Primeiro!

segundo!

terceiro...

Bom dia, Portuguese mother!

When I was searching for day care providers I used a service provided by my agency. It was great. You tell them where you live, how far you are willing to travel, what your qualifications are and they do the search. They give you their top three choices. They do the police back ground check and everything. If you are unsatisified with the results, they will give you the next three results. If you change your qualifications, you will get a new search. I interviewed with all three top choices and choose one of them. I have been extremely satisfied with the day care provider and have plans to leave my daughter there till kindergarten. I think these services will work for individuals as well. It is probably a hefty price but seems like it might be worth your time. You don't pay if they can't give you at least three choices. It is like a professional nanny search. Good luck. Sorry your husband is not more helpful. I did all the leg work on mine as well.

When we lived near a large university, we always found international students' wives to babysit our little ones. Older, mature, usually phenomenally well-educated. And it ended up being a nice situation for all -- we helped them with english and learning about the community, and they made some money. I'm posting anonymously because we DID feel tremendously guilty about not paying for benefits and such -- because they frequently didn't have permission to work in the US. Personally, I would hang around the laundromat at the international student center and ask around -- and if that didn't work, I'd probably get an au pair. Have you considered that route?

Whoa. You might be too picky! Your children would be fine in day care. If you prefer in home care, which does have advantages, you might want to look at a domestic or foreign au pair. You should plan on training anyone that you hire. And I don't see why two or three part time college students would be a problem. Try to get more flexible!!

well, I have a feeling that the perfect nanny is going to be elusive, especially for parents living in the far-out suburbs. Ultimately, you will probably have to 'settle' for one of the other scenarios you described. With four, I definitely have guilt that the younger ones are spending too much time in their car seats shuffling off to older sibs' afternoon activities. However, they get plenty of love & attention in the am while the big kids are in school. We play ball, read books on a blanket and take walks while the older ones are participating in their activities. It could be better, but it's not so bad.

Why not try an au pair?

to catlady:
Também para si, senhora dos gatos!

In general capitalism has some natural mechanisms for addressing these types of issues.

How much are you offering for a full-time nanny? Is it significantly more than the other employment opportunities available to the target set of employees you are looking to hire?

"None sounded dedicated to the idea of helping to rear someone else's children."

If you want help rearing your children, expect to pay what you think the task is worth.

'the younger ones are spending too much time in their car seats'

my youngest lived in the car seat and on the side of the sports field every afternoon for years. He's 11 now, and he's the most socially savvy kid I know. He can talk to adults, he makes friends easily, and he loves life. I think this is because he was forced to hang out with large groups of mixed ages when he was so young. Give him a ball and he entertains himself and whoever is nearby. His life is his life, no regrets!

Obrigada, mãe portuguesa!

I disagree with the poster who suggests our Guest Blogger lower her standards to find childcare.

It is really hard to "settle" on childcare you don't feel comfortable with, whether it's daycare or something else.

Keep trying to find your ideal -- when it comes to your kids being safe and well cared for, it's not the time to compromise.

"Keep trying to find your ideal -- when it comes to your kids being safe and well cared for, it's not the time to compromise."

I agree -- but that means you need to be willing to pay the premium for the service that you are requesting. My experience talking with folks in the field is that many people want to pay baby-sitting prices for nanny services. If you want a professional, then expect to pay for a professional.

If you're looking for someone to commisserate with...I hear you. We moved to a small town a few years ago and there definitely are not as many childcare choices here as there are in a major metropolitan area. It took us nearly a year to get into a childcare arrangement that we were comfortable with.

If you're looking for advice...why not pursue other options? It sounds like you are mentally locked into a nanny coming to your house. Why not consider taking your children to someone else's house? Or a daycare center? You can always try that out for a few months and if you don't like it keep looking for a nanny.

I experienced some of the same issues, despite being in the city - barely, which was the problem, right at the edge of transit. I agree with Leslie, don't feel you have to lower your standards (and for the idea of having 2 or 3 caregivers, if your child is under 3, that is really not ideal).

The job-hopping might not bother me if it were a reliable person who had good refs from the jobs - the advantage of someone new-ish to childcare is you can train them do to things exactly your way.

I solved it by working slightly odd hours, which I have the luxury of doing - my nanny arrives at 7, and leaves by 11, which just barely gives me time for phone calls. And she's great.

GL!

I think that this poster needs to drastically alter her expectations. Even in the "big city," there is not a cadre of professional nannies sitting around waiting for job offers (especially at the wages nannies usually get.) Yes- your nanny's next job might be as a meat slicer, if it pays better. Welcome to the world of child care.

I concur with Experienced Mom that there's no perceivable harm for Mrs. Powell's children to go along with the caregiver to her children's soccer practice. After all, a parent with two or more children might well take his/her own younger child(ren) along to an older sibling's soccer practice (or dance lesson, or whatever), and no one would find it particularly unusual or harmful.

I don't think it is harmful for a younger child to be dragged to an older child's practices. But I guess since she is paying for someone to watch her child, she has expectations that her child's needs comes before the baby sitter's needs. The answer is to offer a salary that makes the job the top priority for the day care provider. You can't pay someone $7/hour and expect them to do nothing but cater to your own children.

"I don't think it is harmful for a younger child to be dragged to an older child's practices"

I think it IS harmful and a terrible example for all these children to be limoed everywhere.

"I don't think it is harmful for a younger child to be dragged to an older child's practices"

I think it IS harmful and a terrible example for all these children to be limoed everywhere.

WHY?

8:02 AM wrote: "I think it IS harmful and a terrible example for all these children to be limoed everywhere."

Why? Do you think it's different if it's a sibling who's taken along to a practice, rather than a child being baby-sat?

Or is your objection to the child who actually has the soccer practice (or whatever) being driven there?

And no one said anything about a limousine.

catlady

How many kids do you have?

I have news: finding a good care situation for one's kids is a challenge everywhere! Before I had my first, I paid almost $1000 in "registration" fees to get on waiting lists for daycare centers and I STILL didn't know if there would be a spot ANYWHERE for my kid until three days before I was supposed to be back at work. And I lived in a big city.
If I were in your situtation I would have chosen the mom who was going to cart the kids to soccer practice. What's the big deal? If you had four kids then you too would be carting your two youngest wherever you had to take the two oldest.

(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)
(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)

On the blog, Leslie's blog
The shark is jumping now
On the blog, the Washpo blog
The shark is jumping now

Near the board, the peaceful bored
The shark is jumping now
Near the net the quiet net
The shark is jumping now

Hush my poster don't fear my poster
The shark is jumping now
Read my comments don't fear my comments
The shark is jumping now

(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)
(A-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh, a-weema-weh)

8:13, who are you?

