Customer: "Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now."

-- From "Monty Python's Flying Circus"

11:45 a.m., Melrose Hotel, Foggy Bottom: It's Day 7 of the Clinton Campaign Death Watch -- a full week since the official arbiter of the Democratic primary, Tim Russert, declared the campaign over and Barack Obama the nominee. Hillary Clinton's advisers continue to insist that the candidate's prospects are very much alive, but the press isn't buying it. Exhibit A: There are two press buses waiting at the hotel here for Clinton's trip to her victory rally in West Virginia, but the entire press contingent doesn't quite fill one. It isn't until the entourage arrives at Dulles Airport that Clinton aides learn that the second bus is still idling, empty, at the hotel.

Read the whole Sketch

-- Dana Milbank

In his career in public service, Bob Barr has performed many important roles.

As a Republican candidate for the House in 1994, he rose to national attention when reports alleged that he had licked whipped cream off the breasts of two women at a charity event.

As a congressman from Georgia, the thrice-married Barr returned attention to the whipped-cream episode when, speaking in support of the Defense of Marriage Act, he argued that "the flames of self-centered morality are licking at the very foundations of our society."

As one of the managers of Bill Clinton's impeachment, Barr gained enough prominence to attempt a run for the Senate in 2002. But that effort fell apart at about the time Barr accidentally fired a .38-caliber pistol through a glass door at a fundraising reception.

As an elder statesmen, Barr returned to the public eye when, appearing in the film "Borat," he made a pinched expression after being told that the cheese he had just sampled came from a woman's breast milk.

Now beyond whipped cream and cheese, Barr is taking on his next role: John McCain's spoiler.

Read the whole Sketch

-- Dana Milbank

It was already shaping up to be a difficult year for congressional Republicans. Now, on the cusp of Mother's Day, comes this: A majority of the House GOP has voted against motherhood.

On Wednesday afternoon, the House had just voted, 412 to 0, to pass H. Res. 1113, "Celebrating the role of mothers in the United States and supporting the goals and ideals of Mother's Day," when Rep. Todd Tiahrt (R-Kan.), rose in protest.

"Mr. Speaker, I move to reconsider the vote," he announced.

Rep. Kathy Castor (D-Fla.), who has two young daughters, moved to table Tiahrt's request, setting up a revote. This time, 178 Republicans cast their votes against mothers.

Read the whole Sketch

-- Dana Milbank

Sketch discussions happen weekly on Thursday's at 1:00 p.m. ET

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Upper Montgomery, Md.: Seriously, even Dan Patrick (ESPN national radio talking head) is calling for Clinton to just stop it. If McGovern's slap wasn't enough, who is going to take this woman out to the back of the house and smack her? If it were me, my husband would hold me close and tell me it's time to let it go. As that won't happen with Hillary and Bill, who has to tell her? Will she listen to anyone? Just stop the madness!

Dana Milbank: I think Tim Russert has already held her close and told her it's time to let go. But it's not working. And I think the McGovern thing probably won't do it; I believe a large percentage of the populace did not know he was still alive.

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West Chester, Penn.: The campaign staffs and the press apparently don't have the stamina for a 50-state nomination process. Given the near unanimous call of the establishment (media, political leaders) to prematurely end the primaries by pushing Clinton out, is it any wonder states like Michigan and Florida fell all over themselves to move up on the primary calendar? If the Beltway crowd had their way, the upcoming Kentucky, West Virginia and Oregon voters just wouldn't matter.

washingtonpost.com: Just When You Think They Might Be Out, They Get Pulled Back In (Post, April 23)

Dana Milbank: Yes, but I don't hear anybody in the press saying we shouldn't hold the Puerto Rico primary on June 1. I already asked by editor to send me to Puerto Rico for the month, to get a good sense of the place and which way the vote may go, but he refused (more of that nickel and dime stuff mentioned above). Indeed, you can do your part to extend the Democratic nominating contest by sending an email to my editor, Bill Hamilton (hamiltonb@washpost.com), with the subject line "Send Dana to Puerto Rico."

