Portis No Longer in Character; Cooley Goes Corporate
CP says his shoulder feels fine but his inspiration for his costumed press conference has been sapped. And, on the same day we heard that sad news comes another blog-buster: Cooley has cut his hair. It's like 1991 all over for me, when Metallica all showed up with the trims for the "black album," became MTV's darlings with their toned down sound, and ended their reign as unquestioned metal gods.
Portis says that a member of our guy Radio Larry's staff who used to help with the tailback's costumes - often convincing him to go on with the antics - no longer works here. Dolla Bill is lost without her. The thrill is gone, sadly. It's like BB King without Lucile (I forgot that name in the heat of writing this, and my fellow media schlubs replied in unison when I tossed out the question). It's like Crusty without Sideshow Bob. It's like TomKat without .. okay I'll stop right there.
Much more troubling was the fact that Cooley has not only lost his Caucasian fro, but he's gone with a typical, short on the sides, parted look. He's so Lars Ulrich. Our hopes of watching the ultimate mullet come to its sweat fruition before our eyes is over. The dream has died. Somewhere Ronnie James Dio is weeping.
I wanted to bust his chops a bit but he had to run out for a walkthrough. What we know thus far is that Cooley's girlfriend cut his hair last night, he decided he was sick of having so much hair, and he's already taking a ribbing. "Everyone says I look like a little kid." Cooley says there is no superstition involved in the decision, despite his quiet start to the season, but the decision was his. So let's not start throwing Yoko Ono bombs around.
By Jason La Canfora |
September 28, 2006; 1:51 PM ET
Previous: The Circus Is Over, The Gloves Are Off |
Next: On a More Serious Note - Brunell and Springs
Posted by: Cooley's hair | September 28, 2006 2:30 PM
Luv me some Bald C-C-C-Cooley!
(Not only does he look better, but he plays better too.)
Posted by: Dana C. | September 28, 2006 2:34 PM
Yoko Ono bombs! That is just not right. lol
Posted by: jm220 | September 28, 2006 2:41 PM
I'm SOOOO happy Portis dropped the costume act. I was starting to wonder about his fascination with dressing up and it quickly became old and goofy. Glad he's acting like a man. He has the pretty eyes--let them show.
Posted by: P.I.M.P. | September 28, 2006 2:43 PM
I think P.I.M.P. has a little man crush. But anyway, this is way more sad than any games the Skins have lost in their entire history as a franchise. Portis won't do his costume thang that got us over the hump last year. We are going to lose for sure. And Cooley couldn't even get cornrows. Man, I am very disappointed. I would say 'Go Skins' but I feel like they have let me down.
Posted by: Macaca Johnson | September 28, 2006 2:48 PM
metallica cut their hair in 96, not 91.
Posted by: just sayin | September 28, 2006 2:51 PM
P.I.M.P I really hope you are a woman with that statement.
Posted by: jm220 | September 28, 2006 2:51 PM
You're losing your metal cred LaCanfora. They still had hair for the Black Album, and the video for 'and one' was all over MTV before that anyway.
Posted by: Rick | September 28, 2006 2:58 PM
If there is one unmistakable characteristic that all journalists share, it's that they LOVE to criticize and HATE to be criticized. Just thought I'd throw that out there in the wake of all the T.O coverage and the lack of any mea culpa's from Big Media after we found out the suicide story wasn't true (and also the response I got for posting Howard Botch's daily botch).
Posted by: Barno | September 28, 2006 3:01 PM
yeah i was going to say Metallica cut their hair for the white albumn...got the tats and peircings...they completed the sell out that started with the black albumn...
so cooley couldnt even opt for the all business in front party in the back mullet??? corn rows would have been nice...
Dolla Bill ya'll!!!
Posted by: deadskin | September 28, 2006 3:08 PM
Thank Gawd he cut his hair. That thing looked horrible! Short hair on men is the sexy.
Somewhere Ronnie James Dio is weeping.
This is as it should be.
"Everyone says I look like a little kid."
Oh great, now BOOFER/Jags is going to show up again all hot and bothered.
Barno, you really need some help. Or some happy pills, whichever.
Posted by: Megskin | September 28, 2006 3:12 PM
Hey there. Was rushing to get that done. Got screwed up on Metallica - sellout album came first then the hair second. My bad (see Barno, I admitted by mistake). Either way, you get my point.
I will say this, if you think they were on MTV nearly as much in the 1980s as the 1990s, you've been partying with Michael Irvin too long.
As for Barno, dude what's up? I thought we were cool. BIG MEDIA did not get the story wrong. His PR fool called 911 with a suicide attempt; that is what was put in the polcie report and that is why peoole were dispatched to the scene.
