Third!!

Ooops.

Well, that's really great that you get the childcare you need. I think your essay might have been better if you state specifically what you are advocating for: subsidized childcare for more of us, better quality care for all of us, company subsidies, government subsidies?

We get the anecdotal stories and yours is very nice, but how about something to discuss?

I actually liked her blog a lot. I think the point she is making is that subsidized care is a necessity and it helps build stronger families, which is a benefit to everyone. I wondered what are the income thresholds for these programs and are noncustodial parents expected to chip in for the cost. Best of luck to your family. I think these programs are vital to our country. If anyone could shed light on some of these school run before and after school care programs. What do they do during delays or school closings? Are you happy with the summer care? What do they do if your late picking up your kid?

please get rid of the italics. this is really hard to read.

I don't see any italics...

I don't see italics either. I do see them on yesterdays blog written by Leslie but not on todays blog.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

What are the income guidelines for this program?

http://www.fairfaxcounty.gov/ofc/CCAR.htm

I believe these are probably the income guidelines associated with this particular program. If someone else knows differently, please inform me.

Wow! A yearly subsidy equivalent to $13,490

Sweet!!!!

As a nation, we should be helping someone in these circumstances, who has played by the rules.

Is the state was pursuing the children's father for child support?

So, the author's yearly income is limited to $45,636 (family of 3), not sure if child support is counted,to receive the subsidy.

What a sweetheart deal. Might even be worth taking a pay cut!

Whatever you do Jennifer, do not, I repeat DO NOT marry your boyfriend! It's only a cheap piece of paper anyway.

Thanks for sharing your story - one of the reasons I read blogs as well as reports is that they do convey that personal story. Your son sounds like a real cutie and obviously he's growing up with a fantastic work ethic.

I'm glad to support programs like this one with tax dollars. In a few years your kids won't need daycare and you will have been earning and building experience all that time. To me that's assistance that not only meets a need (a safe place for your kids) but also supports you in getting "ahead," whatever that means for you. Best of luck!

When you get a pay raise you also might want to think about making another baby.

Wow are people cynical and mean-spirited on this blog.

"Wow! A yearly subsidy equivalent to $13,490

Sweet!!!!"

The cost of child care is $13,490. She didn't say how much the subsidy is. My guess is that the subsidy is only partial and she pays a share.

Cruel, cruel posters on this blog. She went to school, got a degree, and is working full time to provide for her family. Not every job pays six figures.

Jennifer, thanks for sharing your story and providing information that may help others have balance in their lives.

OK people before you start getting mean, it is really difficult to afford decent (never mind good) child care in this area at an afforable price. Being single means that you do not have the added income to help you out, and you NEED to work in order to support your family. Often what is needed is only a few thousand a year to help make ends meet with child care expenses.

What was shocking to me was how difficult it was to get when I was jobless and looking - first there is no short term emergency programs until you get on your feet (or a decent paying job), secondly the income levels are super low in order to be eligible that you are likely to be on some other care as well. We say that we are a family friendly country yet do not support this in our actions.

As for child support, there is a program in DC (which is successful for some and not others) that does help parents go after child support, but it is not agressive if the other parent does not want to cooperate. Also, not all people with court orders for child support actually pay them!! This is also a problem that needs to be fixed before we go after the single parent on child care subsidies...

italics problem appears in Firefox, but not Internet Explorer.

thanks italics, that explains it!

Ditto single mom.

foamgnome asks some good questions. Does anyone know the actual details of this program? This program seems to be an example of a program that is a win-win for all concerned.

good for you Jennifer for finding the program and going forward with life!

I wonder if it would make peopel feel better if she went on welfare? It is so expensive in VA that me and my husband had a hard time paying all our bills and we made double what this woman did. There are lots of things to get upset about regarding taxes and where your hard earned money goes. This, however, is not one of them.

This is a question from a frequent reader who has a) no children, b) no husband, and c) no interest in gaining either. I do, however, have a social life, a job, family, roommate, cat, co-workers, obligations, dreams, and frustrations about balancing the whole shebang.

So here's the thing--does this blog EVER talk about "balancing your life" or is it only about kids, families, and the eternal stay at home/working mother debate? I mean, that's great and all, but isn't there a separate blog about parenting? Which, confusingly, seems to be far less popular than this one.

I guess my point is--there's a lot more to balancing your life than kids. (Especially for all the people who don't have kids.) Like the time my aunt--someone I really wasn't close to--died when I was due to go out of town for a convention, that was scheduled on my 21st birthday and where I was the guest of honor. What would you do? How do you balance the demands of family and the fact that this was something I'd been planning (and looking forward to) for a year?

Hmm, this 30 year old woman has been receiving the subsidy for 4 years. I could have received the subsidy the entire time I was in college and saved myself a bunch of student loans for childcare.

What a deal!! Spread the word!!!

confused: I do think this blog is dominated with families with kids but there are some child free people who frequent this blog.

I am very glad to read this post today! I looked at the Web site, and this seems like a great organization. It restores some of my faith in humanity!

I am happy that my taxes go to help single-parent families. Unlike some other posters, I can understand that not all single-parent households are born of drunken one-night stands. Let's not judge this person. She seems to be doing the best she can. Jennifer, keep up the good work!

And "$13,000 marriage tax," what are you talking about? What's the marriage tax? Are you just being snarky, or are you trying to make a point?

Yay! A substantive topic. Child care costs are a serious issue. I cannot imagine how a single parent who doesn't make six figures can afford to put one or more children in a day care center without help. (In fact I think that in general, low-income single parents who work have to rely on relatives and informal babysitters who are often not ideal caretakers.)

It's legitimate to ask whether there should be government programs that help people pay for child care. I'd venture to guess that if you did a study of the long-term benefits, we all come out ahead from the subsidy. Not just because the kids are better taken care of, but because in the long run, allowing a single parent to work while their kids are small (rather than sit at home on welfare) will allow them to increase their income and skills over time, which decreases the chance that they'll need future government help.

Hmm, this 30 year old woman has been receiving the subsidy for 4 years. I could have received the subsidy the entire time I was in college and saved myself a bunch of student loans for childcare.

What a deal!! Spread the word!!!

My guess is that a lot of people have no idea of what is out there. If people did some research they might find they are eligible for some subsidies.

I am also very glad my tax dollors are going to programs like this...I do believe it is a win/win situation for everyone. I cringe whenever I read a news story talking about making cuts in such programs - sure, just take money away from where it is needed most.

--off topic--

GO TERPS!

(I'm sorry Duke fans, but that was a huge win for us, so I have to gloat. But good luck Wednesday)

I earn $60K (with a masters degree - nonprofit sector), which is pretty good for what I do. I could not afford the $14,500/year tab for pre-school for my child without child support (which if I did not have child support would need some sort of subsidy - though I am not eligble for so would have to send said child to crappy school that is cheaper). Do you realize that in DC with my income in order to be eligible for free lunch I'd have to be supporting 8 children!?!?!

I live in a simple one bedroom apt, walk to work, have student loans, and never hire a sitter to go out (just so you do not attack my lavish lifestyle).

I don't have kids and I don't live in VA but I do feel this is a worthy program. As one poster said - would people prefer she go on welfare? Let her kids stay home alone and either get into trouble or perhaps be injured?
She is also giving back by volunteering. I think it was brave of her to write this and acknowledge that she is receiving assistance.

GO TERPS!

(I'm sorry Duke fans, but that was a huge win for us, so I have to gloat. But good luck Wednesday)

Posted by: Meesh | February 13, 2007 09:02 AM

I second that! Fear the turtles!

