article, and frankly, it could have been written by my mother. All this lady is saying is that she isn't interested in child-centric activities. Newsflash to my generation: not everybody is! People shouldn't be made to feel badly because they aren't into such things. The author's kids have figured out their mom just as my brother and I did years ago. She loves them, they love her.

It's sad that we villify people who are honest about their opinions. If motherhood is the end-all, be-all for you, congratulations. If it's not, and you're willing to admit it, congratulations.

Raising children is tough--we all get that. Some of us love it. Some of us don't. And that's o.k. American women are trying so hard to justify their existence that we get into petty wars about anything that questions our dedication to whatever we dedicate ourselves to.

It wasn't long ago that children weren't more than an extension of your farm labor. You didn't coddle them, meet their every emotional need and create a fantasy world for them where they're perfect. In many countries today that still holds true.

Most of them grew up to do just fine in the world, without helicopter parents or overblown self-esteems. Life was tough, and it wasn't a shock when they grew up. Mommy wasn't there to fix every little booboo and that lesson was learned early on. These are the lessons that her children are learning.

Children are a blessing. How you define the blessing is up to you. Personally I'm glad there are others out there willing to admit that they are not perfect mothers. I appreciate the desire to redefine perfect. I do not appreciate the desire to villify people for expressing their opinions.

I'll admit it. I HATED the Toddler years! HATED THEM. I was Bored out of my mind, lonely and going through a messy divorce & custody battle.
I also lived in a rather pretentious DC suburb that didn't look too kindly upon the young divorced mom....
I hated Nick Jr. Hated barney. hated Mom Groups. Hated Gymboree hated afternoon teas. Ohhh, how they hated me, too. I tried. Tried to play with the big players, but simply couldn't stomach trying to "fit in" and get my child caught up in that over scheduled lifestyle of constant competition.
So, i said screw it and started raising my child the way *I* wanted to, not the way society believed I should. And suddenly, It became Fun. realllly fun. When I became a room mom for the Kindergarten, I realized the teacher wasn't much older then myself and we had a lot in common. Instead of soccer which happened to be a disaster all around, I enrolled her in Tae Kwon Do and she is one belt away from being an A$$ kickin' black belt after five years of intense study.
As she got older, we started doing things together. I always had a love for cartoons and I turned my daughter onto the ones I grew up on. She fell in love with my love for Japanese Anime. She gave up on the Disney chanel manufactured boy & girl bands for The Smiths and The Dandy Warhols, because I listned to them.
Sure, all my interests are not appropriate for her and we deny access to that, but we do give her the choice on many levels. She can listen to Kelly Clarkson or Fugazi, her decision. My new husband and I empowered her to talk with us, discuss anything and make her own decisions. She now has her own pay as you go cell phone which she pays for herself out of her allowance, has her own house key, walks on her own to her friends houses and has become an extremely smart critical thinker. I decided to approach parenting the way I approach my life: I don't give a damn about what anyone else thinks.
I agree with the article that parents today are overscheduling, overprotective and concerned more with how others view their parenting styles then anything else. My own cousin was appalled by my decision to allow my 12 year old to become a latchkey kid. I said, "Uhm, do you remember what age we were when our parents let us stay home by ourselves? We were 9." Discussion was over after that.

Leslie's comments on the Kirwan-Taylor article are right on target. Especially her last paragraph.

It occurred to me, reading that paragraph, that the problem with "mommyhood" nowadays is that, unlike their predecessors, middle- and upper-class women today view child-raising as an achievement-oriented activity -- something to excell at. Like succeeding at a high-powered job.

So, then, mommies see other mommies as competitors and rivals who challenge their drive to be the best. In effect, these women haven't left the boardroom or the courtroom or the trading floor; they've simply transferred the setting to their home base. Now, instead of fighting to win a case or bring in an account, they're fighting to be the best mommy.

Interesting that it takes a writer -- someone who works in solitude -- to be honest about her feelings and her motivations regarding her kids. She's likely not competitive, by nature or profession. No wonder she feels intimidated by all the mommies who are part of the contest. The Mommy-of-the-Year Tournament.

Anyone want to comment on this?

