Good Morning, FO4.

We can choose to love the life we have.

Easy to write; hard to live.

But your family's courage and love inspires.

Because of your garden post weeks ago, I can imagine tomatos and the last of the bush beans.

Take care.

Wow. Now we know you a whole lot better, Father of 4. I don't know what to say. I'll just second College Parkian.
Hopefully your children will qualify for financial aid for college, you all deserve it!

"My wife is a hero. Since the time she was a teenager, she helped her father raise her four younger siblings after her mother abandoned the family. "

and then

"A month later, I had my first dinner with the in-laws since the wedding. I know what they were thinking. Their daughter was living in a run-down apartment complex and she had just married a jobless, disabled college dropout."

So, your mother-in-law came back into the picture?

I admire your ability to adapt. Many people can't. Like your wife, I also was abandoned by my mother when I was 16 and took care of my younger brother and sister and an alcoholic father. Rather than stay around and watch him deteriorate I ran away and joined the Army and became a nurse! I guess there is something that draws us to the nurturing profession. I believe that being pushed into a position of such responsibility as a young age gives you an inner strength that you are able to draw on for the rest of your life. Keep on keeping on.

F04 - You and your wife seem to truly enjoy life and being parents. I'd like to see more columns like this in the future - full of hope.

I know what it is like to have 30$ left in the checking account till payday!

As a soon-to-be-wed, your story teaches me what it takes to hold a marriage together -- love, respect, understanding, commitment, optimism and a huge dose of humor.

FO4:

Your take on life is wonderful. Sometimes we get too caught up in what we "think" is important, and it takes a Tuesday guest Blog to remind us that love, happiness and family are what count in the long run, not our bank accounts or stock portfolio. God Bless You and Family.

F04.... great job. You have been a hero of mine for a while now.

Just remember that the sky is always up!

Father of 4

Now we know you a lot better and I DO know what to say. You can't resist interjecting sex into your writing.

Thank you for finally posting something that most of us can relate to. I don't have children, but currently my fiance and I just started to live together and begin to build our own family. There are many days where we are not sure if what we are doing is right, but after we read your blog everything is becoming much more clear. I wish you and your family the best.

Even for us with no kids, this type of blogs really does teaches everybody a thing or two.

Thanks!

Thanks for sharing, FO4. I thought you posted sometimes about watching TV (and having kids bring you beer)? I know there are various degrees of vision loss, so I just wondered whether you had some partial vision. In any case, nice to hear from someone else in the blogosphere, but I'm a little disappointed that doesn't mean you have to give your real name.

"I thought you posted sometimes about watching TV (and having kids bring you beer)? "

Yup, more "proof" that he's full of it.

Father of Four, you are a treasure because you can inspire both the blind and the sighted. I'm sorry that you lost your sight. I'm glad you have your wonderful family and your fabulous attitude. Thank you for sharing your experience.

Thanks for the peek into your life.

It's hard not to get bogged down with money problems. In our society, almost everything revolves around money, even your self-worth sometimes ("am I a good enough parent if I don't send my kid to the most expensive school?" or "If I can't afford to go back and get a degree, I'll be stuck in this horrible job forever").

When my husband and I are having money problems, it's hard to step back and take stock of everything we do have. We are lucky in so many respects.

So I will remember your post in the future (although I would never be able to say "we'll live off love" with a straight face--I'm too cynical).

F04, add me to the list of people who are just staring in awe at the computer screen after reading your story. I think in some ways we've been jointly stirring the pot on this blog, but after today I will always consider myself the junior partner and justifiably so.

If you will allow me a brief moment to indulge in a shameless plug...I work for non-profit credit counseling agencies. Not the ones that advertise at three a.m. -- they're shysters. We're the good guys, I like to think. Please, please find a credit counselor to help you get rid of that 20K in debt. Check out www.nfcc.org to find an agency close by to where you live. It will make a huge difference and given all that you are doing, the obstacles you face and so forth, I really hope you pursue it.

Fo4, great post! Hope you continue to write. It is wonderful to have different outlooks and lives represented. As for your children's college fund, don't worry there is financial aid and scholarships out there. My husband and I managed to get through school without our parent's money. It makes children more responsible for the education, which is really a good thing.

Great guest blog father of 4! This is really an inspirational story all around. Your wife is a saint and you are lucky to have her along with your children, just as they are all lucky to have you. I can't imagine how hard it would be to lose your vision, your job and know that a new baby is on the way. A lot of marriages might not have survived that. Thanks for sharing your story.

Some people really seem to see only what they want. FO4 sees things much clearer than others.

And for those nitpicking about watching TV with the kids, if the kids are watching and he's listening isn't that "watching"?

FO4 always has the best sense of humor and makes me laugh.

Thanks for your view of life.

Whoa whoa, don't be so quick to be so inspired. He's made choices in life that are very poor choices. Why make choices he can't follow through on? He has $20,000 in CC debt? That's not inspiring to me. Yes, it sounds like he (and his wife) have gone through some troubling times. That is good to see that he can get past it. But are his kids going to have the same problems? Just becuase someone gets "cancer" doesn't make him a better person. Fo4, you are still sexist and not really worth the time.

Elaine, play nice now! It's just one little comment about oysters today.

Great post, Father of 4. Keep enjoying life. And keep making those sex interjections if that's what floats your boat.

Why do people have to look for the negative and point out the flaws? Why can't you just take the message for what it is--a message of love, partnership, and working to make it work? Geez, people, lighten up!

Great post, Fo4! I had no idea about the trials in your life. Thanks for sharing your perspective and your sense of humor.

"Why do people have to look for the negative and point out the flaws? Why can't you just take the message for what it is--a message of love, partnership, and working to make it work? Geez, people, lighten up!"

Why? Because he's spun this "story" and getting sympathy/support from people and I personally don't think it is deserved (or truthful).

A message about partnership, love, and working to make it work is only that if it is truthful.

Wow Father of 4, you've really topped yourself with this one. Am sure he is having a good laugh over how you all are swallowing this bs story. Tell me another one you sexist.

This was a great blog and definitely inspirational. Interesting how some things can make you feel warmth even though they are thoughts/words.

Slowdown, it must be nice to never make a mistake nor hit a hard time. I am more inspired by those who have made mistakes or hit speed bumps and prevailed than those who are perfect and never had any pittfalls.

FO4, I think your children are going to be stronger for seeing your strength and the love between you and your wife. Great job!

Just when I thought that this would be a day where no one picks a fight on this blog, along comes "slowdown" who goes way over the line and unnecessarily takes more than a couple of swipes at F04. Very uncool.

How does the old adage go? Until you've walked a mile in someone else's shoes...

Et tu, slowdown?

Your life sounds cool. Good luck to you. The realist in me wonders why people who can't afford it have so many kids. Society always ends up having to pay. We taxpayers will probably put your kids through school. But at least we get to enjoy your writing.

VaMom, the only TV show I "watch" is American Idol. For the most part, I hate the TV and if a theif ever stold anything from our house, I would hope it would be the TV. It would greatly improve my lifestyle.
Oh yeah, complete darkness, nothing but black, except on the rare occasion when I have a dose of NyQuil. Wow After about 5 hours of sleep, I see all kinds of pretty colors and shapes on the back of my eyelids. Yes, a blind man *can* hallucinate.
Did you know blind persons in Virginia can legally fish without a license. But how would I proove that I'm blind to the warden?

