First!!

2nd: we try harder!

Hmm, tough question. My daughter's Sweet 16 birthday party is tomorrow. Had this topic been Monday, I could have answered it better.

As for the once before this, I have thrown both big and small, but because my birthday and hers are on the same day, we usually have a birthday week. 2 parties. That has always been an interesting logistics problem.

I think you went a little more basic with the 2nd kid's 5th birthday than the first's because you realized the idiocy of elaborate parties for kids. All they want is pizza and cake and to run around. It's the fun they'll remember, not that they had a moonbounce or that you rented an entire gym (or the fancy cake).

My daughter is inviting 3-4 other girls for a slumber party and make your own sundaes. Can I afford an elaborate blow out? Sure, but it sends the wrong message to the kid and I don't have a need to impress anyone else.

My oldest turned 10 last month. He invited three boys to spend the night. Two were able to come. It was great. Less is more...

I think one of my smarter parenting moves thus far was not having a first birthday party for my DD. Sure, we had a cake and balloons at home, but no big hullaballo. Instead, the 14 or so of us in my playgroup all got together and did a group party for our kids, who all have birthdays within a month of each other. Together, we rented one of those kids' gyms, each person brought something to contribute (cake, beverages, etc.), and each kid got one present. It was great -- the kids had a blast, and we all shared the costs equally.

I'm thinking of proposing the same thing for next year.

The big hullaballo stuff is news to me.

In my family and neighborhood, until age 16, all parties are strictly family occasions. Kids' friends aren't invited or expected to attend. There is no renting, no hired entertainment, and no storebought cakes. Such things are considered vulgar and wasteful displays.

Gotta wonder how this all started.
The folks who get caught up in this foolishness must be mighty insecure! What are they trying to prove to a bunch of little kids?

I'm splurging this year for my daughter's 6th. We always go to the tire park with family and a few close friends. This year, I rented one of the picnic shelters -- two tables and a roof, for $10. :-) It's great, because the kids can run around like crazy, and the parents can tag-team easily, leaving the others free to hang out and talk. No organization and minimal oversight required.

This year was the most I've ever been tempted to throw a big bash, though, because all of her school friends are scattering to different schools next year. And the park has one really cool huge pavilion, with fireplace, built-in stone grill, lots of picnic tables, etc. For $100 (yikes!). Luckily, my decision was made for me: it's already rented out both days on her bday weekend. So I'll just send cupcakes on her school's designated birthday day, and that'll be that.

McDonalds is not a bad option.

In some locations, they provide ice cream, light entertainmant and best of all, clean up, you just go home!

Before the food police jump over me, going to McD's once in a while will not kill your kids!

My work is done here. On to a different blog!

Store bought cakes are vulgar? Maybe someone just can't bake. I only ever had one homemade cake growing up and my parents were far from rich or vulgar.

My daughter has had two birthday parties for the last three years. She has one on Thanksgiving with all my family and one on her birthday. We buy a cake from the local bakery and get some balloons. My family likes to see her celebrate. My daughter and baby number two will probably share a birthday on Thanksgiving.

I don't know what to say about the birthday parties in excess, except to each their own.

I think there's a balance between elaborate and basic. For my son's 1st birthday, we just invited some of our friends over (because it is also my birthday) and my parents were in town. The only other kids were my nephews. Worked out great. But I see myself doing more in the future -- I have great memories of having a birthday party (age 6 or 7) with several of my schoolmates (like 12, not 40) at a local kids eatery called Happy Joe's. We had sloppy joes, games, balloons and the pictures my parents took are a reminder of the fun. It was before all the Chuck E Cheese madness, so there was nothing too elaborate, but it was fun nonetheless. I can see myself doing the McDonald's party as a happy medium...

And Big Mac, you are correct, it won't kill your kids to go McD's once in a while :)

For the kids' early birthdays, we had only family. For a couple of birthdays, we took a few of their friends to McDonalds, or Dave and Busters, where someone else set up and cleaned up.

For their Bat Mitzvah's, we had the reception in a private room at a restaurant, with a piainist we hired. Invited about 60 people each time. Very low key, no DJ or entertainers. We celebrated the signifigance of the day, and the guest of honor got to talk to every person at the party.

For their eventual weddings, we are thinking of giving them a lump sum of cash. Spend more, and you pay the difference. Spend less, and you keep the difference. A wedding is a day, albeit an important one, but a marriage can be for a lifetime.

We had always limited the number of guests to the child's age when they were subteens. When they became teens, they still wanted the birthday cake but also to go elsewhere with their friends!

My most memorable party was when I was 8 or 9. I had a Zorro! cake! It was great! But mom had invited GIRLS. They still had cooties back then.

For my son's first birthday, it was mainly our (grown-up) friends and some family. He had no idea what was going on - he was only 1. It was more a celebration of us - we madeit through the first year of parenthood! :)

This year though, for his 2nd, we will invite a few of his "friends" and their parents (as well as his grandparents) and probably grill burgers and dogs. He doesn't have many friends so we can still keep it simple.

We had 2 parties in the fall. Party for older child was at the paint-your-own-ceramic place. I baked cupcakes. Party for younger child was at home, and we all really enjoyed the planning and the preparation for the simple but fun activities. This birthday is at the very end of summer so it feels like we have time to get creative.

I think what's really important is that your child feels that their birthday is special. You do not want them to feel that the party is a chore for you. Keep it on whatever level makes it pleasant for you regarding guest list, expense, effort during the event, advance planning, etc.

I always had most/all of the girls from my class (when I was in small schools) come over for a sleep over. Mom made spaghetti and whatever kind of cake/dessert I wanted (always this ice cream thing she made) and we watched a movie. Worked perfectly except for my 2nd grade year when a fight broke out between two girls. Story is still told to this day.

The only boy-girl party I had was in 8th grade and it was one of the best. We went to a local park, parents brought kfc and cake, we made up skits and acted out jokes in a little amphitheater, and played hide and go seek. But we were self-entertaining dorks (the best kind).

The words "party", "celebrate", and "celebration" have been used by 427 different contributors in a total of 948 posts.

Our top 10 partiers:

10 moxiemom
12 pittypat
13 Chris
13 Megan
14 Laura
18 Emily
18 Scarry
22 CMAC
28 foamgnome
32 Father of 4

If you're looking for an easy b'day party--the Reston Zoo was great! Our 3 YO had three friends and they rode ponies, fed camels, etc. for 15$ a person. We brought cake from Giant. Best of all, no cleanup! www.restonzoo.com

When I was a kid the 2 lavish parties I got were one playing putt-putt golf, and the other at the skating rink. Nothing super out of the world, but both were lots of fun... I don't know why people spend hundreds if not thousands of dollars on something so wasteful. Seriously if you've got gobbs of cash to burn, spend the money on a new computer, or a lot of books for the kid, or put it in a car fund. Even better- send it to me! I need it! :)

Blog Stats, what about plurals (ex: parties)? Do you include those in your statistics? Not trying to create more work for you or anything, mind you... just curious as to what counts and what doesn't. ;-P Also, if someone says Parte (read Partay- as I cannot figure out how to get the accent in the blog), would that count too?

My eldest will turn 5 next month. Up til now, we've always had two parties. One at daycare and one with family (grandparents and cousins). I like the daycare parties because if we had a party at home, these are the same children we would invite. Having it at daycare is easier on the other parents and no one feels they have to buy gifts. My kids get enough from us and relatives. I do make goody bags but they're pretty basic and cheap, bouncy balls, bubble stuff, notepads, etc. No particular games, just big balloons to play with. We just leave work a little early and have the party towards the end of the day. I make cupcakes. The whole party lasts a little over an hour. I've noticed that the other parents do the same thing. Now that my eldest is in school, I'm not quite sure what I'll do. A lot of the other kids in her class have had parties at school with the parents bringing pizza for lunch and goody bags. Her class has around 20 kids so that's a lot of goody bags (daycare was 8). I'm wondering if I can get away with just cupcakes and very limited goody bags. It's amazing how my daughter gets so excited about new pencils... But I do want to do something at her school because I think each child likes to have a day where they feel really special like that.