What a refreshing read! Kirwan-Taylor sounds like an imperfect but honest and (dare I say it) interesting woman. Much more interesting than the robots I know who talk about parenting like they're reading off a script. I've long suspected there's a boring side to parenting that my friends are loath to fess up to.

Yes, the position she states is extreme (I'm sure she aiming to shock and more than willing to take her words with a grain of salt). But it DOES open the door to a much more interesting conversation about parenting. Don't you think?

Leslie wrote: "and i think no man or woman should be attacked for admitting that parts of raising kids is boring. a dose of reality can be very comforting to moms who are thinking 'am i the only one? is there something wrong with me?'"

I think most Moms are pretty open about the pros and CONS of parenting. I don't think everyone on this blog is attacking her for admitting that parts of parenthood are boring. From my POV, she isn't being very fair to her children by doing so in a public forum. I realize her job is in journalism but maybe she should switch to *real news* instead of airing her less than admirable feelings about her children.

Alexandria Mom: Her kids already know. And, guess what, they've already adjusted. They'll be fine.

You made an effort to connect with your daughter that the writer of the article doesn't seem to want to do. Good for you. And personally good for you for bucking the mommy competition. I don't think anyone should criticise others for how they bring up their children, but as this women seems to say she is doing, emotionally freezing out her kids. Hmmm....

MomOfAPreteen

An essay from you would have been much better received than the snobby "my kids bore me so" treatise form Notting Hill.

More please! Sounds like you have the balancing act as an art.

"who cares how she feels about them?"

They do. And that should make it important to her (though none of our business unless her behavior were to rise to the level of child neglect).

To BEN, Oh, thanks for clearing that up. Glad you are here to provide such insightful commenting.

To Momofpreteen: I agree with Fo3, you need to write an essay for this blog. It would be a welcomed breath of fresh air.

"Helen's kids may get food and shelter but a resentful mom will hold back something far more precious"

But Tommy, the point is that she'd not resentful! She's honest and she has her personal time. She's loving them the way she knows how, not how other people tell her to.

A resentful mom would be one who grins and bears it while spending every minute with her kids while she's secretly going crazy inside. Bitter and resentful moms are the ones who are lying to thenselves and everyone else.

Would H K-T's article have been received differently if it were written by a father complaining about being bored with his kids? For example, if a father complained that he was tired of tutu's, fingernail painting, playing dress-up, Bratz-themed birthday parties, watching High School Musical?

To Momofapreteen,
I didn't perceive Kirwan-Taylor as emotionally freezing out her kids at all. She's just used strong language to make a point that's intended to be shocking or disruptive of the status quo. She sounds like a contrarian to me. Not an ice queen.

I've stated before that I know I am not cut out to be a SAHM (and given that I am the only parent, it's a moot point), but I was saddened by Helen's article. Clearly this is a woman who should not have had children. She didn't indicate that she found joy in ANY part of her children's lives. I have a career that I very much enjoy, but I cherish the time I have with my daughter. Even small things like curling up on the couch and watching some dreadful Amanda Bynes movie with my 10-year-old is comforting...maybe not exciting, but I enjoy her company.

There is a difference between wanting outside stimulation and a career and not enjoying your children at all.

Not everyone enjoys parenting. We have been conditioned to believe that it will be rewarding, fulfilling, exciting. But it is not that way for everyone. I was born in 1958 and most moms of small children did not work outside the home. But they didn't make their children a career either. Kids were expected to entertain themselves, play outside and this was while Mom was doing housework, playing cards with the neighbor women or watching game shows and soap operas. Moms did not sit and play with the kids or drive them to activities to the extent that today's moms do. I think for the most part women of that generation saw their children as important, but not the center of the mother's universe. I was a young mom in the early 1980's and things were much different, but today's moms are even more involved and intense than I was.

Ouch, AlexandriaMom, can't take the heat?

My wife and I know we didn't want kids and took steps to make sure it never happens. Why? Because we see all of our friends with kids and how little they get to experience life anymore. Iv'e had the same conversation with too may guys when they're drunk enough for honesty, it goes like this: "Don't get me wrong, I love my wive and kids, but