How Not to Write About Parenthood

In my little corner of the world, where news about dads is scrutinized as closely as the play-calling of Joe Gibbs, there's been a huge buzz around a first-person piece of daddyhood in this month's Men's Vogue. Penned by Pultizer Prize-winning war correspondent Charlie LeDuff, it details one man's move from the stereotypically macho to the saccharine-sweet.

And while I think it is absolutely fabulous that LeDuff is loving at-home fatherhood and can't help but talk about it, the article is nonetheless symptomatic of everything wrong with first-person writing about family life, and it serves as a useful guide for what magazine (and newspaper) editors ought *not* to do:

1. The mere act of becoming a parent and experiencing the joy of raising a child is not, in itself, interesting. Parents probably already know that joy. Those without children probably don't want to hear additional prattling. Living an interesting life doesn't change that much, nor does being a good writer. Nor being a man, for that matter.

2. If, for some reason, you must publish a navel-gazing piece on the joys of parenthood, try to shoot for someone other than a professional writer. Writers in general, and journalists in particular, can flit in and out of the workforce far more easily than Joe Sixpack.

3. If, for some reason, you must publish a piece on the joys of parenthood, try to shoot for someone with more than one kid. LeDuff wrote about his life with one 11-month-old. That's hardly enough time to even begin to scratch the surface of the joys and frustrations of parenthood, let alone tackle balance issues.

4. Can we just give the judgmental stuff a rest? LeDuff rolls his eyes at the children at the park with their nannies and makes the Flanagan-esque boasts that "My child will never call someone else Daddy," as if finding balance is simply a matter of willpower.

5. Along those lines, let me quote documentary filmmaker Dana Glazer: "If a media article, segment, essay, whatever, does not include a discussion of gender equity, real work/family balance, then it's skirting the deeper issues at hand."

It's great that a professional writer is using a wonderful but low-risk sabbatical to spend time with his infant, but he could spare us the broadsides against go-to-work parents. I've said this before: All I want is an honest discussion about balance and the various ways to get there. Pieces like LeDuff's only make it more difficult.

By Brian Reid |  November 15, 2007; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Conflicts , Dads
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