Correct me if I am wrong but currently under the 2006 tax laws, there is no marriage penalty anyway. Two single people making X dollars would pay the same as two married people making 2X dollars. The marriage penalty was always over blown anyway. There is a lot of cost savings to being married as well. I have no problem with married couples paying slightly more in taxes (which they don't now) because it costs them slightly less to live on then two separate individuals. There are economies of scale. You get on group health plans, you split living costs, food costs etc... BTW, I am married.

Years and years of a 10K+ subsidy. Helping hand is an understatement!!!!

For more info on child care:
http://www.acf.hhs.gov/programs/ccb/

Another way to look at this subsidy is that it's really for the children.

P.S. Yay, Terps :-)))

Is confused telling all the parents on the blog to jump over to on parenting so that the singles can rule the blog with topics about dead aunts and birthdays?

Sounds like an off topic discussion to me! Let's play. I would have gone to my convention and sent flowers.

"I guess my point is--there's a lot more to balancing your life than kids. (Especially for all the people who don't have kids.) Like the time my aunt--someone I really wasn't close to--died when I was due to go out of town for a convention, that was scheduled on my 21st birthday and where I was the guest of honor. What would you do? How do you balance the demands of family and the fact that this was something I'd been planning (and looking forward to) for a year?

Posted by: confused | February 13, 2007 08:47 AM"

I understand your frustrations concerning the repetitve nature of this blog, but this is your example of balance? You were the guest of honor at a convention and it was your 21st birthday? What kind of convention and are you Lindsay Lohan?

BTW: I hope you went to the funeral but perhaps your family understood if you didn't.

NC has a similar child care subsidy program that is funded by both state and federal funds.(http://info.dhhs.state.nc.us/olm/manuals/dcd/ccs/man/)

The 9:11 post was mine. I forgot to sign it.

First, this certainly sounds like a good program. I'm strongly in favor of subsidizing things that have a good return on investment, and it sounds like this meets the requirements

- help goes to people who need it
- it builds stronger family ties (she spends more time with the kids)
- there's a payoff at the end (she's ahead in her career; the kids are better off)

So I'll join in the chorus on this one.

Foamgnome, re: marriage penalty: it's still there. It's not as bad as it used to be, but a married couple who both work tend to pay more in taxes and fees than two single people. Some of the most egregious examples have been done away with either directly or indirectly (e.g., the deduction on capital gains from selling your home was a killer. It used to be that you could take a once-in-a-lifetime exemption from capital gains arising from selling your house. The exemption for a married couple was exactly the same as for a single person - I'll never forget the look on my MIL & FIL's faces when their accountant told them they could save almost $100,000 in capital gains taxes by divorcing for a year! But that's been done away with indirectly because of the different treatment of capital gains from selling your home.)

Re: health plans, a "family" health plan is almost always far more expensive than two "single" health plans because the family plan covers kids. When we got married, we were strongly advised to keep our individual plans until kids came along. (We were both Feds at the time.) I just checked my current company's web site and sure enough, coverage for a married couple is somewhat more expensive than covering two individuals.

I don't think in general it's $13,000 per year, but the problem still exists and it's still rooted in the fact that the tax code assumed that only one member in a "married couple filing jointly" worked outside the home.

I wonder though if the people that really need these subsidies and programs can access them? I am well educated and an agressive person and had a hard time... as are my friends helping me out!

Kudos, Jennifer, for searching out resources to help you maintain a healthy family life for your kids.

I love reading about our tax dollars supporting programs like this one and only wish this program were available to all the women in this country who need it.

Maybe someday. In the meantime, Jennifer, congrats on being the kind of mom that your son is inspired to write so positively about!

I received a state child care subsidy that enabled my husband and I to work (in a region with low paying jobs) and send our kids to a good daycare/preschool that prepared them for school. The most it ever paid was 25% of the child care cost, and the amount stayed the same even during summer/winter/spring break when the child care costs doubled. By working, we had health insurance, paid for food, etc., and paid taxes. The income thresholds were low. Without the subisdy, one of us would have quit working, and then we would have been eligible for (and needed) food stamps, medicaid (or been uninusred), assistance for heat and utilities, etc.. Anyone who sees this program as a free ride does not know how much childcare costs/what percentage of your ncome it takes. And childcare when kids are little is not an option if you want to work: you cant say, I cant afford the daycare fee this week so I'll leave the baby home alone while I work!! Childcare is not a luxury when you need to work, it is a neccesity.

I do have a couple attorney friends who volunteer their time to help people slog through the paperwork, follow-up, etc. It can be intimidating from what I hear.

And "$13,000 marriage tax," what are you talking about? What's the marriage tax? Are you just being snarky, or are you trying to make a point?

The point is - if she decides to marry her boyfriend the combined income most likely would illiminate her qualification to received a subsidy. In this case, and I'm not just talking about Jennifer's unique situation, she would have to take a huge economic loss if she decided to get married. Single mothers know this. Also, there are a significant number of couples who want children and specifically have kids before they get married to bill the social services with the expense.

Ever wunder why there are so many single women with children that are living under the poverty line? The answer is simple, if they entered into a marriage contract with their financial provider, they would live well above the line and have to sacrifice their yearly vacation to Disney World.

The guest blog raises the issue well in support of subsidized child care for those who need it. I applaud Jennifer for her honesty and willingness to put herself and her family out there for the types of attacks that are common by other posters. I see the issue as a catch-22 - we need good childcare (which is expensive to provide) but it's difficult for most families to afford the quality care we all agree is important.

Slightly off topic, but I have an issue that we are dealing with for the first time and could use some advice from other parents. We've just learned that the man who (with his wife) purchased the home directly behind ours about 3 weeks ago is a registered sex offender. Offense did not involve physical contact with a child but still causes concern (happened in 2003). DH wants to move - I think this is overboard and we can't really be sure someone else with a record such as this wouldn't be a neighbor anywhere else. How do we talk to our kids about this without making them overly fearful? How do I find the balance of allowing the oldest some freedom when I want right now to be with him every minute after school? (He's 13, 5'6" and pretty self assured and mature). The law enforcement officers with whom I've spoken all suggest I go talk with the guy and let him know that we know, etc... I think I've just about mustered up the courage to do this but it unnerves me. Ideas? Thoughts?

Where does it say that she has a boyfriend???

"The law enforcement officers with whom I've spoken all suggest I go talk with the guy and let him know that we know, etc... I think I've just about mustered up the courage to do this but it unnerves me"

You are right to be unnerved! It was reckless advice for the police to tell you to "go talk with the guy"!!!!

There are other ways to get your message to the sex offender without in person contact.

"There are other ways to get your message to the sex offender without in person contact."

And they are . . . ?

Be some help!

What did the offense involve? If it involved an offense against an adult (date rape, anyone?), then your children are not at risk.

The cost of care is so high because the daycare/preschool workers DESERVE to make a living wage. They still barely get by as it is. I would rather pay 1300/month and have nice happy women raising my children than pay 800 or 900/month and suffer through high turnover, etc. I really don't think that we should be complaining about the high cost of care when the daycare providers can barely make ends meet. They ARE raising our kids!

The real problem, of course, is that wages have not kept pace with the cost of living in this area. When small townhomes start at 700-800K in the nice neighborhoods- who can afford that? Even in the suburbs inside the beltway, houses start at 600K. WHo can afford a 4K mortgage? Who can afford 2300 rent for a 2 bdr apartment? Plus retirement and college and attempting to have holidays and MAYBE (that's a big maybe) a family vacation every once in awhile?

