Kid Conflicts with Friends and Colleagues

Today, naturally, politics are on nearly everyone's mind. But here's a small-p political dilemma: Love Your Friend, Hate Their Kid?

It's rare that I meet any kid I don't like. So largely, I like my friends' and colleagues' children. Maybe the firstborns and only children are a little spoiled, but hey, been there, done that. The reverse is more common: Love the kids, wonder about the parents. Also, I find it more likely to love my friend -- and feel queasy about her husband or romantic interest. A third awkward situation: You're dying for kids, your friend, colleague or boss can't imagine ever being a parent.

At Johnson & Johnson, my former employer, most of us with young children used the employee day-care center for children six weeks through kindergarten. This created some dicey situations. I met pathologically maladjusted children of overworked parents who complained that the center was only open from 7 a.m. to 7 p.m. My son bit and was bitten by co-workers' kids. In these cases, there was little separation between work and family, testing everyone's diplomatic skill set.

So, what do you do if you don't like a friend or a colleague's kid, or someone else in their life? Is there any way to share suggestions or opinions without risking the relationship? The article suggests a feedback "sandwich" with compliments stacked on either side of the advice. Do you have any good (or even better, bad) stories to share? Do different sets of rules apply for family vs. friends vs. people at work?

By Leslie Morgan Steiner |  February 6, 2008; 7:00 AM ET  | Category:  Conflicts
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