Thank you for your assistance in this matter.

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Savannah, Ga.: Do you think those nuns will head to court to rechallenge Indiana's law (now that they can show actual harm)? I want to see if Scalia and Alito have the guts to smack down some sisters. The nuns should bring rulers to court and tap their palms with them occasionally, to remind our good Catholic jurists just what kind of penance they will have to do.

washingtonpost.com: Indiana nuns lacking ID denied at poll by fellow sister (AP, May 6)

Dana Milbank:

I had that very thought Tuesday night when I heard about the 98-year-old nun who was turned away. Indeed, it would have been the story of the night if Gary, Indiana didn't later captivate the nation. Somehow I think that's not the demographic the Roberts court had in mind when they upheld the voter ID law.

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Read the whole transcript

SHEPHERDSTOWN, W.V. -- They say it's all over but the shouting. Fortunately, Hillary Clinton does that part very well.

"Next Tuesday will be one of the most important elections in this entire process!" she told a rally here, the day after her loss in North Carolina and her narrow win in Indiana all but sealed the Democratic nomination for Barack Obama.

"I personally believe that West Virginia is one of those so-called swing states Democrats need to win in the fall!" proclaimed the candidate who has been all-but eliminated.

"I want to start by winning it in the spring to lay the groundwork for a victory in November!" said the woman whose candidacy has been pronounced dead on national television by, among others, George Stephanopoulos and Tim Russert.

"I hope next Tuesday you will give me a chance to be your president!" she told the crowd of several hundred at the old city hall building downtown here.

The audience cheered, except for a couple dozen Obama supporters who waved signs and heckled her. But even some of the faithful said they could read the writing on wall - or on their cable news screens.

"It's pretty obvious," said Ken Martin, waving Clinton posters and wearing brown overalls. "She fought a good fight." Martin said he's hoping Obama will make Clinton his vice presidential runningmate. "We're gonna fight it out in the state for her, get a good win for her," he said, but the race is over - "unless there's some kind of unforeseen event."

Clinton sure knows how to pick her locations. For her hastily scheduled appearance in West Virginia - her bid to show her resilience and defiance - she chose a spot made famous as a hospital for the severely wounded.

Shepherd University's white brick McMurran Hall was under construction as Shepherdstown's town hall in 1862, when the battle of Antietam overwhelmed the city with thousands of wounded; with no place left to go, the bloody and the maimed occupied the still unfinished building -- a bit of history now celebrated in plaques on the front lawn, where supporters listened to Clinton's speech.

A better choice for Clinton might have been Harper's Ferry, just a few miles from here and a monument to brave but futile struggles. It was there, in 1859, that the anti-slavery rebel John Brown captured the federal armory -- only to be captured, tried and executed.

The signs of a last-minute event were everywhere. Security was minimal, and problems with the sound system gave the Clinton staff fits; it didn't help that one of the men working the sound system wore an Obama T-shirt.

"I'm not turning it inside out," he said, when Clinton supporters protested. In the back of the crowd, a camera riser collapsed with a huge crash, sending bodies, coffee and cameras flying. "Metaphor?" a reporter asked as he picked himself off the ground? "Metaphor," confirmed another.

In the crowd, a few of the Clinton faithful held out hope. "I think she can pull it off --- she can still do it," said volunteer Dan Frost, carrying a clipboard and trying to sign up Clinton supporters. "We're getting quite a few" new supporters, he reported. His total: five.

But others could not conceal their disappointment. Was it all over? "I hope not, I hope not," said Lucy Smith, an older woman from the Women's Democratic Club here. Though plastered with Clinton stickers, her face wore a look of concern. "We had a good eight years under the Clinton's," she reminisced.

Though the Obama campaign, officially, was practicing good sportsmanship, it had no control over Obama supporter Carol Dunleavy, waving an Obama sign at the Clinton gathering. "We got it locked up after last night," she said. "I do think she should drop out. She should do it graciously. She should do it soon."