I'm with the smaller is better crew. In terms of numbers, I keep roughly to the child's age. I don't pad the number of invitees in case people can't come. One party ended up being only four kids including my child. They had a great time anyway. I do check the dates with the mothers of the two closest friends before sending out invitations.

We've done only parties at home for my young daughter. Last year, I hired a couple of sixth-grade girls as mother's helpers. We had several games, which the girls supervised. This freed me to attend to the refreshments, visit with some of the parents, and keep an eye on the "big picture" so that the party ran smoothly.

The kids had a great time and more fun playing the games with the big girls than they would have had with me supervising. I've found that young girls really look up to the older girls. I was so lucky to have such nice girls as neighbors. I also keep parties to two hours max, 1-1/2 hours for pre-schoolers. I try to schedule all of the time pretty tightly. This cuts down on the crazy running around time. It sounds rigid on the surface, but in practice it seems to make things flow.

I've recommended the Louise Bates Ames books here before. She was affiliated with the Bank Street School and wrote a series of child development books, one for each year (e.g., Your Five-Year-Old: Sunny and Serene). Each book has a chapter on birthday parties, written from the perspective of child development. There's even a sample schedule for the party.

The home parties definitely are work, but I don't like how the party places create pressure to invite more kids because of the pricing structure. I understand that they couldn't make it profitable otherwise. I just don't ever want 10 kids at a party--personal preference.

Damn, the first list that Blogs Stats put out that I WAS NOT ON!

Oh, watch out, I feel one of those 70's songs coming into my head. Legal Eagle where are you?

"Celebration time, come on!"

(must drink massive quantities of adult beverages tonight!)

I would love nothing more then to have a party at the park any other outdoor area but both of my children's birthdays are smack in the middle of winter. We have done in house parties both small (only family when under 3) and medium (3-5 friends over for the morning)and while they are less expensive and can be a blast it definitely involves more work. We have also rented a children's gym which while it was expensive ($225) it was very easy and great fun.

I'm not really sure what I will do next year for either of them.

I'm with you on the goody bags though, they are a pain and the stuff is usually discarded/destroyed (at least at my house) in a day. Last time I just tied a balloon onto some bubbles and they left with that.

Most of my birthday parties were of the "invite 6-10 friends and play twister and charades" type. Sleepovers once we hit a certain age - once in a tent in the backyard (but only once). The single most memorable was my 9th - my mom went above and beyond the call of duty writing up a treasure hunt and making me a cake shaped like a treasure map (rectangle + 2 cupcakes iced into a cool scroll) for a pirate themed party. I haven't a clue who won or what they won, but we had cheap plastic eyepatches for favors and everyone ran around the yard and had a blast. We always got to choose how Mom would decorate the cake (she's very resourceful) and that really made us feel important. That's what I remember about parties.

I really like the number of friends as the age rule! I'm going to have to remember that one.

Best party for kid: tie between sleep over slumber party for the then 7 yr old girl (it was soooo cute. She is now 24 and remembers that one. I had to wake up in the middle of the night and play tooth fairy because one of the girls lost a tooth and desperately believed) and indoor car racing for the then 7rd old boy (it brought out the inner NASCAR). 7-9 are the best ages for birthday parties. Wait: last year's 15th doing paintball was good....come see the violence inherent in teenagers.

We always limited numbers and did something special. Something we didn't do normally. It made for some good memories.

Green Mtns makes an excellent point:

"I think what's really important is that your child feels that their birthday is special. You do not want them to feel that the party is a chore for you. Keep it on whatever level makes it pleasant for you regarding guest list, expense, effort during the event, advance planning, etc."

One thing I've also done is had pretty generic themes (no characters) so that we can make the decorations ourselves. I'm not at all crafty, so we do things like flowers or ladybugs and just do cut out decorations and color-coordinated baloons. My daughter has really liked helping color and/or cut out the decorations. Keeping the numbers down is crucial for keeping the whole thing pleasant for me, both in terms of prep and at the party itself (pleasant for her too--she gets overwhelmed at the really loud crazy parties).

Centreville Mom
"Last time I just tied a balloon onto some bubbles and they left with that."

I like that.

What kind of world is it when the MINIMUM standard involves renting a Moon Bounce?!

SPC,

I will trade you my Zorro party for your Pirate party!

What kind of world is it when the MINIMUM standard involves renting a Moon Bounce?!

Posted by: Arlington Dad | April 6, 2007 09:10 AM

I kind of wondered that myself. But how much does it cost to rent a moon bounce? I have no idea.

I've done big and small parties depending on what's going on and who dd is currently friends with. This year we went to Medieval Times and let her take 3 friends. Cost a fortune and still she had wanted us to bring more friends (no way!)

But certainly in wealthier areas there does seem to be a competitive side to birthday parties.

As for birthday cakes. Unless it's an ice cream cake, my dd definitely prefers homemade (and so do I).

The year she turned 4 she requested a "Cherry Ruby Cinderella Cake". I had a hard time figuring out what she wanted but I got it right because she loved it!

Centreville Mom
"Last time I just tied a balloon onto some bubbles and they left with that."

How do you tie a balloon to a bubble?
:-)

I try to keep them small. I had bad luck with "invite everybody" parties. Nobody came!

I liked activity parties. The swim center, duckpin bowling, soccer. I had boys, and they just plain need something to do.

We live in Eastern MC so the parties were never totally over the top. I'm sure in nicer neighborhoods they become more competitive.

Now the year my son was 16 we went to Rome for Spring Break and he had his birthday there, just family. How many kids have had canolli for their birthday cake? Alas, by that time the parents had given up competiting about birthdays and we never got any credit for it, although my son still marks it as his best birthday.

The party that seems to have generated the most parental ire was a 13 year-old event where we let them all stay up all night. It was hard to tell if the parents were mad at us for letting it be, or because their children were all zombies. But the kids loved it. Our basement wasn't ever quite the same again but I did feel like it had been an event that was special!

We also did the "number of invited guests equals your age" thing; it works well.

Generally, the girls like having sleepovers; these days it's usually about 4-6 friends. We turn the basement of the house over to them (ping-pong table, playstation, TV/DVD player, etc.) and throw food and drinks down once in a while.

DS prefers to invite friends to go play laser tag - we love it, too, because you can take out a lot of frustration that way. (He's 16 now; you do the math.) He's talked about paintball instead, but his birthday's in the middle of the winter.

And oldest DD turns 18 next week. She doesn't want to do anything special; just hang out with her friends - but she did delay the last college exploration trip so she wouldn't be out of town.

Rockville Mom -- I had no idea about Moon Bounce cost either. So I looked up Moon bounce rental on the Internet -- seems to be $175 - $230, depending on how long you keep it (3 hours vs. one day).

"And oldest DD turns 18 next week. She doesn't want to do anything special; just hang out with her friends..."

Trust me, she still wants the cake (and the new car also!)

Wow, this is timely! My daughter's birthday is on Sunday, so we won't have a party that day. She just picked bowling, so we'll have pizza and cake and go bowling with 6 of her friends (and her brother & sister) sometime later in the month. The friends will probably stay over night, and I'll make pancakes in the morning.

I don't know how much moon bounces cost to rent, I won a rental in a raffle when she was 3, and that was a great birthday for her. One of my favorites was when her older sister was 3, we had a storyteller come over, and she told stories and brought puppets. Easy, quiet on the ears and the other parents loved it.

Thanks, 7:54: I agree 1000%. What's she trying to prove -- inviting 40 kids, renting a gym, goodie bags. What, no pony rides????!!!!! Good Lord. The most we ever got was a homemade cake. I doubt seriously Leslie knows how to bake a cake. MBAs don't have to, they can hire somebody to do that. There are children starving in Africa -- why wasn't party money put to good use. Send it to CARE next time.

Fred, oldest DD's "bestest ever" 18th birthday present will be.. her own checking account!

Seriously, her bank accounts until now are in my name as UTMA/UGMA accounts. In preparation for going to college, we're going to close out the existing account and open new savings and checking accounts in her name. She'll have a debit card and everything! Look out world (oh my aching wallet!)