I can pop my eye out! Cool! Kids love it! Every Halloween I go out as the one-eyed blind begger. Maybe someday, I'll show up at your door with my kids.

I think father of 4 is conservative, not sexist.

As far as the kids go, just because a parent makes a bad decision doesn't mean that the kids are destined to repeat it. Also, you have no idea what is on those credit cards, medical bills, tuition, food, etc. Life isn't always "rosy." My dad lost his job and my mom had to use credit cards to pay for doctor visits and hospitalizations. It's always easy to point at other people and say you shouldn't have done that, bad thing is, you never know when you will be the one living off of a credit card, unless you are rich.

We taxpayers will probably put your kids through school. But at least we get to enjoy your writing.

tax payers put you through school as well, they also pay for the roads you drive on and the parks you go to and etc, etc,.

I've been reading this blog for quite a while and I have to say, I don't buy FO4's story. He's using voice synthesis technology to read the posts on his computer? In one of his earlier posts he told of sitting at his computer posting to this site, pretending to work while his supervisor stood nearby. Unless his supervisor is deaf, wouldn't he have heard the computer talking to FO4. Sorry to be a downer, but I've noticed for some time that FO4's posts often don't ring true and he likes to interject sexual innuendo into his post (sometimes involving his kids, yuck). I think he's a lonely exhibitionist, who likes the attention he gets here.

"I thought you posted sometimes about watching TV (and having kids bring you beer)? "

Yup, more "proof" that he's full of it.

It's entirely possible to say you "watch" tv without actually seeing it. The television also has the uncanny ability to emit sound from time to time. And being disabled doesn't mean you become an angel/sober, nothing to really question there. Being disabled doesn't make someone a better person, but it can alter someones perspective and allow them to respond in a positive manner.

It's a shame when you lose something as vital as your sight, especially so early in life. Cheers, I wish you and your family well. Oh, and maybe you should see a credit counselor sometime soon, that much debt probably doesn't make it easy to sleep at night.

Wow. Some people will bash anything. I prefer the addage, "if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." If you don't like the guest blog, let it go. Why take the time to blast the author? Geez.

When I was in grad school eons ago, credit card companies wouldn't give credit to people like me who had a tiny income. So I ate beans. Credit is not an entitlement believe it or not. Ask your depression-era grandparent about that.

'Unless his supervisor is deaf, wouldn't he have heard the computer talking to FO4'

Have you ever seen those nifty devices that you plug into a machine, then put things into or over your ears? They are called headphones! You can hear through them, but no one else can hear what you can hear. Isn't technology amazing!?!

to interject sexual innuendo into his post (sometimes involving his kids, yuck).

I don't recall reading anything about sex and his kids?

When I was in grad school eons ago, credit card companies wouldn't give credit to people like me who had a tiny income. So I ate beans. Credit is not an entitlement believe it or not. Ask your depression-era grandparent about that.

Oh, I thought we were talking about taxes?

'I don't recall reading anything about sex and his kids'
I do, I have a daughter the same age, I thought the humor was just that. funny, and nothing weird about it. Sounds like he's a loving dad with a great relationship with his daughter, which is more valuable for a young teen than anything money can buy.
I feel sorry for teenagers who have parents with no sense of humor. Everyone must be miserable in those homes.

"'Unless his supervisor is deaf, wouldn't he have heard the computer talking to FO4'

Have you ever seen those nifty devices that you plug into a machine, then put things into or over your ears? They are called headphones! You can hear through them, but no one else can hear what you can hear. Isn't technology amazing!?!
"

If he had earphones on, how would he know his supervisor was nearby?? If he is blind (and can't see him coming or going) and has his hearing blocked by the headphones pouring "text" into his ears (and thereby "deaf" to the coming or going), how would he know? The supervisor could be standing right behind him and he would never know.

Face it, he pulled one over on Leslie and most of the people here.

Father of 4 is a highly entertaining writer and, as a bonus, we finally get a post that isn't full of upper middle class whining. He and Rebeldad are the best things on this blog.
(and if *I* can't find anything to bash, you know it's a good guest blog...)

I agree. Father of 4 has injected a LOT of sexual innuendo into his posts. The past doesn't change because now we know more about the trials of his life.

He doesn't get a pass for being a jerk because he is blind. He probably was a jerk before he lost his sight.

to anon at 9:50

my children are required to keep their headphone volume down, so they do hear the lovely tones of my voice over the music that is pouring into their ears. It is possible to hear other sounds while wearing headphones!

Maybe the humor here is how mean and negative some people are.

Your wife is NOT a hero. She is the woman you used to pay for your disability. Assuming this story is even true.

To experienced mom, you got me there.
As far as his sexual scenarios involving his kids; he likes to imply that his gets are somehow privy to what goes on sexually between him and his wife, such as posting that his oldest child will take the younger ones off so mom and dad can make another baby. Or, his post about the baby wandering into the room and changing the voice mail message while he and his wife are having sex (I don't believe a baby could accidently hit the right combo of numbers to change a voice mail message). He seems to get a charge out of the idea that his kids are at least peripheraly involved in his sex life. I've always found his posts creapy.

"Unless his supervisor is deaf, wouldn't he have heard the computer talking to FO4."

Most likely, Fo4 uses headphones...

Fof4 - hooray for you! Blindness is a near-reality for me at times (I am legally blind without my contact lenses) and when I have to function without them for some reason I can have great sympathy for you.

Voice synthesis technology is great - and for those of you that don't realize it, most folks who use it use headphones, or one ear piece, so you *can* 'pretend to work' and talk to your boss. I do it with my ipod all the time. And since he doesn't need to see the screen, he could have the laptop closed or the monitor off all the time.

And as for the credit card issue - geeze, people, can you give the man a break? I am a fiscally responsible sort - and I have debt, too, although mine is student loans primarily, thanks to a good scholarship that allowed me to not have to use credit cards for college. Having two people in college, especially with kids in the mix, means that credit cards are a must unless you have a large trust fund or parents that can pay for things.

I should write one of these - having more 'regular people' writing would be a good thing, I think. Thank you for sharing, Fof4 - I can totally empathise with the $30 and living on love thing, too. Sounds like you have a good solid relationship, and a happy life for the most part - something everyone should aspire to.

Wow, a lot of confusion on the blog today. Maybe Fo4 would set the record straight for the rest of us?

"my children are required to keep their headphone volume down, so they do hear the lovely tones of my voice over the music that is pouring into their ears. It is possible to hear other sounds while wearing headphones!"

Experienced mom, true. However, listening to music at low volume (as I'm doing right now) and listening to conversation/text to voice at low volume are completely different.

Having text/conversation at low volume means other noises will break your concentration and you won't be able to follow what you are hearing. It's like having two conversations at once - if possible, very difficult.

Wow, FO4, you really surprised me. And all along I had thought that you were just a wise-cracking, funny, a little bit sexist, conservative-leaning, devoted father and husband. I had no idea you had such obstacles in your path. You have my respect, even though I still think you are sexist. This is what I find most refreshing about you. No one would ever have guessed you are blind. You just get along in life with your humor and wit, your perseverance, your love for your family, without bitterness, and without feeling sorry for yourself. I don't mean to sound condescending, because it is not how I feel. I cannot imagine how I would adjust and overcome such a disability, and I hope it would be with as much grace as you have shown. Thanks for sharing.