Try being more flexible. Look for daycare or toddler care at local churches and mosques that perhaps only have 3-4 hours in the morning and then get a college student to take over in the afternoon. OR try private daycare 3 days a week and something else the other two days. For example, work 4 long days and your husband also and each of you pick up one day per week with kids and have daycare for 3. I was lucky to find this type of childcare balance for both of mine so that they had the joys of daycare (and I really mean that) -- structure and friends and sharing as well as substantial unstructured home time to be alone (best for my introvert) and learn to play with sibling or alone (difficult but necessary for my extrovert). Some daycare was better than others and we did walk out on one after a month but by and large it was a wonderful experience for the whole family. We had part-time babysitter and a full time nanny at different times but even with the full time nanny we put the 2 year-old (the extrovert) in pre-school for 3 hours, 3 days a week. In elementary school there was the after-school program and a part-time babysitter combination. Now that they are teens, I still like them to have an adult around the three days per week they come home before 5pm so they have someone (me, music teacher or housekeeper/ex-nanny) there to provide that feeling that an adult is nearby.

"What advice do you have for me and others living outside of child-care central?"

I live WAY outside of child-care central. "What's a nanny? Isn't that like the woman in Mary Poppins or the Sound of Music or those shows on TV with the bratty kids?" ;o)

Have you thought about family home childcare - where the daycare provider operates from her own home? It's a compromise between a nanny and a childcare center - the groups are generally smaller, the care is given in a home so it provides a more intimate atmosphere, and they're usually less expensive. And they're very common in small towns. I'm not saying "just take them to Sue down the street - she's home during the day" - but to a person who actually is running a business from her home, is certified by the state and in CPR/first aid, has references, and perhaps even early childhood education.

I agree that Leslie may have to alter her expectations. That doesn't necessarily mean lowering her standards. She does sound like she has unrealistic expectations, and a bit of snobbery about her. You don't necessarily need a "professional" nanny (do you know how much these cost??). You need, basically, a nice person you are comfortable with, who's reliable, emotionally balanced and "good with children". Doesn't matter if she's had previous jobs as who-knows-what, as long as her path indicates reliability, commitment to the job, etc.

And what about an au-pair?? Agencies do matches - you'd probably get a girl from, say, rural Serbia (a friend of mine did) who would not feel isolated away from a major urban area.

I don't know, the poster just sounds too rigid and demanding.

"I don't know, the poster just sounds too rigid and demanding"

What else is new?

wooooeeeee! A professional nanny! To wipe snot off the kid's face.

wooooeeeee! A professional nanny! To wipe snot off the kid's face.

Posted by: | May 30, 2007 08:33 AM

Just use your sleeve

"wooooeeeee! A professional nanny! To wipe snot off the kid's face."

My kid eats his snot.

Some of our best child-care providers over the years have been women with not much prior childcare experience. Students, former cleaning ladies, etc. You may need to get away from the idea that you need a "professional nanny". What is that, anyway, if you think about it?

Others have said it, too - what about an au-pair? I used to be one and I wasn't that bad... still in touch with "my" family.

This blog has just jumped the shark. Must be close to a record.

"wooooeeeee! A professional nanny! To wipe snot off the kid's face."

My kid eats his snot.

Posted by: | May 30, 2007 08:38 AM

And you're so proud of this that you had to post anonymously.

I would like to complement the posters thus far at not jumping at the 'red meat' paragraph about how the mom was doing all the legwork while the husband participated later.

This crowd is learning to ignore the dog whistle! Bully for you guys! Pavlov would be proud.

"You may need to get away from the idea that you need a "professional nanny". What is that, anyway, if you think about it?"

Something to brag about.

Yeah, life is tough on the gold coast having to drive ALL the way to Madison or New Haven for a coffee...there are plenty of Yale grad student wives who wouldn't mind hanging with your kids at the Yacht Club (or the State Park), why not post on the school bulletin boards?

I would like to complement the posters thus far at not jumping at the 'red meat' paragraph about how the mom was doing all the legwork while the husband participated later.

This crowd is learning to ignore the dog whistle! Bully for you guys! Pavlov would be proud.

Posted by: shocked | May 30, 2007 08:41 AM

Darn you! You ruined the little wager I had with myself about how long it would take for a poster to slam the writer about this!

I always said when I had kids they would have in-home nanny care. I am so glad we were never able to find a person we felt comfortable leaving my son with....we ended up at a center and have never regretted it. He spends his days in a room with children all the same age, and college-educated teachers who structure the day toward the development of that age group. No parking the kids in front of a DVD, hauling them around to somebody else's soccer practice. We also take vacation when WE want it, not when the caregiver goes away, and if the caregiver is sick, a floater teacher at the center covers the absence so we have care we can rely on (important with no nearby family).

I had a judge for a neighbor once who insisted on a nanny in her home. When her marriage broke up and circumstances forced them into a day care setting, I remember her saying she wished she had gone that route from the beginning...that it was so much better for her child's socialization. They loved the nanny and are still close with her, but admit she gets so much more out of a center.

Except for the increased risk of getting in a car accident, I am not sure why some people think it is harmful to go to other children's practices. I don't think it is stimulating time and I am not sure why a parent would need to stay at the practice the whole time. But if these kids had older siblings, they would be doing the same thing. Again, if Leslie wants her kids to remain in one place and the sitter focused only on her kids needs, she needs to offer more money.

We live in a big city and are also struggling with childcare. We have a great nanny, but pay her $15 an hour at about 10 hours a day, which is just getting to be way too much. We're looking into a nanny share or worst case, day care, although we'd rather not. I would think there would be plenty of candidates near a university, try the education school if there is one, early childhood ed students are great at nannying. And FWIW, as a male, I've done all the legwork in securing childcare thus far...

Leslie, your story is similar to what an acquaintance of mine has been telling me. She also lives in CT and has hard time finding a full time nanny. She thinks it is because in NYC the demand for nannies is so high and the pay is better and nannies or potential nannies gravitate toward NYC. I think the suggestion of finding a foreign student is a good one, if you are comfortable with that, or an au pair. I think they have raised an age of au pairs now and you can have then for up to two years, giving you some kind of continuity. Good luck in your quest to find a nanny/babysitter who genuily likes small children and wants to be around them.

A professional nanny that is dedicated to the idea of helping to rear someone else's
children? I think that should start at a living wage around $40,000.

that's what nannies make in DC or NYC or SanFran. You are right on the mark. Of course, these are LEGAL nannies who have good references and drive....

Most nannies in this area start at 36-40K. I only know one nanny who gets paid 25K a year. The deal is she only works m_T for three school aged boys. Except for summers and school breaks, the nanny only does before and after school care. She is on call in case the kids get sick or something. But most school days, she can run her own errands, sleep or do whatever. It seems to satisfy both the nanny and the parents. But if you want someone to really work only for you, you need to offer a living wage. And I know that is expensive.

Must be nice to even be able to afford a nanny! Some of us have to work for a living.

You should have thought about this before you had the kids. If you don't want to spend time raising your spawn, why should anybody else?

The appeal of in-home care also has a lot to do with time, too: you don't have to rush your child off to a center that may be in the opposite direction of your work destination, and if you have to be a little late, you don't panic quite as much, etc., etc. I agree with many of the previous posters about flexibility. OK, so you're opposed to day care. Is it a general opposition or does it have to do with the particular day care options in your area? That does make a huge difference on one's ability to compromise.

However, work-life balance is about making compromises. We all would benefit from living in our ideal circumstances, but that isn't the way it works. And sometimes the compromise turns out to be the perfect thing after all. But you'll never know until you try it.

"Must be nice to even be able to afford a nanny!"

I think that Leslie Powell's problem, actually, is that she's *can't* afford a nanny. She just doesn't realize it.