I was reading a "budget" article the other day and I am supposedly Upper Middle Class. That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. 5K/month take home in this city is NOTHING.

SO what can we actually do about this? Middle class families can't keep living this way.

Just like single mom- I do not live luxuriously. We live in a tiny 2 bdr, have 1 car that we paid for with cash years ago, and haven't had a vacation in more than 4 years (when we got pregnant with our child! lol)

Stacey,

Use Google, etc. to find out what else you can about this sex offender. It really depends what else is there. If this person has a criminal history in addition to the sex offense, then it's a bad situation, and it may impact your decision.

If there's no other record you can find, then it might be worthwhile for you and your husband to sit down with this other couple and let them know you know, and ask them to avoid your children.

If there are additional crimes in this person's background, then I'm afraid I might side with your husband and think about moving (although I'm afraid this will likely hurt your property values).

My experience on this? It wasn't a sex offender, but about five years ago a woman with three young children moved in next door; they moved up from Mississippi. Turns out they moved up because the husband/father was in the Federal Pen in Pennsylvania - he pleaded guilty to Medicare fraud and got three years; the original list of charges was as long as your arm. They had family in this area and it was close enough for her to go see him. (The kids at that time didn't know Dad was in prison; they were told he was out of the country for an extended time.) Dad got out of jail and came back to the house next door; he basically did nothing for two years. They divorced but he still lived there to provide day care for the kids. Then one Saturday morning he decided that she had been cheating on him (he didn't really consider them to be divorced) so he bashed her over the head with the answering maching and strangled her. He's in the MD State Pen for 30 years for attempted murder (plea bargain); she's in a persistent vegetative state at a hospital in Baltimore; and the three kids are in the Milton Hershey School in PA. Not a pleasant situation; not one I would repeat.

"Is the state was pursuing the children's father for child support?"

Is the father alive?

"italics problem appears in Firefox, but not Internet Explorer."

It doesn't appear in Opera either.

The offense was on line child pornography. Turned in by a roommate. Guy's now married, and they bought a pretty nice house in a stable neighborhood. He's employed and has one more year of unsupervised probation with no problems during the prior probationary period. As the range of offenders and likelihood of re-offending goes, he's supposedly low risk. Nice, but doesn't really make me feel better when it's literally my back yard.

Thanks Army Brat. The detective who had the probation file in front of him did say it was the first arrest and conviction but how do we know whether it was a first offense (probably not likely). I've looked for other records and haven't found any but should get more info from the local law enforcement folks. The story you've shared is awful - how could you possibly know? I guess the benefit of the registry is that we do at least know about this. I've met the guy over the fence when they moved in and he was cautiously friendly and now I know why. I'm very uncomfortable with the whole situation but also trying to react appropriately with respect to the entire neighborhood's reaction and with respect to my children. Oh, and DH - who prosecuted a sex offender and has seen similar images so is extremely angry and emotional about this issue.

I think a predator is a predator. Maybe her kids aren't at risk but if he is a rapist maybe she is. I don't know what to tell you Stacey, but I know I would not engage him. Why bring attention to yourself and your family? I would talk to my kids and tell them under no circumstances are they to go around him. I would get an alarm.

I don't know if it is wise to move unless you notice that he takes an interest in your children. I mean sex offenders are everywhere, which is a crime itself.

"Without the child-care assistance that I receive, I would have to obtain a second job, which would then take from the time that I get to spend with my children."

If she were receiving private funds, that would be one thing, but I don't like to hear that my tax dollars are being spent to keep people from being inconvenienced. If without assistance she would be unable to have ANY job and keep her apartment, that would be one thing, but honestly at least for this blogger, the assistance seems like an easy way out of an inconvenience rather than something that she life-or-death truly NEEDS.

"The offense was on line child pornography"

The guy's a pedophile. He will NEVER change. But he has successfully pulled the wool over his wife's eyes (or she is in denial or she is an enabler). Anyone who thinks that living in a nice house in a stable neighbor makes any difference is naive!

Does his employer know about his record? How can his family afford the house?

To single mom: You're absolutely right! Nowhere does the guest blogger mention a significant other (nor expensive vacations). Some chatter leapt to an adverse stereotypical conclusion, stating it as if it were fact.

To confused: Yes, this blog tends to concentrate on parent-child balance issues, which from a demographic perspective is reasonable. But concerns for parents and other relatives strike me as legitimate fodder for this blog, too, as many people have at least partial responsibility for other family members. E.g., my much-older cousin had to bear the brunt of our elderly widowed aunt's needs for the last three years of her life, by virtue of his living in the same state. The first couple years this mainly involved weekly trips (about an hour each way) to her house, where she continued to live alone, to assist with chores and household maintenance, driving her on numerous errands and to medical appointments, etc., and generally having to listen to her complain. In our aunt's final year, however, her care involved much more, as she had numerous medical appointments and was hospitalized several times as her health declined terminally. Although my cousin is much older than I am, so was already retired, he still had his own life to lead, including being close to his adult children and gradchild who live within a few miles of him, his own home to maintain -- and in the midst of this he himself was ill for a couple of months. Since I live far away from the rest of my family, my main role -- besides a few fly-in visits -- was to be my cousin's empathetic sounding-board via phone and email. My cousin was unable to take any vacations during this three-year period, which he naturally missed. And as executor of our aunt's estate, since her death he's had to deal with the lawyer, bank, realtor (aunt's house had to be sold, as it constituted the majority of her estate), not to mention the ghastly task of emptying the home where our aunt lived for over 60 years. So my cousin definitely had family-balance issues, even if they weren't primarily with children.

To Stacey: I don't blame you for being concerned re your new neighbor who's a registered sex-offender. After all, just because the offense in question "did not involve physical contact with a child," goodness only knows what else he's done, or would like to do, given half a chance. There were also some pervy-seeming men in my neighborhood back when I was a child (long before offender-registration, however). My mother handled this by teaching me that it was only OK to say "hello" to them so as not to be rude, but not to get drawn into any further conversation with them -- and above all, never, ever under any circumstances to go with them anywhere, no matter what they might say to me (even if they said it was OK with my mother). This policy worked fine for me. Re not moving away, I think you make an excellent point that you "can't really be sure someone else with a record such as this wouldn't be a neighbor anywhere else."

For others who might want to check out their neighborhood:

http://www.familywatchdog.us/

I know MD also has a link to their registry so maybe other states do too.

Ever wunder why there are so many single women with children that are living under the poverty line? The answer is simple, if they entered into a marriage contract with their financial provider, they would live well above the line and have to sacrifice their yearly vacation to Disney World.

Where do you guys get stuff like this? DH and I are both well paid professionals. We took DD on the DCL once and don't plan to take her to WDW for about another 2-3 years. We are definitely in the upper middle class bracket and we can't afford a Disney vacation every year. Why in the world do you think a mother making less then 45K/year is going to Disney every year.
I agree the law and the programs do discourage marriage. Then let's work on NOT eliminating their subisidies after they marry. Because, I guess I am old fashioned, but I think kids do better in a loving two parent homes then single homes. So let's not punish the kids. Let's continue to support them regardless of their mother or father's marital status.

Stacey, have you considered talking to your neighbors. I agree it is not worth moving because you don't know who your next neighbors will be. But I would definitely spend the $$ on a fenced in yard with a lock. We have that and it is the best investment. I still keep an eagle eye out for DD (who is only 3). But at age 10-13, I would feel perfectly safe in letting her play in our locked yard by herself or with a friend. It sucks. But you can't even let your 7 year old go to the tot lot by themselves. When I was a kid (in the 70s and 80s), I had the run of about 1/4 of the town by the time I was 8. Man I feel sorry for kids today.