Yes, she'll still have the cake with family. And probably another one with friends - the group of girls she hangs out with take turns baking each other birthday cakes. (Our kitchen has almost recovered from DD's turn to bake.)

Re: the car - that's the biggest problem for her in going away to college - she won't have access to the now-17 year old Ford Escort with 260,000 miles she's driven for the last year. She's already lecturing younger brother (16) and next sister (15) about how to take care of it, so it'll be there for her when she comes home.

While I could never afford a moon walk, I took my three year old to a party at one of the places that rent them (you can also throw parties there). It was a total blast, and the kids had a lot of fun. They could afford it, who am I to judge how they spend their money? And no goodie bags! (read: crap) Each kid got a balloon.

Blog Stats - glad to hear I can still apparently party even in my old, boring SAHM state! Woo hoo!

My kids have the same birthdate in winter. We invite the neighborhood gang regardless of age and gender and two to three children from school each. I make the cakes (can't cook, love to bake elaborate cakes) and we have homemade games and scavenger hunts. It is total mayhem and so very very much fun!

I hate the invite everybody parties. We don't accept every invitation we recieve. If my kids don't really play with a given child at school, we don't go to the party. Saves me $20! It can get expensive if you go to every party. I'd love to ban gifts all together since we have waaay to much stuff, but some parents just cannot not give a gift and I suppose it introduces the child to the concept of giving.

I'm philosophicaly opposed to gift bags (since when do you get a gift for going to a party? Isn't the party the gift?) but yield to the expectations while trying to keep it reasonable. Final anecdote - at our last party we did have face painting which I counted as part of the favor. Each child got a figurine and a neat wooden top and candy in addition. One little girl said "why isn't there more stuff in our gift bags?" Nice. I'm so troubled by the idea that they would rather have a bag of plastic crap and stickers they will throw away the next day than a couple of pretty good items that will last.

we're 10 months new to VA (Fairfax spcifically) and are overwhlemed by how the "I'm important, I'm a big shot, I have a very expensive house, a very important job, etc etc" attitude among the adults here trickles down to the type of bday parties they throw for their toddlers. We've been to the Little Gym ($500!) and had a pool rented out (Cub Run) and gone to Build a Bear with 20 kids (at $25/child!). The gifts I gave on these occassions were maybe about half of what was spent on my child to invite them there!! Our kids are a few days apart and we have always done a joint bday party at home with friends, but I felt very pressured to do something amazing this year just to keep up. However I am going to listen to my gut, and my pocketbook, and keep it simple - a small bowling party with 3 friends per child, in and out in under 2 hours!

Hey Army Brat,

I am still holding on to the creepy van for when the girls return! Ha ha!

A serious comment about the checking account for college students. When older daughter went to college, we found a bank that had branches in both the college town and the home town. This makes it a lot easier in case of the emergencies which will occur. Don't forget the overdraft protection.

In fact, we made it a joint account between older dau and me.

Great topic today, Leslie -- it's my husband's birthday! No kids so all my energy goes into planning for him . . . got way too many presents this year, and managed to squeeze in enough time between the gym and going to work this morning to run out for bagels/muffins/flowers. I hope he was surprised!

I had so many great parties growing up, even though I wasn't popular. McDonalds, United Skates of America, Ground Round, Pizza Hut . . . but the best one was at a now-defunct pizza chain called Papa Gino's; I must have been 9. They let the birthday person make his or her own pizza. I'm not a center-of-attention girl normally, but it was fun having the spotlight on me, and learning how to make the pizza. (And this was before Kramer came up with the same idea on Seinfeld!)

Best party that wasn't mine: One of the cool girls, who had an uber-creative mom (she always had the best homemade Halloween costumes), had a carnival in her basement. There were different stations set up where you could play games (tic-tac-toe, bingo, beanbag toss, etc.) and win little prizes. The food was of the chips-and-pretzels variety, but the cake was awesome. The thing I remember most is that her mom had made a few of those plywood cutout figures with the face cut out, like you see at boardwalks/amusement parks, so you can stick your face through. Everyone got a picture of himself/herself as a souvenir.

I'm of the keep-it-low-profile mindset myself, especially for little kids, but one of my friends recently threw an over-the-top party for her one-year-old (sorry for all the hyphens) and it was amazing fun. I didn't know anyone else there, but had a great time meeting her other friends, watching the kids run around, admiring the top-notch decorating job she did.

Thanks for prompting my walk down memory lane, Leslie, and giving me another reason to think about my husband as I head into a morning of meetings!

P.S. The zorro & pirate parties sound way cool . . . creative trumps all, in my book!

When I was young and still had standards, I was completely opposed to goodie bags.

But I gottta tell you, that bag of cheap crap and a couple of pieces of candy works magic at the end of a party. Kids who resist leaving the party will behave and head to the door for that magic bag.

I know, that's not how it should be, we should have well-behaved children thankthe host and who curtsey and bow on their way out. But in the real world that goody bag has been the reason for many a calm and pleasant ending to a children's party.

Fred, we're still debating whether to put one of the parents on her account, "just in case".

Overdraft protection, ABSOLUTELY!

Initially, her account will be in the credit union to which her parents belong. When she decides which one of the (3) colleges that accepted her is the winner (only one is out of state), we may switch. We figure that debit cards are a good cover for now; she can get money from any ATM and as long as she's smart about it the fees aren't too bad. (And my analysis shows it's cheaper overall than most of the big banks, because the CU doesn't charge any fees at all for checks, the account, etc.)

Okay, we'll get the girls together and they can have a contest between the creepy van and the Escort. Considering we got rid of our '96 Grand Caravan 4 years ago because it conked out after only 120,000 miles (and many, many major repairs), I vote for the Escort!

Thanks, 7:54: I agree 1000%. What's she trying to prove -- inviting 40 kids, renting a gym, goodie bags. What, no pony rides????!!!!! Good Lord. The most we ever got was a homemade cake. I doubt seriously Leslie knows how to bake a cake. MBAs don't have to, they can hire somebody to do that. There are children starving in Africa -- why wasn't party money put to good use. Send it to CARE next time.

Posted by: | April 6, 2007 09:26 AM

Gee it only took until 9:26am for the class war to get into high gear. If you all hold Leslie in such disdain, why do you read her blog?

And whether you like it or not, getting an excellent education, earning a lot of money, and spending some of it on whatever the h3ll you want doesn't make you inherently evil. Likewise, spending *some* if it on seemingly frivolous things for our kids won't scar them for life.

Get over yourselves!

My favorite b-day parties were the scavenger hunts and treasure hunts. We did those a lot. So much so, in fact, that I would help plan months ahead of time.

I also LOVED my 12th birthday party. My parents let me have a "dance" at our house. We invited everyone in my class (easy in parochial school--whole class was 20 people). It was a blast, and I'm pretty sure we snuck to the basement to play spin the bottle at some point.

"Missing GA," my parents rented ponies for my 6th birthday while we were living in Stockbridge GA (south of Macon). I guess some parents just really want to do something special for their kids, regardless of location. But I do agree with you that, in general, people in the DC area are likely to show off their wealth.

Since my son is an only child we have spent a little more on his birthdays than we might if he had siblings. Still, they have been relatively calm affairs with only the number of children invited that matched his age. His favorites were the swimming parties at the YMCA ($45.00 that includes a helper in the room and no clean up duty for us - we supplied the home made cake) and then for the past two years he has had his party at the Science Museum - a little more pricey but the kids loved it! Here in the midwest the gift bag is still flying high on the must have list but we made it useful by including paper pads and colored pencils that could be used as a car trip distraction.

Instead of buying overdraft protection why not just let her bounce a couple of checks. The consequences of that are the best overdraft protection there is. I promise she will keep a close eye on her cash after doing that onece or twice. Just my 2 cents.

To: Arlington Dad

About what age did you start the goody bag thing? Maybe my kid is too young (3) but they just drive me nuts, especially since they usually aren't age-appropriate. Maybe I'm being a pill.

Another question: I went to a party a few weeks ago where the hosts served the parents beer and wine and margaritas. yum. However, one of the other parents there was totally offended and got pretty upset. Since we're all pretty responsible, I didn't think it was a problem, but he thought it was completely inappropriate. What do you think?

