Anticipating the Anniversary

By Suzanne Higgs

When everything first happened, I remember feeling as if it hadn't. Even though I was reporting on what had happened on our campus for Planet Blacksburg, it didn't hit me until the next day when I watched CNN. The worst was when the victims' names started to be released. Numbers you can block out; names and faces you can't.

Reality finally set in and so did change. I think campus has changed more than I have, some for the better, some for the worse.

The students have changed for the best. Those of us who were here on April 16, 2007, definitely have a new affinity for one another. Immediately after the shootings, I noticed people making an effort to be nicer, speaking to someone who was sad or holding the door open for others even if they were a couple yards away. This year, the new Hokies seem to have a certain respect for the rest of the student body.

Campus itself has changed physically. Now we have the memorial on the Drillfield. Tons of posters line our dorm hallways and academic buildings to remind us about the resources available to help us cope with the aftermath of 4/16. University officials have begun to fulfill some of the promises they made to us in the weeks after the shootings; for example, they've started to change all the doors so they cannot be chained shut.

As for the worse, the reputation we've established bothers me in some ways. I am proud that we came together that day and that we continue to have this bond. But I am not proud when I tell someone I go to Virginia Tech and the reaction is, "Ohhhh...." Some ask if I was there; some just have a solemn tone for the rest of the conversation. I feel that we will forever be remembered as THAT school, the one where those kids died, instead of a great university with top-level academics. I fear that people will look at my degree differently than that of someone who graduated from here in May 2006.

As the anniversary approaches, I am looking at myself and trying to prepare for how I might feel on that day. I wasn't close to any of the victims, but I had met some of them. My situation is different than someone who knew one of the 33; but it still hurts, and I'm worried about how it might hit me again. I hope that I can just be there for my friends and cry when I need to.

By Amy L. Kovac |  April 12, 2008; 11:30 AM ET  | Category:  Suzanne Higgs
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