Single Purpose?

More women are single today (51 percent vs. 35 percent in the 1950s) than any time in recent history. Women are marrying later when they do marry. There is a new book on the subject, Now and Not Yet, that tackles being single from a conservative Christian viewpoint. I'm reluctant to broach anything having to do with God, but I'm going to try to do this topic justice anyway.

The author is Jennifer Marshall, director of domestic policy studies at the Heritage Foundation, living in Arlington, Va. In the book's introduction, she writes "Life is about more than marital status, and singleness is more than a holding pattern. This book is about redeeming the time between now and the not yet for which we hope." In a Washington Times interview, she explains "Today women have all kinds of career opportunities, but obstacles seem to be in the way of finding lasting love. Feminism has complicated relations between the sexes and created more confusion about singleness...Extended singleness has caused spiritual doubts...churches [are] family-oriented and [single women find] it hard to fit into the spiritual community at their church."

Okay, some valid points here. I imagine single women feel a bit odd sometimes at conservative churches that focus on family values; it's important for those congregations to welcome everyone. Being single -- temporarily or permanently -- offers many rewards. However, I know many people who are too busy living their lives to think about "the not yet for which we hope." Laying blame on feminism for "complicating" relations between the sexes? (My view is that intimate relationships are inherently ridiculously complex and that feminism threw a twig on a bonfire for some -- and for me, feminism made the whole thing a lot simpler.) Singleness causes spiritual doubts? (Never heard or experienced that one before.)

The subtext here seems to be that it's okay to be single for a short time, and wrestle with what the author considers a no-woman's land in between childhood and marital bliss. But beware, says Marshall: Being single is so daunting that women on their own for too long are in deep trouble. (No word on whether single men are also at risk.)

My times of being a single, adult woman -- in my early 20s between college and my first marriage, and the years immediately following my divorce -- are among the richest, most carefree periods in my life. Work, friends, dating and travel filled my days to bursting. My life didn't lack "purpose" and I didn't feel that I was living in the "unexpected in between," as Marshall describes this period. I especially cherished the luxury of leisure time: not having to rush out of the office or the gym or the supermarket to relieve the babysitter or meet my husband's train. And being single was certainly far better than being miserably married.

What's your view? What are the pros, cons and opportunities of being married vs. being single? Would you be happy living forever in the "unexpected in between?" Isn't it inherently biased to call single life an "in between" phase? Why or why not?

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  June 21, 2007; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Moms in the News
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