The AirTran Toddler Fiasco

Forget Snakes on a Plane. The new horror flick is Toddler on a Plane -- playing at airports everywhere.

When reports surfaced last week about a toddler who'd gone postal on a crowded plane, I thought: been there, done that. I once became hysterical myself after all three of my kids melted down simultaneously mid-flight. One of the hidden benefits of parenthood is that most of us become far more sympathetic towards crying children (and their parents) in no-win situations like the one the Kulesza family experienced in Florida on Jan. 14 when their 3-year-old daughter, Elly, refused to sit in her seat.

"Elly was sitting in front of our seat crying," mom Julie Kulesza told the South Fort Myers News-Press in one of the many media stories about the incident, Antsy Tot, 3, Gets Family Kicked Off AirTran Plane. "The attendant motioned to a seat and asked if we'd purchased it for her." The Kuleszas had paid for the seat, but Elly could not be persuaded to get in it.

The airline's version is slightly different.

"[Elly] was climbing under the seat and hitting the parents and wouldn't get in her seat," said Judy Graham-Weaver, a spokeswoman for AirTran. Since Elly was older than the 2-year-old limit when passengers must be buckled into their own seat, the flight attendant instructed her parents to get the child in control and in her seat. "The flight was already delayed 15 minutes, and in fairness to the other 112 passengers on the plane the crew made an operational decision to remove the family."

I figure it's a case of "extreme parenting" when one toddler is too much for her parents, a flight crew and 112 passengers to handle. Good thing the Kuleszas didn't have twins -- the National Guard might have been called in.

I am all for adults being empathetic to children. But there is a line. When over 100 people have been waiting for 15 minutes for their plane to take off, a little discipline is required. Forget consoling, bargaining, threatening or bribing. Forget getting the child to stop crying. A recalcitrant three-year-old should be placed in her seat and her belt buckled -- and she should be physically prevented from unbuckling herself, for her own safety, no matter how loudly she howls, hits or kicks (all things my three children have done on airplanes and elsewhere). Teaching a child that, at certain times, her needs do not outweigh others' needs is a critical part of responsible parenting.

Now matter whether we work or stay home, my friends with children are always debating how much independence to give our children, how much we expect from them, how to teach them to be say please, thank you, I'm sorry, are you okay. It is hard to be an empathetic, loving parent and a disciplinarian -- whether you are doling out the discipline on the playground or over the phone from work. But we have to teach the simple lesson that the good of the many outweighs the good of the one -- and that behaving well is best for you in the long run too. Whatever "humiliation" the Kulesza family reports suffering is far more traumatic to their child than the fury she might have felt if forced to sit properly and safely in her airplane seat.

My friend Patricia, who has two very polite sons ages 9 and 12, puts it this way: "I am not my sons' friend. I'm their parent and it is my job to make the unpopular decisions. We can be friends when they are all grown up ... or not." You can bet her boys buckle themselves into airplane seats without being asked by anyone.

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  January 29, 2007; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Raising Great Kids
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