Four Keys to Spouse-Life Balance

By Rebeldad Brian Reid

Kids alter life way more than a marriage does, and it's easy to get so caught up in the day-to-day survival that the marriage thing gets put on the back burner. Making sure the relationship with the women/man your married, though, should be a key part of the "balance" calculus ... nothing else may go as far in ensuring that work-life balance actually means you're happy at the end of the day.

I've been thinking about the elements that contribute to successful "spouse-life balance" (and isn't that every bit as important as "work-life balance?"), and I've come up with four keys. I don't always live up to the ideals -- that's why I'm writing them down -- but they serve as useful reminders for me.

1. Date your spouse. I'm not sure you can have a fulfilling marriage without at least some one-on-one time. Once a week is great, once a month is pushing it. And it doesn't have to be CityZen. A nice dinner after the beasties are in bed can work just as well as a price fixe menu. (Note to self: Break out the good china this weekend and set the table for two.)

2. Understand your expectations for each other. It used to horrify me to see surveys that showed that traditional marriages -- male breadwinner, at-home mom -- usually ranked as the happiest. But it's not the stereotypical gender roles that make those relationships stable; it's the fact that -- for better or worse -- both husband and wife know exactly what their roles are. In more egalitarian relationships, some of those expectations have to be made painfully explicit.

3. Sync calendars. Nothing makes life go easier at my house than everyone knowing exactly what everyone else is up to, even if half of the items don't involve me. This goes to point 2: understanding what's going on and setting expectations appropriately.

4. Appreciate your spouse. I assure you: Nearly every parent is busting their behinds in one way or another and just acknowledging that goes a long way.

I'm sure I'm missing some ... let me know yours.

Brian Reid writes about parenting and work-family balance. You can read his blog at rebeldad.com.

By Brian Reid |  November 16, 2006; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Tips
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