Wow Fo4 - what a fan club you have!

I think I'd better get your autograph before everyone else starts asking for it!
;) Can you sign it with a double entendre?

I like to count how many replies get posted before a poster rudely rips the blogger (simply disagreeing with the point of view doesn't count. The respondant has to be mean). I'm afraid one of Leslie's posts still has you beat. But we've got some seriously catty/maladjusted/judgemental folks on this blog.

Keep up the commentary, ok? and better luck on your next guest blog!

*psst*

For future reference, Fo4 really enjoys descriptions of the sky at sunrise.

:-)

Does it really matter if Fo4's story is true or not? It could be true and it is true for many people, which makes it a valuable perspective to consider.

@BARF

Maybe you have good reason to dislike FO4, but wow. So she's the woman that he used to pay for his disability now? Did he somehow see into the future (no pun intended) and realize he was going to become disabled 2 weeks after his honeymoon? That's why he shacked up with her? Absolutely brilliant, you simply could not have made a better post.

*Anything and everything on the internet is subject to scrutiny and could potentially just be a lie. As far as I know, everyone on the internet is some form of doctor, lawyer, expert in economics, or are an English professor. Everyone is an expert at everything. If they are guys, they are all 6'4", 220 pounds of lean muscle, and always get the girl. Always. So far, none of the inconsistencies that have been pointed out hold water in regards to FO4's possibly lying about his disability.

Wow, some of you are gullible...

Great story and congrats on having the strength to fight the uphill battle daily. I will admit to being puzzled sometimes by the tone of your posts, but that has no bearing on the fact that your story is courageous.

I feel the need to point out to people that a great many folks use credit cards as a safety net. As long as the balances are trending downward and not upward, you're doing at least as well as the average American.

Having run up credit card debt is not necessarily the "bad choice" people are sounding off on. If the other choice would have been "I guess I can't have the surgery" or "i guess I drop out" or something similar, then using the cc is a no-brainer.

And I wonder how a blind man can teach a child to ride a bike. Wasn't that one of his best stories? Is FO4 a pathological liar?

No I actually put myself through school. People really did that in the old days. My parents didn't have too many children like this gentleman, they just believed that if a person wanted to go to college, that was a luxury not a necessity.
I agree.

Does it really matter if Fo4's story is true or not? It could be true and it is true for many people, which makes it a valuable perspective to consider.

It does matter. If it's not true, the perspective being provided may not be based on reality. If you are looking for entertaining fiction, then that's one thing. If you want to learn about other peoples' experiences and realities, then this possible fiction really makes me wonder about what kind of person F04 is.

FO4, you need to do some explaining.

Drivel like this is *seriously* harming the credibility of the Washington Post. Online producers, editorial board, Len Downie ... everyone pay attention. Creating a forum for the ignorant masses to foist their weird fantasy lives on others will *not* save the newspaper industry. You are harming your reputation as a credible, intelligent source of information.

Then again, he did say one day that he did not drive. That would make sense. But yes, I do see inconsistencies in the story.

I think Charlottesville has a good point. Does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things? Have you really been defrauded if it's not true? Of what, pray tell? It's a blog on the Internet. Gain perspectice, retract the claws and the fangs, and have a nice day.

Fo4, where are the WMDs? Where is osama?

Wow, this has turned into a witch hunt!

I see so many complaints on this blog about how the posts only apply to upper middle class parents. Father of 4 gave us the opportunity to discuss some real challenges, so let's discuss!

Are loving parents more important than a college fund?

Marriage and parenting are leaps of faith. What happens when your dreams and expectations don't come true (or change)?

Is it okay to consider your wife a "hero" even if people with different views don't agree?

Please can't we avoid the negative energy?!

Does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things? Have you really been defrauded if it's not true?

Yes it matters. This is not just some blog. It is a blog run by a major newspaper. So far, the guest bloggers have been credible. The idea that F04 might be the figment of some creep's imagination is repugnant. Does Leslie not have any responsibility to check her bloggers out?

This blog is always drivel about someone's life. At least this drivel can give you a perspective about how other people live and struggle.

It is a great background story on an interesting poster. It makes people stop and think about what is important.

Those who have to find something negative to attack and have to question the truth of the story are going to attack any story. Why do you people read blogs anyway, yes there is no way to verify facts, this is not a newsflash. Much of life is like that. You have a choice, be negative or be positive. Here, Father of 4 has given us a window in someone who chose to be positive, to make a good life out of what life chose to throw at him. My guess is he is a lot happier person than all the naysayers on the blog today. Good for him.

Does it really matter, in the grand scheme of things? Have you really been defrauded if it's not true?

Yes it matters. This is not just some blog. It is a blog run by a major newspaper. So far, the guest bloggers have been credible. The idea that F04 might be the figment of some creep's imagination is repugnant. Does Leslie not have any responsibility to check her bloggers out?

Glover Park, is $20,000 of credit all that bad? I thought it was about average for the Northern Virginia area.

No, I don't wear earphones, I find them uncomfortable, not to mention it builds up ear wax and makes it more difficult to hear. I can't afford that. My supervisor threatened to make me wear them because the voice could be disturbing to others. But other coworkers could listen to radios without ear phones, so that was the end of that threat.

As far as the voice synthesis program goes, I've got it cranked up so fast, only can a very well trained ear be able to decipher what it is saying. And then when you add all the commas, periods and special characters, you will be lost. For kicks and grins, maybe I'll post a link so you can listen to what I have to put up with to get my work done.

Anyone want to volunteer the text? Maybe I'll post a link to it later on tonight.

I actually began posting on this blog in order to check out the voice software. Filling out internet forms was at first really, really difficult for me and this blog provided a relatively easy format for me to experiment with.

Also, I used the text of this blog to generate test data to import into a computer program I was writing at the time. Ha! I was doing my job by blogging.

Twenty grand in credit card debt is a bit high. I don't know what the regional average is, but nationally the average household has about nine thousand in credit card debt. In my work I have also met people with over one hundred thousand dollars in credit card debt, so there's a huge range out there.

My concern, also having been in significant debt myself in the past, the stress that it causes, to say nothing of how it impacts other priorities, be they day-to-day living expenses, savings in general or college savings. (Though I would also be the first one to say that had I grown up in Virginia, I would have been thrilled to go to U Va for in state tuition, though I'm told that's on the rise as well.)

Whether or not your debt is above or below average, like I said, I would do something about it just because that money could be used for so many other things.

On another note, maybe we'll all be burned in the end, but I for one believe F04's story and am deeply saddened that some folks feel the need to pick apart his story. Is it really necessary to carp, whine and argue everyday on this blog?

Rockville's 10:05 Post shows that in blog-land, writers (cloaked in the cotton batting of digital privacy) can

STILL
keep an edge that matches their voice, wits, and outlook on life AND

be civil. All at the same time.

Rockville, your Miss Manners AKA Judith Martin award is available for pick-up now.

As in real life (IRL) we don't agree with our neighbors, coworkers, bowling team/Tai Chi class people, etc.

Heck, we may not even like them.

But we can be civil net-izens.

Thanks, honey! I know that you love this blog. But I can read no more! Thanks to all of you have responded so kindly. Life is full of challenges and disappointments. A strong faith in someone other than yourself pulls the greatness from every misfortune. The love of another is what happiness is all about and what we all crave. In Tae Kwon Do, the statement "I am happy because I choose to be happy...," says it all.