The appeal of in-home care also has a lot to do with time, too: you don't have to rush your child off to a center that may be in the opposite direction of your work destination, and if you have to be a little late, you don't panic quite as much, etc., etc.

On the other hand, what if you have in-home care and your day-care worker is late? Unless she's live-in, this can happen on rare occasions even with the most conscientious employee, due to unavoidable problems like traffic jams, accidents, bad weather, emergencies, etc.

Higher education has nothing to do with raising decent kids. I work in a law firm and these lawyers have the most screwed up kids you'll ever see. We have on-site emergency day care (for infrequent emergency use only) and some days you need a whip and a chair to go in there. Spoiled, selfish, entitled brats. Their teens are into drugs, drunk driving, and alternate lifestyles. If this is what educated parents raise, give me blue collar any time.

"raising your spawn"

The word spawn as it relates to children (offspring) is banned from this blog.

I hate to tell you this, but it isn't any different here in the 'burbs of NYC. Three years ago, I needed to find a nanny for my son who couldn't go back to daycare for health reasons. I interviewed around 30 people, and found them all pretty unacceptable. We got a lot of women who spoke barely passable English. And some college girls who were looking for pocket money, but had no real experience with childcare, and clearly no real commitment. Even the "pro" nannies - the ones who supposedly had a lot of experience - were just horrible and inspired no confidence. We finally went with a lady from Honduras who had worked as a housekeeper. She was nice, but boy was I glad when my son could return to his wonderful daycare. He thrived in daycare.

I think there is such a thing as a high quality professional nanny, but the salaries that they command were pretty unaffordable to us.

I've really been happy with our daycare, which is a NAEYC accredted program at a local Y. I am going to be starting my third child there in a few weeks in fact!

I am very familiar with the poster's aversion to center based daycare. I experienced the same thing-- it just wasn't the way I was raised and none of my friends/co-workers attended center-based daycare so I was very uncertain about the long term effects. I could go on tours and see that the centers looked good, were reasonably priced and that the most reliable studies indicated center-based care would be fine, but there was still enough distruct that I instead opted to stay home for two years rather than go that route (and I had similar fears regarding nannies, etc.). But with this second one, I am much more brave (smart, generous, open minded, whatever)and willing to try daycare or other options.

My friends who are ten years younger than I am are far more comfortable with idea of "institutional" daycare than people my age who still prefer nannies. It's a generational thing.

"The word spawn as it relates to children (offspring) is banned from this blog"

Yes, Demon spawn is more accurate.

You live near New Haven, and work at a university, and you can't find childcare? Has it occurred to you to seek out an undergrad student who may need a job and/or place to live? At an expensive school like Yale, there must be some students who'd be willing to take care of your kids. You may need to use two kids working around their class schedules, but it could work out.

I nannied my way through undergrad (in CT), and I think it was a win-win for me and for the families I worked for. I got a room, use of a car, a modest salary, and the chance to spend time with some really great kids. The families got an enthusiastic and energetic (if youngish and inexperienced) caregiver who genuinely liked their children and the job.

I also know that nanny agencies abound in CT (at least, they did in Fairfield County). You might check some of them out.

The word Nazi is also banned from this blog in any figurative sense. If you persist in violating this standard, pATRICK will deal with you accordingly.

Fred will also banish you to a not so pleasant cave!

"The word Nazi is also banned from this blog in any figurative sense."

Sez you.

"You live near New Haven, and work at a university, and you can't find childcare? Has it occurred to you to seek out an undergrad student who may need a job and/or place to live?"

Unfortunately, Ms. Powell cannot hire college students because they are motivated by money. She needs a childcare provider whose motivation is their personal passion for taking care of other people's children for free.

"Unfortunately, Ms. Powell cannot hire college students because they are motivated by money. She needs a childcare provider whose motivation is their personal passion for taking care of other people's children for free."

Who dat?

It's hard to say whether Ms. Powell is working at Yale. If so, surely there is an on-site daycare. If the commute is short, why wouldn't university childcare be preferable to a patchwork situation? Even if it's not Yale, Ms. Powell did say it's a university, suggesting a fairly large employer. I've always been under the impression that universities often do have good childcare facilities available to faculty and staff. I've never worked in academia, so maybe I'm mistaken.

I'm not necessarily a big fan of au pairs for the long term, at least not the serial use of au pairs. I think this situation might be a good fit for an au pair though, especially if the family doesn't have more than three or four throughout the kids' childhoods. Au pairs still are limited to one year here, no?

My point was more that Ms. Powell works in an environment that is potentially rich in students who could be nannies. I mentioned Yale only because it says she lives near New Haven -- if she's at a different school, then she just has that many more kids in the potential labor pool.

My friends who are ten years younger than I am are far more comfortable with idea of "institutional" daycare than people my age who still prefer nannies. It's a generational thing.

Posted by: Jen S. | May 30, 2007 09:23 AM

Jen S., it's not a generational thing, it's a you and your friends thing, and a money thing. Most of us cannot afford and never consider nannies. Bully for you and your privileged social set. Plenty of women of all ages do not refer, with or without quotation marks in mid-air, to group centers as institutional daycare. They search among all affordable options, not seeking to know anyone's motivation for providing such care, for the safest, most fun, most warm, reliable caregiver available.

"Jen S., it's not a generational thing, it's a you and your friends thing, and a money thing. "

Big time ditto.

And let's face it - even if we could all afford nannies, the supply simply isn't there. There aren't an equal number of people who want to work as nannies as there are lawyers, accountants, doctors, engineers, and every other job in total.

We considered nanny's an option and I am glad we did not go with that. Number one, I am not sure I would trust one stranger in complete care of my child. If a nanny gets sick or goes on vacation, you have to find alternate care. Nanny's can be late or have home emergencies as well. Also nanny's can just up and quit on you if their circumstances change. Now, I would trust a nanny because my daughter talks and I could get great personal recommendations. But as a first time parent, that is hard to find. I went with a small personalized center care that is staffed with five workers and 16 kids. Great ratio, great coverage, and open 52 weeks a year. It was even open on snow days. But for a school aged child, who talks well, I think nanny care could be great with a the right person. But it is an expensive option. More then most people can afford.

"My point was more that Ms. Powell works in an environment that is potentially rich in students who could be nannies. I mentioned Yale only because it says she lives near New Haven -- if she's at a different school, then she just has that many more kids in the potential labor pool."

The flawed logic in this is that college students are generally not available to work as full time nannies (or full time anythings) because they have CLASSES.

I prefer daycare to nannies by a long shot. We have tried both, and I'm just more comfortable knowing that my child is part of a group, in a predictably scheduled environment. With a nanny, I felt too much "at the mercy" of this one person.

I do have on-site care at my job, so I suppose that's a big advantage because I can go see my child any time I want / have time.

Just wanted to state this - I don't think the nanny-vs-daycare question is always a financial one.

I see that a lot of people are recommending that the author of the article simply use a college kid. There are a number of problems with college kids though. One big one is continuity. College kids are not likely to be long term. It isn't GOOD for small kids, especially babies, to have to keep switching caregivers every few months. Another problem is that you have to work around the kid's class schedule, which will change every semester. And that isn't necessarilly good from the point of view of your boss - they like continuity too, lol.

