Is There Value in Mom-Only (or Dad-Only) Playgroups?

By Rebeldad Brian Reid

When I try to piece back together the first couple of years of parenthood, it ends up being a mosaic of different playgroups. There was the regular Wednesday morning coffeehouse run with all of the other infant-toting parents on the block. There was the weekly city-sponsored playgroup, which leavened the chaos of a room full of toddlers with a professional leader who knew a thing or two about kids. And then there was the library story time gang and the noontime post-preschool gatherings at the playground.

All those groups were crucial to keeping my wits about me during that time. They were a kind of inoculation against the isolation of spending most of your time with pre-verbal children and the boredom that often creeps in when each day starts feeling exactly like the day before.

Making the playgroup rounds as an at-home dad meant that I was in the minority, gender-wise, pretty much everywhere I went. But that wasn't an issue. After all, we all had plenty in common: nervousness about the school system, frustration with home assessments, confusion about what the kids should be eating, ambivalence about jumping back into the paid workforce.

So, I was a bit stunned the other day when I read a piece in the Nashville Scene, Nashville's answer to the City Paper, about a mom who tried her best to keep dads out of her weekly moms-and-kids klatch. Her rationale was simple: Though she didn't mind having a one-on-one playdate with a dad, having a man in the midst of what would otherwise be a gathering of moms fundamentally alters the conversation.

I don't want to suggest that I don't understand the allure of a girls' night out (or a guys' night out, for that matter), but it seemed weird to me that a gathering of kids should be so infused with mom-ness that dads shouldn't -- or couldn't -- feel welcomed. Am I just living in my usual gender-equity Shangri-La, where everything from babysitting to the PTA to hockey is a co-ed endeavor, or do you folks see the value of single-sex (for the parents) playgroups? Are there frequent topics of conversation that would be squelched with a dad around? And I'm curious to hear from at-home dads, too: Are you comfortable in a gang of moms? Have you ever felt locked out of a playgroup?

Brian Reid writes about parenting and work-family balance. You can read his blog at rebeldad.com.

By Brian Reid |  February 21, 2008; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Conflicts , Dads
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