I am happy to share my experiences and thoughts on birthday parties. My biggest pet peeve is the goody bag. WHO INVENTED THIS NONSENSE? When it comes to birthday parties for small children (ages 3-5) my experience has been that without some kind of a fun organized activity the parties are boring and the kids cling to their parents. They are too small at this age to organize themselves. Having said that, I have been to various "gyms" around here where the so-called instructors don't even smile at kids. So, renting an expensive gym is not an answer. I have been to some really great pool parties, to a great clown party, to a few magician parties, to a musical party. My kids (I have small children) usually have a blast when the party is organized and the activities are fun. So, until my kids are old enough to have a birthday party without adult supervision (7-8?) I guess we will continue paying for some sort of an organized activity/theme for them. Within reason, of course. As for competitive parents it's the nature of the beast in this area. But I really hate putting together those goody bags.....

There will always be starving kids somewhere in the world no matter what Leslie or anyone else does with their money. Blame their governments not a lady with an MBA! Sometimes the aid doesn't even get to the poor kids.

My best party was when my mom baked me a smurfette cake, it was great until my brother came home and ate her head. I was a little pissed, but got over it.

Other than that, I always had bakery cakes every year!

Being a December birthday 5 days before Christmas), I always had the birthday "weekend" -- friends party usually fell on a Friday night, dad's side of the family and mom's side of the family on Saturday and Sunday. The house was just too small for all of those people. The two times both families (and friends) got together was my confirmation and HS graudation -- both held outside the home.

My mom always a had a theme for me -- ET, Strawberry Shortcake, Lolly Worm, etc. Once we did Christmas caroling, but it rained! Never a huge amount of kids, either (again, speace issue). As I got older, I got to invite a couple of really close friends and we went to the local theater.

Looking back, I wish I had a Sweet 16. Oh well. Just had some friends over for left over cake (from the family parties, of course). However, having seen Sweet 16's over the last few years, they are out of control (maybe it's a NY thing?) -- my cousin's daughter is wearing a white Vera Wang gown! Yikes.

Army Brat,

Yea, we have talked about your Escort before. The creepy van has 170,000 miles but a stained and tarnished reputation thanks to Chris.

I bought AF dau a SUV just like her mother's. I am SO happy I will not have to pay for her college.

I gave older dau Dad's car after he died, she is still driving the Golden Bird. It has been 3 years.

Amazing how a child can live without something new when she realizes that she, not the 'rens, will have to pay for it!

To Ann Arbor - We started the goody bag at 3, tried to make it useful stuff vs the throw away dollar store toys.

As for the adults being served alcohol - here in Minnesota it is required! If you are having the grown ups stay, serving alcohol is not only accepted, it's expected! And let's face it, it makes the whole chaotic experience a little less exhausting.

My favorite daughter just celebrated her 12th birthday last week. My wife always wants to do something cute with a theme attached, like have a dozen balloons or anything with 12 in it. I just wanted to resort to minimum effort, as usual, and just throw money at her. So we compromised and my daughter got 12 ten dollar bills,
($120.00).

By Wednesday, our checking account was drained and we had to borrow the money back to buy groceries without having to incurr another insuficient funds banking fee. Of course, favorite daughter got to pick out what she wanted, and last night, I literally had to beg her for an Orial cookie for dessert. I'm sure she felt special!

The fridge is still empty, but that's OK because it's Good Friday, a day of fasting and no meat.

Why was the parent upset about the alcohol? Was he afraid of drunk drivers, cultural issues, or bad example for the kids?

What I find amazing is the nubmer of parents who don't stay (I'm talking parties for little kids 4, 5,6) especially when they don't know me and have never been to our home. I'm always surprised at these strangers (parents of school friends) who just drop their kids at the door of a stranger. Am I the only one who stays? For the kids we know well, I always stay because I enjoy the company of the parents and enjoy seeing the kids I know having a fun time.

We had beer at our last party for the parents. I think as long as people are responsible and well behaved it is fine.

I don't have kids but have been invited to my friend's kids birthday parties because most of the other parents stay for the parts and the adult beverages and snacks. Nobody gets drunk and it makes it nice for everybody.

Ann Arbor -- you hit on my other favorite children's birthday topic! I'll all for adult beverages at kids parties! If I have to spend my Saturday at a kids' party, I want to have a beer while I make small talk with the other parents. Most parents I know can responsibly handle a drink at party. Parents can have fun too!

Heck, for my daughters 4th birthday, we did the party complete crafts, scavenger hunt, pizza and cake. Then we let the kids watch Cinderella and had a quick dinner party for the parents -- meatballs and wine! Everyone was happy.

I finally relented on the goody bags when the oldest was 3 or 4. After they had helped me make quick and peaceful exits from other kids' bithday parties, I saw the magic.

Halleluh Fred!
The 26 year old still has the Mazda he 'borrowed' from me 7 years ago. It is now 23 years old and still going. He won't buy another car since it will be on his dime.

Circle Pines: interesting take on serving alcohol at kids parties. Here there is something called 'safe house.' where you pledge there will be no alcohol served to anyone during a kid's party. There is pressure to be on the internet available 'safe house' list. I resist the pressure to be on this list.

Blatant conspicuous consumption. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Blatant conspicuous consumption. You should be ashamed of yourselves.

Yippe! Blatent, conspicuous consumption!

I think when parents host big parties for kids, they should definitely include the other parents and serve alcohol :)

If you ask my kids, the best party to date was the picnic/cook out at a nearby open space. It was pretty nice weather for February and the kids ran, played, climbed, and hiked and then had burgers, dogs, veggies and cake. This was for about 25 9 and 10 year old boys and they loved it. The worst birthday incident, my 13 year old would say, was the year I baked a bundt cake rather than a traditional cake and he STILL complains about the "birthday donut." Funny what they focus on.

We often do "themes" such as a lego party, or an art party, to make the activities easier. Instead of the "goodie bag" we then give each child a small lego to build or a few art supplies. When asked, the kids have all preferred to have their party at home rather than a destination - with the exception of the open space party. However, our weather hasn't been good enough for an outdoor winter birthday since then. Our biggest problem is that 2 of the kids have December birthdays so it's hard to coordinate with school stuff, holiday stuff, and family stuff.

As a child, my birthday (summer) always seemed to fall on a swim meet day, so I rarely had parties but nearly always got a bunch of birthday wishes from my team. That was okay too - especially if I'd had a good meet.

I almost forgot. A good idea for making your child feel special is to write "Happy Birthday Jonney #8" or something like that on your car windows When you pick them up from school, all his / her friends will know. Also, random drivers will honk, wave and cheer your kid on while you wait in traffic. Trust me, that always makes your child feel special!

My son's 6th birthday is in 2 weeks and we have yet decided on the "forum" for his party. I'd rather pay a little money and not have kids at our house. Having kids at the house requires some creativity and organization and the dreaded clean-up.

I am ready to say yes to Chuck E Cheese - but putting the other parents through that makes me cringe. Please...talk...me.... out .....of ....it......

Moxiemom,

I understand what you are saying but will respectfully disagree. The way some banks calculate overdraft is near criminal. If several checks and/or atm are presented the same day, some banks will debit the largest amount first. This may cause lesser amounts to be over drafted and result in 6 overdraft charges rather than 1. Beside overdraft does not cost money (at least down here) until it is used.

The issue about using the ATM card at college is that the ATM may charge for its use but not your CU. This is one of the reasons that we opted for a local bank. BTW, most banks in college towns do have special accounts and rates for college students that have much lower fees that regular accounts.

Hey missing GA - hang in there. Fairfax is definitely crazy compared to back home, but you'll find pockets of sanity, too. It just takes a while around here. Don't give in to it!

cmac-resist chuckecheese. resist you must. resist you must.

If you say yes, you will have a headache for at least the following 24 hours. It is loud, which wouldn't be so bad, if it weren't so clangingly loud. The food is terrible. Kids fight over the games. The tickets are a big ripoff.

build a bear is expensive, but if she does it with one or two special friends, it is just so much more memorable and satisfying. Or maybe those paint the pottery places.