Stacey - Despite all the information you have there are still a lot of variables in your situation. I agree - the guy got caught but it probably was not the first time (kudos to the roommate). I just keep thinking about all the Dateline Specials with seemingly ordinary people that are soliciting children for sex.

This is such a personal decision and your husband's concerns are valid. I looked on the VA sex offender registry and there are quite a few within a 5 mile radius of my house and it makes me uncomfortable, but they are everywhere. Like Scarry said, at least we have the registry.

Good Luck in your decision making - it is a hard one.

would talk to your son (at 13 he should already know about sexual predators, etc.) and tell him to have no contact, etc. with this man. Teach him ways to deal with predators - moving will remove this neighbor, but what about future predators he may encounter. Better to teach good skills (do not believe people when they say they are friends with your parents/your parents want you to go with them, follow your gut instincts if someone does/says anything that makes you uncomfortable, etc.) My elem school aged kids learned about "good touch/bad touch" in daycare and about online predators in computer class, which lead into a discussion about strangers/neighbors/etc

From the beginning: "This blog is devoted to illuminating the work/family debate through stories from moms about how we juggle work and kids, in whatever portions we've chosen (including none). So welcome, working moms, sort-of working moms and not-working-right-now moms."
Not saying it hasn't or shouldn't evolve, but since it's Leslie's blog, she gets to decide what it's about.

Foamgnome - I the School-Age Child Care Program run by Fairfax County Public Schools is wonderful. Unfortunately the centers have long waiting lists, so not everyone can take advantage of them. People pay on a sliding scale based on income. With before and after school care they are open 7:15 AM to 6:15 PM. My two children love it and I am please with the care given to my children.

To answer your questions: When schools are delayed, SACC still tries to open by 8:00AM. With early closings (like today) they stay open until the last child is picked up, but they are officially still open until 6:15. When the schools are closed, SACC is closed. If you are late picking up your kids, you get a fee (I think it is $15, but have only had to pay it once).

We also are very pleased with the Summer program. Each Summer they have a different theme and they keep the kid busy with a great variety of activities. Hope this info helps.

I strongly recommend everyone check out your neighborhood. Most states have offender web sites. We were definitely under a false sense of security in our little suburban enclave. There are 4 registered offenders in our zip code and fortunately the other 3 are pretty far away. I was surprised by the number and hate to admit I hadn't checked before. The knowledge has prompted us to have these talks with the kids and reinforce the safety rules. We've always had a "secret word" and the kids know they do NOT go with anyone, even someone who says we sent them to pick them up, if that person does not know the secret word. We also have a lot of structure and check in times. I've shown the older two the guy's picture and we've talked in general about why certain criminals have to register and why children are especially targeted. It's the line between proper caution and how not to make them overly fearful that I am struggling with.

To the person who asked how they afforded the house - that is something we're all wondering about. I spoke with the realtor who sold the house and learned that they did pre-qualify for a traditional mortgage. I also agree that these folks do not change and that they are opportunists. I am very glad we have a really big dog as an additional security feature and we do have an alarm.

I saw a tv show that had a former police officer who now goes around the country teaching about predators. He asked a group of parents if their child (approx ages 5-10) if their child would go with a stranger. They all said no - that they had taught them to never go with a stranger. Well, he walked up to each kid on the playground and asked them to help him find his puppy - each and every one walked away with the man. The parents were astounded.
He also talked about getting close to cars. Some people will grab a person (usually woman or child) by pulling over and asking directions or asking you to stick your head in to look at a map. He advised to never get within arms reach of a vehicle. It was an excellent, eye-opening show.

Here is a link to our National Sex Offender Public Registry: http://www.nsopr.gov/

I've had a chance to visit with sex offender grants and some are very against restrictions on where sex offenders can live. It was definitely interesting...

J:, DD is now in preschool. She has two more years left of preschool. How soon do I need to sign her up for the kindergarten SACC program? Summer before kindergarten, spring before kindergarten. I definitely want to get her in that. It sounds good. I do worry about all those teacher work days. Are they closed for those days too?

Student Mom:

I understand your concern, but if she takes a second job, how will she get daycare for that?

Seems a few posters are making assumptions about her life that aren't fair. Regardless of the circumstances, it is darn near impossible to put two kids in daycare in the D.C. area when you make less than $50K. I was robbing Peter to Paulina's Day Care for one child when I made less than $50K. The only way to do it for more than one child is to get help, often govt assistance.

BTW, in MD if the custodial parent, on state aid, has a support order, the amount of state aid is retained by the state and deducted from the amount of the support s/he receives, e.g. Order=$1000, State Aid=$750, Parent gets $250. This aleivates some of the state burden.

Can we make fun of the 21 year old who had to go to a funeral on her birthday?

The cost of care is so high because the daycare/preschool workers DESERVE to make a living wage. They still barely get by as it is. I would rather pay 1300/month and have nice happy women raising my children than pay 800 or 900/month and suffer through high turnover, etc. I really don't think that we should be complaining about the high cost of care when the daycare providers can barely make ends meet. They ARE raising our kids!

The real problem, of course, is that wages have not kept pace with the cost of living in this area. When small townhomes start at 700-800K in the nice neighborhoods- who can afford that? Even in the suburbs inside the beltway, houses start at 600K. WHo can afford a 4K mortgage? Who can afford 2300 rent for a 2 bdr apartment? Plus retirement and college and attempting to have holidays and MAYBE (that's a big maybe) a family vacation every once in awhile?

I was reading a "budget" article the other day and I am supposedly Upper Middle Class. That is the funniest thing I've ever heard. 5K/month take home in this city is NOTHING.

SO what can we actually do about this? Middle class families can't keep living this way.

Just like single mom- I do not live luxuriously. We live in a tiny 2 bdr, have 1 car that we paid for with cash years ago, and haven't had a vacation in more than 4 years (when we got pregnant with our child! lol)

Posted by: | February 13, 2007 09:47 AM

Anon at 9:47,

I have to agree. The daycare workers are often overlooked in this daycare cost equation. They do such an important job, yet many parents are willing to let them be paid a pittance (or turn the other cheek) for helping us raise our kids so we can work.
I chose our preschool for a lot of reasons- but one of the biggest was the low turnover. THey get paid pretty well (compared to other centers) have good benefits (most don't even offer benefits). A happy teacher= a happy child!

I actually make about the same as you and it is a struggle. We live in a 1 bedroom (my husband and I have our bed in the dining nook), our little one has the bedroom. We have 1 car that we own, and haven't been on a vacation as a family yet- we took 1 overnight trip last year and that was it. How on Earth 85K became struggling is beyond me!

FYI - if you live in VA, this Web site lists sex offenders: http://sex-offender.vsp.virginia.gov/sor/

"I agree the law and the programs do discourage marriage. Then let's work on NOT eliminating their subisidies after they marry."

RIGHT ON! The whole "if you don't want to be poor, just get married and your husband will provide" attitude is pretty harsh about men who aren't well-off and the women they love who love them back.

I hope you don't take any grief on here for getting and unapologetically using assistance. (I don't know if you did get grief as I have not yet read the comments.) But hey, after our government has spent trillions to make Iraq great _NOT_ no one has a shred of a right any longer to attack our own citizens when their use of government funds is honest and earnest.

Can we make fun of the 21 year old who had to go to a funeral on her birthday?