And to those of you who do not choose...make one more rude comment to my husband and we can meet later in the alley!! He went blind before our first child was born. Could you bear waking every morning in complete darkness? Could you sit and bear everyone admiring your children and not know what they even look like? Could you bear listening to your spouse complain that they have to do everything and feeling so helpless, bound to a limitation you did not choose?

I love you, honey. Thanks for everything you have given me. Dinner will be waiting for you when you get home.

Did you know the word 'gullible' isn't even in the dictionary?

Wife to Father of 4 sure sounds like a hero to me!

I'm normally pretty skeptical about stories I read on internet boards and such. However, for some reason this one doesn't sound an alarm with me. Father of 4 has mentioned several times that he has a disability and/or doesn't drive - I had wondered what his disability was but figured it was none of my business and that he would share if and when he was ready to share. Now I know why he waited.

But - even if the story was NOT true...can't it be used as a learning tool for the rest of us? When I start to whine about my every day struggles, maybe I'll stop and think about the Fo4's out there who have a much harder time balancing it all.

Maybe it's a bit like "A Million Little Pieces" - ? - and maybe the doubters should read the post again and take something positive from it?

wife of father of 4

I'll be in the alley with you. Don't let these people get you down. You are a wonderful, strong woman, I admire you for you dedication to your husband and children. It can't be easy on you and father of 4, for the reasons you just described.

Some of these people would be nasty to mother teresa, it's not you, it's them. :)

"Please can't we avoid the negative energy?!"

Father of 4 generated the negative energy with his swarmy, veiled sexual remarks. I haven't been defrauded because I haven't bought his big bag of B.S.

From this blog back in June

"One time my wife packed a pink towel in my gymbag as I went off to work and I didn't notice until it was time to take a shower. Boy did I make sure I didn't drop the bar of soap that day."

Dad of 4, did you notice it or did someone tell you you had a pink towel? Or was this a made-up story?

Father of 4's wife sounds like she is a few beers short of a sixpack herself...

OK, I HAVE HAD IT!

If I understand some people correctly, one's point of view directly impacts one's vercity. Am I correct in extrapolating that from what I am reading?

So liberals tell the truth and so-called sexist conservatives are liars and don;t deserve the benefit of the doubt?

F04's point of view and beliefs are IRRELEVANT to his disability and I would hope that everyone is open-minded enough to recognize the distinction.

The post from "wife to father of 4" sounds an awful lot like Fo4 himself.

Hmmmmm . . .

Now...his wife's on here defending father of 4. Is that really his wife, or him writing like it is his wife?????????????This blog isn't worth the energy! This post is nothing about BALANCE. And this is all getting TUPID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the pink towel could have been before the blindness (small window) - or heck before the marriage. I have heard my husband make "my wife did..." comments about incidents that occured before we got married. "My wife, before we got married" would seem like way too much work to him.

For all of you who have so much time on your hand that you have to invent a witchhunt to keep you ignorant minds occupied, please go find another blog to haunt. Your lack of compassion and your need to find the negative in every comment wastes space on this blog for others who are interested in sharing.

To Fo4 and his wife, thanks for sharing your story and best wishes to you and your family.

father of 4's wife reads this blog. He already stated that before.

If you read the comments on other blogs on the WaPost website, most offer comments on their own experience or information on resources or things like that without the personal bashing this blog brings out. Are there just more unhappy, bad mannered, mad people on this blog than on Marc Fisher's or Joel's or any of the others?

I can see that FO4 would bring out (strong) comments, but would you make them to him in person or to your neighbor, or your grandmother? Come on people!

I have a good friend who is blind. He also turns the speed up on his reading machine so that I can't understand it. Not something who is not blind would normally know about.

Years ago, my friend and I accidentally swapped photo IDs when we were both getting carded. You can bet he found out even though he's blind!

Thanks, Fo4, for your contribution today.

If you read the comments on other blogs on the WaPost website, most offer comments on their own experience or information on resources or things like that without the personal bashing this blog brings out. Are there just more unhappy, bad mannered, mad people on this blog than on Marc Fisher's or Joel's or any of the others?

I can see that FO4 would bring out (strong) comments, but would you make them to him in person or to your neighbor, or your grandmother? Come on people!

While it's admirable that Fo4 has overcome adversity, and has enjoyed an apparently happy marriage, he's hardly a role model. More like a poster boy for irresponsible choices. Leaving a job three days before qualifying for long-term disability? $20,000 in credit card debt? FOUR freakin' children!?!? And now the taxpayer is expected to subsidize their college education because of Fo4's lousy life choices and unrestrained libido? $20,000 will buy a lot of birth control.

Well, I don't know if his story is true or not. If it is, I wish him and his family the best of luck. I would take Glover Park (btw, good to see you back GP) up on his advice to get some credit counseling. If it is not true, then that is really pathetic. I have to say I am shocked how much you guys remember from each other's posts. I still can't keep most of you straight.

I have a pink towel with my initials monagrammed on it. Our wedding colors were tiel (my favorite color) and rose (her favorite color). they were a wedding gift and my office mate pointed it out.

Thanks Wife to Father of 4. You're a real sweetie. Sneak Beans for the vegetable?

Just out of curiosity, how can anyone be sure Leslie DIDN'T check out her sources here??

Thanks, NewName2. I figured it was about time to take myself out of the penalty box...

A cautionary warning F04...I'm sure there are folkstyping away right now wondering how someone who is vision-impaired can have a favorite color. Idiots.

Again, let's stop "truth-squading" Father of 4 or questioning his choices. We have no reason to doubt him, and no one is empowered to question the choices that other people make. Let s/she who is without sin cast the first stone...

Look, I'm sure there are some one you who would dearly love and will try to determine if Father of 4 is telling the truth. Enjoy. I think there are better ways to spend one's day, but if that floats your boat, that's great. If his story is true, I hope everyone here who has slammed him with such vitriol will apologize with similar fervor. And if his story is a fraud, you can be sure I will be amnong those who lead the charge in running F04 off this blog.

I can't be sure of it, but I seem to recall something in this country about the presumption of innocence...

I don't get it. As many posters have noted, often pointedly, Leslie and many guest bloggers have an affluent, upper-middle class point of view. Nobody has yet refused to believe their stories. Father of 4 posts from a different economic and educational view, and with a disability, and the entire blog becomes whether he's telling the truth about his situation. So people who are affluent are believable while people who claim otherwise are suspect?

I'm not sure whether Leslie checked out her source. The story sounds fishy. I would like to hear from her on that. If she says she verified the authenticity of FO4's blog, then I will take her word for it.

Anyone who bought an over inflated house in DC has debt. Probably way more than father of 4.

Also, anyone can apply and recieve student loans, so I don't know why you are all talking about paying for his kids education. it just makes you sound really dumb, oh wait, i'm sure you are!

