An Iraq Whodunit at Washington's Tabard Inn
While the political drama pitting President Bush against Congress over the future of the Iraq war is appearing on the capital's center stage, another Iraq story -- this one a mystery -- is playing out in the darkened corners of a cozy Washington hotel/eatery.
The unsolved caper has been quietly consuming the owners of the Tabard Inn for some months now, but with newfound meaning this week, what with the anniversary of Mission Accomplished and yesterday's presidential veto of a bill setting a timeline for withdrawing U.S. troops from Iraq.
Tabard Inn owner Jeremiah Cohen stared at the conspicuously empty space on the wall of a stairwell near the bar of his restaurant Tuesday afternoon and thought to himself: Who done it?
The crime: A thank-you letter penned by war protestor Cindy Sheehan is missing, its empty frame thrown behind a radiator at the bottom of the stairwell near the loos.
Cohen is so frustrated by the theft of his cherished anti-war memento that he's offering a reward. He wants information that will lead him to his No. 1 suspect: An unidentified woman, about 60, wearing an "I LOVE CONDI" button and who told at least two Tabard employees that she was from Texas.
Why her? Because either the Condi fan herself or someone in her entourage seemed aghast when they spotted the framed letter from Sheehan, who stayed at the Tabard Inn last fall during one of her breeze-through protests with Code Pink and the gang. So disgusted were Condi Fan and Co. by the discovery that they promptly canceled their dinner reservation and walked out.
'Course, the Condi-loving Texan may have been offended before she ever saw the Sheehan letter. When she walked into the bar for a pre-dinner cocktail, the bartender working that night, Mark Lambert, looked at her button and recalls asking, "Is that button for real?"
"I had never seen a button like that," Lambert told The Sleuth. "I don't want to say I offended her, but I wanted to let her know where she was." (In other words, lady, you've just walked into Lefty Land and you and your Condi button stick out like a sore thumb.)
A few days later, during his Monday inspection of the art and antiques that fill the Tabard, Cohen, discovered that the letter from Sheehan (penned to his mother, Fritzi Cohen), was missing.
"I found the empty frame behind the radiator near where the letter was hanging," he said. "I think she did it."
But "she" of the Condi fan club and her friends paid cash for their drinks. No paper trail, no address, no names, no phone number.
Cohen said he hopes they'll return the letter; anonymously would be just fine. And no hard feelings, he said. The letter, which for the Nation magazine-reading, Pacifica-listening, Birkenstock-wearing hippy-turned-inn keeper is a prized relic of these tumultuous times.
"I just want my damn letter back," Cohen said. The reward he's offering: "A side order of bacon in perpetuity."
By Mary Ann Akers |
May 2, 2007; 10:50 AM ET
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Posted by: Lefty | May 2, 2007 11:35 AM
great comment
Posted by: riiiight | May 2, 2007 12:02 PM
where can I get a "I (heart) Condi" button?
Posted by: bribri | May 2, 2007 12:15 PM
Too bad the Love party left before they could have been served soup with a strange ingredient.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2007 12:17 PM
A side order of bacon for life to increase the cholesterol level of the recipient sounds just about right. In cherishing the writings of the well intentioned, but brain dead Sheehan, Cohen is going to shorten someone's life. Bravo!!!
Posted by: r man | May 2, 2007 12:20 PM
I took the letter, the Tabard Inn had run out of toilet paper and their soup gave me the runs . . . .
Posted by: Mike | May 2, 2007 12:53 PM
I used to like the Tabard. Now that the owner wants to inject himself into politics, I'll think twice before stepping in there again knowing that Mr. Cohen comped a room to Cindy Sheehan (who calls insurgents in Iraq killing American troops [her son included] "freedom fighters"). What a disgraceful person and the Tabard owner should be ashamed for coveting a worthless thank you from such a far left zealot.
Posted by: Proud to be Repulsive | May 2, 2007 1:24 PM
Say what you will about his clientele; I'm enthralled with how quintessentially Washington it was of Cohen to solve this problem by offering pork.
The irony drips like hot bacon grease from a cast iron skillet.
Posted by: yum | May 2, 2007 1:50 PM
I'd like to lose my Birkenstock sandal inside the @ss from the woman from tex-@ss. Never forget these retards voted for Bush to be their governor - Twice! Texas - the retard state.
Posted by: Joe Nash | May 2, 2007 1:55 PM
Hey Joe,
Unfortunately, a scant majority(well OK not the first time) of the retards in this whole country elected the idiot to be president, TWICE! I dont care if you agree with the man's politics, taking that letter was theft. It was also very childish. It tells you a lot about the thief, and his/her "I don't agree with you, so your possessions aren't important" philosophy
Posted by: Sparks | May 2, 2007 3:48 PM
texas does bill itself as "a whole other country."
i wish.
