My family will be visiting for the holidays and staying at a B&B. I'd be happy to host them but we have a teeny apartment. They don't want to spend weeks sleeping on our pull-out couch, plus there would be no privacy for anyone as we have an open plan (so you couldn't even come out and make coffee in the kitchen early without disturbing them.)Also one bathroom for 6 people isn't ideal.

When we visit them, we stay at their house-- they have extra rooms so it doesn't crimp their style to have us stay in a guest room.

I think that the statistic regarding 25-34 y/o's is a little misleading. People in this demographic (especially on the younger end of it) often are living in smaller apartments without a guest room or an extra bathroom (even an extra half bath would be useful) and so having overnight guests can be much more difficult.

Some of us in the 25-34 category would love our parents to stay, but can't fit them in our tiny apartments. Especially when there are roommates, etc, to consider.

I have to agree with the earlier posters...I would love mom to stay, but my tiny place barely fits me and the cat! One or two nights is fine, anything longer is tough. Fortunately we get along great!

Yeah, my parents are not sleeping in my teensy apartment. It's comfortable for me, or me and a friend who's only in town for a few nights, but it's not suited for a couple in their 60s who have to visit the bathroom several times a night.

There is NO way I would consider charging family to stay at my home. If you don't want them to visit then DON'T invite them.

If you can't stand to have your parents visit for short periods of time (even if you don't see eye to eye), you are the most incredibly self-centered jerk around! Suck it up and be gracious host, the experience might come in handy in your work life sometime.

I'll add to all the comments about the 25-34 crowd.

When you're living in a 600 sq. ft. apartment that has one bedroom and bathroom, where are you going to put your parents?

I don't think it's an issue of not wanting your parents in your home, it's wanting them to be comfortable and not asking them to live in the quasi-bohemian lifestyle you live just out of college until you can save some money.

Before my husband bought his condo, he shared a small apartment in Arlington. When his parents told him they were coming to visit, it didn't even occur to them to stay in a hotel. When he offered to put them up in a hotel around the corner for their weekend visit, they gave him so much guilt about "not welcoming them into his new home". (Note he wasn't asking them to pay for the hotel, he was going to do that himself, something he could barely afford at the time.)

So he ended up having to cram them into his 8x8 bedroom with his old, nasty, musty double mattress and he slept on the couch. They had to share the bathroom (*just* large enough for a tub, toilet and sink) with my husband and his roommate.

And you know what? They didn't attempt to visit again until he had a condo with a spare bedroom and bathroom.

But Barbara - what if family invites themselves?

My husband's little brother invited himself to our home shortly after we moved in. Despite all sorts of polite hints that we weren't really set up for guests and were still unpacking and buying furniture, that didn't stop him from continuing in his plans to visit.

So we hurriedly put together a guest room, and he spent five days and four nights trashing it (using the night-table drawers as ash-trays was my *favorite* thing).

He also didn't lift a finger while he was there, declaring himself "on vacation". (From his hectic life of a part-time job and living at home.) This included leaving dishes all over the house; giving me the entirety of his suitcase to launder after he spilled beer on the rug and I was washing up the rag towels I used to soak up the mess; and having us drive him around our area as if we were a Tourmobile service.

When he wasn't napping, or eating/drinking the contents of our 'fridge, he was on our computers playing video games (which, we found out later, opened up our computers to viruses) and/or checking his e-mail and IMing his friends. When we tried to engage him in conversation (or general interpersonal relations), he acted put upon. Apparently, he considered us to be nothing but a four-star hotel facility that he wouldn't have to pay for.

So HIM, I'd charge. A LOT. I wouldn't dream of charging any of my other relatives though, if that's any consolation.

Bad Relatives, if someone tries to invite themself for a viist and you really don't want them, just say no. Forget "polite hints", just tell them they can't stay with you. It's really not a difficult concept.

Barbara, sometimes it's much more comfortable for everyone if your parents (or whoever the guests are) stay in a hotel. As Chasmosaur pointed out, sometimes your living arrangements really don't lend themselves to overnight guests and for anyone to force themselves on someone else is just plain rude.

I let a young relative, 27 years old, stay with me for two months when she was just starting a new job. I didn't charge her anything because I felt that's what family was for. Prior to her arrival, I emptied the closet and dresser drawers and only left a vacuum cleaner in the closet. She never once took out the trash, left food in the fridge to mold and when she left, I discovered that apparently she did not know how to use the vacuum because the room had not been cleaned. She left and moved to an apt. in the metropolitan area. I never got so much as a thank you note.

No, I won't charge relatives for staying but will be very selective on who I allow to visit.

Jeez, I can't imagine how much I would charge. It's not like it's any great expense or trouble--we have a spare room, we just have to make sure it's cleaned up and de-cat-haired; and doubling our food bill for the duration doesn't cost that much either.

When people come to visit, they usually offer to take us out for dinner, and we always suggest some place nice but inexpensive. Our part of the tab usually runs about $30. But I feel funny even suggesting that, as it's more of a thank-you than anything else.

Before we had a house with a spare room for guests, we almost always put our families up in hotels. My mother-in-law has a bad back, for one thing, and even our bed would not have been comfortable for her. And there's just so little privacy. it's one thing to let your friends crash on an air mattress on the floor for a couple days, but you just feel funny about subjecting your folks to your lumpy bed and noisy neighbors.