I still think a quality daycare is infinitely preferable to a nanny. I am home with my kids a lot (I work part-time) and I see the nannies at the parks with the kids. Most of the time, they are yakking on their cellphones and totally ignoring the kids.

I am wondering why you are opposed to using a daycare, maybe there are not many high-quality ones in your area? I personally feel more comfortable with a good daycare center situation because there is oversight and more than one pair of eyes on the kids. To me it seems safer and you have a better idea of what is going on, more structure, more interaction with other kids and adults, etc. But for a high-quality daycare, you have to be willing and able to shell out a small fortune, and I understand high-quality nannies can be even more pricey. To me, it is well worth it for my peace of mind though.

"I don't think it is harmful for a younger child to be dragged to an older child's practices"

I think it IS harmful and a terrible example for all these children to be limoed everywhere.

Posted by: | May 30, 2007 08:02 AM

My kids have hung around each other's practices and made plenty of friends along the way. Not to mention helping out sometimes, or figuring out which coach they think they'd like to have later on.

Few children play in organized sports within sight of the house.

Honestly, find yourself an in-home situation (as in not at YOUR home--I doubt you've thought out the tax ramifications for having someone working out of your home), or find an agency that will fill your bill. They'll also remove scads of cash from your wallet, but that's what you get for insisting upon custom fit in an off-the-rack world.

Bonnie

"I am home with my kids a lot (I work part-time) and I see the nannies at the parks with the kids. Most of the time, they are yakking on their cellphones and totally ignoring the kids. "

And so are the mothers.

I haven't time to read all the comments, but as I read your blog, Leslie Powell, I thought "sounds like a golden opportunity to start your own nanny placement business".

If someone is that opposed to daycare because they want individual care for their children in their own home, maybe they should consider the obvious choice that's staring them right in the face.

Yeah, but the mothers aren't being paid $600 to $1000 per week like the nannies are.

Seriously, though, I do think most of the moms at the playground are interacting with their kids more than the nannies are. That has just been my personal observation. I often end up with a lonely kid or two tagging along with mine while the nanny chats with her friends.

atlmom -- how's it going with your au pair?

If you want a caregiver for your children in your own home, how much more liability insurance will you have to buy to CYA in case the caregiver gets hurt OTJ and sues you? Another advantage of out-of-home childcare.

Did anyone read Amy Joyce's column today about how the EEOC is coming down hard on employers and "caregiver discrimination". Interesting read:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/26/AR2007052600111.html?hpid=sidecar

There is a Leslie Powell in Yale's employee directory.

She doesn't seem like the sharpest knife on the drawer.

Well, she sounds a darn sight sharper than an anonymous snarky troll.

"I am home with my kids a lot (I work part-time) and I see the nannies at the parks with the kids. Most of the time, they are yakking on their cellphones and totally ignoring the kids."

I guess it depends on the age of the kids and what you are looking for. I'd be fine with whomever was in charge of my children talking on the phone while the kids are playing by themselves or with others. I don't think it is necessary for the caregiver to engage with the children every second. It is possible to talk on the phone while keeping a watchful eye on the children.

I guess helicopter parents aren't enough - people also want helicopter caregivers.

My children went to private home day care. there were babies, toddlers, and school age children. There weren't actual pre-school lessons, but there was a lot of love. There was even some tv watching - lol - my kids learned more than one thing from Sesame Street. My kids learned to share, conflict resolution (squabbles between kids at times), respect for authority, colors, numbers, alphabet, etc.

They never went to preschool, had summer birthdays, started kindergarten on time (see yesterday's blog), and were both reading at the end of kindergarten.

So I guess everyone has a definition of high-quality daycare. For my family it meant being in an environment that was safe and provided consistency and genuine caring for the children. All the educational advantages of centers with academic focus were not necessary to us because we spent time with our children teaching them preschool skills ourselves.

Yikes!! And people wonder why people hesitate to write a guest blog using their real names. Some of you people are real piranhas.

8:40, you have no idea what "jump the shark" means. While we're banning words, can we ban this useless phrase? I mean, do we really need to be alerted when we go off topic? I'm pretty sure even the dimmest among us can figure out when that happens.

Leslie, I agree with the poster who suggested in home care. I was in a similar situation with my dogs. DISCLAIMER: I am about to apply my experience with my dogs to Leslie's experience with her kids. I know dogs are not children. Please read accordingly or skip. DISCLAIMER OVER. We both work full time and need someone to check in on the dogs in the middle of the day. Doggie day care is not ideal because there are way too many dogs (our one dog has a severe heart condition that can cause death if she gets too excited) and they just sit in crates all day any way. Having someone come by to walk them is okay (it's what we do now), but it's expensive for what occurs (the person watches them in our backyard for 10 minutes for $15 a day). Ideally, we would take the dogs to someone's house where someone is home all day and has no other distractions (like kids) and will interact with the dogs. Unfortunately, we have yet to find that.

Ajax, I agree with you completely. Au pairs are not must more expensive than many center based daycare centers and nannies are almost the sam price if you go the nanny share route. I don't think people choose center based daycare over nannies and au pairs because it is cheaper. It's like comparing (very expensive) apples and (very expensive) oranges. Too bad Leslie can't provide more info about why exactly she doesn't consider the area daycare centers acceptable-- maybe she has very good reasons, but just based on my own personal hangups, I think perhaps there is a good bit of baseless fear.

Leslie (Leslie Morgan Steiner): Given the posting at 10:10 and the distinct possibility that someone who posts a blog here could be tracked down for some freaky reason, I really would recommend that guest posters be listed with their first name and last initial. Just my 2 cents.

"We couldn't have been more wrong. About half of the women who called were either stay-at-home moms or college students looking for part-time babysitting gigs. Their motivation? Pocket money. Filling time. . . . None sounded dedicated to the idea of helping to rear someone else's children."

The search for the perfect childcare resembles the search for the perfect man. As long as you focus on your lengthy list of required criteria for perfection, and ignore what you have to offer in return and whether all of your criteria are equally important, you'll never find a real person that measures up. It's not about lowering your standards. It's about re-evaluating your standards and honestly asking yourself what matters most. If, after the re-evaluation, "dedicated to the idea of helping to rear someone else's children" remains on your list, ask yourself why you want anyone dedicated to an idea and not the actual helping part. Leslie seems to have become wedded to a script in her head in which the perfect provider, like Miss America contestants, prattles on about how she has always wanted to work with children.

We are professionals, as if it matters. We lived in two small towns for 3 years each, and large urban areas before and now. In the course of both moves, we -- yes, both of us, since we have never approached identifying quality childcare as my task, but as our task - found wonderful, caring in-home providers after interviewing two moms (one town) and one mom (the other town), respectively. Our children had reliable care, warm care, lots of artwork and simple games, hugs and kisses, and a more sanitary setting than we provide in our house. Neither was licensed or had a degree in early childhood education - to each his own, but I do not care of someone has been blessed by my state government. I care about the care they give which I determine through references, background checks, and observation. My children learned that, in a household, their needs don't always come first. Unlike Leslie, I wanted them to learn that lesson. Just like a parent, sometimes an in-home childcare provider needs to fix lunch, run an errand, go to the ballfield, weed the garden, take a load of laundry out of the dryer. Since we had no desire to place our children in an environment where adults would hover incessantly with educational opportunities and songs, we were thrilled with our experience. I can't imagine we could have found better environments for our childrens' needs and we lost not a moment's sleep or concern - no nanny cams, no dropping in to check up on someone, and, unlike an au pair, our childcare providers didn't have a one-year expiration date and were mature.