On a hot, nasty, sweltering August summer evening, I took my daughter up to the park a few days before her 7th birthday. I had taken her training wheels off her bike and if she was going to learn how to ride a bike at age 6, this was the last chance. So time after time I would have to squat down, run and push. At the gym they call them lunges, a painfull excersize. I encouraged her everytime she wrecked which was about 10 feet after I stopped pushing, by saying things like "Remember honey, anybody who has ever learned to ride a bike has learned how to fail... By failing, we learn... Just don't quit." After an hour, my legs got so wobbly, I could barely stand and my head was browning out from heat prostration. I was literally staggering all over the grassy field, squatting down, pushing..., and pushing my own self not to pass out and quit. Then it finally happened, on my last shove, I fell on the ground in complete exhaustion, and I heard those words of triumph about a hundred feet away, "Look Daddy, I'm riding a bike!"
Wow! "I did it!", I thought to myself, "I'm a real Daddy now!" And I just layed there and cried. If you were there, you wouldn't have noticed the tears. They blended in nicely with the sweat that poured off my face.

Posted by: Father of 4 | May 19, 2006 01:22 PM

So this is my question. How can a man who is blind and shoved his hand in the holiday party cake by accident be able to push a bike with a child in it and teach that child to ride. How can he need a cane to navigate and still be able to teach the kid to ride a bike? It does not make sense!! Someone is pulling our leg.

lurker:

Sadly, many posters on this blog have disgustingly shown their manipulation of the Golden Rule: whoever has the gold rules.

"Nobody has yet refused to believe their stories. Father of 4 posts from a different economic and educational view, and with a disability, and the entire blog becomes whether he's telling the truth about his situation."

It isn't about class/affluence/education or even about the disability.

The problem here is that Father of 4 has, in previous posts, said things that directly counter his statement that he is blind.

If a affluent person were posting about doing something only a seeing person could do and then talked about being blind, it would raise the "BS meter" on people. Nothing about affluence/education/etc. there. Just plain old BS.

Maybe everyone who wished this little webpage blog would be a real "community" should shut off the computer and go outside and meet people if you want to verify disability, income, family situation, and political beliefs.

One option to consider, Leslie, is allowing one post per IP address then everyone can post their experiences as a bulletin board and not respond to each other.

regarding the bike story, I didn't realize blind people are not allowed to run in an open, grassy field. I guess Fo4 didn't know that either. I believe his story.

Yikes! Fo4, you may have to post your most recent credit report, medical records, and DNA samples of you and your family before the day is out. Perhaps that should be a prerequisite for posting to this blog? Oh, that and maybe a biometric scanner at your desk to verify your finger print with each post?

Nothing like the nice warm blanket of online anonymity to bring out the worst cynic in people. Granted, I don't read this blog everyday, but the depths that the conversation sinks to here (as elsewhere in the blogosphere) from people who are smart enough to find this site and post, is sometimes truly depressing. Have we really lost the ability to disagree or criticize respectfully? It's "Lord of the Flies" gone digital.

Sure, the capability to lie is all too easy here, but in general, I don't get that impression with most of the posters here (of course I could be just a terrible judge of character and hopelessly naive). Why would Fo4 lie about his condition and family situation? He could certainly be some "lonely exhibitionist," a tag that could easily include ALL OF US! I've also found some of his posts to be racy and, sometimes, ill-advised. But, rather than some bored teenager, he generally strikes me as someone who has been comfortably married for quite sometime and has gotten past the point of restraining comments he would normally keep between him and his wife (by the way, does she know he posts here?). Perhaps someone out there should submit his archive of posts to a personality expert and develop a profile of him? Would that satisfy?

Fo4 gave us a bit more of a glimpse of his background, which he didn't have to do, providing more perspective from where his previous comments are coming from. That's not to say we should all agree with or like what he has to say. But it's certainly a lot more than what his detractors here seem to be offering.

Okay, 'nuff rambling. Fire away.

The level of immaturity here is rather astonishing and scary, considering this is supposed to be a blog about families and parents.

With the kind of behavior I see here, it's no wonder I can't grocery shop or dine out in peace, without some kid ruining it.

But I see now it's the parents that are to blame because they're worse than the kids!

If those are the best examples of smutty writing you can find on Fo4, You need to get out more. He's a married guy with kids and the name of the blog is On Balance. Balancing privacy (which includes Biblically sanctioned marital relations) and kids must be especially hard, and occassionally funny, for a sightless person.

Anonymity can bring out the worst in people.

Character is who you are when no one is looking.

So this is my question. How can a man who is blind and shoved his hand in the holiday party cake by accident be able to push a bike with a child in it and teach that child to ride. How can he need a cane to navigate and still be able to teach the kid to ride a bike? It does not make sense!! Someone is pulling our leg.

Posted by: A story told by F04 | September 26, 2006 11:29 AM

Read more carefully - this sounds like a passage from someone who is blind...

Then it finally happened, on my last shove, I fell on the ground in complete exhaustion, and I heard those words of triumph about a hundred feet away,

Why would you need to "hear the words of triumph?" Hmmmmmm.

In closing, to the haters on this blog, lighten up for God's sake!

My brother and his wife "live off love" -- and then phone down the list of friends and relatives every time they need something. (This time? Three months' rent.)

I thought that it was obvious that sometimes FO4 was sharing idealized (but funny!) vignettes. I think some of you need to read more Mark Twain. Even if every word he wrote wasn't entirely true, he's hardly the "lonelygirl" from youtube.

FO4,
You've mentioned that your wife wants to leave the DC area. Why don't you? It seems like you both have skills that you could use in another, less expensive, part of the country. We can actually make ends meet since we left DC. It's a very nice feeling.

Actually, rainbowwarror, some of us read/believe/follow the Bible *and* are LGBT-friendly.

I won't stereotype your sexuality if you don't stereotype my religion. :)

"So this is my question. How can a man who is blind and shoved his hand in the holiday party cake by accident be able to push a bike with a child in it and teach that child to ride. How can he need a cane to navigate and still be able to teach the kid to ride a bike?"

The cake incidence was a month after losing sight. the bike was years later. Do you think that blind people can't do anything? I think that even I could close my eyes and push a bike while running a short way before letting go.

As far as the debt - many people have it. And most people deal with it the best they can and don't expect others to pay it or to pay for the children. There are scholarships and, as others have said, student loans and working your own way through.

FYI - I personally think it is awful that the average student loan burden is $20000+ at graduation. These are people who went into debt and don't even really have a guarantee of a job. Granted, the people on this blog are generally successful professionals, but there are many people in our country who are burdened by their student loans.

The once-in-a-lifetime vacation I took with my family on CC debt was well worth it. I'd rather be paying the bill for years than have lost the opportunity to experience places I haven't seen with family who I see rarely. My children were able to spend time with relatives who will ably be dead before we could save the money to travel so far.

Nobody wants the debt, but it isn't always as awful as you think.

"Balancing privacy (which includes Biblically sanctioned marital relations) and kids must be especially hard, and occassionally funny, for a sightless person."

Biblically sanctioned? Guess we know how you feel about gays/lesbians. Nice.

My problem with Father of 4 has nothing to do with believing his story. He hinted at his isolation when he was fishing for birthday wishes for his daughter.

I don't care about his socio-economic status.

I don't like the creepy sexual references he has made to his personal life. I haven't been defrauded because I never bought his big bag of B.S.

Couldn't Leslie and Father of 4 have predicted some of the negative comments he was going to receive from regular readers of this blog. Did they think he would get a pass because he is blind? Are the regular named bloggers granted some kind of immunity if they become a Guest Blogger (mental note - do not become a Guest Blogger)?

I decline his wife's invitation to fisticuffs.

"So this is my question. How can a man who is blind and shoved his hand in the holiday party cake by accident be able to push a bike with a child in it and teach that child to ride. How can he need a cane to navigate and still be able to teach the kid to ride a bike? It does not make sense!! Someone is pulling our leg."