Posted by: | February 13, 2007 10:26 AM

Oh, come on, it's tough to balance drinking and partying and family obligations! hehe.

Stacey - I'm gonna vote with cmac and the devil you know. There is no guarantee that if you move you won't be nearer another one that you might not know about. I think you should be really frank with your children and making them scared I think is appropriate. When kids are 13 they think that they know better and can handle situations themselves - we all remember that feeling right. So I think scaring the wits out of the kid would be a good idea. He doesn't have to be scared of the world to be scared of a person like that. If a convicted murder moved in next door, I'd be scared but I'm not afraid of the world. Get an alarm system too.

Wow, Stacey, that's pretty scary stuff. Obviously, this is a very personal decision for you and your family. I think I feel as many others have already suggested that moving probably isn't the answer because you're just as likely to have someone like this in your next neighborhood. I personally think that there are an awful lot of pedophiles who don't get turned in, so even if there's nobody on the registry in your new place that doesn't mean there isn't someone just like this guy there. Not to be overly pessimistic and dramatic, I just think that you can't rely on the registry to make you feel safe. It sounds like you have taken a lot of precautions to teach your children about the risks and to teach them the skills they need, and that seems like the best thing you can do.

Good luck with this - I'm so sorry you are in this situation!

Maybe if the childcare subsidy was not available she would have thought twice about having children she couldn't afford to take care of - I can understand the first child but a second one after knowing that childcare was an issue for her is inexcusable. My tax dollars are being used to pay for someone else's poor planning/judgement

Foamgnome - Registration start July 1st the YEAR BEFORE she would start Kindergarten. I don't think that they will take her until she is actually in school, but once in, you are golden. You must register separately for School year, the Winter Program (Christmas/New Year Holiday), the Spring Program (Spring Break), and the Summer Programs (7-8 different weeks). If there is a waiting list, don't worry, just get on it. It jumps as 6th-graders leave. Once you are in one of the sessions, you are in each year until you take her out.

As for teacher work days, SACC is open. SACC also covers Monday afternoons, when Fairfaz County School are usually closed. It is closed for Fed. holidays.

How on Earth 85K became struggling is beyond me!

Wow, it must have been that the real estate market shot up so fast. I can't imagine that would be life on 85K. I think it is cool you gave the little one the bedroom. But that leaves little privacy for you and your husband. Best of luck to you.

Thanks JL. I will definitely keep abreast of it. I looked at their site and it looks like a nice program.

Ana: no offense but your assuming she was in the same situation before her second child arrived. I had a friend whose husband suddenly died leaving her with two kids. You can't always know when your spouse will die, divorce you, or just plain run away.

"Maybe if the childcare subsidy was not available she would have thought twice about having children she couldn't afford to take care of - I can understand the first child but a second one after knowing that childcare was an issue for her is inexcusable."

And how exactly do you know she had her second child after knowing? There's nothing in her blog to support that conclusion. Personally, I don't care whether she knew this was an issue when she had her second child - she sounds like she is working hard to be responsible and raise responsible children, and that's great. As someone pointed out yesterday, saying a single mother shouldn't have gotten pregnant in the first place, is, well, POINTLESS! It's in the past, and the real issue is how she's dealing with it now and how we can best ensure that the children are raised in a positive environment and with a good role model, which is exactly what this guest blogger is doing.

Now Iraq is always and interesting discussion on how tax payers dollars are not being used optimally... in one week we lost 8 helicopters with a replacement value of $40M+ each ($320M), wonder how many families in need this could help move from near poverty line to way above.

Also, are there any accountants/economists out there that can explain how we can balance a budget with a huge deficit and an expensive war without raising taxes - responsibly?

To Ana: Nowhere does today's guest blogger state that she was unmarried at the time of the birth of either of her children. For all that any of us knows, she was happily married and expecting to continue to be for the duration of her children's minor years, but she was unexpectedly widowed. Or maybe her marriage went so badly awry that divorce was the prudent solution to a difficult problem. Or maybe she did have both children while single, but reasonably believed that her economic situation would be more favorable than it has turned out to be (reflecting, in part, the disproportionately-increasing cost-of-living in the DC area).

And yet none of this really matters. What matters, Ana, is that you would punish the children if you judged that their parent had not lived up to your standards. It's not the children's doing.

"You can't always know when your spouse will die"

That's why you buy insurance! The sudden death of a spouse "leaving someone with kids" excuse is really pretty bogus.

To Ana: How do you know she had her children as a single parent? Her piece does nothing to encourage this idea. Maybe she is widowed, or divorced. Would you have her stay in a bad marriage just so she could afford daycare without assistance? That wouldn't be good for the kids, either!

Re: cost of daycare. Does anyone know if the cutoffs for subsidies are adjusted for cost of living? (e.g. higher in parts of the country where it is more expensive for housing, utilities, etc.) My husband and I make about $60K and even in the NY suburbs that gets you nothing. Infant daycare here is upwards of $1000/month, and that's if you're lucky to find something (the waiting list can be 9 months or longer . . . so some people call to put their names on the lists before they even tell family/friends they are pregnant!). Affording daycare is the only reason we haven't been able to have kids yet . . . and parents are not an option. (Both sets work, and I wouldn't feel right saddling them with a baby anyway.) I just wish when I was in college, I'd had a crystal ball, so I could have had the foresight to go do investment banking instead of following my heart to a low-paid career that I love. Thanks for letting me vent and thanks for sharing your story, Jennifer.

With the fairfax county program - it is a great program but it is not available at all schools, because of space issues.

re: marriage tax..three little letters: AMT

If you use turbotax, go ahead and play with numbers for 2007 after you complete your taxes. If you are SAH, give yourself a salary for 2007 and watch how much that AMT will take away most of what you make. If you are WOH, give your salary to your spouse (so only one earns a salary) and watch your taxes go down. Simply shocking. This is one of the reasons 85K isn't much anymore.

While some of you are pouncing on Jennifer, keep in mind the income thresholds also include new teachers. Now that is pathetic. That we pay our teachers so little that they may qualify for child care subisidies. Think about that every time you vote!!!

"You can't always know when your spouse will die"

That's why you buy insurance! The sudden death of a spouse "leaving someone with kids" excuse is really pretty bogus.

Posted by: | February 13, 2007 10:41 AM

Right, because only perfect people deserve assistance, but then again, because they're perfect, they don't need it. How convenient! The perfect people can go about living their perfect lives and look down their noses at all the rest of us poor slobs who screwed everything up and therefore have cursed our children to live under the burden of our mistakes. What a great society that sounds like!

To the anonymous coward at 10:41 who typed, "The sudden death of a spouse 'leaving someone with kids' excuse is really pretty bogus."

When my DH was in elementary school, his parents were in a terrible accident: his dad died, and his mom was badly injured. Fortunately a set of grandparents was able to take DH in for an extended period. My MIL had enough insurance, that she didn't lose their home, and was able to get the medical necessary to recover, return home and continue raising what turned out to be a fine son (as well as her baby brothers, since she and her husband were raising them as well after their own mother died in childbirth).

Anonymous at 10:41 makes widowhood (or widowerhood) sound like a mere speed-bump on the road of life. It's not. It's one of the greatest tragedies that can befall a family, if not economically then emotionally.