When Clinton gave her victory speech in Indiana Tuesday night, there was still hope that she had scored a solid victory in the state, thereby keeping her candidacy alive. But in the wee hours, her victory shriveled to a near draw. And Clinton aides, if they slept at all, awoke to brutal judgments about her prospects, compounded by more damaging news that she had been forced to lend her campaign more than $6 million, to no avail.

"Stick a Fork in Her - She's Done," recommended the New York Post, calling Indiana a "shroud" for Clinton.

"This nomination fight is over," said Clinton man-cum-ABC Newsman George Stephanopoulos.

"We now know who the Democratic nominee is going to be," submitted NBC's Tim Russert.

"For the Clintons, this is the night the music died," proposed MSNBC's Pat Buchanan.

The Washington Post had Clinton's own aides condeding "it would be difficult."

Word spread overseas. "It would take a miracle for her to win," concluded the Times of London.

But Clinton's advisers fought back with a morning conference call full of graveyard whistling. "Another beautiful day in downtown Arlington!" began Howard Wolfson, from Clinton headquarters. Had the candidate even discussed dropping out? "No," Wolfson said.

Clinton, famously late, continued the practice today, arriving a half-hour after her scheduled start time. Before she stood on the steps of the old city hall, an aide sought to whip up enthusiasm by telling the assembled reporters that Rep. Heath Shuler had just endorsed Clinton. "I am so proud of her victory last night in Indiana," Chelsea Clinton, the warm up act, told the crowd.

Several hundred Clinton supporters cheered from the lawn and the street. A heckler waving an Obama sign shouted at the candidate: "Down With the Monarchy!" The shouting continued through Clinton's speech.

"I'm happy to be here in West Virginia and excited about next week!" she told the throng. "We were very excited about our come-from-behind victory in Indiana. We came from about eight or so points behind to win."

Clinton betrayed her changed status by skipping many of her usual barbs at Obama, trading those in for policy talk about gas prices, "cellulosic" fuels, healthcare, national service and education ("I don't believe in narrowing the curriculum").

The clock in the tower above McMurran hall struck one o'clock after Clinton finished. Minutes later she reappeared from a side door and walked between some air conditioning equipment to address the assembled reporters. She spoke as if nothing had changed Tuesday night.

"It's a new day, it's a new state, it's a new election," she said cheerfully, as Chelsea stood smiling in the background. She seemed unruffled - and without irony - when she reported that "I feel really good coming off our victory in Indiana."

She said she would seek to have the Democratic Party's rules and bylaws committee this month reinstate the outlawed Florida and Michigan delegations that support her -- and "if people are not satisfied with that, they go to the credentials committee" at the convention, she threatened.

"I'm not ceding any vote now," she said. "I'm staying in this race 'til there's a nominee" who receives 2,210 delegates -- a figure that assumes inclusion of the Florida and Michigan delegations. "We will continue to contest this election and move forward."

CBS radio's Mark Knoller asked if she was putting a Democratic victory at risk. "I just don't believe that," she said. "This is a dynamic electoral environment." Venturing into the speculative, she added: "If we had the rules that the Republicans have, I'd already be the nominee."

The $6 million she loaned her campaign? "It's a sign of my commitment."

Any plausible path to victory? "We're going to work hard here in West Virginia," she said. "Then it's on to Kentucky, Oregon and the rest of the contest."

Clinton smiled and waved off any further questions. "Getting on the road again," she explained.

RALEIGH, N.C. Barack Obama needed to "close the deal" by beating Hillary Clinton in Indiana and North Carolina. Clinton needed a "game-changer" so that she could have a viable path to the presidential nomination.

But no deal closed and no game changed Tuesday night.

Obama's big win in North Carolina, coupled with Clinton's squeaker in Indiana, adds to a sense that his nomination is inevitable. But the split decision also gave Clinton a reason to remain in the race and force the party's superdelegates to decide it.