One year I went with a friend as a chaperone to one of those Arcade places where the kids go nuts for an hour then have cake and ice cream. Talk about noisy! They have a quiet adult room with glass windows in the middle so you didn't have to hear the insanity but could watch. I laughed so hard at one poor kid who had the nerve to walk in there. All heads swiveled and every adult, in unison, asked "What are you doing in here?"

For my AF dau 21th birthday, we went to Vegas. (talk about poor old fred spending money!)

Her sister bought her a crown and sash that said "I am 21 today!"

AF dau wore it all day in the casinos, restaurants etc.

When we were walking down LV Blvd, more people noticed her and said hello than if a show girl in costume had been there!

Go onto thenest.com Parenting board sometime and you will see how crazy people are about birthdays for one year olds nowadays! Custom invitations, goody bags, crazy decorations and private room rentals, not to mention all kinds of discussion of your "menu" for the party, etc. RIDICULOUS!

Unfortunately, we fell into the family pressure trap and had a bigger party than we intended for our one year old. My older cousin had a party at his nice big house for his daughter, who is just 5 days older than ours. I felt that I couldn't tell people at that party that we were having something the following week, but they weren't going to be invited. So we had to revise our plans for an intimate gathering at home (a tiny TH) to a rented room at our local community center. We did our best not to go overboard with decorations or treats, though-our daughter isn't going to remember this anyway!

I remember a few birthdays from when I was young-mostly family celebrations until I got a little older, and then a few girls from school for either a saturday afternoon or a sleepover. My favorite birthday was my big slumber party at 15-I told my mom I felt it was the last year I could do something like that, so we had 15 or so girls over and we watched saturday night live and 80s movies. It was fun and didn't cost my parents much at all.

Yeah, I honestly think people have gone crazy with birthdays these days, and I already feel I gave in a little because of family obligation. But a moonbounce rental is NOT the minimum in most people's worlds-unfortunately, in some neighborhoods, it has become the norm!

Fred - point taken. we can agree to disagree! Glad you are back!

CMAC - don't do Chuck E. Cheese - you may as well sign the parents up for a colonoscopy, at least you get sedated for that! I like the parties at home even though they are more work because when it is over there is still the feeling of the party. We leave the streamers up for a few days and the pinata stays out, we use any extra cups or napkins until they are gone. I always think its kind of sad that there is the party at the venue and then everyone gets in their car and its all back to normal. Also, they will only be content with at home parties for so long, then you will never have to do it again.

CMAC what about a party at the zoo or other location?

(Uh oh, we're ignoring Leslie's instructions and straying in to a serious topic - teaching your kids/young adults about money :-)

Moxiemom, I agree with Fred. Unfortunately, the way overdrafts are handled makes it the worst possible situation for the overdrafter - you usually get hit with the maximum penalties by the bank, AND by the store or wherever you bounced the check, and more importantly you live with the "stain" forever.

(True story: we refinanced our mortgage about 2 years ago when we could drop our rate one percentage point. During the refinance process, we got a credit hit asking us to explain the one bounced check we've ever had in our lives - from 1989! Man, is that a pain.)

Also, the way our CU works, you have to have a savings account (to be a member) before you can have a checking account. Any time a transaction comes in that would overrun your checking account, they automatically transfer funds from your savings account to cover it - no overdraft, no fee. It's only when a transaction would wipe out both your savings and checking accounts that you start incurring fees. So there's really nothing to "buy".

And you make a good point about banks having special "college student accounts", Fred. If she decides to go for the out-of-state school, I may have to look into what banks/accounts are available there. I do like the thought of her having a branch local to us, too, so that we can help take care of any issues.

"Blatant conspicuous consumption. You should be ashamed of yourselves."

The Disney vacations/shows are pretty much the same thing.

Not sure why, but a lot of Americans think that STUFF = happiness.

The fellow who objected to alcohol probably wonders why he isn't invited to many parties.

All of our kids have their birthdays in the summer, so the parties were phased out over the years in favor of cake and presents on the porch or, more fun and more memorable, whatever we could find in the wake of our travels to various places. One year, the daughter had donuts on the top of Alhambra in Andalucia. How cool is that? For her 16th, we flew her to South Beach, gave her a cell phone and let her brag to her friends. (Yes, we waited until a child could drive before getting them a cell phone. Another subject, I know.)

The best thing about kids parties are the pictures years later. It's great fun to see all of these, now grown, people as children again.

We're fans of low key parties. My kids (including my first, who set the standard ;o) ) have their first party with friends when they turn 5 and it's a very small affair at our house. We even went the "no gifts please" route with my third child on that birthday and did a book exchange where each child brought a book and got to take home a different book. They have their "big" party at age 6 at a local pizza place (not CEC, but with a big play area). Then it's usually small home parties or a sleepover with a friend or invite a friend to a movie/dinner with our family or something like that.

However - I do admit that I'm actually willing to do more now than I used to do. Maybe it's the SAHM Perfect Madness thing coming out in me, maybe it's because I'm getting soft in my old age, who knows. We're having my daughter's (child #3) 7th birthday party here at our house next Thursday. I ordered two craft kits from Oriental Trading for each girl to make a bracelet and a keychain, we have several games planned (no prizes so if it turns out they're not in the mood for games no big deal), I'm going to take a picture of each girl with my daughter to use on their thank you note, and we're having homemade cupcakes, pretzels, juice, and raisins. We invited 11 so I should have anywhere from 9-12 girls with my daughter - a friend and my older daughter (12) are going to help. It's still pretty low key compared to renting a place or equipment or taking everyone bowling/skating/etc. but since my other kids had things like "a playdate at our house with 3 friends" when they turned 7, it's big for us!

It is sometimes very hard to keep parties small. We live a neighborhood FULL of children around my 5 year old son's age and they all invite him to their parties. All the parents are quite good friends we meet in the neighborhood playground and are in and out of each others houses with our kids all the time. We'd feel awful and it would seem quite odd not doing the same when we celebrate his especially as it is very obvious when someone is having a party where we live. My son also invites a few of his really close friends from school - usually about 5-6 (who would also have invited him to their parties). We then have very good family friends and relatives in the metro area with whom we have a tradition of using our children's birthday parties to party ourselves. We end up with about 25-30 kids minimum who are all good friends with my son. Also, my son's birthday falls in February which makes it difficult to have anything outdoors and I like having my parties at home. I'd give anything to just throw a moon bounce outside in the yard and let them go for it but it is usually snowing and/or very cold. With all those kids to entertain indoors, we need to outsource for sanity's sake and an entertainer of some sort is called in. The food is always the basic pizza, juice, and birthday cake and I also provide some more grown-up food for the parents.
My point is that having a large party and an entertainer is not to necessarily show off and that should not be the automatic assumption. It means that while the 25 kids are being entertained, the parents are free to chat and catch up with each other. Everyone always have a great time. I don't see it as a chore and I LOVE entertaining. I would be interested to hear though, what others with winter birthdays do to entertain their little guests.

"CMAC - don't do Chuck E. Cheese - you may as well sign the parents up for a colonoscopy, at least you get sedated for that!"

Ditto. Please, please, please, do - not - go - towards - the - light.

Or take the colonoscopy approach and provide a nice pre-party valium to all of the parents.

Childless, but can I offer an observation from my own life (both as a child and an adult)? Only have the birthday party if your child wants it.

My immediate family has our birthdays mostly clustered in June, and mine is the last one. This phenomenon has only gotten worse as my siblings and I got married - all but one of us married people with June birthdays.

So by the time we hit my birthday, I am birthday-ed out. And it's not just as an adult - I felt the same way when I was a child. Basically, I'm naturally introverted (not shy, I just need my space - a by-product of being the youngest, I think) and I hate being the center of attention. All the separate hubbub for my other family members parties just put me out of sorts. Too many people, many of them trying to ramp me up a birthday party of my own. I spent most of my childhood under the radar of more flamboyant and/or problematic siblings - I simply preferred to keep it that way.