Maybe seven years of learning to cope with the disability made a difference? Just sayin'. Somebody who has just lost their sight would be, I imagine, pretty helpless at first. Not so after years of living with it, learning strategies, building confidence.

>Biblically sanctioned? Guess we know how you feel about gays/lesbians. Nice.

Actually, rainbowwarror, some of us read/believe/follow the Bible *and* are LGBT-friendly.

I won't stereotype your sexuality if you don't stereotype my religion. :)

F04- have you ever thought of becoming a writer? You have a great way with words (and don't worry about the spelling -- a good proofreader can take care of that) I love the biking story. It is my favorite on this blog. And I also love many of your other submissions. I'm sure you are a great programmer, but you also have a talent for writing.

for a blog full of liberals you guys are sure uptight about sex.

"I don't get it. As many posters have noted, often pointedly, Leslie and many guest bloggers have an affluent, upper-middle class point of view. Nobody has yet refused to believe their stories. Father of 4 posts from a different economic and educational view, and with a disability, and the entire blog becomes whether he's telling the truth about his situation. So people who are affluent are believable while people who claim otherwise are suspect?"

I think it has to do with something about Fo4 just not ringing true -- from lots of his earlier posts as well as this one. Also, probably has something to do with his seeming to crave adulation. His posts always seem a little contrived, as though he's composing to impress.

I think the people responding negatively are doing so based on long-term blogging acquaintance with this guy.

Am I the only one wondering why, if Father's story is true, that he isn't defending himself even a little bit?

To "a story":

Well, if he was in a grassy field, it probably wasn't an issue.

But this is the sentence that would convince me:

"Then it finally happened, on my last shove, I fell on the ground in complete exhaustion, and I heard those words of triumph about a hundred feet away, "Look Daddy, I'm riding a bike!"

He fell on the ground and "heard" his daughter. Sounds like a blind guy to me.

Everyone is not responding negatively to his post. It seems that it is always the same people who are nasty on this blog.

So, maybe instead of being nasty and the rest of us defending father of 4 we can get back into discussing how people with disabilities can work, live, and balance children. Is there anyone else out there with this kind of issue who would like to weigh in? I 'd like to see how people balance this issue seriously.

Father of 4 still hasn't addressed the inconsistency pointed out by the 7:49 commenter, who noted that Fo4 initially wrote that his wife's mother abandoned her family, but then wrote about having dinner with his in-laws, who were worried about "their daughter."

"Am I the only one wondering why, if Father's story is true, that he isn't defending himself even a little bit?"

He has responded to a couple of questions already. If there are unanwered questions, maybe he doesn't have time to go through the laundry list just now.

Too--not all of us bother defending ourselves against unjust accusations if they don't ultimately matter. Sometimes, it's just not worth the effort.

His story is true. They only have one car because he doesn't drive, and they walk and use public transportation. He has talking caller ID because he can't see the caller ID on the phone. He uses a headset with his computer. Yes, he's blind.

"His posts always seem a little contrived, as though he's composing to impress."

Well said. A lot of his posts start out humorous, but then he has some compulsion to interject sexual innuendo in the punchline. It's not sophomoric humor, it's really creepy stuff.

Father of 4:
It just proves that we all have our own challenges and obsticals to face in life. Just don't think that we will go any easier on you because of it.

Lee, talking about sex is not making "creepy sexual innuendo", unless it was personally aimed at you.

In all my perusuals of this blog I have never seen him actually talk about any of the posters here in erotic terms.

He's often said that his wife serves him food and been roundly criticized by the "feminists" on this blog. How does knowing that he is a blind man affect your perspective of this relationship?

Sure, his wife could tell him "go get it yourself" in many cases, and then have to tell him where to get it. It may well be simpler to put down the food next to him. That's what "serving him" means.

When we speak of living a life of service, we don't mean submission. We mean "serving those who need help."

Now, I've seen a persistent attitude here that doing anything traditionally "feminine" or having labor divided up permanently in what would seem to be sex-biased roles (i.e. somebody cooks all the time, while somebody else does the dishes all the time, or fixes the computers etc.)

I hear again and again this is somehow buying into the patriarchial dogma of servile women. You wouldn't want that in your marriage, fine. FINE. That's YOU. You are okay. You are beautiful. You're a wonderful parent. But you are NOT that other person.

Your desires talents don't lie in that direction, pure and simple. No need to rationalize it away.
You might also be engaging in "stereotypical female roles" such as organizing soccer fundraisings, participating in the PTA and so on. Big whoop.

How is that somehow more elitist than cooking dinner and taking care of the family directly at home? Because you see people applauding you for it? Because you feel like you're a big shot getting things done? Because you're "rolemodelling" for your children that they can learn how to run things too?

But the truth is that you do this kind of thing because you feel it fits your skills and style.

Personally, I'd rather cook dinner anyday than endure soccer parents screaming at each other. That doesn't make me a woman of the cave age. It makes me a woman who prizes sanity.

I'd also rather teach my kids to cook, sew, ride bikes, and train dogs and other useful hands-on skill that don't get much applause but which will be useful in a long life.
You won't be playing soccer at age 80, but you'll still need buttons to sew on and something to eat. That's how long you should want memories of your legacy to last in your children-- until they die.

His story is true. They only have one car because he doesn't drive, and they walk and use public transportation. He has talking caller ID because he can't see the caller ID on the phone. He uses a headset with his computer. Yes, he's blind.

"His posts always seem a little contrived, as though he's composing to impress."

Well said. A lot of his posts start out humorous, but then he has some compulsion to interject sexual innuendo in the punchline. It's not sophomoric humor, it's really creepy stuff.

I guess I don't understand why the wife is a "hero." Why have 4 kids that you can barely afford to provide the essentials for? What example of a responsible adult are they setting for the kids? It's all very misty romantic looking to say you'll live on love, but reality of feeding 6 people on $30 for a week means bad health and angst for those kids. I don't see any of this as a good thing.

"His posts always seem a little contrived, as though he's composing to impress."

Well stated. His posts may start out funny, but then he has some weird compulsion to interject sexual innuendo about his personal life into the punchline. It's creepy stuff.

Father of 4 still hasn't addressed the inconsistency pointed out by the 7:49 commenter, who noted that Fo4 initially wrote that his wife's mother abandoned her family, but then wrote about having dinner with his in-laws, who were worried about "their daughter."

Well, sometimes, people remarry. It is entirely possible that the father remarried and FO4 is referring to his wife's father and stepmother as his in laws. The in-laws could also be the wife's father and brothers and sisters.

Well, my estimation of some of you has reached a new low. As the spouse of a visually impaired person who went through nearly 2 years of degenerating vision, nearly 3 years being legally blind and then 3 more years of painful transplantation surgery (on her eyes!) I can attest that F04's stories ring true to me. It is true that when you lose a sense that the others heighten. After she lost her vision MomWannaBe was able to register more with hearing that she had before. And her adaptive computer skills using programs like Jaws and the voice adaption programs became better. I can and have been in the same room as her with the voice synthesizer and have to read the screen because I cannot understand what the speaker is chirping out. I've gotten used to books on tape always playing in the background and I usually tune them out. Do you listen to everything on the TV when your kids are watching and know what every line is? Or do you tune it out and pay attention to dinner on the stove? Imagine that his coworkers might also do that. So he taught his daughter to ride a bike. On a large flat surface that *she* can see, why does he need vision to push her bike? Or give her instructions?