In other words, there is no exit plan. We're going to West Virginia! And we're going to Oregon and Kentucky! And we're going to Puerto Rico and Montana and South Dakota! Yeeaarrgghh!

Read the whole Sketch

-- Dana Milbank

7:13 a.m.: The South Lawn. President Bush, determined to dispel doubts about his relevance, grants an early-morning interview to Robin Roberts of ABC News's "Good Morning America." Joined by the first lady, he fields hard-hitting questions about . . . the White House grounds. "It's a beautiful place," the president discloses. "In the spring, the flowers are fantastic. In the fall, the -- it's just such a -- kind of a place that's so fresh. In the winter, of course, it's got a lot of snow. [Laughter.] Summer is real hot, but it's -- we love it out here. It's beautiful."

Read the whole Sketch

-- Dana Milbank

Sketch discussions happen weekly on Thursday's at 1:00 p.m. ET

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Dana Milbank: Good afternoon, and happy "Mission Accomplished" Day. It's been five years since President Bush's famous landing aboard the USS Lincoln, and Democrats are celebrating by reminding him of it. This has the makings of the next federal holiday, a time for the entire family to get together over a meal and declare premature victories in their daily struggles. I am saying "Mission Accomplished" to my incomplete effort to lose 10 pounds. Hillary Clinton can say "Mission Accomplished" in her battle against Barack Obama. Obama can say "Mission Accomplished" in his effort to silence Jeremiah Wright. And John McCain can say "Mission Accomplished" in his brave struggle to tell the Sunni from the Shi'a.
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Great Falls, Va.: Dana, you're falling for that old administration press line again: Despite Perino's disclaimers yesterday, the "Mission Accomplished" banner really did celebrate a true victory. It heralded Bush's success in starting an unneeded war that has made billions for his administration's donors. In fact, the plan worked so well that they are going to do it all over again in Iran. On the other hand, you haven't lost 10 pounds. The problem is you just don't know how to express your goals.

washingtonpost.com: Rough Sketch: Bush's Least Favorite Anniversary (washingtonpost.com, May 1)

Dana Milbank: Great Ceasar's Ghost, Great Falls! You're right. And, in fact, I am opposed to arbitrary timetables forcing the withdrawal of my extra 10 pounds. I will return the weight on success. I don't even care if the weight stays on me for 100 years. Mission Accomplished.

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Oviedo, Fla.: Don't lose 10 pounds -- every square inch of you is delightful. Your lamentations column was a jewel. It changed the debate and framed the whole issue in a new light. Is it hard to write about a pastor, and "the black church" -- assuming that is one entity? Do you have to tiptoe, or does Wright having come forward give you license to drill deep? How is it different than if the wildcard was someone's stepsister, say, or college advisor?</p>

Dana Milbank: Thank you, Florida. I am feeling much better about myself now, and I plan to take this question to my doctor tomorrow when I undergo my annual physical.

On the Wright thing: I am generally bad at tiptoeing (probably the excess weight) and tend to charge heedlessly into delicate areas. That said, the rev made things very easy by doing everything but light his hair on fire. I was at the press club for his speech Monday, and I got that rare feeling -- horrifying yet captivating -- of watching a train wreck occur before my eyes.

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Anonymous: It's May Day. What's a commie like you doing working?

Dana Milbank: Quite right. I should end this chat now and declare Mission Accomplished.

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Tulsa, Okla.: Loved "Homo Politicus." Why oh why can't people see what it would be like to have Bill back at the White House? He never would shut up, he would inject himself into every issue, and valuable time and energy would have to be spent cleaning up after his messes. What's wrong that people can't see this? It's driving me crazy!

Dana Milbank: Very shrewd, Tulsa. I think the media's nakedly pro-Obama coverage is actually not in our self interest. Obama is quite earnest, and that is bad for journalism. What's good for journalism is non-stop conflict, legislative gridlock, and constant disaster. This is why we in the fourth estate should be pushing for repeal of the 22nd amendment, which would allow a third term for President Bush, who, I see on my CNN screen, is at 28 percent.