I'm sure I had birthday parties when I was little, but honestly, I can't remember anything but family get-togethers from the time I was 7 or so, except for one sleepover in my tween years. My family was enough for me in the way we dealt with birthdays. We got to sleep in. My Mom made specials meals for breakfast, lunch and dinner, we each got to pick out one of the ice-cream cakes from Baskin Robbins (looking back, I don't know how we fit overlapping birthday cakes in the freezer), and there were presents. It wasn't like the day wasn't marked. But my Mom knew better than to force a party on me, because it just wasn't my thing. I'm sure part of her was relieved to not have to throw another party, too, now that I'm writing this.

It has taken my in-laws years to realize that I'm not age-sensitive - I really just don't make a huge fuss about my birthday. (My husband and family had to confirm it to them several times .) My family now holds one big communal party - We call it Christmas in June - and that's absolutely fine for me. And I think it probably would have suited me down to the ground as a child, too ;)

Ladyjanegray - we are winter bdays too. We are considering a half birthday party so we can have the slip 'n slid, BBQ party and then just have quiet dinner w/parents on actual birthday. I haven't heard of anyone else doing this, but I too would like to know others experiences.

Moxie - 2 thoughts on dropping the kids (4,5,6) off at parties. How big is the party and how good will your kid be alone vs. while you are there? Some kids are complete brats when their parents stay, so I'd rather have them leave. If the party has 10-12 kids and there are also 10-12 parents - to me that is a lot of people. If you don't know the parents all that well then it is awkward and you feel like you have to cater to the parents as well as the kids.

I have pretty much always dropped off and there have only been 1-2 parents over the years that have wanted to stay at our house from 4 years old on and they are usually the parents that you don't want to stay. We normally know the parents through pre-school, or elementary so it is not like they are strangers.

When my kids were little 1,2,3 yo we always had the neighborhood kids, their parents, and our grandparents and had an adult/kid party with adult beverages and activities. The kids just ran around the house and the parents yucked it up in the kitchen. From 4 on I think they can handle being away from parents for a couple hours.

Again - it is a comfort level.

I guess the parties I had as a child would be described as "big" in this neck of the woods - almost always 10+ kids, but we lived in a very small town and that was the norm. I have a summer birthday, so we usually played outside - water balloons, squirt guns, and yes, scavenger hunts (that was always my favorite part!) My mom made homemade cakes, in a different design each year - a frog, a telephone, a car, etc. That is the one tradition I have tried to continue for my son, although I am not as good as my mom was. I tried to make him a manta ray two years ago, and didn't realize how difficult it would be to turn the frosting gray! It wasn't my finest moment. Family Fun magazine online has a great section on kids' birthday cake designs.
Adults never stayed at my birthday parties, and I never stay at my son's friends' parties. I am not great at making chit-chat, unfortunately.

Full disclosure statement (while cringing with embarrassment): my mom's name is still on one of my checking accounts - it's not a joint account, she just had to sign on in order for me to open it when I was 18 - and then we just never followed through with taking her off. Some day.

My favorite birthday to this day is my 16th - sleepover for four friends at my grandparents house (much nicer than my parents house, and had better space for sleepovers). Mom was a caterer at the time, so she made petit-fours, fancy hors d'ouvres, and a two tier fancy looking cake. I think she spent maybe $50 for the whole food bill (making that stuff is easier than it looks, and cheaper too). Lit candles in the whole house (even floating candles in the bathroom) and we watched "Sunset Boulevard" and talked all night.

DD has had three birthdays since I've been in her life. One was before I moved to Arkansas, and DD and my partner came to see me in Florida and we took DD to Sea World. Last two have involved taking two or three friends to a movie and then pizza and video games. This year she's going to be 14, so I'm thinking she'll want something a bit bigger, but she's getting a homemade cake regardless (I love making them, she loves my homemade icing - and I have an MBA and somehow manage to make them anyway).

Moxiemom,
My college roommate had a friend whose daughter had a late December birthday - so she and her husband decided they would celebrate the daughter's birthday in June, and they have been doing it since she was 1. The other kids probably don't even realize it's not her birthday - works great for them.

CMAC - I don't mind parents who stay or those who don't stay. I just think it is odd that parents to whom I have never spoken more than a few words and have never been in my home would trust me with their 4 year old. I don't leave my children at homes that I haven't been to before. For a first playdate, I always stay and chat with the mom to get a sense of who she is a at least visually check to see that the household is safe. I know its not a guarantee but I feel its important to check out. So I'm not offended or bothered that they don't stay, I just am surprised at the level of trust.

When i was growing up we always did a craft, ie friendship bracelets, paint an ornament, make a something (mom was a hero, totally awesome). For my high school graduation we did just a dessert party, Costco at Pentagon City has better desserts than the other Costcos do, so we got a bunch of cakes/pies there and invited the gang over, the weather held and people hung out inside and outside (Parents dropped in and out) and it was a nice day to just spend with people talking. Much easier than trying to serve "food" but desserts were spread on the dining room table with small paper plates, and then plastic cups and sharpies so you could claim your cup and it worked out really well. (Plus generally you can clean frosting out of anything if its not too colored!)

For Prom, we did a pot luck (made our parents serve us, but each brought a family specialty) at a friends house (we live in Northern VA, we all eat at nice restaurants with our families not infrequently, this was more fun) and then our parents made double the amount and ate a second meal afterwards. It was fun because we had aprons over our dresses so we wouldn't mess stuff up, and there was no "oh god" if we begged for a glass of milk with dessert, and the food was sumptuous because our parents were excellent cooks--i got many of the recipes from that event and I still make them today with a smile. That night we went to another friend's house changed into street clothes and his mother feed us quiche and other yummies and we hung out (well supervised) all night. We didn't take it too seriously and had a blast for a fraction of the price. One friend took his parents mini-van and turned it into a limo for the evening (went out and bought a limo driver hat, added mini-drinks and a small TV) and drove most of the group, my boyfriend drove us b/c there wasn't enough room, it was way more fun, and creative. I can only begin to imagine how incredibly happy our parents were with the whole deal.

Then again, I guess I still don't take life too seriously, my 24th or 25th birthday party was Barbie themed.

I hate to admit, but I'm one of the moms that tries to come up with uber-creative ideas for my 4 kids' birthdays. All of them had a huge 1st birthday party (more like a kegger for the parents....wooohooo we survived the first year!). After that, we had parties at home where they get as many friends as they are old. Lunch, homemade cake and lots of planned activities. Turns out, they're not into the 'planned activities'. I've definitely learned that while it's nice to have a 'theme', the kids prefer having pizza, cake & icecream and just running around. The best party so far was my 6yoDS' Knight Party. Bought blow up swords, made shields out of poster board and let them duel in the back yard...they loved it. The kids expect goody bags and I've had some partygoers specifically ask 'Where's my goody bag?' Now we always do a pinata and the loot goes in a bag. I also try to give gifts to other birthday children that aren't going to end up as clutter. We give 'coupons' for a day at the movies, a night out for pizza, bowling...whatever is consumable and gives the birthday child a special date with my child.

We have two kids with summer birthdays, and one with a spring birthday - I have had three parties, two at home and one at the public library (rented upstairs room, had an entertainer). When they were in daycare I invited everyone in their class (not a big class)- prevented any hurt feelings, and when they were in school I invited every kid in class (ditto hurt feelings - most schools you cant send invites to school unless every kid is invited) and some outside friends. I just made sure the events were affordable/not a per child cost so that I could make sure everyone was invited. Not every kid comes - and if you make sure you have an activities (esp. physical activities) the kids will behave. Most parents stayed, and all of us daycare parents knew each other anyway.

My birthdays - I remember going with some of my friends and my parents to eat at Reeves downtown and to see Grease at Warner Theater (at 10 or 11) and at 13 or 14 my best friend and I went shopping at Woodies downtown and then had lunch by ourselves at the Woodies restaurant - we felt very grown up.)

I have given several different types of birthday parties but nothing that I felt overwhelmed. What I do like is the great pictures I have from them. I like to give each child something that is the same like a cowboy hat or when we had a train party a bandana around their neck. When my son was three he liked blues music (influenced by his grandfather) so we had a blues brothers party and each child had a black fedora and dark sunglasses. The picture with all the kids together is great. The picture documents who was there and what type of party it was. My kids love to go back and look at those pictures.