Believe what you like, but those are facts. Did he try to kill himself, who knows? Was there a police report to that point, was that call made and was he rushed to the hospital for that purpose - yes.
Posted by: Jason La Canfora | September 28, 2006 3:32 PM
Are you sure Cooley's girlfriend cut his hair? I heard it was Big Media.
Posted by: Ali Haji Shank | September 28, 2006 3:33 PM
I heard Big Media(BM) made Portis stop doing all his little costume tirades. I think we're on to something here.
Posted by: Megskin | September 28, 2006 3:41 PM
Peter King told Portis he would never reach the hall if he kept going with the costumes...
Posted by: Art Monk HOF 2007 | September 28, 2006 3:43 PM
Didn't Big Media send us TJ Duckett?
Posted by: Ali Haji Shank | September 28, 2006 3:45 PM
If Cooley's girlfriend is still that hot ex Redskins's cheerleader, Christy, or whatever her name was, then when she says cut your hair you say "how short do you want it?"
Posted by: pef | September 28, 2006 3:46 PM
Breaking news: Just got a peak at the depth chart on Vinny's wall. Order of QB's for Sunday's game:
1) Brunell
2) Big Media(TM)
Posted by: Jason La Canfora | September 28, 2006 3:46 PM
Man, [bleep] Big Media. I hate those guys.
If Jason's Editor can spend all of his or her time posting comments on here, then I can too. Check out B-Lloyd spitting Osama and Pat Tillman lyrics.
http://blog.washingtonpost.com/dcsportsbog/2006/09/todays_redskins_hip_hop_clips.html
Posted by: SportsBog | September 28, 2006 3:51 PM
Forget DIO crying, Bozworth is ready for blood!
Posted by: Boyer | September 28, 2006 3:53 PM
Jason, please tell me you don't really listen to Dio do you?
Posted by: Megskin | September 28, 2006 4:00 PM
Holy Diver by Dio is one of my guilty pleasures. "We're The Last In Line," gets me every time, I must confess.
Posted by: Jason La Canfora | September 28, 2006 4:28 PM
Jason, you and Cooley are so made for each other then. :)
Posted by: Megskin | September 28, 2006 4:34 PM
Cooley's hair is gone? Well, now there's no point in watching the games anymore, is there? This is a sad day.
Posted by: P Diddy | September 28, 2006 4:47 PM
I HAVE to watch the games! Big Media controls my thoughts and I have no choice!
Posted by: Ali Haji Shank | September 28, 2006 4:48 PM
Big Media is going to make TO grow an afro now.
Posted by: Megskin | September 28, 2006 4:50 PM
Why does everyone make fun of me. I'm just trying to do my job and you think I am the bad guy. Now everyone, go home and think about T.O. or the Iraq War. And Jason, you don't have time for the blog anymore. I want a headline grabber tomorrow that will have everyone thinking that current Joe Gibbs is actually a clone and the real Joe is in Boliivia trying to stir a revolution. Everyone watch T.V. and pick up the papers tomorrow. Good night!
Posted by: Big Media | September 28, 2006 5:01 PM
Tears flow for the 'fro
But hope abounds for sighting
Cooley's hot, hot girl.
Posted by: HaikuMan | September 28, 2006 5:22 PM
Wikipedia says the Washington Post is Big Media.
Jason, since you are an agent of Big Media, could you use your amazing powers to heal up Brunell and Springs please?
Posted by: Ali Haji Shank | September 28, 2006 5:29 PM
Oh, and I would like a case of Duvel beer in my fridge when I get home from work today if that's not too much trouble please? Thanks.
Posted by: Ali Haji Shank | September 28, 2006 5:31 PM
god bless you for making a Ronnie James Dio reference in your blog....your officially on the cool list......
Posted by: ATLCherokee | September 28, 2006 7:09 PM
hah! love the big media lines. JLC of course we're coolio.
by the way in case anyone's interested, here's the final score of Sunday's game:
Redskins 20 Jags 17
Posted by: Barno | September 28, 2006 7:44 PM
glad christy cut it, i wanted to,love you,gran
Posted by: gran | September 28, 2006 9:54 PM
Over/under on Barno's two field goal predicitons: 34 yards
Posted by: Dorf | September 28, 2006 11:17 PM
Metallica cut their hair for the Load album.
Posted by: Mike | September 29, 2006 8:55 AM
it's Krusty, not Crusty...
Posted by: CB | September 29, 2006 10:39 AM
I dont like Yoko Ono.
Posted by: Matty | October 2, 2006 2:22 PM
The comments to this entry are closed.
Dude, get us a picture of Cooley's new 'do!!!