It's truly disgusting to me that a blog about balance where people profess to want equality without bigotry can be so bigoted about the handicapped. Handicapped people are not lesser people. They are different. They learn to adapt. Didn't you all do that when you had kids and came up with something that you had never known how or been able to do before? You learned to cope and adapt. One would think that by the time his first child was 7, he had learned to adapt. Perhaps some of you doubt his stories because you can't learn much in 7 years...that's hardly his fault.

Whether you disagree with his posting style, his sexual innuendos, etc...should have nothing to do with his credibility about his own life. The disdain that some of you people have for the life of the handicapped is sickening. The utter ignorance and condescension towards them is also revolting.

Grow up people...hopefully before your children do.

The one question I would post to Fo4 is this:

With your blindness, you have a unique perspective on achieving balance in life. Your experiences as parent, husband, and employee who has the disability of blindness could be invaluable to other people who struggle with disabilities that challenge their abilities to balance their lives.

So, why have you never shared this information before? You could have been helping a lot of people.

The only thing that I was disappointed with this blog topic today is that his disability trumps his other financial issues. It becomes a sad yet inspiring piece about a blind guy. I would have liked to hear more about the living pay check to pay check, debt, and family choices. It is hard to talk about balance when the thought your left with is his disability. I almost wish he wrote the piece with out mentioning his disability. But maybe they would not be scraping by if he was fully sighted. I hope Leslie does more pieces about people just scraping by. Then we can weigh that for what it is worth.

Everybody who's ever complained about sexual innuendo from Fo4-- have you read Chaucer? You might enjoy re-reading the Miller's Tale. Truly. Very funny.

And yes, everybody has a right to be jerky sometimes. But cheese the paranoia, you won't do yourself any favors with it.

I, for one, was pretty excited to see a post from somebody on this side of the blogosphere and hope that in the future we will see blurbs from scarry, centervillemom, cmac, etc. (there are lots of regular bloggers on here and it's hard to keep track of all the names!) we learn little bits from eachother's responses, but it's nice to get the chance to read a bigger story, and I find that I'm more curious about your stories than I might be about some guest blogger who I've never heard of and can't/don't relate to on the same level. I hope the vitriol spent today won't discourage others from writing in to Leslie :(

The "Look Daddy" really got me.

I mentioned quite a while ago, that if I traded shoes for a day with the homeless man on the street, that I would be the happiest man in the world. Now you know why.

I've never seen my kids. You have no idea how much this hurts.

I havn't been inside a movie theatre for 17 years. I could care less.

And the Submit button keeps eating my posts.

Father of 4 still hasn't addressed the inconsistency pointed out by the 7:49 commenter, who noted that Fo4 initially wrote that his wife's mother abandoned her family, but then wrote about having dinner with his in-laws, who were worried about "their daughter."

Posted by: Tom T. | September 26, 2006 12:11 PM

=====

Oh please. His wife helped her father raise four siblings. In my book, father plus four siblings still amounts to plural inlaws. And just because her mother abandoned the family doesn't mean that father didn't later remarry and could have had a step-mom. My wife's father died 15 years before I met her. I still have "inlaws" that I had to meet. It was her mother, her aunt, and her two brothers.

In your zeal to castigate the man, you're not even thinking...you're just attacking and for no real purpose.

To Dadwannabe:

"It's truly disgusting to me that a blog about balance where people profess to want equality without bigotry can be so bigoted about the handicapped. Handicapped people are not lesser people. They are different. They learn to adapt."

I don't think anyone here today is disparaging F04 BECAUSE of his disability. In fact, the opposite seems to be true here: people AREN'T making exceptions for him because of his blindness. The posters who have always had problems with him still do. If they suddenly changed their attitudes, wouldn't that be hypocritical?

In fact, some people are treating his guest blog with suspicion precisely because of their past experience with him.

F04, since you wrote this yesterday/early this morning: "DadWannaBe, I for one, read your post very carefully. You are exceptionally reasonable. And your wife. blind? Want to have kids? Fascinating!" I'm interested that you chose "fascinating" as your reaction word since you, too are visually impaired.

Barf, so if my husband suffers a disability causing him to work less in the future, do i become the "woman whom he is using to pay for his disability?" What happened to staying togehter through sickness and health? He went blind AFTER they were married.

Maybe this explains why people get divorced so easily...

NewName2 wonders about "scraping by."
Lots of ways to be either poor, or barely middle-class or even one pay-check or one-income away from a slow and heartbreaking descent into near poverty.

Poor health or chronic disability is a huge driver of personal and familial poverty in country with very patchy safety-nets.

Cancer, even if you survice, can boot you and your Dear Spouse and Darling Children out of your home or if you keep the home, that college savings vehicle evaporates...or any other item beside groceries, fuel, and perhaps some spurge like birthday presents or a hair cut.

Adaptive technology -- for blind, deaf, or any other flavor of disability is EXPENSIVE and is almost never covered by insurance.

So, not an apology for what others may not like aboout F04 today or in posts-past, here.

But, disability and poverty are close cousins.

So, Fo4 is middle class and scraping by.

They love and light candles of humor, instead of cursing the darkness which is not God's will nor fate: Just the random distribution of bad luck in the world.

We, in the US and the West, are EXTREMELY LUCKY, as this distribution of luck goes.

Being born in Africa likely dooms you. Being in Lebanon or Northern Isreal lately -- deadly bad luck.

I borrowed some passion here from DadWannabe. I don't mean to offend NN2, but luck counts here.

It's quite clear that Father of 4's occasional conservative leanings have earned him the undying hatred of some of the posters here. No real surprise to anyone who knows how close-minded and hateful Leftists can be!

thank you dadwannabee for giving us another example of what it is like to have/live with someone who is blind.

I really can't beleive you other people today.

And father of 4, I can't even start to understand what it would feel like to never be able to see my child, but even from this blog, I can tell you and your wife are good people.

And like I said before I knew you were blind, I'll get you a beer and a plate of food anytime at any picnic, just invite me already!

"I've never seen my kids. You have no idea how much this hurts."

I can only imagine. My heart goes out to you. To the poster who asked if we counted our blessings today. I just did.

To College Parkian : I am not at all offended. I think it is important to talk about people who are scraping by whether they have a disability or not. I have a deaf colleague who is no where near to scraping by. I am not sure what the % of people in poverty who also have a disability. It would be interesting to know that. Not at all offended. Good point. I stand corrected. But let's also talk about some people scraping by who are fully able too.

The #1 stupidest question when I went on a job interview when I was blind:

Interviewer: How do you know when you've made a mistake?
SmartAssed me: I just make sure I never make any.

Thank you, Fo4, for taking some of the vitriol usually directed towards me.

Scarry says it best: some of you people would crucify Mother Theresa.

This blog offers a fascinating and at times absolutely horrifying glimpse of what's really going on in people's heads.

Today is a prime example.

Sorry for the unexpected nastiness, Fo4. Love your posts and your stories.
Keep 'em coming.

And Scarry, Rockville, ArlingtonDad, TakomaMom, Glover Park and all the rest of you regulars, send me your Guest Blogs! Fo4 needs company.

DadWannaBe, what's your "real purpose" in defending? I am indeed thinking about what he's written -- rather than just accepting it without thinking.