Fred, I do try, really I do. ;-)
In any case,speaking of vehicles, when I was growing up we had an old rusted out green volvo station wagon. Not exactly creepy, but the bondo certainly did not make it cool either... a lot of fun and not so fun memories attached to that car from strapping surf-boards to the roof, to being homeless for a little bit. Whatever you do for your kids 7th b-day, try to top bean-dip sandwiches. ;-) Again, I'm not saying go all out and rent a bouncy castle, but the most meaningful of birthday memories are the times when my mom would tell me how much I meant to her and how happy she was that I was her son. So have fun, but don't get so wrapped up in the material things that you forget to say something sweet to your child that will stay with them long after the toys break and they grow up and move out.

Chuck E Friggin' Cheese! OK - I knew it was a bad idea, I can't do it.

Yes, we have parks/shelters/zoos but then everything depends on weather. Bowling is expensive. We also have community rooms that are expensive, so that is out. Build a bear just closed here - strangely enough they were right next to Victoria's Secret in the mall.

Son has about 12-13 kids to invite, half neighborhood half school. He is being wishy-washy so I will have to guide him to his decision. Looking more and more like a house party. He loves scooby-doo so we could do a scooby clue game to find treasures, you know how scooby is always involved in mysterious capers......

Checking accounts for kids to college--leave a joint checking account at the same bank for you and child for one really good reason--if you ever need to deposit money into your kids account in a hurry you'll be able to do so a lot faster. My mom and I still have one joint account for me from college with both our names on it for a just in case type thing. Sometimes cash just needs to get there not plastic.

Well, that was enough sentimental mushy crap from me. The world is ending soon after all, so go out there and blow your ill-gotten fortunes on the little bratts who won't appreciate you no matter how much money you blow on them. ;-P

cmac - scooby doo will be awesome! You can be Daphne or Velma! One thing we do that the kids love is to hide candy in balloons and then instead of a pinata they have to pop the balloons to get the candy! It is crazy and they love it. We also throw in a magic ticket in a couple of the balloons for a special prize. A scavenger hunt would be perfect.

The other parent thought that it gave the impression to the kids that parties had to include alcohol to be fun for the parents, and thus start a 'culture of drinking.' His words. I was enjoying beer at the time, so I was suprised he said anything to me.

We have provided wine and beer (and mojitos at a BBQ last summer) for parents when we have parent/kid parties. I was wondering if that should change as my son gets older.

A local school is having a fundraiser to raise money to be able to have a moon bounce at their school carnival.

Leslie rented a moon bounce for her child's balanced 5th birthday party.

Moxie - I always to the "check out" on the first play date too. Funny story - my son was invited to play with a preschool friend when he was 4. Nice kid, nice parents but their house was a disaster. The basement looked like a junk yard and smelled almost as bad, my son took one look and told me he wanted to leave. I stayed for about an hour and even I couldn't take it anymore so I made a polite excuse to leave. Of course 2 weeks later we got a b-day party invitation for the same kid and my son cried about going. I went and stayed again (even though they scheduled the party during NFL playoffs!). They cleaned up slightly for the party but I just could not leave him there alone.

cmac, PLEASE resist ChuckE Cheese. It's so awful watching all the kids run around and only care about how many tickets they get - not playing the games - all so they can wait in line to trade 175 tickets in for a lousy mood ring. It's loud. It's germ-infested. It's expensive with no redeeming value other than they are enclosed. Just say no:>)

General comment:

We only do parties from ages 5 - 9. Before and after those ages we do home parties, but we have no family in the area, so it's little more than blow out the candles and go to bed. I am not crafty or creative and have neither the time nor the talent to hang crepe paper and balloons over my house. (some of you think this requires no talent - that's because, Ding, Ding, Ding, Ding, - you have the requisite talent!) If my kids think that their birthday is causing me stress, that's making them feel bad about a birthday - no thanks. We had one birthday party at home, the clean-up was just awful, and we swore, "never again". We had insufficient containment. We've not done the moonbounce thing, but what it is is a containment mechanism, a really fun one, nonetheless, a containment mechanism is so that the parents know they haven't lost a guest, LOL. A cake from Wal-Mart costs $6.99. Please. Where's the conspicuous consumption in that?

What we do love, and what it's all about for us, is providing a fun activity - could be ice or roller skating, could be gymnastics, whatever, as long as it's active -- and providing it to all the kids in our child's class. We see the joy on the faces of the less popular kids each year because we invite everyone to each of our son's and daughter's parties, and so many others only invite 2 or 3. It costs us about $7 - $10 per kid, depending on the activity - skating's the least expensive - and makes them feel special. That $120 Father of 4 handed to his daughter? We spend it on the party and emphasize having fun with your friends instead of giving our kids a material gift(s). Some of these kids don't get invited to anyone else's party because they're not the first or second best friend of the popular kids. Not that there's anything wrong with limiting guests, but please do know that there are implications for the less cool. We've had "no gifts please" parties and "bring a gift to donate" parties and both have gone over well.

re: adult beverages, if a parent made alcoholic beverages available during a kids party to the other adults, it would constitute a major faux pas for about 10% of the parents, e.g., they'd not let their kids socialize at our house in the future and would shake their heads at our depravity. At least where we've lived, a fair number of parents feel strongly about their kids not being in an environment where alcohol is available to the adults, so my advice would be to know your parent crowd well before doing what may make absolute sense to you.

moxiemom, on parents staying for the party. I've only once been invited to stay at a house-party. In my experience, many parents don't have the space or the interest in stepping around 14 extra adults, plus it's either expressly or implicitly understood that it's 2 p.m. on a gorgeous Saturday so enjoy yourself. We all take one for the team when it's our child's turn, LOL. Of course, the parents have all met at school and know each other so there's no security risk here. Your mileage may vary.

TO: NY Lurker

Papa Gino's is alive and well in Massachusetts...just one more reason that Boston Rocks and NY SUCKS!

He loves scooby-doo so we could do a scooby clue game to find treasures, you know how scooby is always involved in mysterious capers......

Posted by: cmac | April 6, 2007 10:42 AM

I remember one party where the mom hid the presents while we were all occupied and then wrote out "clues" to where they were and we had to go find them. The clues led to other clues and so on until we found the present. It was pretty fun. 12-13 presents might be kind of hard but you could try hiding them together or something like that.

2 words: party sharing.

My 2 year old doesn't have a huge circle of friends, but the thought of inviting even four of them into our home (as we did for his 1st birthday) filled us with dread. So we're combining resources with 2 of his best friends (who would've been invited to his party anyway) and throwing a combined bash at one of those Gymboree-type places. The trained staff will keep the kids happy with activities, the three sets of parents are dividing the cake/food/supply responsibilities, and the best part: no cleanup!

Also part of the deal: guests are being told to NOT bring presents. We don't want them to feel obligated to bring presents for kids they may not know so well, and besides, the birthday boys are getting plenty of swag from their respective grandparents. Instead, each set of parents will bring one gift for their child, just so there's something for them to open at the party.

I've been to an adult party at Chuck E.'s (years ago) when one of my friends turned 25 - it was one in Virginia with a stage and they served beer and wine and a whole bunch of us went - one friend nearly got kicked out for cheating at skeeball.

I've been now for kids parties - overwhelming, not as much fun for me, but the kids have a great time.

"My 2 year old doesn't have a huge circle of friends"

LMAO when your child is 15 you might realize how funny this sounds. 2 year olds don't have "circles of friends", they have "kids they go to daycare with" or "kids who are children of their parents' friends."

Oh, the irony- that wasn't really ironic, don't cha think? Too much alannis morisette for you. She really distorted the meaning of that word with her stupid- yet-catchy song. Irony would be washing your car only to have it rain. Nope, her renting a moon bounce, while a school is raising money to rent one, is just crappy.

It would be ironic if the school had just raised enough money to rent the moon bounce, only to find out that Leslie had already rented it out for that day.

Sounds like that parent you mentioned is opposed to drinking whether or not it's a kids party -- you can't change his opinion. (Of course, sounds like Mr. Uptight would benefit from a drink...)

As far as the "culture of drinking," my kids know that adults get to drink adult beverages, and kids don't.