In Fairfax Co after+before school child care is $381 a month for family income $50000 and above. So, it's $3810 for 10 month of school. Summer camps ran by the County are on average $200-$300 a week. Add $250x8weeks=$1000 for the summer. Total $$4810 a year. Nearly $10000 difference compared to what the lady told us. Of course, there are also community centers camps where total for the summer is about $100 with field trips and smimming pool. Between 2 working parents in our family we have well above $100000 and we are still sending our son to such comuunity centers ocassionally, because it's important for him to be able to connect to all kinds of people. By the way, we drive 1998 Hyundai. With proper maintanence will last another 5 years. On the other hand, some parents would sneer at this kind of basic care and sign up their kids for much more expensive programs, forgetting that it's OPTIONAL. Like trips to Disney World (never went -- bad value for money, and no ed value) versus national parks and museums (free in Smitsonian!). Car payments are waste of money too: buy what you can afford cash. For the "enrichment" afficionados, Firfax Co has great gifted program ( which is free!).

DH and I make more than 85K combined, but the AMT doesn't apply to us. I don't understand all the rules.

To Know your Numbers - it is my understanding that she has two children - one in school that particaptes in before and after care, and the other in pre-school/day care. this may make up for the difference, please just giver her the benefit of the doubt when she says that the numbers are higher than what she can afford.

I'll take off my jesters hat once again to address the serious issue as well. Stacey, these people generally do not change. I agree that moving probably would not fix anything, and that it could in fact get you into a worse situation since these freaks are everywhere. On the bright side, at 13, your kid is probably on his way outside of the pervs target zone. This guy probably would not break in, especially being so close. People who break in generally would not want to target their own neighborhoods, but I am glad you have an alarm. The real threat is him being invited in or let in. Consider a peep hole if you do not have one, or a chain bolt so you or your kid can check who it is before opening a door. Not to scare you or downplay anything, but a dog is just a dog and should not be relied on for security- consider learning some simple defense techniques, and throw the polite rules of unarmed combat out the window when dealing with scum- teach your kids that they are not to use these techniques in playground fights. You want to make them able to defend themselves against life-threatening attacks, not land them in jail for killing the school bully. Again, this is all last ditch stuff. Avoidance is the real key.
Not to sound paranoid, but make sure phones are strategically located and when you are done with a call that the cordless phones have not all migrated to one location. Talk with your kid and any other parents in the neighborhood and make sure they are informed. Sometimes even talking to the police department might help and they could occasionally send a patrol car through the neighborhood. While a drive through may not seem to do much, it puts someone nearby and can serve as intimidation. At 13 your child should be smart enough to listen to this kind of reason, that this individual is not to be trusted, no matter what. Good luck.

Catlady:

Anonymous at 10:41 makes widowhood (or widowerhood) sound like a mere speed-bump on the road of life. It's not. It's one of the greatest tragedies that can befall a family, if not economically then emotionally.

________________________

While I agree that the anonymous poster's tone wasn't so polite, the point (s)he was trying to make is a good one: life insurance, if you're young and healthy, is pretty economical and not having any especially when you have young children is pretty irresponsible. It's a basic part of financial planning. Even when my wife was a SAHM we had a policy on her that, had something happened to her, would have left me the cash to cover all the increased expenses (daycare, etc.).

Know your numbers: One of her kids may be in kindergarten which incurs another cost for half day kindergarten. Also did she say she lives in Fairfax?

AMT does not kick in for a while. I think 200K. So lots of these people are not affected by the AMT. The problem with AMT is they have not adjusted the threshold due to rising costs of living.

To the anon poster who keeps trying to degrade single parents:

Please provide us all with a map to the utopian world you live in where everyone's life goes as planned, no one makes mistakes or has shortcomings, everyone's need are met in every way, and all is fair in love, marriage, and child-rearing. If it really exists, I'm sure a few of us would like to go. If not, please stop spewing crap from your delusional pedestal.

Well then, I would think that if AMT affects 200K, then they probably still have more disposable income after taxes than the majority of Americans.

To confused:

I understand your confusion about the nature of the blog. But the situations you described that you need balance on aren't really something that anyone on a blog can help you with. You simply need to make a decision as to which of the events you can attend and then do it. I would have suggested making a contribution to a charity in your aunt's name and sending a card to the appropriate family member, attending the convention if it was important for work or whatever, and rescheduling your 21st birthday party for a different day.

I'm not trying to diminish the importance of your scheduling troubles to you at this point in your life, but I would guess you'll run into a lot bigger problems in the future. It usually comes down to choice and deciding what your priorities are.

Army Brat, I agree with you about life insurance. But some people can't afford milk for their kid, where do you think they can afford life insurance. Heck a good number of people can't afford health insurance; never mind life insurance. For the middle class, life insurance should be a must but for people in the low income sector, life insurance is a mere dream. Kind of like the dream to own their own home.

Stacey, it sounds like it's not as bad as it could be, but it also sounds like you and DH have some talking to do. Beliefs about whether someone who has done this type of thing can truly reform (or even, just if they can avoid the behavior in the future) can become almost "religious" in nature. Some people believe "once a sex offender always a sex offender" and you're putting your kids at risk. Others believe that there's hope that the behavior can be controlled and the risk managed. If it were me, I'd stay there; make sure we had a fence, and my wife and I would talk calmly and politely to him and his wife. But you've got to do what makes you comfortable .

Yes, we should pursue this intitiave, but along with personal accountability

I think anyone is only asking for reasonable precautions like insurance, support from the father, etc.

This is a tough situation because the children are punished without having any control of the situation.

What do I need to do to get rid of the italics?

To Army Brat: I totally second your comments re young families getting life insurance. It is indeed quite reasonably-priced the younger one is. In my MIL's case, without it she would've had to sell their home, and (given that this was a long time ago) might not even have been able to get sufficient medical care for her own injuries.

FYI: I pay the top bracket in Fairfax Co. for two children (I get 10% off the normal fee for teh second kid). Normal months I pay $724 for both kids for before and after school care. For the week between Christmas and New Years, I paid an additional $287 for both kids. The same will be true for Spring Break.

For Summer, I paid $189/week for one child for 7 weeks. Next summer, for two kids, I guess will be $359 (unless prices go up. So, for one year (not including the three weeks in the Summer where I have to find alternative care) I will pay $10,327.

FYI: I pay the top bracket in Fairfax Co. for two children (I get 10% off the normal fee for teh second kid). Normal months I pay $724 for both kids for before and after school care. For the week between Christmas and New Years, I paid an additional $287 for both kids. The same will be true for Spring Break.

For Summer, I paid $189/week for one child for 7 weeks. Next summer, for two kids, I guess will be $359 (unless prices go up. So, for one year (not including the three weeks in the Summer where I have to find alternative care) I will pay $10,327.

My father has Juvenille diabetes and could never get affordable life insurance (had tried several times).. they were poor and could never pay the $300/month.

Also, my health insurance comes through my office and I pay a nominal rate - some places do not have this option (does Mcdonalds?).

For all of you that do have health insurance - how much do you think your child would need if you passed away? I had this dilema when doing my benefits for this year. Prior to mommyhood I only had enough to cremate me and put me in the ground.

Some people are not insurable, even if they want life insurance. Or, because of existing medical conditions, the premiums are so high that they are unaffordable.

JL

Don't you get a Child Care Credit on your Federal Taxes that helps?

