Fity-Fity Update/Ex-Receiver Watch
Anyone catch the scroll across the screen the other day about Rod Gardner getting a three-year deal with Kansas City and do a double take? Sure, no base salaries are guaranteed in this league and he could be whacked tomorrow and basically cost the Chiefs nothing, but man, his agent Joel Segal must be doing something right. Since flaming out with the entire Redskins offense in 2004, Gardner, another busted first-round pick, quickly fell out of favor with Carolina last year after his trade there.
Bounced around to a few workouts before landing in KC. I swear to the heavens that this cat spoke another language. It just wasn't quite English. I should have kept a few files on my recorder for posterity, because you could listen to an interview over and over and still not be able to discern everything. It took a village of us schlubs in the media room a good 10 minutes everyday to finally figure it all out.
My favorite story about Gardner had to be the time he relinquished his tricked out car to someone he believed was a valet outside a DC club, apparently saying something along the lines of, "Park my (stuff), (female dog)," while tossing his keys to this dude. The car was stripped of valuables and turned up on blocks in the FedEx Field parking lot the next day.
I hear about it that morning, and ask Rod what's going on. First he says he has no idea what I am talking about. Then he tells me he has a cousin by the same name, and it must be his car. During practice I get a copy of the police report faxed to me. It is indeed Gardner's car - the one he pulls up to Redskins Park in many days - and in the police report, filed after a night of carousing ended with him realizing his (stuff) was stolen, he told the cops that his address is: "FedEx Field." So yeah, clearly it's not him.
So now I go back to Rod armed with the police report, and tell him that I do not want to make him look silly in the paper - which a denial surely would - and it would behoove him to give an explanation of some sort. Again, he declined, saying it wasn't him. Coach Gibbs could not have been too pleased, given the state of the team in 2004. Sean Taylor's DUI arrest also came that season returning from a midweek party Gardner threw in DC (Taylor was later acquitted), and the WRs were overhauled that offseason.
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Speaking of ex-receivers, I saw Darnerien McCants was one of the final cuts by Philadelphia. He's a great dude, and I like him a lot, but you have to check out his website - darnerienmccants.com - for some of the beefcake photos of him. He is an aspiring model and artist, and some of the model shots are priceless. There is one picture in the photo section titled "Lean/Look" that will blow your mind. It is so Zoolander, and it doesn't even know it. Should that somehow not grab you, try "Mugging," "Still Mugging," or "Deep Thought." There is also a t-shirt for sale that I defy anyone to wear to a bar and come home with digits. Not even Cooley could pull this one off.
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Final receiver update: Taylor Jacobs, a player I had a soft spot for while he was here but always had a strong feeling it probably wasn't going to happen for him, went without a catch in his San Fran debut last weekend. Nine 49ers caught balls in their shootout loss to Arizona, and he dressed for the game but was not among those to get his name on the stat sheet.
By Jason La Canfora |
September 14, 2006; 2:00 PM ET
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Posted by: Hoss | September 14, 2006 2:06 PM
Wow... forget the rest of those pictures. Deep Thought is where it's at.
Look at it, and imagine that he is sitting in a nice lounge type night club booth... and then imagine that he's only two feet tall. I swear you can see it. He looks like mini-darnerien.
Posted by: Bucktown Skins Fan | September 14, 2006 2:25 PM
When the XFL comes back you know who's going to be sporting "Blue Steel" on their jersey.
Posted by: Castor | September 14, 2006 2:49 PM
Darnerien is a pimp - check out some of his tunes. Even though he's not with the Eagles maybe the Skins can trade 3 draft picks and B. Lloyd to birds for the right to D. - oh wait that only works with the Broncos.
Posted by: David | September 14, 2006 3:11 PM
I couldn't get the music links to work, that's why I didn't mention it.
He belted out the first few lines and chorus of "Lonely" one time at Redskins Park. Typical torchered, wailing RB stuff, but the dude can definitely sing. He writes his own stuff, dabbles in art, obviously has the fashion modeling thing down cold, and managed to spend several years in the NFL.
All kidding aside, that's pretty impressive.
Posted by: Jason La Canfora | September 14, 2006 3:33 PM
Funny how Snyder allegedly wanted Marty to take Moss, but backed off at the last minute and let Marty pick Gardner. Of course, Moss blew out his knee that first year, but my, how things have changed... Moss wouldn't have made much of a difference at that time anyway, with offensive genius Jimmy Raye pushing "Martyball" on us. The Chiefs are desperate for WR help, and have deluded themselves into thinking that Rod can catch. They need an offensive lineman or two more than "Fifty-Fifty" and have conviced themselves that, despite what Willie Roaf says about retiring, he'll still come back to the team this year. Yeah, right...
Posted by: 'Skins Fan In KC | September 14, 2006 6:37 PM
I wouldn't say he has the modeling thing down cold. In "Lean/Look" he needs to shorten the shirt sleeves and lengthen the jacket sleeves. It looks like neither one fits him properly. Both "Mugging" photos are lit incorrectly from the back. Yeah, the photos were probably taken by a friend on his deck in the back yard, but man, don't put them up on the site and play them off as professional shots! I'd like to see him do well, both on and off the field, but his fasion consultant and photographer need to go. It's a shame because he would probably be a decent model but right now the photo section just makes him look silly.
Posted by: Nobody Important | September 14, 2006 6:48 PM
I was being sarcastic about him having the modeling thing down. I agree, it's straight Zoolander but I give the dude credit for putting himself out there, if nothing else.
Posted by: Jason La Canfora | September 14, 2006 7:57 PM
HA! HA! Are any primas reading this? Next time you decide the valet guy is such a lowlife you can debase him & hand him your keys, think of poor old fity-fity's 'hot' rod. Most of us with brains realize, you don't insult service people, in fact you smile and them, make eye contact, & tip respectively, hey its in your best interest. Normally I would not condone crime, but I laughed heartily at this. Can't wait to tell the office tomorrow.
Posted by: burbworks | September 14, 2006 9:28 PM
Yeah, I saw Gardner's signing and was surprised too-- wasn't he in Green Bay at the end of last year? He seemed to me to be a reasonable red-zone / over-the-middle / "posession" receiver here. We'll never know how many times he ran the wrong route, or otherwise made his QB / O-coordinator crazy.
As for McCants, he just was so slow accelerating, but he was unstoppable in the red zone. Didn't he date some really hot model?
Posted by: M Barnes | September 15, 2006 3:07 PM
he dated vivica fox....
Posted by: hmmmm | September 15, 2006 5:03 PM
I gave you grief last week for antagonizing the organization with characterizationg of Snyder.
I must say that you have redeemed yourself quite well this week. This is the sort of 'insider' info I had hoped for when this blog started.
How about a little info on Smoot.
Posted by: Cornelius | September 15, 2006 7:16 PM
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Ah, yes...good old "fitty-fitty". Picked in the 1st round by the Redskins one spot before the Jets picked Santana Moss. Funny how these things work out (although rarely in the 'Skins favor).