You might want to characterize "Father and four siblings" as the inlaws, but that's why I highlighted the reference to "their daughter," which plainly implies mother and father. Yes, maybe it's possible that a stepmother came along and became enough a part of the family to think of the wife as a daughter, but then that dilutes the picture of his wife raising the four siblings herself.

Look, I'm willing to believe that he's blind. But I'm not going to accept heart-tugging prose as fact without thinking about it just BECAUSE he's blind; that's patronizing.

Now, Leslie, why would anyone want to send you a guest blog after we saw what they did to the Fo4?

I'm not questioning the veracity of Fo4's postings, but I frequently object to his tone. You see, he's not just living his life and writing heart-warming anecdotes about his family. Instead he loudly proclaims his own satisfaction and wisdom and almost seems to chastise others for not making the same choices. And he does so using some pretty incendiary language. Posting on a blog where arguably most of the readers are women that his wife "serves" him is unnecessarily polemical. It invites people to object even if they think (as I do) that couples should divide household chores however they see fit. My husband cooks everything in our home, but I would NEVER brag to strangers that he "serves" me. That in my view would demean him in a lame attempt to elevate my own status.

That is the second element of Fo4's postings that disturbs me: his insistence on demonstrating his own rightness, wisdom, sensitivity, etc. One example I can recall was when he educated his wife about the imprudence of showing some cleavage at work. Again, it wasn't the content of the story; my husband often offers me advice about how my attire will be received. It was the delivery. Fo4's retelling of the incident made his wife look a bit foolish--silly woman didn't understand men like to look at cleavage--and made him look like a man of unusual insight.

Actually, Father of 4 is getting a pass today because of the timing of his Guest Blog (last week of the Federal fiscal year).

There is another woman in my office who has noticed the sexual innuendos in his posts. We don't have the time to go back and find and quote the inappropriate remarks. Since they would be taken out of the context of the robust discussion of this blog, they might well lose some of their meaning.

Again, these are creepy sexual interjections that we object to.

Thank you, Virginia.

I, too, have found Fo4's smugness quite off-putting.

@ anon 12:30
"The posters who have always had problems with him still do. If they suddenly changed their attitudes, wouldn't that be hypocritical?"

Right, because no one is ever allowed to change their mind ever. Didn't you know the point of a discussion is to blindly argue your point and never give the opposing view any actual thought?

DadWannaBe, maybe you, (or definately your wife) could explain why you capitalize the W and B in your posting name.

See, and here I was, always thinking that FO4 knew exactly how to get a rise out of some people, and tailored his posts to do just that. I've known for some time that, whenever he posted, righteous (and misplaced) indignation was always sure to follow - I guess I just always figured he was doing that on purpose.

I still do, by the way. Some of you folk need to lighten the hell up. That *is* part of balance, you know.

different lurker, surely you've noticed quite a bit of righteous indignation from Fo4's defenders as well.

Logic,

Your comment has no logic.

Of course people change their minds. But if the folks here changed their minds and their conclusions about F04 purely on the basis of discovering he is blind, I can't imagine that even HE would be very happy about that.

Hypothetical analogy: You have known X for 10 years and have disliked him for nearly as long. He's loud, overbearing, pushy, and cheap. You hate his politics and feel that he's a male chauvinist. One day, however, you hear from another acquaintance that X has cancer. You decide that X is a great guy -- sensitive, outgoing, fiscally careful, and a traditional family man.

Logic, this is the kind of mind-changing you're suggesting. Is that really what you mean to say?

DadWannaBe, what's your "real purpose" in defending? I am indeed thinking about what he's written -- rather than just accepting it without thinking.

You might want to characterize "Father and four siblings" as the inlaws, but that's why I highlighted the reference to "their daughter," which plainly implies mother and father. Yes, maybe it's possible that a stepmother came along and became enough a part of the family to think of the wife as a daughter, but then that dilutes the picture of his wife raising the four siblings herself.

Look, I'm willing to believe that he's blind. But I'm not going to accept heart-tugging prose as fact without thinking about it just BECAUSE he's blind; that's patronizing.

Posted by: Tom T. | September 26, 2006 12:43 PM

====

My "real purpose" for defending him is that as with some of the women who get strident when dealing with issues of sexual inequality, I tend to get warm when I see what I feel is patronizing attitudes towards the handicapped. After eight years of people assuming that my wife was deaf, dumb, and physically impaired as well as visually impaired, I have a hard time dealing with some of these.

The attitudes around here of all the things that a blind person cannot do is insulting. A blind man can easily do most of what he says in his posts. Read carefully and you'll see adaptive techniques. For example, when he described making dinner for his kids, he said that he cuts up the ingrediants, tosses them in a pot and stirs/cooks it up, but that he serves it in the pot and his kids grab forks and dig in. Sounds very similar to a woman I know with the same genetic disorder that my wife has.

The division of labor in his house seems to ring a little more natural when I knew about his vision. All in all, when I read today's blog, I actually had a "click...of course" as some things he's said made sense from my own perspective of living with a visually impaired person. Then I see all these people using very condescending analysis of his postings to try to prove that he's not blind. The ignorance truly bothers me. To me, they are as bad as the chauvinistic management that is so frequently complained about on this blog. They just can't see it because they are prejudging handicapped people the same way that the people they disagree with prejudge women.

Father of 4, you are my hero. I can barely hold together a damn web page at work with my contacts in. I started crying when I read your post about never having seen your children--I can't even imagine. (And wife of Father of 4, nurses are my heroes, too--you get to know a lot of them with a chronically ill kid.)

And sorry, Leslie, any inkling I ever had of posting a guest blog is GONE. I couldn't handle this.

"Smug?" A blind woman demonstrates to his wife that her cleavage is too low by using his hands? When I read this I had already been sure Fo4 was blind.

So contrawise, I thought that was hysterical-- "I'm blind and I can PROVE your cleavage is too low and settle this little discussion?"

He's been having fun with you all for a long time, dropping subtle but broad hints, wondering if anybody would catch on he does those things because he is blind?

And all you can say is "his tone is wrong, etc." Come on, this is a blog, this is cold dry electronic print. Whatever tone you see is exactly the tone you put in your own head. NOTHING else.

And if you don't like his tone, you need to have a serious double-check of your own head.

Leslie, I will send you a blog if it can be anonymous. I do have an idea for one, actually.

Rufus, you're an idiot.

DadWannaBe, maybe you, (or definately your wife) could explain why you capitalize the W and B in your posting name.

Posted by: Father of 4 | September 26, 2006 12:55 PM

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It's showing my age (or at least my network based age). I started posting in the 1980's when we had Usenet bulletin boards, long before the Internet came along. I would post in newsgroups and one of the things that would sometimes be done when you ran words together was to capitalize the start of new words. It helped visually parse the conglomerated word. Actually, now that I think about it, we didn't do that on Usenet when it would have been "dadwannabe" (no capitals at all). Then when the Usenix bulletin boards like rec.games, net.news, alt.onbalance came along, we started the caps for new words. I just fell back on early 1990's posting techniques when I first came up with the name. Now, I don't type it anymore...I put it in and my browser autocompletes for me and I just click on the name.

Also, my wife doesn't post. Her agency is pretty strict about limiting the amount of Internet usage during the day and she doesn't have much patience with some of the types of dialog that are common around here. I tell her some of what I've read and she usually j