Slugs in Recliners

Last year, I told you about some fascinating University of Maryland time-diary studies from the past 40 years analyzing how moms and dads in America spend their days. Yesterday, a Washington Post recap of the research cited sociologist Suzanne Bianchi's key findings that working and non-working mothers today spend 14.1 hours per week tending "primarily" to their children -- feeding them, caring for them, playing games -- vs. only 10.2 hours per week for moms in 1965. Despite all our guilt, moms today spend more time with our kids, on average, than our mothers did. And more time than fathers -- mothers today put in twice as many hours as men in terms of childcare and housework.

And dads? Well, the changes are equally noteworthy. Fathers today have nearly tripled the hours they spend with their children. They have more than doubled weekly housework from 4.4 hours in 1965 to 9.6 hours in 2003. Unfortunately, we are still finding our way -- clumsily -- in publicly honoring these positive shifts in fatherhood.

"It's not the case that men are slugs," says William Doherty, a family studies professor at the University of Minnesota who studies fatherhood. The quote appeared in a secondary article in The Post yesterday titled Fathers Are No Longer Glued to Their Recliners.

I am sorry, but the mental image of a slug glued to his recliner is almost too much for me to take. Does Slug Daddy have a Bud can in his slippery hand, resting on a large beer belly? (Not that there is anything wrong with either.) As much as my blood boils at the saintly and ridiculous images of the perfect American mom placidly taking a child's temperature, cooking spaghetti sauce on her GE stove, and giving herself a manicure -- simultaneously -- I am even more stunned by this portrayal of American dads.

I've led the charge against men, including my own husband, many times. But I can't deny -- and I don't want to ridicule -- the very real shifts in American fatherhood today. Among my kid's circle of friends, dads drop their kids off, pick them up, bring hot dishes to potlucks, volunteer on committees, organize playdates, go to pediatrician's appointments, move for their wives' careers, coach soccer and basketball and have mastered the art of putting tights on four-year-old girls. On average, yes, Bianchi and Doherty's research finds that wives do more orchestrating of daily family life. But maybe we could learn from the damage done by stereotyping moms in this country and not make the same mistake with dads. Dads deserve recognition, not ridicule.

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  March 21, 2007; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Dads
Previous: 55 Years of Balance | Next: College Kids: Aware of Work-Life Realities?

Name:

Comments: