Grown-Up Tattletales

A few days ago, I was hanging out at school pick-up while my kids got their backpacks. I talked to a friend's eight-year-old son until his nanny drove up to get him. He got into the car and had barely shut the door before she peeled out. He didn't have his seat belt buckled and there was no booster in sight. I thought: What do I do? Stop her? Call my friend, who recently returned to a full-time job after several years as a stay-at-home mom? Mind my own business and figure she is okay with her babysitter's lax attitude toward car safety?

I called my friend and told her. She thanked me but otherwise seemed unconcerned. Oh well, I thought; I did what I thought was right.

Then just a week later, another mom stopped me in car line. "I saw your daughter running down Wisconsin Avenue last Monday with another kindergartener," she said. "There were no grown-ups around. I just thought you should know."

That day, my daughter had walked to a friend's home for a play date, chaperoned by their nanny, who I imagined had let the girls run ahead on the sidewalk of a busy six lane street. I was glad the other mom had told me, and I thanked her for keeping an eye out for my child. Whether you work full-time, part-time or not at all, you can't have too many friends watching over your kids, I figure.

I've seen plenty of caregivers doing stuff I wouldn't want my babysitter doing. Letting young kids sit in the front seat of a car. Talking on a cellphone for an hour straight while watching a two-year-old at the local playground. (Truth is, I've seen plenty of parents, grandparents and other relatives doing questionable stuff, too.) But I wouldn't interfere unless I felt the child's safety or well-being were at risk.

So the question today is: Do you tattle on other people's child-care providers? Is it ethically right -- or wrong? Where do you draw the line between concern and interference? Are the rules different for something you witness a babysitter doing (or not doing) vs. a family member like mom, dad or grandma? Have you confronted a caregiver or called a parent to relay care-giving behavior that worried you?

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  December 14, 2007; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Free-for-All
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