If I met a number of moms who I later described as uniformly warm and caring, and the two downsides to retaining one of them to care for my children are (1) that my children may spend a couple of hours each day breathing fresh air and seeing older children enjoying being engaged in athletic endeavors, and (2) I may need to retain the services of a college student from 3 to 6 each day to fill in the after-school gap, I'd deem that option worthy of consideration for all the reasons others have already mentioned, rather than reject it out of hand because it's not full-time, the kids will encounter a vehicle with a motor in it, the kids won't be the center of the universe, or the mom isn't licensed by the state. To return to my original point, this column is akin to a girlfriend saying, A good man is so hard to find. I haven't met anyone good enough to date since I moved. I want someone who looks like Brad Pitt, is fit, wealthy, loyal and true, doesn't smoke, doesn't tell jokes that demean any gender, race, creed, or political party, wants to be a father to as many children as I decide I want to have, loves my mother, and is a virgin. It's not lowering one's standards to realize that such an approach is absurd.

Oh be real. Not many people can afford to hire someone to work full time in their house with multiple kids for a decent wage.

The "nobody was a professional" problem here exists in 99% of America. Only on the East Coast would someone even complain about that.

"The flawed logic in this is that college students are generally not available to work as full time nannies (or full time anythings) because they have CLASSES"

Yes, I know. I was there. I didn't say college kids were a parfect solution, or even necessarily the right one. It's simply one solution that the OP seems to have overlooked. And don't forget, many college students have extremely flexible schedules.

FWIW, I did nanny full-time with my first family. They had one school-aged kid, so I'd get him ready and off to school, then go to my own classes. I scheduled classes in the mornings so that I'd be free most of the day to run errands, do housekeeping chores, prep dinner, etc. Then I'd pick the kid up from school, take him to his activities, supervise homework, and eat dinner with the family before I went off duty and did my own school work.

My second family, which had two toddlers and a preschooler, started as a full-time summer gig. By the end of the summer, we all liked each other enough that I was willing to rearrange my schedule to give the family two full days a week, and one half day. They had a different nanny for the other 2.5 days. Again, not an ideal solution, but it worked for us.

"I mean, do we really need to be alerted when we go off topic? I'm pretty sure even the dimmest among us can figure out when that happens."

Don't count on it. Who are the dimmest?

Leslie, I would also urge you to reconsider daycare centers. I have no idea what the quality is like in your area, but I'm much more comfortable with center-based care because:

1. Our kids are in social groups with other kids, not just each other.
2. There are tons of other adults around as support for and a check on our kids' teachers.
3. They use a solid curriculum for all ages.
4. The kids have a predictable routine.
5. They have access to all kinds of things we don't have at home (gym, pool, etc.)

John L., that is an interesting read. I like that the ruling is explicit in that it applies equally to men and women caregivers. I'd like to hear other people's thoughts.

I had a hard time sympathizing with this guest blogger. What is the terrible harm in having your child spend an hour or two a day outside of the home at somebody else's soccer/ballet practice? This hardly seems like the end of the world to me. What if they actually had to learn to entertain themselves for an hour or two a day, the horror! What does she do when her she needs to buy groceries, wash the dishes, or pay a few bills? Call in Mary Poppins to be sure that her children are always, every second of the day, the center of someone's universe? I know we all want our children's lives to be perfect, but is that really the best for them? Whatever happened to the idea of building character through a little discomfort? And wouldn't her kids benefit from the socialization that being with a SAHM's children could provide? If the writer is worried about the character of the intervewees that's one thing, but expecting someone else to completely sacrifice everything they care about to take care of her kids is another. I'd recommend that she stop chasing after her fantasy nanny, find somebody responsible, and get on with life.

"I mean, do we really need to be alerted when we go off topic? I'm pretty sure even the dimmest among us can figure out when that happens."

Don't count on it. Who are the dimmest?

Posted by: | May 30, 2007 10:26 AM

Doh, you're the dimmest since you can't figure it out for yourself.

The waiting lists for Yale's daycare centers are YEARS long. The chance of getting two toddlers into one while they still need daycare is virtually zero.

Yale undergraduates do not have the time or inclination to be full-time nannies. For a supply of occasional babysitters, they're great, but none of them have 40+ hours a week to have a full-time job. And their aren't a whole lot of "grad student wives" just sitting around doing nothing - half the grad students are women, and the male graduate students don't generally have SAH wives.

The poster did not say she wasn't willing to pay what a professional nanny would charge; she said she couldn't even find any candidates with the qualifications she was looking for. Perhaps money is the issue, but perhaps the people she's looking to hire aren't looking to work where she lives. It does seem an au pair might be a good option for this family.

I believe that you need to reconsider day care options. I have my 14-month old daughter in a high-quality NAEYC certified center, and she is flourishing! I would think again about your "need" for in home care.

My children experienced private home daycare as well as center based day care. Both had pros and cons. The biggest center-based con, IMO, was that the children are grouped by age and siblings are separated.

I don't know Leslie Powell's objection to daycare centers, but it may be completely reasonable.

I would think that there would be less of a pool of candidates to draw from in a small town than a large town or city. So, maybe Leslie does need to adjust her expectations. That doesn't make her wrong for having the expectations to begin with, or cheap. She may be able/willing to pay for a nanny, but there just may be few in her area.

I was very satisfied with in-home child care. My kids had a warm & loving relationship with the day care provider, and there was more flexibility than I found with commercial childcare. The biggest downside was scheduling vacation - we needed to go when the in-home daycare went.

There are other colleges in the New Haven area besides Yale, you know, and maybe they have students interested in working their way through school taking care of people's children.

We shared a nanny for our first with another infant--worked okay until scheduling problems with the family. Our nanny was fantastic though and 4 years later I'm still in touch with her. She genuniely loved children and they just gravitate toward her.

We eventually switched to in-home daycare and it has been great for both our kids. As nona said there are kids of many ages from infant to pre-school, plus our provider's school-aged daughter after school, and her friends who come over sometimes. I went to in-home daycare growing up and wanted the same for my kids (since I wasn't staying home full-time). My daughter helps with the little ones sometimes (isn't told to but gladly does so because she loves babies), they play outside, sometimes do crafts or drawing, they have lots of toys to play with inside, and do watch tv sometimes. Pretty much what their days at home are like (except we no longer have babies).

And don't think that all daycare centers won't leave you high and dry. One in Alexandria just closed last week with no notice to the parents. Supposedly it was a pretty nice, smaller center that now has many parents scrambling to find care for their kids--something I thought really never happened so suddenly with centers.