It also sounds like a lot of the parents on this board see nothing wrong with responsible drinking at kids parties.

It's ironic that Leslie's idea of balance is paying for something for a dozen kids to enjoy that a school with 300 families has to fundraise to provide for hundreds of people.

Or maybe Allanis would just say so.

But in any case, if that's balance, then balance is obviously easier to have when you can afford to buy it.

I am not necessarily against adults drinking alcohol at kids parties, but I woulnd't serve it. As far as I am concerned, the party is for my child and her kid guests. I am on a limited budget and I don't feel obligated to provide alcohol and food to the parents who are staying rather than dropping off the children. I don't mind them staying and they can have juice or punch and any food left over after the children have been served. I just don't feel like they are guests - they are parents who are hanging around because their children are guests.

Rent a moon bounce. Heck, we own one. Great for weekend fun.

'Instead of buying overdraft protection why not just let her bounce a couple of checks. The consequences of that are the best overdraft protection there is.'

what a waste of cash! My son's checking account overdraft protection deducts the funds directly from his savings account for a $10 fee. Stops him every time!

Re: parents staying - the only time it really happened I completely understood. Oldest DD was 7; she wanted a pizza party where they all made their own pizzas (I'm a whiz at pizza dough, so I had made a whole bunch and created "personal pizza" crusts; then we laid out a whole bunch of toppings.) Two hours before the party started, DW got called in to work in a crisis (she was a Fed in those days), and I ran the party. A number of the Moms came by with their daughters - 7 invitees, remember - realized I was there without DW, and promptly stayed. Now, these were women who had known us for a couple of years. I don't honestly know whether they were afraid their daughters might get molested, or whether they just figured I'd let the kids burn the house down, but four of the 7 Moms stayed and I think the others didn't only because they knew those 4 were. DW thought it was hilarious when she got home and found out about it. (I think the younger kids were at Grandma's house that day; I don't remember them being there.)

With the drinking, we think its important to model appropriate use of alcohol around our children. We don't drink frequently, but when we have friends over we do and everyone does so in moderation. I think we are showing the children how to use it properly as opposed to the media images they receive. That said, I can absolutely respect any family that chooses not to drink in front of their children.

When did this convention of parents staying at birthday parties start? For 1-2 year olds, of course, because it's not really a party for the kid. But for a kid 4+? Can your kid really not be away from you for two hours? And it makes it so that the parents giving the party have to give two parties, one for the kids and one for the adults. Part of the beauty of birthday parties when I was a kid was the two hours of free babysitting they provided. I do not ever remember a party where any parent stayed.

As for the trust issue, does your kid have a lot of friends who seem so screwed up that you wouldn't trust their parents for two hours? Are your kids so screwed up that you think other parents shouldn't trust you for two hours?

experienced mom: "what a waste of cash! My son's checking account overdraft protection deducts the funds directly from his savings account for a $10 fee. Stops him every time!"

_____________________________

Really, they charge for that? Seriously? I'll have to keep an eye on that, because my CU does that for free, and I'd just assumed that's the way most places would work.

Here's a question -- at what age do you drop off kids at a party? And is age the only factor here?

'With the drinking, we think its important to model appropriate use of alcohol around our children'

right! We adults drink, we tell the kids how easy it is to drink too much by mistake (we try not to model that behavior!), and we adults always have a designated driver.

My experience, way back when it was legal to drink at 18, was that the kids with the anti-drinking parents were the kids that went wild and drank way too much in college.

It being Friday, I feel compelled to say that I see no harm in consuming adult beverages (by adults) regardless of kid's parties. Let the "fun-sucker" (my kids term) tilt at windmills. As I said before, he won't be invited out much.

I kind of like the old notion of a garden party only loosely tied to a kids birthday. Maybe invite a bunch of adults, some relatives and their kids over for a weekend afternoon, play some badminton or volleyball, jump in the pool and towards the end of the day, light a few candles on a cake.

BTW, did you ever come across the the video of the teenage girl throwing a tantrum because the Dad got the color wrong on her car? I can't help but wonder if that all started with elaborate parties when she was younger.

Two of my children have birthdays in the same month, so we actually have 3 parties in a month - one kid party for each child and one family party for grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, family friends, etc. to celebrate the kids' birthdays. I do serve alcohol at the family party. In my mind, I see adults who are family or friends with whom we normally socialize in a different category than parents of school and daycare friends who are mere acquaintances.

There are several reasons we have 3 parties.

First, I grew up having combined B-day parties with my brother and I hated it. I think each child is entitled to have one day a year to be in the spotlight without sharing.

Second, my house is to small to have more than 8 children, including my own, especially if parents are staying. They are each limited to 5 friends until they reach the age when parents are not staying - then they can each invite 8 friends, and we pray it is nice enough to be outside.

Third, we enjoy having the family party without the other children around.

Question, why is it that people don't have the children open their gifts at the party? so many take the gifts home still wrapped. I find it disappointing not to see their reaction to the gift we gave.

As for the trust issue, does your kid have a lot of friends who seem so screwed up that you wouldn't trust their parents for two hours? Are your kids so screwed up that you think other parents shouldn't trust you for two hours?

Posted by: Kathrina | April 6, 2007 11:03 AM

The point isn't that the kids are screwed up, the point is that I don't know who the parents are. Would you drop your kid at a house selected at random? I wouldn't expect people who don't know me to trust me any more than I would trust them. Going to the same school is simply an indicator of living in the same zip code. Living in a nice neighborhood is not an indicator of nice people. I'm not doing background checks, but I think it is important to know the people with whom I trust my children. I expect to know the parents of my children's friends as long as they are under my roof.

I completely understand why parents may stay at parties. When DD was in daycare in the 4-year-old group, she was invited to at least 10 birthday parties for children whose parents we had never seen because our work schedules were different. We never dropped off or picked up our children at the same time. I wasn't about to let DD go to someone's house at age 4 by herself when I didn't know the family.

Army Brat,

I will tell you and everyone else reading to look at fee schedule carefully. What fees banks charge for what services vary greatly.

The other issue is when banks credit your account for checks AND cash. One of my banks closes its books at 2 pm, another at 3 pm and another at the closing time of the bank that day. So, even if you are depositing cash, it may not be credited until the next business day. Think putting money in late Friday and not having it available until Monday.

Some banks will credit the first $50 or $100 of a large check and then the balance later (2-5 days). But in a very nice way (thanks Check 21) they will take the money out of your account for a check that you have written the first night it processes.

Hey Columbia, we have the same birthday! (december 20). With December break always starting at that point, I never had a chance to have the huge party.

I'm not at the parent stage yet, but in terms of the best parties I remember, it was the ones at the friend's house, instead of at the Chuck E Cheese type places.

Also, RE: checking account: Check what fees your bank charges for using the debit card at stores. If there is no fee for using PIN transaction, you can use your home CU, and whenever she needs cash, she can go to the local grocery/drug store, buy something she needs (tissues, snack, etc) and then get the amount she needs cash back. Voila! NO ATM fees! (I've done this multiple times, and it is amazing)

Question, why is it that people don't have the children open their gifts at the party? so many take the gifts home still wrapped. I find it disappointing not to see their reaction to the gift we gave.

Posted by: lmn | April 6, 2007 11:08 AM

If it's at home, the gifts get opened. If it's at another place then we leave them to be opened at home. However, I do take a photo of them opening it and cheesing really big and include it in the thank-you note.

We don't open them at out of home parties because it's just to much of a hassle.

I know some people don't open them at house parties because of possible bad reactions but my daughter can fake excitement really well and my son is excited by everything at this point (he's 3).

10:58, you got me there! It is much easier to buy balance- or at least an illusion of one- if you have money.
Let them eat cake!

"It's Friday! No serious subjects allowed." I will quote you and hold you to that next Friday when you post another daycare blog. :-P

For DD's 6th birthday party she had about 8 little girls over. We gave each little girl a sheet of paper dolls to color and cut out & play with, they were given lots balloons and got to squash them out in the backyard, we had a pinata and they played Twister, Magical Chairs and Pin-The-Tail-On-The-Donkey. They als