If the insanity of the court system allowed the father to play an equal role in his childrens lives their would be no govt subsidy , the children's outcome would be far better and they would have two heros to write about.But the freaks that run the womens movement don't want any of that.

single mom: The adoption agency requires at least $150K for the primary earner and $100 K for the secondary earner. So I would think a single mother or father would need at least $150K in life insurance. I also think it depends on the number of kids. We carry a lot of life insurance and have one child The other thing, if you can afford it, is get mortgage insurance. I don't mean PMI. I mean an insurance that will pay off your mortgage if either you or your spouse dies. That way, the house would be free and clear and the life insurance will pay the kids college as well as any additional costs incurred by single parenting. Like maybe a nanny or extra day care costs. I don't think you need to make up their retirement because in theory you would only be supporting one person in retirement and would have no need for their additional unearned retirement. But that is my thoughts. I am all for safety and am really over insured. But I rest assured knowing that if either one of us dies, DD will be very well taken care of or if both die, heck she would be rich!

Mcewan - what if the father ran off? that happens you know. what are you so bitter about anyhow?

Apologies to the author, thanks for the correction to the others. I missed a point about 2 children "two school-age children in day care before and after school, plus all day in the summer, is $13,490"
Besides, $250x8 weeks is of course $2000, not $1000. So, for 2 my estimate $5810x2=11620 comes pretty close to what she said. No Disney vacation there... just got tired of being bombarded by "enrichment " flyers every week. And yes, Virginia, Herndon is in Fairfax County.

"I guess my point is--there's a lot more to balancing your life than kids. (Especially for all the people who don't have kids.) Like the time my aunt--someone I really wasn't close to--died when I was due to go out of town for a convention, that was scheduled on my 21st birthday and where I was the guest of honor. What would you do? How do you balance the demands of family and the fact that this was something I'd been planning (and looking forward to) for a year?"

Oh. My. Gawd. Really? This is your idea of 'balancing'? If you weren't close to your aunt, be GLAD you didn't have to deal with the pain of someone's death whom you cared deeply about. While you could stick around and help your grieving family, why bother. If Mommy and Daddy were still willing to pay for your trip, they probably don't need your shoulder to cry on. I say go celebrate. If a funeral doesn't bring tears to your eyes, it's not worth attending. Funerals aren't for the dead, they are for the living to grieve. Enjoy your birthday, maybe one day (when you are beyond the completely knowledgeable age of 21) you will have to deal with some real balancing. Until then just please try not to drink and drive so I don't have to meet you on the road.

"If the insanity of the court system allowed the father to play an equal role in his childrens lives their would be no govt subsidy , the children's outcome would be far better and they would have two heros to write about.But the freaks that run the womens movement don't want any of that.

Posted by: mcewen | February 13, 2007 11:10 AM"

And mcewen brings his axe to grind. Does he EVER say anything worthwhile?
"

Mcwen: The courts are NOT forcing fathers to pay less in child support. Fathers are more then welcome to pay more $$ in child support. It is generally the non custodial parent fighting to NOT pay as much. I think you really need to find a father's rights blog. Because that is all that you seemed interested in.

To foamgnome: I agree with you that for people whose family income is below middle-class, paying premiums on even term life insurance is indeed a financial burden.

I can only speak for myself, of course, but during our early years of marriage, we had to make real financial sacrifices elsewhere in our household budget in order to keep up our life insurance, because DH knew from his own childhood experience (see my 10:51 posting) how important it was in the unlikely but horrible case that a spouse should die young.

As to where to scrimp in a household budget, this is an individual decision, because one person's luxury is another's necessity, of course, so I don't presume to tell others where to make cuts. But I will say that it can be a real revelation to sit down with pencil and paper and crunch the numbers realistically. You might be surprised at what you decide you can do without.

We certainly have lost a sense of shame and accountability in this society. Everyone is a victim and no one is accountable for making appropriate decisions. Maybe women should be a little more selective in the men they choose to have children with. Sure some people change, but most of the men who run off are doing something entirely in keeping with their person. Most single moms are not widows. Even so, people need to think about what they are doing. Don't have more children than you can afford - if you have four kids and can't afford proper life insurance, then maybe you have too many kids. There used to be a stigma against single motherhood which I think really helped to keep the number of single mothers down - same with divorce. With the reduction in stigma, people don't work as hard at their marriages as they used to or maybe they get into them thinking that they can quit if they want to. We certainly do need to support the children of peole who make these poor decisions, however, how do we do that without providing an incentive for people to be irresponsible?

I missed the part she lived in Herndon. Again, she may have kindergarter or a preschool child which would increase their costs. She may also send them some place other then the SACC program.

No, the child care credit phases out pretty quickly.

Why don't some of you people move to a place more affordable. If you make $85K and can't have a decent lifestyle, I cannot imagine why you would stay where you are. Maybe you could have a SAHP if you didn't insist on living in DC or NYC? There are a lot of opportuniites elsewhere in this country for educated, professional people.

Maybe the poster at 11:18 is really just Leslie trying to bait us!

Know your numbers:
I thought Herndon was a city. They have a different car sticker, or used to before Fairfax removed the requirement.

We certainly do need to support the children of peole who make these poor decisions, however, how do we do that without providing an incentive for people to be irresponsible?

I don't get this. What incentive? Do you really think her life is better, even with the child care credit, then a two income family making 150K? No way. Her life is still a 100% harder managing it by herself. It is certainly no cake walk to be a single parent.

All sorts of things are paid for or subsidized by tax dollars. I would much rather my tax dollars be used to subsidize a program that allows someone to work than many of the other things my tax dollars fund.

Helping someone to become a productive member of society is honorable. By working, they are also paying taxes themselves. They are helping to ensure that they will be partially or fully self-supporting in the future.

Foamgnome: AMT kicks in far below 200K; it can kick in at as low as 50K if you itemize deductions, have several children and pay high state taxes. That's the biggest complaint about it - it's likely to soon impact about one third of the taxpayers in the US.

Here's an informative quote:

The Congressional Budget Office estimates that in 2006 34.6% of taxpayers in the $50,000 to $100,000 AGI range will owe AMT.

Given median incomes in the DC metro area, there are probably a number of readers of this blog who will get hit by it.

For insurance - don't get seperate mortgage insurance, include that potential cost in your life insurance, that way your spouse or the executor of your estate has the flexibility to decide how to spend the funds.

Help me here - what is the AMT??

AMT - Alternative Minimum Tax

To "living it up in Ohio": I live in fly-over country, too, and like you am glad that our cost-of-living here (esp. for housing) is a lot lower than in DC, NYC, etc. Like you I would recommend other parts of the country to people in those high-priced markets as a possible partial solution.

But, I also have relatives who were born and raised in an expensive part of the country, and who feel that part of their family values is to live near one another, so they can see one another more often, and take care of one another when the situation calls for it. (See above posting re cousin who cared for our elderly aunt for three years, and who lives near his adult children).

Hard to believe, I know, but some people in the DC area are actually FROM there, and for sound family reasons don't want to leave their extended families behind. Others have jobs that don't exist much (if at all) outside the nation's capital, so unless they want to change careers they're probably going to have to stay in the pricey DC area. No easy solutions here, I'm afraid.

Re: Herndon is it's own municipality and has it's own Police Department. Herndon schools are included in the Fairfax County School system though. I believe their budget, from which Jennifer would get her benefits from, is independent of Fairfax's.

divorced mom1: our mortgage insurance just writes a check to you. It does not have to be used to pay the mortgage off. The only difference in that insurance compared to life insurance, you could not take out more then the mortgage amount that you owed on your house. I think different policies have different stipulations.

Gotta clarify the AMT thing. It has very little to do with how much you make (any income above @ $42K could theoretically trigger AMT), and almost everything to do with how many deductions you take. I'm not a tax lawyer, but it's basically a separate tax system with one big deduction instead of a bunch of smaller ones -- and you have to do the math both ways and pay whichever is higher. So if your bunch of little deductions add up to more than the bigger AMT deduction, you are in AMT land.