I agree with bonnie 9:57, I don't know if I would go with a nanny either even if could afford it. For the 8 years I have been a SAHM I've seen plenty of nannies at the park just talking on the phone and/or being mean and unattentive. I've seen them yell at the kids, especially the set 3 years and under. From what I have witnessed, the care for the most part is average. My observations for the most have been - They get together with their nanny friends and don't like much to be interrupted. I've only seen one situation where the nanny was/is absolutely wonderful to the child, but from small chats that I have had with her it appears that that child's parents treats her exceptional well.

I live in a bedroom community in Ohio, and our son is nearly 2. From the time he was 6 months old, I had 2-3 sitters (after a few false starts, the same ones) watching him each week. My thinking was:

• Spending all day ALONE with a child (especially not your own) can be draining and exhausting. Why not break the time into two shifts and keep the nannies "fresh"?

• Backup care. If someone is sick, someone else can fill in, hopefully.

It has worked very well for us; we've snagged older, retired, but still active women who are already grandmothers and do want to make some extra money. Nothing wrong with that. We pay under the table, no benefits (currently $7-8/hr).

I think to argue that your children should have only one childcare provider is foolish. Doesn't it take a village, and in my mind, wouldn't my child only benefit if it is long-term and stable? 2-3 childcare providers would be fine, and for us, have provided that much more love and a sense of community to my child.

"I didn't say college kids were a parfect solution, or even necessarily the right one. It's simply one solution that the OP seems to have overlooked. And don't forget, many college students have extremely flexible schedules."

Flexible enough to work full time during the day like Leslie wants?

"They just weren't a good match for us because we needed someone to work full days.....At the moment, we're getting by with two part-time nannies and one very energetic grandmother."

rumicat,

You are the voice of reason, AGAIN! You sum up the problem, suggest workable solutions.

I'm glad you're here.

My friends who are ten years younger than I am are far more comfortable with idea of "institutional" daycare than people my age who still prefer nannies. It's a generational thing.

Posted by: Jen S. | May 30, 2007 09:23 AM

WTF???? What could possibly be generational about a preference for nannies over center-care?

"Not a single one was a professional nanny."

Good God. This woman wins the whiner's olympics.

She actually sounds affronted that there isn't a professionally trained nanny just waiting for her to go back to work so the nanny can step in and "rear" her children.

Is she living in a British gothic novel?

Does anyone remember the "nanny cams" on news shows about 12 years ago showing caregivers being nice to the babies while the parents were there and then abusing and/or neglecting the child after the parents left? After seeing those news reports, I decided not to leave my babies all alone with a caregiver who wasn't a friend or relative. I worked part-time and we used a combination of grandparents and a really great daycare for my two girls. It was the perfect arrangement for us. Each set of grandparents watched my girls once a week. They got to bond, but weren't overwelmed by having to care for young children every day. And then the girls got to play with other children and get used to a structured setting in a daycare two days a week. And we could afford to send them to an excellent center since we only went two days a week.

My only point in trying to guess whether or not Leslie is at Yale was to try to determine whether or not university-provided childcare was an option. I'm sure there are other colleges/universities around New Haven. It's just that Yale is large, and I figured they are likely to have a childcare center. Shame on Yale if the facilities are not able to accomodate the demand among their employees.

Who knows, Leslie may not even want a university-based center. I am curious to know how university-based childcare compares to other center-type care. I just didn't have time to do the research this morning and wondered if anyone had experience with them or if Leslie had considered her university's childcare.

We had the best nanny when I was a kid. She was blown in by the wind. We had tea parties on the ceiling, traveled around the world with a compass and had a birthday party at the zoo.
She some great friends who would visit - one was a chimney sweep and another was a matchman.
She sang to us and was always prepared with her umbrella.

"I've always been under the impression that universities often do have good childcare facilities available to faculty and staff. I've never worked in academia, so maybe I'm mistaken."

I am under the same impression, even for CSSs like the one I work for. The main problem is they don't take infants, which I guess I can understand.

KLB --

Wait, I think I had her too! Did she have an uncle that laughed all the time? And a duck on her umbrella?

realitycheck - how did you know!

For the 8 years I have been a SAHM I've seen plenty of housewives at the park just talking on the phone and/or being mean and unattentive. I've seen them yell at the kids, especially the set 3 years and under. From what I have witnessed, the care for the most part is average. My observations for the most have been - They get together with their housewife friends and don't like much to be interrupted.

Did you post "a shark is jumping now" at 8:16?

Leslie, you're not kidding-it is tough to find good care in a smaller area(good care being however a family defines it). But it can be done. Ask your pediatrician for references, teachers or even nursing assistants that you know. If the university has an education department, sometimes new grads are interested in nannying. We had two nannies who had just graduated from a small college in town (they were friends with one another) and were newly married--they had several friends who also were interested in really learning about children and child development because they planned to start their own families within the next year or so. They were interested, smart and dedicated. If you still can't find someone you're interested in, check to see if there are any all day centers that have philosophies that you like (Waldorf? Montessori?) And you may want to try your children in a 5 day a week morning program and have a nanny pick them up from school and spend the afternoon with them-conducive to a college student's schedule. And once you find someone, treat him/her like gold: pay well, encourage them to take your kids on their errands so they don't have to run around after work (we all hate doing that), give them free reign of the kitchen (our nannies prepared their dinners at our house during the day so they wouldn't have to cook when they got home), and make sure they take downtime for themselves--the kids are in their own house and they should be able to do their own thing for some amount of time. For us, those type of things have worked well for our children, and the young women who have worked with us, all of whom remain close with our family. Good luck!

full-time daycare for our two toddlers. We decided we wanted in-home care instead.

Color me clueless. What's the difference, exactly, between full-time daycare vs. in-home care? Aren't they both "full-time"?

Have you checked out the local community colleges for people with new early childcare degrees? A synogogue, church or mosque? Tried asking the neighbors if they know anyone? What about the local doctors? Go to the library and see if there are any "Baby & Me" groups and see if you can get friendly with someone who IS available all day, and has a kid or two in the same age range. Built-in companionship for the kids (besides squabbling with one another) and some money for SAHP. Could be a win-win.

Or--here's an unthinkable thought--if you insist on having the perfect attendant at all times for your kids--then you do it. Make certain your IRA is fully funded, of course, but you take the pay cut. Or maybe your husband can do it. In which case you fund his IRA and take care of the bills.

"For the 8 years I have been a SAHM I've seen plenty of housewives at the park just talking on the phone and/or being mean and unattentive. I've seen them yell at the kids, especially the set 3 years and under. From what I have witnessed, the care for the most part is average. My observations for the most have been - They get together with their housewife friends and don't like much to be interrupted. "

So do you consider yourself a "housewife"? Or is that term reserved for your snarky comments about other women who manage to take their children to the park and have fulfilling friendships with other women at the same time?

Many of the university daycares are great, but some do not give preference to professors or upper level administrators so that others working in the university have a quality place to send their kids nearby them on a sliding fee scale, and rightly so. There are often long waiting lists for prof's kids.

Color me clueless. What's the difference, exactly, between full-time daycare vs. in-home care? Aren't they both "full-time"?

Hey - clueless, the poster is distinguishing between center-based group daycare, and in-home based care. Full-time is an excess modifier.