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Read the whole transcript. And be sure to join in next week.

By tradition, the proper gift for a fifth anniversary is something made of wood. Jack Murtha seems to know this, for in observing the fifth anniversary of President Bush's "Mission Accomplished" speech today, he presented the president with a rhetorical two-by-four to the head.

"Five years ago today, President Bush addressed our nation and the world from the USS Abraham Lincoln only 42 days after he ordered the invasion of Iraq; he declared 'Mission Accomplished,'" the Democratic congressman from Pennsylvania declared at the liberal Center for American Progress this morning. "One thousand, eight hundred and twenty-seven days later, the U.S. occupation of Iraq continues and our mission remains undefined and open-ended."

Murtha couldn't help adding in a sly reference to the flight suit Bush wore that day for his aircraft-carrier-landing stunt. "I was going to wear my field uniform today, but I decided it didn't fit," the bulky Vietnam veteran said. "It shrunk."

May Day has become one of the least favorite days on the calendar for the Bush White House -- a time to remember when he appeared in 2003 aboard the carrier, his flight suit bulky in all the right places, to proclaim victory in "the battle of Iraq" underneath a huge "Mission Accomplished" banner. "President Bush Announces Combat Operations in Iraq Have Ended," trumpeted the White House.

Six-hundred billion dollars -- and the death of more than 4,000 troops -- later, the president's spin doctors have done all they could to revise history. The White House rewrote the headline on its Web site to insert the word "major" before "combat operations," and Bush's press secretary, Dana Perino, now claims the "Mission Accomplished" banner was meant to refer only to the Lincoln's crew ("for these sailors who are on this ship on their mission," she says). But that claim has been debunked by none other than former Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld.

The audience laughed when a CNN reporter asked Murtha about Perino's claim. Murtha shook his head and gave a disgusted sigh. "It's almost beyond my belief that they would think anybody would believe that," he finally said.

For the White House, the fifth anniversary ridicule was just beginning.

Minutes after Murtha finished, Senate Democrats assembled in the Capitol for their own commemmoration. "Five years ago today, President Bush made an outrageous claim, a claim that has become the symbol of his incompetence and the failure in Iraq," said Sen. Frank Lautenberg of New Jersey.

As every Democratic lawmaker and his or her uncle issued a press release, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid went to the floor. "Five years ago today, on the deck of an aircraft carrier, returning from the Middle East, America and the world bore witness to perhaps the greatest act of hubris that our nation has ever seen in wartime," Reid said, mocking the president, "resplendent in a flight suit, landing theatrically in a fighter jet."

The White House pushed back with weapons of mass distraction. It issued a presidential proclamation making the day "Law Day U.S.A., 2008." But Law Day had to compete with the National Day of Prayer, which Bush himself observed in the East Room of the White House with a speech that shrewdly omitted any mention of the word "Iraq."

If Bush had looked out the windows on the north side of the White House at that moment, he likely would have seen a demonstration organized on Pennsylvania Avenue by an anti-war group called Americans United for Change. In honor of the anniversary, they were unfurling a 50-foot replica of the Mission Accomplished banner.

-- Dana Milbank

The incredible shrinking presidency of George Walker Bush hit a new milestone yesterday: The commander in chief turned to sorcery.

"You know, if there was a magic wand to wave, I'd be waving it," Bush informed Sheryl Gay Stolberg of the New York Times in a Rose Garden news conference. She had asked him about the recession, which everybody seems to be acknowledging but Bush.

Further, the wizard of the West Wing said he would use his supernatural powers, if he had them, to conjure up lower gas prices. "I think that if there was a magic wand and say, 'Okay, drop price,' I'd do that," said the illusionist.

Abracadabra! Watch the president pull a rabbit out of a hat! See his low ratings vanish before your very eyes!

Read the rest of today's Sketch.