It's really a big problem in areas like DC and NY, where salaries are higher but so are home prices and taxes -- you may make a "moderate" salary and live in a fairly small house, but you put together your big mortgage and big property tax bill, plus a couple of kids, those deductions can easily surpass the AMT threshold.

Oh, yeah, and number of kids count, too. If I recall correctly, a number of years ago there was a dad of (I think) 8 who was prosecuted by the IRS for not paying the AMT -- he made something like $50-75K/yr, but the number of exemptions he claimed put him into AMT-land.

So again, it's not what you MAKE (above @ $42K), it's what you DEDUCT. I know people who make $300K/yr, but who do not pay AMT, because they don't have big deductions, so their regular tax bill is higher than what AMT would assess (I think it's a flat rate @ 22%, so if you've got a lot of income in a higher bracket, without the kinds of deductions that would usually go along with that higher income, your regular tax could be much higher). I also know people who make $100K who do, because they've got the basic DC mortgage/taxes/kids deductions.

I too applaud this program. The mom's at the limit of working full-time and parenting; any further external work on her part would seriously impact her children's experience of a loving parent who can actually spend enough time with them to parent them - not to mention throw the kids into some substandard makeshift childcare arrangement for the additional worktime. Any less subsidy on the childcare front would also either put the kids in a substandard, unstable arrangement, or prevent her from working at all --- throwing them all onto a more expensive, less stable public safety net, and keeping her dependent instead of continuing to develop growing self-sufficiency. Instead for a small subsidy we stretch her own resources, to provide a much more stable and positive experience for her kids, both in childcare and as an attached family with an involved responsible parent. The long-term value of that is huge, not only for her kids but for society as a whole. We should care that kids grow up in loving families that have time to parent them, and with stable, caring, enriching childcare. Not only because it turns out happier, more well-adjusted, better educated, more productive and less costly adult citizens in the end, but because children are the weakest among us and deserve to have society as a whole looking out for their basic welfare. Unstressing families just a tiny bit, during the short highest-stress years, allows parents the time to devote their own resources to building solid childhoods for their kids, which is a societal good. And for the scrooges, even in the here-and-now giving this mother that little bit extra to make her family functional while working is so much cheaper than forcing her out of the workforce into adject dependency when she can't afford childcare.

As far as whether there is a father also responsible for the children's financial support --- I'm sure that if she's receiving support for the kids, that is reflected in her income, which determines the extent of her subsidy. So why pretend there is invisible support forthcoming? Only to pretend this is someone else's burden, so society can turn aside?

I haven't seen recent figures, but my impression is that child support to never-married single parents is for the most part mythical --- if it's ever collected it's rarely by the mother, more often only by a state/fed government, and only when the government incurs actual costs in subsidizing the children in programs like this --- then any collected child support directly reimburses the government for its expenses. It hardly affects the mother's ability to pay herself. And for previously-married single parents, any child support would appear in the custodial parent's income. Honestly, I have never heard of parents choosing to have their kids while unmarried, but as a cohabiting, mutual-finances couple, just to qualify for 'single-mother' subsidies. Not only is this dishonest; I would also think that any man agreeing to it is taking a huge risk should the relationship ever dissolve, that his claim to his child, for ongoing custody/ sustained parental involvement, would be wholly unsupported by his child's history of having only one declared supportive parent. I think this outlandish hypothetical is one of those phantasms imagined by talk radio hosts, as a rationalization to justify turning our backs on the needs of real kids.

We certainly do need to support the children of peole who make these poor decisions, however, how do we do that without providing an incentive for people to be irresponsible?

I don't get this. What incentive? Do you really think her life is better, even with the child care credit, then a two income family making 150K? No way. Her life is still a 100% harder managing it by herself. It is certainly no cake walk to be a single parent.

Posted by: foamgnome | February 13, 2007 11:24 AM

EXACTLY- this is the point the poster was making foamgnome!

Why put yourself in that situation? Why have multiple kids if you can't afford them?

The poor kids shouldn't suffer- but it's also not right to let others (who work just as hard) foot the bill for someone else's bad choices.

I think the poster was harsh, but the basic sentiment is true- I seriously doubt a great guy and partner surprised you one day and just left! I would venture to bet that this was not a good guy to begin with, yet you slept with and had kids with them anyone.

The poor kids can't suffer, but their idiot parents should have to.

About moving to a cheaper area:
It isn't always as simple as just pick up and move. Many people don't want to start over looking for a new job, moving the kids to new schools (very traumatic)and leaving their friends who can be a huge part of their support system. Would it be nice to live somewhere where it didn't cost $350,000 for a townhouse - of course. Would I do it - no way! My friends of 30 years are here.

I'm sorry, I have to gloat. I love being a state employee. University of Maryland is closing at 2 pm. Have a great day everyone!

And great guest blog! So many children's heroes are rap stars or athletes--your son has his priorities in order, and so do you.

Mona,
Bite me! :-)
Drive safely.

OK, I just looked at some AMT websites and the stuff is a little confusing. But the numbers you are giving are not said to go in affect till 2010. My guess is that Congress will act and change the thresholds. People making 50K are clearly not paying 27% in federal income tax. We have an accountant do our taxes and we make way more then 100K in 2005. We did NOT pay 27% in federal taxes.

What is wrong with some of you people? Why are you so mean in spirit, so callous in the face of suffering, so lacking in generosity to your fellow man (or woman)? Where is your sense of community? I WANT to live in a society in which we give generously to those who are down and out, to those who are struggling, to those who for whatever reason can't carry their own load. Don't you aspire to live in a society in which the rich take care of the poor, the healthy care for the sick, the strong take care of the weak? I believe that in every society there will be those who for whatever reason fall behind, and how we treat those people is a test of our morals and character as a country. Sure, we can say "tough luck, you get what you deserve" but I believe we should aspire to be better than that. So I will gladly shoulder another's burden if I can, because it is the right thing to do. Not just because I myself might need the help some day, not because the person I'm helping is "deserving" of my help, but just because extending a helping hand to another in need is the right thing to do, the moral thing to do. That is what I'm teaching my children; I shudder to think what some of you are teaching yours.

Her life is still a 100% harder managing it by herself.

4 of The 5 single moms I know are living with their boyfriends who in turn provide support as a normal father does. It doesn't make any sense for them to get married because they would lose state/county benefits, so much so, that it would be a poor decision for them to either marry their current boyfriend or even the father of their kid(s). What's the point of marriage in these increasingly common situations?

Single mom who earns $60K and can't afford private school/daycare brings up an excellent point: the need for support for middle class parents, especially in high-cost-of-living areas like Washington.

Rich parents can afford private educations and daycare, and very poor parents qualify for help. But what about all the people in between?

Some schools offer financial aid even to middle class parents who earn what seems like a lot, but isn't enough to cover completely 2-3-4 kids' tuitions.

Does anyone know about other support for middle class families?

"Others have jobs that don't exist much (if at all) outside the nation's capital, so unless they want to change careers they're probably going to have to stay in the pricey DC area."

Which jobs don't exist outside of this area? Granted, the federal govt is a big part of the economy here, but there are many other options out there if you truly want to look for them. Me thinks most people who complain are just lazy.

giving to people in need (e.g., welfare) has created an entire generation of children, now adults, that have no ethic and no initiative. I think this program is good if it supports people who are working at least 40 hours, but to simply give things to people robs them of the ability to re