"For the 8 years I have been a SAHM I've seen plenty of housewives at the park just talking on the phone and/or being mean and unattentive. I've seen them yell at the kids, especially the set 3 years and under. From what I have witnessed, the care for the most part is average. My observations for the most have been - They get together with their housewife friends and don't like much to be interrupted. "

My observation is that this is a bullsh** post. It would represent the apex of self-loathing for one SAHM to referring to other SAHMs as "housewives" - an insulting term only used in the titles of lousy television series.

Well, why not look for the in-between answer? Find someone who does in-home care at THEIR home.

Has Leslie even considered the tax implications of having someone working at her home? You have to pay their social security, cough up forms for the IRS, it's a nightmare.

Zoe Baird, anyone? Wasn't that what knocked her out of contention for a Cabinet position?

We live in a small town and found that there were lots of preschools with fairly limited hours. We've combined preschool in the morning with an afternoon nanny, which is a really nice balance for us. We started out with full-time daycare but this arrangement builds in back-up (the nanny can cover sick days, school holidays), etc. Our nanny actually works extra hours doing laundry and grocery shopping and then makes dinner for the kids, so it's been a wonderful way to manage the chaos.

Good grief, it's time to go with center-based daycare. Your kids will be fine. Stop making yourself crazy.

"Does anyone remember the "nanny cams" on news shows about 12 years ago showing caregivers being nice to the babies while the parents were there and then abusing and/or neglecting the child after the parents left? After seeing those news reports, I decided not to leave my babies all alone with a caregiver who wasn't a friend or relative."

Well, Daisy, you might want to check the statistics then. Statistically, friends and relatives commit the vast majority of sexual abuse and are responsible for most neglect. Your missplaced concern is startling.

On Jan. 14, the public awoke to a Page One New York Times headline: CLINTON'S CHOICE FOR JUSTICE DEPT. HIRED ILLEGAL ALIENS FOR HOUSEHOLD. By this time, Baird and Gewirtz had remedied their delinquent-tax situation by paying nearly $16,000 in taxes, penalties and interest. It was made known that they had hired the Peruvians only after failing to find an American baby-sitter and that they had relied on the advice of an immigration lawyer, Thomas Belote of Ridgefield, Connecticut.

http://frcmo.org/child-abuse-facts.htm

More than 80 percent of perpetrators of child abuse or neglect were parents. Other relatives accounted for 7 percent, and unmarried partners of parents accounted for 3 percent of perpetrators. The remaining perpetrators include persons with other (camp counselor, school employee, etc.) or unknown relationships to the child victims.

Female perpetrators comprised a larger percentage of all perpetrators than men, 58 percent compared to 42 percent.

Neglect is strongly associated with poverty.

Of all parents who abused or neglected, less than 3 percent were associated with sexual abuse. Of all perpetrators of sexual abuse, nearly 29 percent were other relatives, and nearly one-quarter were in nonrelative or nonchildcaring roles.

Several years ago there was a strike of professional baseball players, all making $5 to 6 MILLION a year for working 6 months of the year. This strike didn't last long. I mean, who can feel sorry for somebody pulling dow $6 million a year.
That's how I feel about these posters. Can't feel sorry for somebody who gets herself into a mess then whines about it. Looking for professional full-time nannies cheap. Good grief. Get a life, people.

So, you can't find a nanny, your husband doesn't help with the prescreening activities, and your dream life has taken a dive because of all this.

Do you have any idea how fortunate you are? And how really ridiculous you sound?

You should be embarrassed to be snivelling about your nonexistent problems.

"This strike didn't last long."

Huh? It lasted from August 1994 to April 1995, cancelled the World Series for the first time in 90 years, and, since it lasted through the time that would have been used for spring training, shortened the 1995 season as well.

Plus, that year the Sox were actually doing pretty well and were to have played the Yankees on my birthday. Talk about insult to injury.

And plenty of people sided with the players, largely because they were getting badly shafted by the owners, who play *no* games and *still* take home the bulk of the money made. Even George Will thinks this is unfair.

I'd encourage you to ask everyone you know or at least let people know you are looking for someone. I've found good care situations for my young twins by asking neighbors who have college age kids if they know of anyone who might be interested in the job. I've asked at my older son's preschool. I'd also encourage you to give a home-based and center-based care another look. Have you visited any in your area? There are pros and cons to any daycare arrangement and it can't hurt to check into all of them.

I'd encourage you to ask everyone you know or at least let people know you are looking for someone. I've found good care situations for my young twins by asking neighbors who have college age kids if they know of anyone who might be interested in the job. I've asked at my older son's preschool. I'd also encourage you to give a home-based and center-based care another look. Have you visited any in your area? There are pros and cons to any daycare arrangement and it can't hurt to check into all of them.

I'd recommend that she stop chasing after her fantasy nanny, find somebody responsible, and get on with life.

Posted by: rumicat | May 30, 2007 10:31 AM

rumicat is my hero.

but KLB - you made me laugh out loud.

I actually think this is a very good post re: finding balance. The author switched careers for more balance in her life, but found that she now has an imbalance regarding child-care options.

I think people are jumping to conclusions. In the past, posters have very clearly expressed a preference for highly-educated professional caregivers. Leslie and her husband determined that they preferred a professional nanny come to their home. She writes that it is difficult to find in her area. There is no need to decide that she is too cheap to pay for what she wants or that she thinks center-based care is wrong.

To find balance, they may have to accept a daycare arrangement less than their ideal. Most of us do this when we have to consider all the factors involved such as cost, location, availability, philosophy, etc.

I looked up child care options at Yale. Leslie, I recommend you rethink your stand against center based options. Your stand is unduely limiting and maybe causing you undue angst. Yale has 6 university-affiliated child care centers, plus a child-care directory, etc. etc. There is even a contact person at Yale to help arrange child care. Clearly Yale is committed to work-life options to a greater extent than most non-university employers. By the way, my kids enjoyed child care centers. We had no problems whatsoever. We had consistent carers: most had been there 5-15 years at that time. There was little to no worker turnover. Back to Yale, I really liked their kids (14 under) athletics options! Sounds exciting to me...

When did ppl get so mean on this blog?! Ouch at some of the culturally insensitive comments!

Back to the topic - I live out in no where PA and started looking for a babysitter by asking for references in the Mennonite and Amish community - Yes, we see horse drawn buggies everywhere. It was tough and they were more afraid of me than I was cautious of them.

I then asked a local Brethren church (don't ask) if they had a babysitter's list. Thankfully, they did. I called and started by having a few girls 'sit for my son a few times while I was at home unpacking boxes from our move. I looked for a few more months for permanent in-home (theirs or mine) childcare through references, calls to the local child care information line, and postings at libraries, etc. to no avail. I eventually sent my son to a corporate daycare 30 min away. Then, by a stroke of luck, a mother of one of my babysitters left her job and said she would watch my son part-time (3 full time days) in her home. It worked out but took lots of patience and a little luck.

Yes, to all you haters, I did have the privilege of staying home for awhile before returning to work. Trust me, I would have preferred to return to work sooner than to have had this temporary hiatus in the boondocks from the work I enjoy.

Lizzie -- very insightful comment. When it comes to childcare, every parent wants to say "spare no expense for my kid" but then reality rears its ugly head.

Grammar Sheriff -- Thank you! I hate that word too. Breeder is another one.