Posted by: b | May 2, 2007 4:01 PM
So some arrogant cow had to steal your letter. She is probably selling it on e-bay as I write this, since the only thing 'publicans care about is money. I say that letter was worth ten grand. Which would make our texas lardbucket a felon, like everybody else in the White House of Ill-Repute. She probably lacks have the sense to preserve it, tho. She is likely using it to snort coke off Jeff Guckert's tiny reason for living. Or using it to wipe her colossal butt. Then again, she could be using it to masturbate, since her husband must be impotent for her to be gallivanting around the country, waving her huge, smelly anus in our faces and expecting us to pay for the privilege. This could be her only form of entertainment.
Posted by: max | May 2, 2007 4:06 PM
Do the owners actually have any proof that this person may have taken it, or is this all based on their suspicion that it had to be her because she had on an "I love Condi" button?
Will Tabard Inn require proof of democrat political affiliation now before they allow people to eat in their restaurant?
Posted by: Bill | May 2, 2007 4:46 PM
two plus two equals ? . . . . . ............................................................................ . . . . . get a clue. The frame was near the toilets because she crumpled it up and flushed it.
Posted by: willard | May 2, 2007 6:06 PM
two plus two equals ? . . . . . ............................................................................ . . . . . get a clue. The frame was near the toilets because she crumpled it up and flushed it.
Posted by: willard | May 2, 2007 6:07 PM
two plus two equals ? . . . . . ............................................................................ . . . . . get a clue. The frame was near the toilets because she crumpled it up and flushed it.
Posted by: Anonymous | May 2, 2007 6:08 PM
Nice effort to crank up some buzz, but alas, the Tabard Inn's best days are long past.
Posted by: James | May 2, 2007 7:26 PM
No more Texas politicians are allowed on the national stage. Ever.
Posted by: Frank Booth | May 3, 2007 1:22 AM
Proud to be Repulsive - Where does it say he comped her? It just says she stayed there.
Posted by: andrew | May 3, 2007 10:43 AM
The dems and all the bush haters combined couldn't fill a lunch counter in east podunk. Tabard must be really begging for biz. he could improve his dinner/drinks tickets by a simple change in attitude, but not by crying for publicity over a missing toilet tissue
Posted by: Jake | May 3, 2007 3:46 PM
The Tabard Inn just lost a customer. My money doesn't support anti-military establishments.
Posted by: Silent Cal | May 3, 2007 4:02 PM
Were an item of mine to go missing the gut susptions I might have as to who the likley party may be holds alot of weight. I hope the item is returned to it's rightful owner
Posted by: Chance | May 3, 2007 5:27 PM
Where can I get some "Condi Lie-GI Die" buttons...?
Posted by: Scotchbob | May 3, 2007 5:56 PM
Wow, I can't believe how hateful the comments above are. Politics asside, it was a thank you letter to the man's mother, can't we at least show her some respect.
Posted by: MH | May 4, 2007 12:57 PM
Bush is a divider, not a uniter. We have played right into their hands.
If you oppose the Iraq war, then you oppose all war, and you oppose our troops, and you oppose support for our troops. If you oppose the decisions of our president, then you oppose our government, and you oppose our country, and are a traitor.
Or
If you support the Iraq war, then you are a warmonger. If you support the decisions of the president, then you are naive and gullible, or just plain evil. You have no regard for the principles of our democracy, privacy or free speech. You are a traitor
Posted by: Bobb | May 4, 2007 1:36 PM
I come to DC often to visit my daughter who works there. We've had a family tradition of ALWAYS having dinner or desert and drinks at my favorite establishment in DC....The Tabard Inn. I live in Okla. (the buckle of the bible belt)and surrounded by repugs. I have always been a proud Yellow-Dog Democrat and want to commend you for your support and loyalty to a mother who lost a son to the ill-begotten war for OIL in Iraq! My family and I shall continue to enjoy your wonderful Tabard Inn.If you ask Cindy,I'm sure she will happily provide another note.Be sure to put an alarm on it this time. Best wishes from a loyal customer.
Posted by: RJ Mosk | May 4, 2007 10:14 PM
Proud to be repulsive, and "Silent Cal," both of you disgust me with your thickheadedness.
Do you have your heads up your rear, or in the sand? Have you not been paying attention, or do you listen to too much rush limbaugh?
People are dying, and people in the bush administration are making money off of it.
The "war" consists of what? American soldiers dying, being maimed...while they're fighting WHAT army? What army? Saddam is dead. Who's left fighting? oh let me guess.."terarists". BS!!
You can't even tell the difference between a shiite and a goddamn sunni, and that goes for most of our senators/congressmen, and you "don't support restaurants that don't support the military."
How's THIS for supporting the military...people like bush for the first time in American history have OUTSOURCED military cooking/mess...someone's making money off of cooking food for our troops.
Two pieces of advice, "silent cal," and "repulsive,"
1)follow the freakin money, and
2)call this "war" what it is...profitteering, at the cost of American lives and limbs.
Posted by: Destardi | May 15, 2007 12:49 AM
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Never underestimate how much Republicans hate peace.