"Color me clueless. What's the difference, exactly, between full-time daycare vs. in-home care? Aren't they both 'full-time'?"

Posted by: Bedrock | May 30, 2007 11:25 AM

Communicable diseases. Should we start with the intestinal diseases, like when Alice puts her hand into her diaper, then plays with a toy, then crawls away, and then Bob picks up the toy and puts it into his mouth? Or maybe with the respiratory diseases, when Carol has a terrible cold or flu, but doesn't start sneezing and coughing until the drugs wear off that her mother doped her up with early in the morning to mask her symptoms? Giardiasis? Shigellosis? (My children's friend caught shigellosis at a Day Care Center when he was little.)

Go for the nanny! Even a Yalie is healthier for your toddlers than a Day Care Center.

It is really hard to "settle" on childcare you don't feel comfortable with, whether it's daycare or something else.

Keep trying to find your ideal -- when it comes to your kids being safe and well cared for, it's not the time to compromise.

Posted by: Leslie | May 30, 2007 07:35 AM

Leslie, this is really naive. See above for Mary Poppins references. Many working parents seek a childcare setting with a 2:1 child to adult ratio, with a 5 star rating, run by a kindly, reliable, energetic person touting her masters in early education, serving only wholesome organic food prepared in an industrial kitchen with a 100 health department rating, who has classical music playing quietly in the background all day, and who lives next door to a beautifully maintained, 5-acre, fully fenced in playground containing only 100% safe equipment. Now price it at $165 per week or less.

It's not a compromise, or settling to acknowledge that such expectations are neither reasonable nor necessary. Kids need loving, reliable, responsible, consistent care from someone who cares deeply for them. Everything else is gravy.

I second MN's comment at noon.

In particular, Rumicat wrote: "What is the terrible harm in having your child spend an hour or two a day outside of the home at somebody else's soccer/ballet practice?"

What harm? In fact, why can't it be beneficial?

With all the hand-wringing on this blog about whether parents are over-scheduling or otherwise forcing their children into activities and lessons they might turn out not to like, how better for a child to get a preview than to observe what it's like for other kids, i.e., by going along to the activity just to watch -- whether it be older siblings or a care-giver's own child(ren)?

Hey, KLB: Your 11:12 AM post was
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!

This blog is jumping the shark yet another time today.

Grammar Sheriff -- Thank you! I hate that word too. Breeder is another one.

Posted by: Leslie (Morgan Steiner not Powell) | May 30, 2007 12:07 PM

What about the abuse of "nazi" and "holocaust"?

Go for the nanny! Even a Yalie is healthier for your toddlers than a Day Care Center.

Posted by: Matt in Aberdeen | May 30, 2007 12:07 PM

As if you know, Matt. My kids miss between 0 and 2 pre-school days per year, and it's not because I'm pumping them full Tylenol and hoping not to get called by staff. I doubt you've ever researched or visited 20+ centers in multiple cities in order to determine a good fit for your children. I similarly doubt you've interviewed multiple nannies or other child care providers.

Thank you for being more concise than is your usual habit.

John L., that is an interesting read. I like that the ruling is explicit in that it applies equally to men and women caregivers. I'd like to hear other people's thoughts.

Posted by: Meesh | May 30, 2007 10:31 AM
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Although it probably (hopefully) doesn't apply to pet owners.

"Grammar Sheriff -- Thank you! I hate that word too. Breeder is another one.

Posted by: Leslie (Morgan Steiner not Powell) | May 30, 2007 12:07 PM

What about the abuse of "nazi" and "holocaust"?"

These aren't grammar errors; they're usage issues.

This blog is jumping the shark yet another time today.

Posted by: | May 30, 2007 12:14 PM

Once is cute. maybe. Fifteen times means you don't understand that a series or blog only jumps once per season or day, as the case may be.

jumping the shark? pls explain

Yes, here are the "banned" words. "Banned" in the sense that their continued usage degrades and trivializes the horror and tragedy the word originally described.

Nazi
Holocaust
Gulag

Here are "banned" words which are banned because they are insulting prima facie.

Breeder
Spawn

I am sure that there are more, I am just busy today to recall others. I will most certainly add to the list as per suggestions and as I see others.

(BTW, I am a regular, posting under GS for grammatical purposes only, you would easily recognize me!)

MN, you were (rather unfairly, imho) beaten up yesterday. How are you today?

Grammar Sheriff

(BTW, I am a regular, posting under GS for grammatical purposes only, you would easily recognize me!)

Who gives a sh$t who you are?

"I will most certainly add to the list as per suggestions and as I see others."

I'm sure I would recognize an a-hole, self-appointed censor like you anywhere. Sheesh!

GS-- thanks for the intrigue. trying to figure out who you are --

You know, I fail to see how anyone can call New Haven a "small town", not when the city population is over 120,000, the urban population is over 500,000, and the regional population is over 800,000.

When I first saw the title, I was thinking "finally, someone is going to focus on the problems of those NOT living in a metropolitan complex". I was wrong.

Gestapa is yet another non-believer in the reasonable person principle.

why r posters so mean today? mean to poor leslie powell, mean to each other? it's a beautiful day in DC today, go take a walk at lunch or something........

Gestapo, Yea, that's it, another word that is diluted by careless usage.

Freedom of Speech does not require that you yell "theater" in a crowded "fire".

I guess that we can use the "H" word here?

Gestapa is yet another non-believer in the reasonable person principle.

Posted by: | May 30, 2007 12:43 PM

Or one who believes in civil discourse!

"Gestapa is yet another non-believer in the reasonable person principle"

Who sets the standards? Why has it taken more than a year for a Brownshirt to ban certain words?

" . . There is no need to decide that she is too cheap to pay for what she wants or that she thinks center-based care is wrong."

Actually, her exact words are "Neither my husband nor I felt comfortable with the idea of full-time daycare for our two toddlers."

Which of course begs the question of WHY they are uncomfortable. The vibe is certainly that she thiks at the very least that it is "wrong" for her family. Maybe because the centers in the area are bad, maybe because it would actually cost more to have two in daycare rather to just hire someone who would come in home-- who knows? Seeems fair game to speculate when she doesn't address the issue that she raised herself-- that she is uncomfortable with full-time daycare.

I recently started taking a water aerobics class at our local Y and have been amazed at how many nice older women I have met, some of whom babysit. Many of them live in a "fifty plus" community for active older adults. You might want to see if there are any of those in your area, and put up some posters at their community center (or put on your bathing suit and hop in the pool for some water aerobics. The water's fine!).

oooopsss...I forgot to sign my gestapa is yet another non-believer in the reasonable person principle post at 12:43 (note: I changed the name to gestapa on purpose)

I am the "original Daisy" from 11:01, not the Daisy who posted about nanny-cams.

KLB, your Mary Poppins imagery is superb!

And yes, once the shark has been jumped, it's been jumped, it doesn't continue to happen.

The "Jumping the Shark" comments have jumped the shark. You folks who just learned the term can stop using it now.

fedmom and PA mom, it's a blog, not the Junior League. What is "mean" about identifying flaws in an argument, shallowness and insecurity in a writer, etc.? When you both graduate from fifth grade, beware that blogs provide an opportunity to discuss topics. Agree if you like. Disagree if you do. Eit